Labels: audio, pointless shit

As Boo said... in the comments of last entry... i may have bitten off... more than i can... chew... of course i... had said that... myself in...a previous... entry... i tend to do that though... think to myself... "hey, this won't be so bad"... make some folks feel special... imitation and flattery and all... but i guess it's... not... as... easy... as all that... "whom shall i homage today"... i think to myself... can't... leave... anyone out... better begin... now...

SONG OF THE DAY: "Katmandu" by Bob Seger. How could you NOT feel all happy when this song is playing!? Sing it loud and proud, people...

OK, that's out of the way, but WHO AM I GOING TO HOMAGE!? I'm so lost...

"Damn, we're in a tight spot!"

"Yes, just like Ulysses Everett Mcgill said, I'm in a tight spot," thought Conrad as he watched the empty house. "What the fuck!?" he exclaimed as his partner smacked him on the back of the head..."What the fuckity fuck fuck are you doin', fuckah!?"

AAAARRGGGGHHH....Sidetracked again...I HAVE to get an homage out of the way here, dammit...

JOURNAL OF REALLY CRAPPY THINGS
I never did well with roommates
I don't remember ever liking any of my roommates. I contemplated killing Jay, In the long run, I never got along well with Ryan...I guess that (insert a witty anecdote here)...

CRAP! I'm running out of time and I need to make with the homage! After all, this IS the culmination of "Really Huge Big Goddamn Homage Week (SUMMERTIME) 2004 (part of a balanced homage)" and I don't want to blow it here...WHAT TO DO!?...I guess I could talk about how my kids waller around in mud and how much I love them, but I ain't got kids...I could post all sorts of fun freaky things and leave really cool dirty comments, but...Well...That's not my thing...I guess I could make interestingly dark observations or write profound things, but...nah...I would LOVE to share awesome adventures with you all, but (as much as I wanted to when I was younger) I never became a cop...I'd share my insights into life in Australia with you all, but...Well, that'd be silly...I don't live there...I could talk about teaching and Islam and stuff...But I don't know anything about that...Ah, well, looks like I'm not gonna get to that homage after all...

It was fun trying, though...

Labels: blatant rip-offs

Welcome back, folks. Once again, "Really Really Big Time Summer Homage Week (June/July) 2004 (now with Two Scoops of Homage)" continues today with what SHOULD be an obvious "tip of the hat" to one of our favorite bloggers. Well, he WAS a favorite until he started having a life and stopped posting. I know he's around, I can SEE him...He's right over there! (pointing)...Anyway, here we go!

if you would like to get a larger look at this (and, potentially, actually READ it) click here.

This was fun to try and do. I'm still contemplating who my next vict...er...honoree shall be for "Homage Week"...Check back again tomorrow to see who gets the "treatment" as it were...

Labels: blatant rip-offs, cartoons n' stuff, get outta town, Illustrations

So, I may have bitten off more than I can chew starting "Big Time Summer Blog Homage Week 2004 (now with calcium)" since, well...Ripping off other blogger's blog styles is...well...kind of hard. I mean, seriously...I guess I could just WRITE and CLAIM to be homaging...Or even Homogenizing. But no, I started this, dammit, I'm gonna FINISH it. (Lucky for me I'm out of town Thursday and Friday)...Maybe I'll try that Audioblobberrobber thing then...Anyway, Homage Week continues now...

Hi!
This past weekend was a blast!

Wifey and I had our housewarming party on Saturday night and a lot of people showed up. I'm of the opinion that everybody had lots of fun! Mum and Dad came, but Mum didn't want to drink any alcohol until the sun went down. I don't quite get that, but whatever. We had "karaoke" and people sang and ate and had fun.

We also had a garage sale along with Diana that made some money. Garage sales are kind of fun, but rain spoils everything. It rained and hailed on us as we were carting Diana's stuff back to her house. I felt like a drowned rat! Luckily, we got all of her stuff back without too much of it getting wet.

Wifey's out of town learning about rocks for her master's degree courses. I'm going to miss her, but I get to pick her up on Thursday and we get to go to my family reunion. My sister will also be riding over with me. I should make some CDs for the road trip. And buy snacks, too! It'll be fun.
Catch you later! Derek Knight

Labels: blatant rip-offs

What was it that someone said? "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?" Well, plagiarism be damned, I'm thinking of doing an entire week of "Homage postings" where I imitate other blog styles (even one where I just flat out DON'T POST to imitate...well...people who will remain nameless (for now).) I know, it's not an original idea. Heck, my own sister even did a Monkey-esque entry a while back. Anyway, since I've got some random thoughts rolling around today, but nothing solid, I'll start "Big Time Homage Week 2004 (now with reinforced safety cage)" off right the Hell here...


This weekend coming up promises to be BIG. Not big as in "Oh hell yeah," but BIG as in BUSY. Does that make any sense? Ahh, doesn't matter. Have a softball game to play tonight, still have things to do to get ready for the housewarming party on Saturday evening, have a garage sale in conjunction with Diana on Saturday and Sunday, still have some loose ends to tie up regarding that...AND I have to WORK (for sure, this time) on Saturday morning 7am to noon. The good news is, it's raining outside. If it keeps up, it could make the weekend less busy. The bad news is, it'd make the weekend less busy...
______________________
I was giving the phrase "Scared me to death" some thought. Actually, I was giving thought to the whole (blank) to death concept as a whole. I've never been anythinged to "death" yet and, as such, I'm still alive. I HAVE scared people "Half to death," in the past which is also an interesting concept if you think about it. Does that mean that another good scare will kill you dead? Do you have a hidden health meter like a character in a video game? Does your "scare to death" immunity build back up over time? How about when someone screams at you "You NEARLY scared me to death..." What the heck is THAT? 3/4 to "death?" 7/8? How much farther can I go? One more weak ass little "boo" and "ka-put?" I don't know if I've been scared down to near death yet or not, but I'm thinking I don't want to find out...
_______________________
Went to Q'Doba again today. They were once again offering free packets of that damn "gum"...I didn't take any, but Collin ended up with 2 packets of the ungodly crap. A lot of people at here at work are aware, now, how much punishment this stuff is to try and chew. I'm feeling the groundswell, people! A grass roots movement against this "gum of doom" is on it's way...I'll keep you updated.
_______________________
Non-Monkey movie idea of the day: CHERRY KILL (R) 2 hours, 10 minutes (US)...The story of a twisted serial killer who takes a job at a gum factory. After ingratiating himself among the higer-ups, he's placed in charge of product development. His evil master plan finally pays off when this gum company releases his "Cherry Chill" product. Some violence, adult language and slow motion scenes of mastication.
_______________________
I receive keychains from people as souvenirs all the time. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate gifts...The problem with this is that I never attach any KEYS to these keychains, I don't want my keys to be weighed down and I don't want to wear holes in my pockets...As such, I've had to find places to display or store these keychains. I often wonder if my keychain collection gets made fun of by those keychains that see more use, or at least those that are used for their initial designated purpose. Man, it makes me feel kind of sad just typing about it. I'M SO VERY SORRY, KEYCHAINS! (sob)...
_______________________
My Mom called me an "Idiot" one time ( a long time ago) when I was a kid. This was after I had "Scared her half to death" with some of my childhood shenanigans. I was taken completely by surprise when she said it and have never let her forget that she called me an "idiot," even though it's been more than 20 years. The other day, the "idiot" subject came up and she defended herself by saying that she didn't REALLY mean to call me an idiot like it meant 'idiot.' "I meant...I meant..." Seeing her searching for a word, my Dad offered "Like 'retard?' My Mom looks at me and says, affirmatively, "yeah, like retard." Like THAT made it any better...

Labels: blatant rip-offs

The views and opinions expressed in the following entry are exclusively those of me, the freak that tried the crappy gum...Thank you.

Yesterday, I mentioned that Collin and I had lunch at Q'Doba. His filling me in about his knowledge of my Biazrro site was not the only thing of note that happened during that lunch, friends...Oh no...Thanks to some sort of promotional event, we both received sample packs of Eclipse brand "Cherry Chill" gum along with our fantastically overstuffed burritos...(We both had the Poblano Pesto burrito...I always get mine with the "Fiery Habanero" salsa. I Recommend it! To you, no less! Go and try it!)

My initial reaction to receiving this small present was "ooh, we get gum today!" I was truly excited! You see, I rarely buy gum for myself because I have a "problem" with it...I eat it...I know, I know, you're not supposed to swallow gum, but I do. I CAN'T HELP IT! My favorite "eatin' gum" is "Chiclets." MMMM, MMM! I could sit and eat Chiclets ALL DAY! Of course, after too much gum eatin', the body starts to reject it and, well, suffice to say that the whole experience ain't good...

Anyway, enough about my freakish hangups about gum...This entry is a review of my experience with THIS gum...This is what my free package of Eclipse Brand "Cherry Chill" gum looks like now:


As you can plainly see, I opened it. Believe me, kids, I put the gum in my mouth and chewed it, too! Notice that this particular gum, based on it's packaging, considers itself to be "Uniquely Soothing..." Well, I'll just have to come right out and call THAT claim "total bullshit..." This gum resembles a really crappy cough lozenge more than it resembles soothing cherry flavored ANYTHING...IT WAS AWFUL! It made me feel as if I were being punished for some unknown wrongdoing. In addition, the "Artificial Flavors" that this gum claims to contain MUST consist mostly of cough medicine, piss, vinegar and batshit..Or something...It may or may not deliver on it's claim of "powerful fresh breath," I wouldn't know...I couldn't keep those two little chunks of painful death in my mouth long enough to find out. Hell, they were in there way too long as it was...

In closing, I should say that I think the most scathing aspect of my negative review of this "gum" product HAS TO BE the fact that I DID NOT SWALLOW IT. That's right, the freaky gum-swallowing freak boy SPIT THIS GUM OUT (into a napkin)! So there you go. If you see this crappy crap gum in the your local store and are thinking "Hey, this stuff looks good," BACK AWAY! At the very least, it'll make you feel very very sad. I believe that it truly could be labeled "Gum of the Devil..."

Labels: I eat food, indignities, lame stories

So, back when I worked at the The Gazette, after a while, I was made the Manager of the Advertising Art Department night shift. This meant that I was to be there from (roughly) 4 in the afternoon until whenever (sometimes like 9am the next day, WHICH SUCKED), working and supervising, supervising and working...During this time, I also caught on with a (now defunct) professional hockey team here in town called The Colorado Gold Kings. I served as their public address announcer (AND NOW FANS...YOUR COLORADOOOOOOOOOO GOLLLLLLLD KIIIIINNNGGGS!) which was something that I had wanted to do for years. Well, not necessarily for THEM so much as I had wanted to be a sports P.A. announcer since I was a kid. It was my dream come true! I'll go into the details as to how I ended up doing it and places it took me in a later entry...This particular entry is about something entirely different...

This entry is about being "busted."

So, like I said, I worked at The Gazette. My supervisor was a very intimidating female named Liz Cobb. Liz ALWAYS got what she wanted...She also didn't care whom she pissed off or trampled in the process. Getting in Liz's way was not a good idea. Liz struck me as the kind of person who would just as soon fire you as look at you. Very coarse, very demanding. Luckily, I had managed to stay on her good side for the most part. Heck, she's the one who had promoted me to manager...Liz and I had very little in common with one exception. Liz was a hockey fan.

Liz liked the Gold Kings, in fact she and her kids would go and watch the Gold Kings play at the World Arena from time to time. The Gold Kings most often played their games at night, like most professional hockey teams. Remember, now, I was supposed to be at WORK AT THE GAZETTE at night, supervising my "people" and banging out quality advertising for the masses. When I took the job of P.A. announcer, initially, I was sharing duties with one other announcer. I never told Liz about it because I was afraid she wouldn't let me do it. Hey, it wasn't like I was going to be gone EVERY night. On game nights, I would simply take a 3 or 4 hour "lunch," come back to the Gazette after the game was over and work 'til whenever. My plan was solid! No one was the wiser!

Except for one little game that I wasn't even supposed to be working at...One game that numbnuts Jeff was sick and couldn't work...One game I had to announce that ol' Liz happened to be at...

The day after this particular game, Liz called me into her office when I arrived at work. Liz then shut the door behind me (I don't know how it is where YOU work, but when your boss closes the door behind you, it ain't good). Anyway, Liz started out by telling me "you know, Derek, you have a very distinct voice." I smiled, wanting to say 'thank you' for the compliment, but I knew that Liz didn't offer those. Ever. My smile quickly faded, I knew SOMETHING was wrong. Liz went on to tell me that she had been at the game the night before and that she was pissed. She now knew that I was working at the Arena on Gazette time, yadda yadda...I was SOOOOO busted...Nothing to say! I was totally frickin' nailed...Somehow, I kept my job...Actually, I kept BOTH of 'em.

Ha HA, Liz! (please don't come find me and hit me...)

Where's this story going? Oh, Nowhere...Except for the fact that I had lunch with Collin today at Q'Doba. During the meal, he casually mentioned that he'd been trying to find a clever way to let me know that I was, again, "busted"...

Long story short, Collin now knows about Fizzle and Poop...And he's not mad (at least, not anymore.)

Ah, well, it was fun while it lasted...

Labels: BUSTED, collin crap, hockey stuff, lame stories, office supply aggression, sports

I actually KIND OF felt old yesterday. Well, maybe not "old" old, but it was a definite sign that I MAY BE "growing up." The whole incident started when Collin went to lunch with his brother, Trevor. After this "lunch," Trevor hung around here at "work" for a while and, among other things, pestered us incessantly about joining him on some idyllic little road trip to see a band called The Aquabats. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind The Aquabats. If they were to do, say, a charity concert for me in my backyard, I'd (probably) show up. I REALLY like one of their songs (Attacked by Snakes) and a few more are at the level that I consider "enjoyable." I just don't want to drive all the frickin' way into another state simply to see them perform. The Coasters are the only group that gets THAT kind of priority in my world...Initially, Trevor had decided that we would be going to Salt Lake City to see these 'Bats perform on a MONDAY NIGHT. Collin and I explained to him that we'd then need to take Tuesday off because there'd be NO WAY we'd be in any shape to go to work, if we could even make it BACK for work...I also uttered something to the effect of "Do you even know how far away Salt Lake City IS?.."

It was then decided (by Trevor) that Phoenix would be a better option. "That's 12 hours away!" I shouted. Trevor continued to extoll the virtues of "Big Summer Aquabat Road Trip 2004," but there were no takers. Despite the pressure, the road trip idea was doomed. As I reflected on all of this later in the day, I realized that I was no longer as spontaneous (or nearly as "cool") as I used to be. Or at least as much as I THOUGHT I used to be...

When I was Trevor's age (well, I would've been older, but you get the picture) I would've been up for ANYTHING that had to do with the phrase "Road Trip." There wouldn't even have to be a destination, the trip itself was the adventure. Time of day, finances and the health of my automobile be damned, If I could've, I would've taken off just to take off. I guess that, as much as I miss that feeling of freedom, I have a different view of the whole process now...I've grown to loathe driving, especially driving for long periods of time. As such, my love for "road trips" as a whole is nearly depleted...I'm "tapped out" as they say...Should I try and recapture the whole feeling and experience? Should I go for that "Second childhood" so early into adulthood? I can say, with relative certainty, that if I do give road trip-dom another whack, it won't entail going with Trevor to see The Aquabats play their little songs in the heart of Mormon country...It'll be something much cooler...Something with a destination...Something that I'll remember (fondly) for years to come...With this thought fresh in my mind, I present to you an inspirational advertisement. If this ad doesn't get you in the mood for a road trip, check your pulse...You just may be dead, my friend...
clicky, you'll see it bigger


So, compadres, there's now little doubt that I should be seeing you on the road (to nowhere) soon enough. Remember to pack a change of underthings, bring a cooler full of caffeinated beverages and pick a "road buddy" who'll gladly share the driving. THE OPEN ROAD SINGS IT'S SIREN'S SONG!..Any takers?

Labels: collin crap, false advertising, get outta town, lame stories, me roots, Phun With Photoshop

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was nice and busy...On Friday, thanks to the rain and stuff, we didn't get to play softball. It's just as well, though, we would've been missing a couple players...That game will have to be rescheduled, but that's not up to me, all I can do is wait to hear...Also, on Friday, I had called my boss at the radio station to find out if I worked this (last) weekend. He usually emails out a schedule, but had failed to do so this time. When I got ahold of him, it was kind of obvious that he had been sleeping, but...Hey, it's his fault. So anyway, I ask him if he was going to email out a schedule and he lied. "I already did" he says. "Well, I didn't get one" I says. "Am I on the schedule?" I ask. He says "Did you work last weekend?" I reply that I didn't, so he tells me "Yes, you're on this weekend." I says "Tomorrow?" He says "tomorrow." I says "7 to noon?" he confirms "7 to noon."

Long story short, he lied. Or he was wrong. Either way, he can kiss my ass, making me get up early on a Saturday morning, drive all the way from the south end of town to the north end JUST TO FIND OUT THAT HE'S TOO LAZY AND/OR STUPID TO DO HIS JOB CORRECTLY? I'm on the schedule NEXT GODDAMNED SATURDAY. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. We'll see...

So, later in the day on Saturday, my wife and I went to Red Top to have lunch with some friends of ours (Liz and Jay and their little girl Baylea). It was Jay's birthday, their anniversary had happened, Father's day, blah blah blah. Long story short, Jay and Liz got cards, the food was good, we all had a good time sitting around chatting and Jay has a mohawk now. Not a faux-hawk, an ACTUAL MOHAWK. It's...something...

Later that night, I had to DJ a 50th birthday party on the north end of town. There was some sort of incident on the interstate that had traffic all clogged up, so by the time we got to the event site, instead of an hour to set up, I had 20 minutes. Luckily, I wasn't the only one held up by the traffic. The "guest of honor" arrived about 45 minutes after he was supposed to, so it all evened out. There was booze, food and a whole lot of people who would dance to disco, 80s new wave and 50s R & B. This combination of factors made my job MUCH easier than THAT wedding I did last month. People were dancing and drinking and having a frickin' awesome time all night. They also paid me in cash (whoo!). THESE are the events that make me NOT want to retire (from Deejaying). Yay for them. The events. Not the people. Well, somewhat for the people. Oh Hell, you know what I mean...

So, on Sunday, I was pretty well beat. I didn't really want to get out of bed EVER, but it was Father's Day, so my wife and I eventually got up and went up to see my Dad and Mom. We got my Dad a card and some music CDs (Hank Williams, Fats Domino and "Roots of the Blues.") He liked that ok, but apparently all he really wanted were cookies and cash. Well, He'll just have to make do. Anyway, we all went to lunch at Johnny Carino's which, as Italian-themed chain restaurants go, isn't bad. It's nothing special, but it's not bad. It's not overly expensive, though, it cost about as much to eat there as it did at Red Top the day before. I had Baked Cheese Tortellini which, after taking into account the cheese filled pasta tossed with sauces (and cheese) and baked (under cheese) is really just a big steaming bowl of (fatty Italian)cheese. And pasta. And fatty goodness. Really, the meal is just a big bowl of fat, with added carbohydrates to make the fatty fat stick more easily to my butt. It tasted good, though...

I had to play hockey at 10 last night, so I'm very tired today. We lost 3-2, but it was to a good team...In fact, we've never beaten that team (the Flyers), so a tight 3-2 game is like a moral victory...

Oh, who am I kidding...I HATE LOSING! I especially hate losing when I play what I consider to be a good game. But, sometimes, you don't get the breaks. That certainly was the case last night...

So anyway, I posted my 10 words for the new BIG TIME STORY COMPETITION at The Forum...Participate! It promises to be big fun. Go over and check it out...

Oh! Yeah! I ordered some karaoke paraphernalia for our housewarming party this coming Saturday...Wheeeee hee heee hee....

Labels: hockey stuff, I eat food, indignities, lame stories, sports, tales of triumph

I've always been a fan of "public service ads." I mean, let's face facts...If it hadn't been for Louie the Frickin' Lightning Bug telling me to play it safe around power lines,

or those commercials about not going near fast moving water, I may not have made it this far in life. Just as a rule, I've always believed that the more direct the approach for things like this, the better...With that in mind, I offer the following, very direct, public service style ad...
click it to see it bigger


There's not much more to say about the ad...Or even about my day...Um...We had Vietnamese for lunch...um...It's kinda cold...rainy...um...so yeah.

Labels: false advertising, Phun With Photoshop

I am like SOOOOO totally busy today. Not sure if I'll get around to adding actual content, but there ARE just a few things things I'd like to share. Ray here at work, after much pestering from Collin and myself, started his own blog. His link has been added to my sidebar. Also, I added a couple more items to my CafePress Shop last night. Again, not that I expect people to buy, but they're kinda fun to look at. Past that, Voting in the most recent BIG TIME STORY WRITIN' COMPETITION at The Forum ends very soon, so if you haven't voted, skip on over and do so...

Labels: collin crap, pointless shit, Stupid Contests

Here a little while back, I experimented with some ads for things or services that simply shouldn't advertise. In the comments, Collin said that he'd like to see my take on an ad for Hell. ok, can do. How's this?
Click on the leetle devil girl

I SWEAR TO GOD, I DIDN'T MODIFY THE LITTLE DEVIL GIRL'S EYES! I just lucked into the photo and used it "as is." She's spooky! She seems to be tearing into her snack with some sort of evil fervor, the likes of which I've never seen before. Very focused on her goal (of destruction.) You really do have to start 'em young...

Labels: false advertising, Phun With Photoshop

In an earlier post, I had congratulated the hockey team that my wife plays for on their tournament win during the Memorial Day weekend in Phoenix. I had also said that I'd post pictures when I could.

Well, now I can...


This, obviously is a picture of the team with their trophies, replete with final score in the background...


These are pictures of my wife Heather. Kathy, who works here at the agency (and is one of the ValuHo voices) saw these and pronounced Heather "quite the bad-ass."

Hopefully her new title won't go to her head. Either way, I'm proud of her. Way to go, Silverwolves!

Labels: hockey stuff, Phrickin' Photoblogs, sports, tales of triumph

So yeah, I totally ripped off Collin's idea and added a custom header. I think, though, the two most important differences are: A) I didn't put any thought into mine whatsoever and B) I'm not going to seek approval. It's done, it stays.

I need to write a story. I also need to work. QUANDARY!

Labels: blatant rip-offs, collin crap, stagnation, Stupid Contests

Diana (Masooma) recently posted, on her blog, a map of the states which she has visited. "What a great idea!" I thought. I instantly wanted to offer one of my own...Of course, in the tradition of offering completely original content, I figured I'd have to take this idea one step further. I have included a number of different categories on my map, which have been color coded. The states (and also provinces of Canada) have been labeled accordingly. Obviously, some states fit more than one category and have been multi-labeled to reflect such things. This is really more for my amusement and recollection than anything else, but I'd encourage everyone to think about something like this. Mostly, this map reminds me of places I haven't yet been. It does remind me of some of the great trips I've taken in the past, though...
click on the map to see it larger

I've never been to Alaska or Hawaii, so I didn't include them. The "Where my voice has been" category has to do with commercials (radio and tv) that I have recorded over the years which are played in various markets. It's an odd thought knowing that my voice gets around more than I do. Maybe that just means I should travel more...Who knows...

Labels: lame stories, me roots

Well, folks, Karaoke night was fun. There was good, there was bad and there was indifferent, but all in all, I think that everybody had fun...Heather bought a disposable camera prior to the event, so there will be pictures to share. I think I'll hold off on posting a full recap until I get the pictures back. But Collin sang! We were all so proud...Oh yeah, and story contest round 4 is on now! AND IT'S HUGE! go and check it out in the Forum...

Labels: collin crap, Singing Off-Key, Stupid Contests

What, with people posting recent pictures of themselves on their blogsites and me not wanting to be left out, I am going to post pictures of...me. Why? I don't know, I mean it's not like I haven't posted any pictures before, but I guess, to be fair, those were all modified and stuff. Oh, Hell...Anyway:

I am having a good time in this picture! In it, I have been "drinking" because I was at the company Christmas party in...2002.

I am having a good time in this picture! In it, I am about to spin classic rock tunes for the masses! This was early 2003, before the classic rock station decided that I was too weird (or something) to work there.

I am having a good time in this picture! In it, I'm at Andy's Wedding reception in 2002! Behind me is Andy and behind him is Brent...GOOD GOD, CAN I EVER SHUT MY MOUTH!? Wonderful bouquet, though...Always a bridesmaid...

I CAN shut my mouth, but only long enough to make another foul face. This was probably 1998 or 1999, 'cause I think I was still at the Gazette...Therefore, I am NOT having a good time in this picture.

Oh, you said "recent pictures..." um...No.

Oh, ok, fine. This one is from today!

I am SO READY for a rebound! You can not believe my readiness! Of course, nobody is here to play the "basketball" with, so I guess I'll just wait. And, yeah...I can't shut my mouth.

Labels: Phrickin' Photoblogs

It's been a busy week. I'll be very glad when it's over and I can have a weekend...

WHADDAYA MEAN I DON'T GET A WEEKEND!? Oh yeah, I have to work on getting the merchandise up for my family reunion this summer. Cafepress really does rock (and roll), though, it's going to be fun doing up all of the different products. When the site for the reunion, and the corresponding cafepress site, is finished, I'll link it here, only because it'll make it look like I've been doing something worthwhile.

But, like I said, it's been a busy week. I know I keep saying this, but I DO HAVE REAL CONTENT IN THE WORKS. Things like audio content and more stories. And stuff. I swear to God, I do.

Anyway, on Saturday, at this little bar called Diamond Deb's on Arcturus, just west of 8th Street here in Colorado Springs, a group of "us" are going to sing the karaoke. I know it's a near impossibility, but if anyone reading this happens to be in the area, come join us. It'll be lots of fun...

But, I must run...I have more revisions to make (to actual work projects). So if I don't post anything worthwhile today (which is likely), have a good weekend!

Labels: stagnation

I was very sad to learn that today, Ray Charles done shuffled off this mortal coil. He's been one of my favorite performers as far back as I can remember. I will miss him very much.

One of my favorite Ray Charles songs is "That Lucky Old Sun." Even though he didn't write the song, his soulful performance of it, in my opinion, is the benchmark against which all other versions should be measured. The lyrics to this song are as follows...
_____
Up in the mornin'
Out on the job
Work like the devil for my pay
But that lucky old sun got nothin' to do
But roll around heaven all day.
Fuss with my woman, toil for my kids
Sweat till I'm wrinkled and gray
While that lucky old sun got nothin' to do
But roll around heaven all day
Dear Lord above, can't you know I'm pining, tears all in my eyes
Send down that cloud with a silver lining, lift me to Paradise
Show me that river, take me across
Wash all my troubles away
Like that lucky old sun, give me nothing to do but rol around heaven all day
But roll around heaven all day
Send down that cloud with a silver lining, lift me to Paradise
Show me that river, take me across
Wash all my troubles away
Like that lucky old sun, give me nothing to do
But roll around heaven all day
_____
Ray, your work is done. your reward is at hand.

Labels: sad stories

But I LOVE "Jamaican Style" ginger beer. Anyway...
I've already shared some of the drawings that I did when I was younger with you good people. I was looking over some of these earlier because I'm in the process of setting up a Cafe Press Shop like Collin did and I was looking for some "product inspiration." There're only two items in my store right now, but that's because I'm going to really buckle down this weekend and put some thought into it. And put more stuff up. NOT THAT I EXPECT ANYBODY TO BUY. Just knowing that it's there makes me smile. I mean, when I said I'd be selling Handy Bastard® Mesh-Back Caps, I wasn't lying...

anyway, back to the reason I'm posting. OLD DRAWINGS! Yes...my Sister found a stack of drawings, there were characters that I drew when I was younger, yadda yadda...I present to you one of these characters. This piece is most likely circa 1988...It is JAMAICA MAN...Er...Mon...
Whatever. Just click it, it'll get bigger

I'm particularly fond of this little drawing for a few reasons...Firstly, the "Kid Stopper." It shows that Jamaica Man is prepared for any task, great or small. Also, the "Mauler." You must be prepared to fight...um...crime or something BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! Also, the "Catchy saying" and the fan. Anyway, there's another peek into my mind from somewhere around 14 years of age. I hope you've enjoyed it.

Also, for homework, practice saying "Go suck a fish, mon" in your best Jamaican Accent. It's fun!

Labels: cartoons n' stuff, me roots, random drawings

Well, friends and neighbors, my first crack at having a Forum game is over...It wasn't a RAGING success (only two people particiapted, you know who you are) but it was still fun. If you want to find out the correct answers to the quiz (and the final scores) jump over there and find out!

Labels: Stupid Contests

Overall, I've always been amused by drug ads. These 1 minute epics featuring miracle medications that promise to replace whatever symptoms you're having with headache, drowsiness, dry mouth and/or diarreah really make me want to try their product. I say that in a way that suggests that I really do not wish to try them. Either way, I thought I'd try and combine the approach of a drug company ad with that of a handyman service. You are about to see the ad, 'cause it's right here:
As soon as you feel up to it, click on the image to see it beeeger


I may start selling "Handy Bastard®" overalls and/or mesh-back caps. Time will tell...

Labels: false advertising, Phun With Photoshop

Ok, I know that I'm just ripping off Collin's "Let's play games at the Forum" idea, but he didn't crown me a "Global Moderator" for nothin'...I proudly present to you my inaugural resurrection of "Derek's Big Time Music Trivia Quiz Game Thing! (now with Vitamin C!)" I'll quickly outline the rules for you wonderful people...

Actually, I don't present it, nor will I outline the rules. At least not here...You have to go and play in the forum. It's under "Games People Play-Open to All"...See you there!

And hey...Don't let this distract you from writing stories for Collin's Contest. Do that first. Do mine last. Thanks.

Labels: blatant rip-offs, collin crap, Illustrations, Stupid Contests

OK, folks, it's time for another round of the "Big Story Game Thing" from Collin! In fact, Collin has started a forum where the games will now be held. There is talk of also making me (ME! Can you believe it!?) an Administrator so's I can run my OWN games (which would be music trivia, probably, maybe some movie trivia) so, that should be fun. I have added a linky to this forum in my sidebar! YOU WILL ALL NOW VISIT THIS FORUM! If you haven't registered for it yet, do it. It's free, it's fun, you can play! participate! We can all become cult heroes!

At the very least, we can all have some fun together...See you there.

Labels: collin crap, Stupid Contests

I'm of the opinion that, regardless of our political affiliation or our beliefs, if we are Americans, we must respect the Office of Commander In Chief.

Goodbye, Mr. Reagan.

Labels: sad stories

On Friday, the first of two "Big Softball Showdown" games occurred between The Graham Ad Monkeys and The B52s. Before I get to the game recap, though, I should give you some history behind the rivalry...

I will admit, I WAS a "founding member" of the Ad Monkey softball team. I was instrumental in rigging the voting process to choose the name and some members of the team still have, and wear, the original jerseys that sport the logo that I designed. With all this in mind, It's been a good long time since I've been a player on the Monkey team. I lost interest, for various reasons, after the first season and refused to play after that. There was a second season for the Monkeys after that first one, but the rest of the players soon lost interest and the Monkeys, as they say, lay dormant. That is, until I caught on with another softball team.

My wife, who happens to be a school teacher, was invited to join a co-ed softball team made up (mostly) of teachers and their spouses. I was also invited to play and I readily accepted the offer. In our first season together, the B52s (named after a brand of softball bat, for lack of anything better) enjoyed success. We've placed in the top 3 in every season so far and really have had fun playing together. After our first season, which happened to be a Spring softball season, I was regaling the other Monkeys at work with tales of softball glory (and fun). It was quickly decided that the Ad Monkey team should be resurrected. I was asked if I'd abandon the B52s to play, once again, as a Monkey. I refused, seeing as I was completely committed to playing (and having fun) with my new team.

Long story short, the Ad Monkeys made it in to the league for the Summer Softball session and, lo and behold, were in the same division as the B52s. When word of this leaked out to the other players at the agency, the "smack-talk" began. I was told, leading up to the first big matchup, that my team was going to "run into a buzzsaw..." The Monkeys were back and they were "bad ass." I replied by saying that my team wasn't too shabby and that we'd see what happened when the game was played.

Well, the game was played.

The B52s handed the Ad Monkeys a sound thrashing, defeating them 19-0. This was to be the only time that the two teams would meet that season, so there was nothing more for the Monkeys to do but wait, their shame boiling underneath their calm Monkey exteriors...The big chance for Monkey redemption came this past Friday, June 4, 2004...

Leading up to the big game, there was even more "smack-talk" than before. I was well aware that the Monkeys had acquired some very good players and that they should be much improved over the last season...I only reminded them of the score from the last time and said that if they scored just one run, they should feel vindicated. I also said that we (the B52s) would try very hard to get that elusive 20th run...This declaration was met with more "smack."

The day of the game, I was hit at work from all sides with prank phone calls, post-it style notes and even "the stink-eye." All of these were Monkey ways to inform me that I, and my team as a whole, would be "going down." "You're goin' down, Knight! You're goin' down to China Town!" the phone calls told me. I was, in fact, prepared to go down to China Town, but only for a celebratory dinner following what would surely be another sound Monkey thrashing. I laughed off the attacks, it WAS all in good fun. Finally, the workday ended and game time was nigh. I went home to prepare myself (and make sure my wife was ready as well.)

The game itself was a lot of fun...The B52s hit well, ran well and played some fine defense. The Monkeys, while they had some brilliant performances from a few individual players, ended up being the ones to "go down." The B52s ultimately prevailed with a final score of 18-6. The six runs seemed to be little consolation to the Monkeys, but the rum punch that Scott brought for them seemed to take some of the pain out of the final result. I also enjoyed some punch. It was chock full of rummy goodness...

It's been painfully obvious today that all of the "smack" has suddenly ceased. No "stink-eyes" today, no little notes either. In fact there's been very little eye contact from the Monkeys at all. The next big "Softball Showdown" is set for July 23, so stay tuned! I shall certainly post the results of that game, and the requisite "smack" as well...

Labels: lame stories, me roots, sports, tales of triumph

I'm not sure I need to explain this, other than offering a disclaimer that I am not personally offering my soul for sale. Thanks!
Click to see it all large and readable n' stuff


Spas AND souls...It's a busy shopping day in Hell...

Labels: false advertising, Phun With Photoshop

I enjoyed putting together the fake ad for the Alabama (OWLuhBAYMuh) Department of Corrections so much, I bought the company.

Ok, so I didn't, but I DID realize that there're a whole Hell of a lot of things out there JUST BEGGING for a fake ad. So, without further ado, I present another round of false advertising. Today, our subject is The Peoples Temple. Enjoy, folks...
clicky to get a bigger, more readable version


This one made me laugh after I was done with it. I don't know if that's a sign of success, or just an indication that I'm easily amused. I am quite fond of Kool-Aid Man hiding in the Jim Jones Logo, though. That makes me smile. For the wrong reasons, yes, but at least I'm smiling...

Labels: false advertising, Phun With Photoshop

YOU! Succumb to your desire to frolic amongst the words! Collin is doing yet another story game contest thing and YOU MUST ALL PARTICIPATE! Yesssss...The Participation...MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

NOW GO!

Labels: collin crap, Stupid Contests

I will admit, for the purpose of this post, that I am NOT a fan of the science fiction genre. I Just don't like it. I think the closest I've ever been to it, save for watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, is having read "On a Pale Horse" by Piers Anthony when I was in high school. This particular book was OK, at least I thought the premise was enjoyable. To sum up, Here's some plot: The main character is fed up with his life and prepares to commit suicide. As he levels the gun on his own head, the Grim Reaper shows up to collect his soul. Shocked, he turns the gun towards the Grim Reaper, fires it at him and kills him.

He kills the Grim Reaper instead of ending his own life...Cheating destiny...See the irony?

Anyway, since this guy killed the Angel of Death, he has to take over his duties, much like the film "The Santa Clause," but without all of that warm fuzzy family feelgood bullshit. There was also a segment on the most recent "Simpsons" Halloween episode that completely ripped off the same concept, except Homer became the Grim Reaper, he screws it all up, yadda yadda yadda...Anyway, that's not what this is about.

In the book "On a Pale Horse," Hell has taken to advertising, in all forms of media, to promote itself as a more viable "afterlife alternative." It's a novel concept if you think about it...Seeing advertisements for places that normally couldn't, or shouldn't, advertise. I thought I might take this concept and "run with it," so to speak...I now proudly present to you my idea for an ad that touts the benefits of the Corrections Department of the state of Alabama...
click to see it larger. No, really...Give it a try!


This was fun...I'm thinking that these may lead to more audio entries and vice versa...Enjoy!

Labels: false advertising, me roots, Phun With Photoshop

So I'm back from the Memorial Day weekend...

Well, to be truthful, I didn't GO anywhere to be back from, in fact I had to work all three days at the radio station...We were doing a goofy, bogus "top 500" countdown, so my weekend consisted mostly of being enthusiastic about numbers..."Hey, here's number 380 in our Memorial 500 countdown! Whoo!" Feh.

My sister Heather, Collin and myself went to karaoke at "Diamond Deb's" on Friday night. It was a good time, the karaoke company that runs this particular show has an AMAZING selection of songs to sing...I even got to sing "The Bertha Butt Boogie" by the Jimmy Castor Bunch. Other songs I performed include "Katmandu" by Bob Seger, "Ol' Red" by Blake Shelton and "Lonely Teardrops" by Jackie Wilson. My sister also sang a wide range of songs...It's just fun to get up there and sing, if you haven't tried it, you should...We performed the duet "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" as our last song. Collin didn't sing on Friday, but he found a few that he'd like to try, so we're counting on him for next time. The only bad part about the show that night is that the place is exceedingly small and the guy running the equipment was either deaf, drunk, incompetent or a combination of all three. He had the levels cranked so high that you couldn't take a breath without producing microphone feedback. If you've ever run an audio rig, you know what I'm talking about. If not, just take my word for it, it didn't have to be half as loud as it was...

Anyway, "big ups," as the kids say, to the Colorado Springs Silverwolves "B" women's hockey team...They were victorious at the Arizona Hockey Classic in Phoenix, which was held over the Memorial Day Weekend...The 'Wolves "B" competed in the "Women 6" division and, even though it wasn't the most populous division as far as teams go, it was a hard fought and well-won championship...This account of the action comes straight from my wife, who plays defense for the "B" team. She's very excited, as well she should be...You don't win championships everyday...

She brought home a nice little trophy, I'll see if I can post a picture of it soon...It's also nice to have her home, I missed her.

Two years ago, I went down to Phoenix to play for a men's team (the Colorado Goodwood). We got smacked around and lost, seeing as the team was hastily constructed. I was invited to go and play with them again last year, that time as their goalie, but I couldn't go because my vacation schedule wouldn't allow it. I didn't get invited to go this year, but it's "all good" since I wouldn't have been able to get the time off of work anyhow. There IS talk of having a co-ed division at the tournament and it's a probability that both my wife and myself will go down to Phoenix and play together on THAT team next year...but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it...Should be lots of fun.

My new mixing board should be delivered today via UPS...Knowing UPS, they'll figure out some way to screw things up...Keep your collective fingers crossed for me...

Past that, I've added YET MORE linkies to the sidebar there, so do some clickin'...I'm currently working on "stuff," including new audio entries, so "stay tuned" as they say...There IS more to come...

Labels: collin crap, hockey stuff, lame stories, radio stories, Singing Off-Key, sports, tales of triumph