Sure, this will be another post about why I never post. I guess you write about what you know and all I know is that I never seem to have enough time to sit and write. Or read. Or several other things which I may or may not have done before Max came along. don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my boy has ruined anything for me, quite the opposite, really. Having a rapidly growing little baby of my own design in the house has simply served to reorganize my priorities (which is just a nice way of saying "the baby takes up x-amount of time, outside of which there is precious little left over for anything non-baby related). Speaking of the baby, here are some recent pictures of him for you to peruse and ooh-and-aww at:


The boy is now currently pushing 8 months, but this photo was taken the day he turned 7 months. As you can see, Max simply cannot believe he is that old. This, in my opinion, is a good visual representation of what the originators of the interrobang had in mind.


Apparently overals and a red shirt can turn even the surliest of infants into little bundles of joy. This is not to say that Max is surly. Not all the time, at least and certainly not while wearing overalls (and a red shirt).


Not that I have any doubts, but this would be exhibit A if I ever had to prove paternity of the boy. Just for reference, exhibit B, C, D and, of course, E.


Here you see that, even when I'm talking to my buddy Andy about his fucked-up job situation, the boy will patiently hang with me. He's so good at sitting up on his own now...


Max has the (only slightly annoying) habit of completely ignoring whomever happens to be holding him while appearing to find everyone else in the room utterly fascinating. In fact, the rule is that if you want Max to smile at you, give him to someone else.


No, Max hasn't been rootin' around in poopy, he'd been eating (and obviously enjoying) the "garden vegetable" variety of mushed-up baby foods. Overall, Max is a real good eater. He's just kind of messy.


Well hello. How are you? I'm just killing time and chilling on the floor. Care to join me?


this is one of those "best pictures ever." I think I have three so far. All of the "best of" collection will be hung on to and then blown up and displayed proudly when he brings home his first date or something.

So there you are. Some pictures of the kid. Let me check to see if there's anything I need to follow up on and update from the last time I actually posted...

Baseball: It's Over Until Next Year For Me...
So the Cubs (the 28 and older MSBL team which I was proud to have played on this past season) finished with only the one win, an anomolous 1-run victory against the Twins early in the season. Due to some strange circumstances, the worst team in the league (us, in case you weren't paying attention earlier) made the playoffs by default. We ended up facing those same Twins in said playoff game. This time, though, the one-run victory went their way. Overall, I'm extremely pleased with the way the season went for me. I batted right around .350 for the season, was hit by just about every pitcher in the league and logged a significant amount of time playing both catcher and first base...Not at all bad for a fat guy who hadn't played real baseball since he was 13. I'm looking forward to next year...

All-Hallow's Eve Is Coming...
In fact, tonight was the night of the Farnes' big annual Halloween party which we traditionally attend. We had every intention of doing so this year, debuting Max as a little bee, but Max had other ideas. Contrary to form for the last few days, Max went down for a marathon nap right around 6:30 that ended up lasting almost 3 hours, after which he had to be changed and fed and generally wrangled. This process placed us at a point on the clock where it was no longer feasible to attend the party. Perhaps you've heard the term "point of diminishing returns?" We would've had to get everyone dressed and loaded in the car and drive for 40 minutes and would've had maybe an hour before the boy got fussy and crabby again and put to bed.

Since the actual Halloween falls on a weekday this year, each department at the agency I work at drew decades (except for accounting, who drew "the future") and are expected to dress up in a manner which reflects whichever chunk of time was drawn. While the drawing was going on, I was fortunate enough to do the honors for the art department. I instantly thought about trying to fake something which would make it look like I drew the 1950s, but was on the spot and couldn't muster up any trickery. Instead, I played it straight and, wonder of wonders, drew the 1950s anyway. I'm trying to think, though...I may be one of only 2 who will take it seriously and actually dress completely in 50s garb in my department. It's all good though, as the kids say, because I picked up some rockin' new threads from Daddy O's for the occasion, including two sweet hats from Village Hat Shop which I will be able to wear outside of Halloween. There's also going to be a potluck lunch (which I will not participate in due to my odd neuroses of people in costumes making me nauseous) and decade-specific karaoke which I really should volunteer to run. It's a little bit of extra effort, but I'm very well equipped to do a good job with it as opposed to one of the VPs who "has a machine." I guess I'll volunteer for such things on Monday.

When It's All Said and Done, it IS Just a Game...
I've mentioned before that, in my oh-so-copious spare time, I officiate high school and middle school football and wrestling. It sure does seem that the mere act of wearing a striped shirt seems to bring out the worst in people. One constant that I've figured out without much effort to this point is that the fans, in general, have a very shaky understanding of the rules AT BEST. This problem can lead to problems, the likes of which I've learned to laugh off. I've definitely heard or been called just about everything so far, usually by misguided, overly-emotional fans (almost always of the losing team...Go figure). This past Friday night, however, these "fans" at the game I was working got so worked up that the crew I was part of needed a police escort to get safely off school grounds. if nothing else, it'll make for a fun story to recount, especially to future new officials making their first trip to this particular school...

Awesomecasts...Yeah...Haven't Forgot...
I still have a couple of podcasts in the can and need to find time to produce and post them. That's all I have to say about that...And, now that I think about it, I'm pretty much done typing this wee post. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine couple of months now...

Labels: Baby max, indignities, lame stories, Phrickin' Photoblogs, sports

Yeah. So. Um. It's been quite a while since I showed any sort of initiative and posted on this blog. Look, it's not for lack of wanting to...It's simply for lack of time. Indeed, when you have a little baby at home, your former spare time gets reallocated pretty damn quick. Anyhow, things have been going on since I last posted (which was back in June, in case you're keeping track and, hey, why wouldn't you be? You're here, after all) so I shall try and fill you in on the things now...

Max Is Growing Like Crazy...
As children are wont to do, Max continues to eat, poop and grow. Saturday will mark the start of his 5th month outside his mother's belly. We sure have a lot of babyproofing to do to our house as the little boy is getting very close to being mobile. Oh sure, as it stands his only form of locomotion can best be described as "rolling and wiggling," but that shall give way to crawling and walking before I know it. As a bonus, here's a handful of recent-ish pictures featuring our little Max.
click 'em, they get a little bit bigger

This weekend, Max is going to meet one of his great-grandmothers for the first time, though she's not aware of it yet. Everybody loves surprises, right?

Baseball: Still Hard. Getting Hit by a Baseball: Not Hard at All...
So yeah, I mentioned that I'm playing in a 28 and older baseball league. Things have gotten better for me as far as playing time since that writing (I'm not only playing more, but I'm playing more at first base which is much nicer than right field). We've still won only the one game and we're getting our collective asses handed to us score-wise every time out, but it's still fun. And I get exercise. Additionally, I have to imagine (not that I've done any research to back up this claim) that I'm leading the league in HBP (hit by pitch). I've been hit at least once in each of the last 4 games and was plunked a couple of times earlier in the season. I'm not going to charge the mound over it, but I do have to wonder: why me so much? One of the pitchers who hit me in the last game told me I get hit because I crowd the plate. Fair enough, but my sneaking suspicion is that I'm getting hit because I'm fat...Too large and inviting of a target to resist...

Softball: Not Hard at All, Especially After The Big Move...
Last season, the co-ed softball team that the wife and I play on went undefeated for the first time ever and won the championship. Because of this, we kind of assumed that we'd just continue our winning ways this season, since we were still playing silver co-ed, like last year...

Or so I thought...

Apparently, the Park and Rec folks have started separating each level (gold, silver and bronze) into different "upper" and "lower" divisions. Apparently, while we were ripping through all those other teams like a hot knife through butter last season, we were playing "lower" silver. We started this season in "upper" silver and lost our first 3 games. Granted, we only lost 2 of the games by 1 run, but following our uncharacteristically poor opening, them genius Park and Rec folks moved us back to "lower" silver. Since the move, we're beating teams handily without having to try which, frankly, just isn't any fun and isn't fair to the teams who could and should contend in that division. I would've much rather stayed in the upper division, had a poor season, used the experience to get better and come back strong next year. Instead, we get sent back down to beat on patsies and foster bad playing and hitting habits because the games aren't close. Feh...

Awesomecasts Are On The Way...No, Seriously...
I heard tell through Collin that my sister was all pissed at me for not having posted any new podcast episodes since the middle of June...Apparently, her question was something like "why do we bother to record them if he (I) won't post them?" The answer is simple, really...BECAUSE, FOOL!

Actually, it's because it takes a couple of hours to properly produce a half-hour podcast episode once the recording is in the can. It's true, I do have about 4 episodes in the can just waiting for me to sit and get them all dolled up...The problem is that I simply haven't had the time to do such things. I do hope that I can rectify the situation soon, though, so be on the lookout for more new episodes of the ol' awesomecast...In fact, keep watch in shifts. You know, one person keeps an eye peeled while the others sleep...Just like in Stand By Me or Disorganized Crime. Anyway, yeah...Podcasts coming soon...

I'd Forgotten Just How Fun Singing Karaoke in a Bar Could be...
So the Sharks had a game last night against the Ice Hawks which just so happened to be Don's last game playing with us. He's...What? Who's Don you ask? Don is one of the guys from the hockey team I play on. Yeah, he's originally from somewhere on the East Coast. Uh huh, yeah. He's the loud one. Right, now that we have THAT established, Don is leaving to take a job in Alabama. As such, after the game, a handful of us followed Don over to the Hatchcover for beer and wings and things. I have to preface things by saying that, some years ago, I used to go to the "down the Hatch lounge," the bar above the Hatchcover, on a regular basis for karaoke. At this time (and we're talking 10-plus years ago), the lounge was kind of a cozy, classy place above a medium to high end restaurant. Fast-forward to 2008, though, and the whole place has the vibe of a low class pool hall and dive bar. Oh sure, the same couches and stuff are in the upstairs as 10 years ago, but they look old and worn. Hell, I didn't even recognize the place and I used to be a regular there...Anyhow, it just so happened that it was karaoke night and, being that I'm never easily embarrassed, I sang a few. I haven't actually sung karaoke anywhere but in my own home for about 4 or 5 years. This was mostly due to my loathing of cigarette smoke, loud and obnoxious karaoke hosts and people in general. I built a smokin' sound system based around some of the equipment I already had from years of mobile DJ work and have amassed a decent karaoke library...Whatever, yeah. I'm a hermit. Last night, though, I got to put all that aside and sing in a bar which, since the anti-smoking laws passed, is a lot more enjoyable than it used to be for me. I coudn't have predicted the reaction, though, when I sang the Digital Underground classic "the Humpty Dance." Those fuckin' people in that dive bar went totally nuts. One lady even begged me to stick around and sing some more, something people have never done to me. Frankly, though, despite how fun it was and how sincerely I appreciated the flattery, I missed my wife and my boy so I chose to head on home...

I think that's about it for now...As always, thanks for stopping by, kids...You all have a fine month/year/decade now...

Labels: Baby max, lame stories, Phrickin' Photoblogs, sports

while typing this, a feature came on the local news which showed "Max" as the top name of 2008...FOR DOGS. FOR. MALE. DOGS. Oh well. He won't know. Right?

Yeah, I know. No podcasts, no witty observations, no tales of anything that may or may not be going on in my relatively uneventful life, just more pictures of the kid. Indeed, since this is what I've become, I give you more images of my spawn...
click-them get big


This was our Easter picture. Max liked being in a tie about as much as his dad and yeah, these outfits were on for a grand total of MAYBE 10 minutes. How did we get Max to smile? Magic. Additionally: Voodoo. Happy Easter.


See? I told you. He hates that damn suit. I couldn't pass it up when I saw it in the store, though. One time use...But hey, he looks sharp.


Yes, thank you for coming. Close the door please. This is hard for me to say, but the organization has decided to go in a different direction. Yes, I'm sorry. You are fired.


O hai. I can has breastmilk? Max is more and more aware every day, looking around and seeing what he can see. If you believe the prevailing research, what he can see at this point is likely "fuzzy" and also "not much."


every now and then the boy is calm enough that we can recline together. I should probably make the most of this time (you know, when Max fits easily in one of my meaty hamhocks) but he doesn't like being in this position much. That or he just spits up on me. God, that sucks when he does that. Hey, we don't call him "Sour Milk Boy" for nothing. That and "Shitfoot," but that's an entirely different tale for an entirely different time...

So there you go. More pictures of the kid. Certainly there are more to come as far as that goes. Additionally, I'm going to try and find some time soon to get the ol' awesomecast back on track...Maybe. Until then, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine April now...

Labels: Baby max, indignities, Phrickin' Photoblogs

So as you may or may not have already astutely guessed, having a newborn around severely limits the amount of time that one can spend on self-gratifying pursuits such as podcasting and/or updating a stupid blog (like this one, if you were trying to think of an example). Indeed, even though my wife is able to take off until August to be with the little fella', he's taking up a big chunk of time for both of us. I had high hopes that my silly little blogsitething here would never turn into a vast, unupdated wasteland or (far worse, in my opinion) a "daddy blog." Sadly, it seems that both fates may befall my creative endeavors from here on out. After all, if I'm going to try to write about what's happening in my life, it would seem that I'd be restricted to writing most about the thing which is consuming most of my available time (that is if I can find time to write anything at all). Due to this, it seems that I have no choice. For a while at least, sonofcheese.com will either be dormant or a "daddy blog" with sporadic updates about how our little Maximus Thor is doing...

Anyhow, speaking of Max, how about some new pictures? Here's one to get things started:


This, kids, is what "tired" looks like. This was taken probably late in the first or early in the 2nd day of our hospital stay. I was beat down from lack of sleep and, seriously, I remember thinking that I was smiling when this picture was taken. I guess that was all the enthusiasm I could muster...

Anyhow, so yeah. What is going on in my life right now...Well, I still go to work Monday through Friday. I get real anxious to come home 'round quittin' time now, though. This is not to say that I wasn't excited to come home and see my wife before, but coming home to see your wife and kid, it's...Well...It's just different. I'm still playing hockey once a week and soon, once Max is about a month old, he can get bundled up and come watch me suck play. Not that he'll know what's going on, but at least I won't have to leave Max and his mom at home when I go...Aside from that, I'll be playing in the MSBL for the first time this year. MSBL stands for "Men's Senior Baseball League" and has me pretty excited. I mean, softball is fun, but playing real baseball...That's going to be a blast. Games are once a week and start at the end of April...It looks like I'll be floating between Catcher and First Base mostly on my new team (which finished dead last in every season so far). So yeah, that should be fun...

Outside of that, this is what has been keeping me from posting anything at all:

The boy has the Laser Eyes, just like his dad and has been melting household items (like our hearts) with his piercing gaze.

Wow, that was cheesy. Anyway...More pictures, yeah?

I took this picture with my cellphone. I believe it to be the best picture of Max that there ever could be. It's the one I plan to blow up and have framed, hanging right inside the door when Max has his first date some years down the line...


Finally, here's Baby Max giving his dad the hairy eyeball. Actually, he probably can't even see that far yet. Well, to be fair, he can't focus that far yet. He is starting to look around a lot more and he will stop and stare at certain things which seem to be within his (very limited) focal range. Overall, he's a good boy. I guess that it won't be the worst thing in the world, writing mostly about him for a while. Heck, if he keeps peeing on his mom while she's trying to change him, I'll have all manner of things to type about in the future. Anyhow, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine...um...Stretch of days now...

Labels: Baby max, indignities, lame stories, Phrickin' Photoblogs

So the other day I was talking with the owner of the agency that Collin and I work at and he mentioned the impending birth of my son. With a zeal usually reserved for free taco day at the mall or...Something for which great zeal is reserved, he said that he's looking forward to seeing the changes in ME after my kid was born. "What changes" I thought...Having a kid won't change me at all...

So yeah, I've been wrong before. I cried when he popped out (with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck), I cried when he got his first set of shots...I'm in a strange emotional state (I'm also hyper protective of the little thing). He was born at 12:57pm today (February 26), he weighed 6 pounds, 3 ounces, was 19 inches long and Goddamn if I don't love him more than anything I've ever loved before. What's that you say? You want to see pictures? Ok, just remember though...You asked for them...


Fresh from the womb, max commits his first act of defiance by peeing all over the warming table. The ladies taking care of him at that point weren't at all surprised. Heck, they expected it. I didn't know that he did it until I checked the pictures later...So here it is...


Warmed, wrapped and wready to go - it's Max the Burrito...


It had to happen eventually...Max meets his mom for the first time...


And here he meets his grandma for the first time. That's the nurse on the right probing him...Or something...


And here I am meeting my son for the first time. I was physically and emotionally exhausted at this point and I WOULD NOT LET HIM GO. Not even to go see mom.


I carried him over to the NICU to get all of his "stuff" done. Vitals, Range of motion tests, testicle location, shots (that was so hard to watch). Then he got his first bath...


I let the student nurse take care of the bath since we haven't gone through the second baby care class. It's tomorrow night. Oops...Anyhow, he got his head shampooed first...


And he disapproved of it wholeheartedly...


Max got a reward for all the trouble in the NICU, though...A new hat which he's quite fond of...

And I'm quite fond of him. Welcome to the world, Max.

Labels: Baby max, Phrickin' Photoblogs, tales of triumph

Oh. Hi there. How are you? I'm...Um...Fine...I...Uh...Yeah. Welcome to my blog. Such as it is. I wish I'd have known you'd be here, I would've tidied up a bit. Or baked cookies. Or not have farted. Isn't that just how it is, really? You can sit at your desk all friggin' day, nobody wants to have anything to do with you, everyone leaves you alone and goes about your business until you emit a relatively silent but still malodorous cloud of gas and suddenly, everyone in the Goddamn building needs to speak with you. It's like these people have some twisted poot radar...A beacon that flashes whenever someone in the building is encased in a swirling cloud of methane. Like moths to the flame, one by one, everyone will parade by, inhaling your vile fumes but not saying anything because they're nothing if not polite. You know they know, though. How could they NOT know? IT STINKS OVER HERE. For Christ's sake, DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR ME.

Anyway...

Here's a look at my new vehicle - it's a 2008 Saturn VUE AWD...
cleeck on eet, eet weel geet BEEEG

yes it's in my garage in this shot, yes it's like...A dull teal (Sea Mist Green, Saturn calls it), yes it's next to an '05 VUE (the wife's) and yes, it is much sleeker. I like it, it's the nicest vehicle I've ever owned to this point in my life. I mentioned that fact to Collin earlier today and followed it up with "I can only do better from here," meaning that the new vehicle might spoil me and, if I were to get another one somewhere down the line, I wouldn't want to step backward. Collin thought for a second or two and said "no, you'll only be able to do worse from here. This is the pinnacle, you can't possibly do any better."

I think it's his positive outlook I like most about him...

Hey, as if this post couldn't get any more random, how about a short excerpt from a bit of a failed chat prank? Huh? You KNOW you love the chat pranks. You know you do, you love them like the fat kid loves cake and like Popeye loved Olive Oyl - gingerly and always with protection...

---
Loserguy2008 (11:40:15 PM): hi
DarkBookGrrl (11:40:20 PM): hi
Loserguy2008 (11:40:47 PM): need a money slave
in hindsight, it isn't immediately obvious whether that was a question or demand. At the time, it seemed simple - did I need one...
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:06 PM): nope, all full up on those.
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:22 PM): had to donate a couple to Goodwill last week as a matter of fact.
The attended donation center was closed, but I dropped 'em off anyway. I know, I know, it says not to, but when you gots to dump, you gots to dump
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:28 PM): up to my ears, even.
Loserguy2008 (11:41:52 PM): will u use me for money?
ok, confused a bit now...
DarkBookGrrl (11:42:32 PM): what, like I pay you and then use you or you give me monies and I...um...use you?
Loserguy2008 (11:42:55 PM): no---i send you money wkly
I suddenly feel so Nigerian. No WONDER they send out those scam spams! It feels GREAT when someone wants to hand over their cash via the internets!
DarkBookGrrl (11:43:19 PM): and I do what to deserve such a windfall?
Loserguy2008 (11:43:54 PM): im very submissive--love being used
"used" to me usually means when I help people move and they don't buy pizza. "I feel so USED" I shout to myself as I drive home, sans pizza or dignity...
DarkBookGrrl (11:44:19 PM): used like what? like a toilet? please to explain.
Loserguy2008 (11:44:58 PM): used as your toilet and for money
He won't let that money thing go. Ok, fine. I'll bite...
DarkBookGrrl (11:45:34 PM): real american folding monies? how much we talkin' here?
Loserguy2008 (11:46:20 PM): you will tell me each wk what to send
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:06 PM): walkin' around money, that's what I need. Money for booze and hookers!
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:22 PM): also: crack cocaine. This is because I'm a big, fat, pimply crack whore.
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:57 PM): which, of course, would be a contradiction in terms. Crack whores, while they might be 'pimply,' would have to work pretty damned hard to stay "fat."
Loserguy2008 (11:48:14 PM): pic
That was cavemanesque if it was anything. I suddenly picture cromagnon man, beating his monitor with a club screaming OG WANT PIC! SELF SHOT! NO FAKES!
DarkBookGrrl (11:48:31 PM): where? did you send me one?
Of course, he's done with me 'cause I'm a pimply crackwhore. I feel so used.
DarkBookGrrl (11:54:04 PM): was it the "crack whore" or the "fat" comment that stymied you?
Alas, we'll never know, now...
---

So the other day my wife and I were hanging out with my mom and dad and I asked what exactly Jesus' middle name was. I received a couple of funny looks and so I explained: "I hear this 'Jesus H. Christ' stuff all the time, WHAT DOES THE 'H' STAND FOR?" My wife was the big winner, ultimately. Her suggestion? "Jesus Hollaback Christ...

So on Thursday after work I had some time to kill while the wife was at her prenatal water aerobics class and I had a gift card to Best Buy burning a small hole in my pocket. Just so you know, the Best Buy locations here aren't located even remotely near where I live, which is why the aforementioned gift card was the lingerer from our (heaping) Christmas bounty, it's fallen bretheren long spent at more conveniently located stores in other, better parts of town. Anyhow, as you can guess, I sucked it up and drove out to one of these places and, while at that large, gleaming and confusingly laid out monument to entertainment (and appliances) on the east side of town, I found a DVD set which I simply could not live without. Now, I'm not one who sees DVDs and simply HAS to have them, but...Well...This time I guess I was. What I found was the Addam's Family - the complete series, mind you - on DVD. Now, You cats and kittens can keep the Munsters and shit...For my money, that Addam's Family is one of the best shows to ever be shown on television. simply put, I LOVE the show. So, duh, I bought the set. On Friday, when I got into work, I told Collin about it and he showed me that the same set was available for exactly half the price I paid at Best Buy at Amazon.com. So yeah, I ordered one from Amazon and made ANOTHER trip out to Best Buy to return the one I bought there. Thank God I hadn't torn straight into it and watched them all on Thursday...

Well, kids, that's about all the random rambling I has for you at this point. Please to stop by again when it's convenient and I'll do my best to fill a few minutes with a handful of words. Until then, you all have a fine weekend...

Labels: chat pranks, I'm A Consumer Whore, indignities, lame stories, Phrickin' Photoblogs, watchin' teevees

So hey, kids! How are you even doing even? Indeed, it's Friday once again and, since I find myself up at 1:43 in the A.M. following a 10:00pm hockey game...Um...Yeah, here's a Phrickin' Photoblog to sate that whole lookin'-at-pictures jones that has hold of you and just won't let go...Today's photo display is yet more of the hundreds of pictures which I captured on the trip to Lancaster/Washington D.C. way back in frickin' August. Yes, I KNOW that it's November now, thanks for the heads-up Assisty McHelpenstein, but like I said, I have literally HUNDREDS of these to get through 8 or 9 at a time. Here today are some of the sights one could see in Washington D.C. if one were to be driven around by Sergeant Hoeppel, the best free D.C. tour guide I know. So yeah, enough with the typey-typey, here comes the lookie-lookie!..
Clicky on the pics and they'll get all big so that your old, dried-out eyes can handle the whole staring part

We passed this guy on the Beltway going into D.C. and I just hadn't found a way to sneak him in to this point. Initially, when I saw this Delorean and subsequently snapped a picture, I was way impressed, thinking that the guy driving (who's giving off a way creepy smarm-vibe, dontcha think?) had either lovingly restored the car or just flat-out kept it in great shape since like...1986. I later found out, though, that there's a company in Houston that bought up all the factory parts when DMC went bust and is still turning out brand-new Deloreans today using 20-year-old yet never-before-used parts. So yeah, the guy likely didn't do anything more special than write a nice, fat check. Bastard. Anyhow, yes, since you're thinking it anyway, he hit 88 miles an hour and blew the fuck up. Biggest ball of flame you've ever seen, nothing left but flaming tire tracks. It was SWEET!..


So here we have the Capitol building in Washington D.C. Indeed, it appears as if there is some work being done on the building and NO, that's not a storm rolling in at the top there...I took this picture through Sgt. Hoeppel's windshield. It's the tint strip thing. So yeah, Capitol Building...


And here is the Washington Monument in all of it's spikey, monumenty glory. Isn't it cool that our country was founded by a bunch of Masons as opposed to, oh, I don't know, fuckers who built like mud-and-stick huts? We have such cooler monuments and things because of it. The Washington Monument might lose a bit of it's majesty and charm if it were hastily constructed with pitch and tree limbs...


And here is an interesting philosophical dichotomy...It's the National Cathedral, an imposing and impressively beautiful structure. Anyone else find it odd that there's a national cathedral despite a separation of church and state? Someone smarter than me when it comes to government wish to explain this to me and my walnut-sized brain? As a side note, though, isn't it awesome?


And here's the supreme court. They say justice is blind but I say that justice is best served warm with a side of greens and some nice cornbread. Maybe a cold drink and some pie for dessert. Yeah, like lemon pie. I like lemon pie. But not with meringue, 'cause that's like a total fucking rip-off. You're all ready for a mouthful of what you thought was whippy, creamy goodness and you get styrofoam. Ick. Fuck off, Meringue. I mean it. Anyway, where was I?..


Oh yes, touring Washington D.C. Here we find ourselves in Robert E. Lee's backyard, aka Arlington National Cemetery. You'll have to take it upon yourself to look up the history and stuff, it's pushing 2:00 am and I'm tired. So...Tired...


And not far from Arlington National Cemetery is the Iwo Jima Marine Memorial. This thing was both imposing and impressive, an awesome structure which really forced you to pause and act reverent. I really liked seeing this up close.


Holy shit, pigeon! Indeed, when you're wandering around Washington D.C. in the summertime, as we were, you end up seeing a good number of pigeons. these pigeons, as you would expect, aren't terribly afraid of people and will wander fairly close to you (as you can see from the above snapshot). The whole time I was staring at this pigeon, I felt compelled to try the Penn and Teller "grab a pigeon" trick which, of course, is not so much a trick as it is just being lightning fast and grabbing a pigeon. I didn't do it because I had neither gloves, nor sanitary wipes, but I shall stock up and be prepared to grab me a pigeon the next time I'm there. And yeah, if you're wondering what the Hell I'm talking about, find the movie "Penn and Teller Get Killed" and watch it.

So there you kids go, a quick tour of Washington D.C. in photographs. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine Weekend now...

Labels: get outta town, Phrickin' Photoblogs

Lo, it is Friday and...um...stuff is...uh...good...Anyhow, look. It's Friday and I'm about to hit you kids with another one of those post-style things...This week's photo/video blog is slightly special, though...Yesterday, my wife had the detailed ultrasound to see how our not-yet-born son is progressing in his growth. As it turns out, Baby Max is doing just fine. As it ALSO turns out, CSHP (where the ultrasound was performed) has a bitchin' ultrasound setup which enabled the operator to burn a CD with some of the pictures and even VIDEO! No shit...So anyway, I'm going to totally go "overbearing parent" on you kids and force baby pictures on you...Ready? good, here we go...
clicky, they get all big n' stuff


Is it just me or is it just downright disconcerting to see your unborn child's skeleton when you're looking at an ultrasound of them? Just. Plain. Creepy. Anyhow, here is Baby Max staring you down. Well, at least that's what the guy said. He said "this is the face" and he typed "face" on the picture. I have to trust him, he's a trained professional and I'm just...well, I'm just not...


And speaking of "taking his word for it," somewhere in this picture is a penis. I have it on good authority that said penis is in the vicinity of the word "boy" there on the picture. So...Yeah...There you go...Good thing, too, I'm kind of attached to the name "max" but "maxine" sounds like an old, used-up barfly who smokes all day and drinks wine coolers and tries to seduce the mailman when she's not off vomiting blood. Or something. No offense to you upstanding, forthright Maxines out there...Not your fault you were cursed with a shitty name...Anyhow, moving on...


This here is a good profile shot of my kid that isn't too marred by the whole creepy skeleton factor. Looks like a halfway decent baby...


And like I said earlier, the disc we received contained 4 short video clips from the ultrasound, two of which looked...well, enough like nothing that I didn't use 'em and the other two...Well...See for yourself...

So that's that...As always, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine weekend now...

Labels: Baby max, Phrickin' Photoblogs, vaunted videoblogs

So yeah, you must be thinking "what was going on that Derek had time to post here at this dusty, overgrown excuse for a weblog?" Indeed, I found the time to put together today's wee photo display while watching the first game of the NLCS on TBS. As such, before I get to the meat of today's posting, I have a couple of things to mention...First off, hey, Arizona baseball "fans." You are a disgrace. You should collectively be embarrassed by your collective ignorance and lack of respect for the game. You can all go to Hell. Additionally, to all of the sportscasters who feel "cheated" that they have to cover the Colorado Rockies in the postseason: cram it up your ass. That is all...So hey, how about some hot photoblog action, huh? Sure, here we go...
click on 'em, they'll expand like the gases inside a decomposing body (but without the unpleasant odor and residual sadness)


This photoblog picks up where THIS photoblog left off about a month ago. This is the second phase of our August vacation which was, of course, a visit to the Washington D.C. area. We stayed with our friends Kathy and Chad and THIS is their palatial half-million dollar estate. No, I'm being serious. I mean, it's a nice house and all, but it'd cost no more than a couple hundred thousand in MY neck of the woods. Cost of living in our nation's capital, however, quite a bit higher...


Here's a closeup of the sign by the front door which proclaims that the house is indeed the one which belongs to Kathy and Chad. Looks like someone's been making regular trips to the craft fair...


En route to Kathy and Chad's place, we made really good time (mostly because I drive extremely fast when I'm behind the wheel of a rental car). As such, when we arrived, Kathy was still out, having made a run to the store for "provisions." Of course, by "provisions," I mean "Booze and stuff." Anyhow, here she is arriving home from that shopping trip in her sporty Audi. As a point of trivia, I had to teach her how to drive a standard so that she could drive that car. I got to drive it once. It FLIES...


So now that you've met Kathy, we'll jump ahead in our day and introduce you to Chad. Well, his name is actually Frank, but...Well...Anyhow, look, he goes by "Chad" and he's big so you just do what he says, ok? Indeed, here is CHAD in front of Ford's Theatre and, yes, he'd been drinking. Frankly, we all had at this point...So there you go...Hi, Chad!


I've covered on this wee blog in the past that I suffer from necrolepsy - a rare condition that means that I have a propensity to temporarily die at random times - and here I am having an "episode" right in front of the house where our 16th president met his significantly more permanent demise. Anyhow, regardless of the free admission, the joint was closed so this is all the closer WE got...


So yeah, since we were in our nation's capital, you would assume that I would have all manner of pictures featuring the more famous monuments and "whatnot." Well, you would be right, even though I am saving the good shots for future photoblogs. The thing is, though, this was about all the closer we could get to the White House, so here it is: a cockeyed shot of the house where W lives. As a point of interest, that lady on the left thought I was stopping to take HER picture. One side, bitch! I's lookin' at HISTORY here!..


So I THINK that this is called the "Friendship Arch." Maybe. I can't remember. Look, I DO know that we were standing in front of the entrance to D.C.'s Chinatown and that I approved. Right after this picture was taken, we enjoyed some snacks and strong drink at an authentic Irish Pub...In chinatown...


And here we are, full to the brim with the intrigue, out in front of the International Spy Museum. It's one of the few museums in the D.C. area that you have to pay to get into and...Er...I...Well, I didn't find it to be too terribly exciting. But there we were, nonetheless, outside afterward with our cover identities intact.

So that's that...As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine weekend now...

Labels: get outta town, Phrickin' Photoblogs