Oh. Hi there. How are you? I'm...Um...Fine...I...Uh...Yeah. Welcome to my blog. Such as it is. I wish I'd have known you'd be here, I would've tidied up a bit. Or baked cookies. Or not have farted. Isn't that just how it is, really? You can sit at your desk all friggin' day, nobody wants to have anything to do with you, everyone leaves you alone and goes about your business until you emit a relatively silent but still malodorous cloud of gas and suddenly, everyone in the Goddamn building needs to speak with you. It's like these people have some twisted poot radar...A beacon that flashes whenever someone in the building is encased in a swirling cloud of methane. Like moths to the flame, one by one, everyone will parade by, inhaling your vile fumes but not saying anything because they're nothing if not polite. You know they know, though. How could they NOT know? IT STINKS OVER HERE. For Christ's sake, DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR ME.

Anyway...

Here's a look at my new vehicle - it's a 2008 Saturn VUE AWD...
cleeck on eet, eet weel geet BEEEG

yes it's in my garage in this shot, yes it's like...A dull teal (Sea Mist Green, Saturn calls it), yes it's next to an '05 VUE (the wife's) and yes, it is much sleeker. I like it, it's the nicest vehicle I've ever owned to this point in my life. I mentioned that fact to Collin earlier today and followed it up with "I can only do better from here," meaning that the new vehicle might spoil me and, if I were to get another one somewhere down the line, I wouldn't want to step backward. Collin thought for a second or two and said "no, you'll only be able to do worse from here. This is the pinnacle, you can't possibly do any better."

I think it's his positive outlook I like most about him...

Hey, as if this post couldn't get any more random, how about a short excerpt from a bit of a failed chat prank? Huh? You KNOW you love the chat pranks. You know you do, you love them like the fat kid loves cake and like Popeye loved Olive Oyl - gingerly and always with protection...

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Loserguy2008 (11:40:15 PM): hi
DarkBookGrrl (11:40:20 PM): hi
Loserguy2008 (11:40:47 PM): need a money slave
in hindsight, it isn't immediately obvious whether that was a question or demand. At the time, it seemed simple - did I need one...
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:06 PM): nope, all full up on those.
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:22 PM): had to donate a couple to Goodwill last week as a matter of fact.
The attended donation center was closed, but I dropped 'em off anyway. I know, I know, it says not to, but when you gots to dump, you gots to dump
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:28 PM): up to my ears, even.
Loserguy2008 (11:41:52 PM): will u use me for money?
ok, confused a bit now...
DarkBookGrrl (11:42:32 PM): what, like I pay you and then use you or you give me monies and I...um...use you?
Loserguy2008 (11:42:55 PM): no---i send you money wkly
I suddenly feel so Nigerian. No WONDER they send out those scam spams! It feels GREAT when someone wants to hand over their cash via the internets!
DarkBookGrrl (11:43:19 PM): and I do what to deserve such a windfall?
Loserguy2008 (11:43:54 PM): im very submissive--love being used
"used" to me usually means when I help people move and they don't buy pizza. "I feel so USED" I shout to myself as I drive home, sans pizza or dignity...
DarkBookGrrl (11:44:19 PM): used like what? like a toilet? please to explain.
Loserguy2008 (11:44:58 PM): used as your toilet and for money
He won't let that money thing go. Ok, fine. I'll bite...
DarkBookGrrl (11:45:34 PM): real american folding monies? how much we talkin' here?
Loserguy2008 (11:46:20 PM): you will tell me each wk what to send
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:06 PM): walkin' around money, that's what I need. Money for booze and hookers!
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:22 PM): also: crack cocaine. This is because I'm a big, fat, pimply crack whore.
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:57 PM): which, of course, would be a contradiction in terms. Crack whores, while they might be 'pimply,' would have to work pretty damned hard to stay "fat."
Loserguy2008 (11:48:14 PM): pic
That was cavemanesque if it was anything. I suddenly picture cromagnon man, beating his monitor with a club screaming OG WANT PIC! SELF SHOT! NO FAKES!
DarkBookGrrl (11:48:31 PM): where? did you send me one?
Of course, he's done with me 'cause I'm a pimply crackwhore. I feel so used.
DarkBookGrrl (11:54:04 PM): was it the "crack whore" or the "fat" comment that stymied you?
Alas, we'll never know, now...
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So the other day my wife and I were hanging out with my mom and dad and I asked what exactly Jesus' middle name was. I received a couple of funny looks and so I explained: "I hear this 'Jesus H. Christ' stuff all the time, WHAT DOES THE 'H' STAND FOR?" My wife was the big winner, ultimately. Her suggestion? "Jesus Hollaback Christ...

So on Thursday after work I had some time to kill while the wife was at her prenatal water aerobics class and I had a gift card to Best Buy burning a small hole in my pocket. Just so you know, the Best Buy locations here aren't located even remotely near where I live, which is why the aforementioned gift card was the lingerer from our (heaping) Christmas bounty, it's fallen bretheren long spent at more conveniently located stores in other, better parts of town. Anyhow, as you can guess, I sucked it up and drove out to one of these places and, while at that large, gleaming and confusingly laid out monument to entertainment (and appliances) on the east side of town, I found a DVD set which I simply could not live without. Now, I'm not one who sees DVDs and simply HAS to have them, but...Well...This time I guess I was. What I found was the Addam's Family - the complete series, mind you - on DVD. Now, You cats and kittens can keep the Munsters and shit...For my money, that Addam's Family is one of the best shows to ever be shown on television. simply put, I LOVE the show. So, duh, I bought the set. On Friday, when I got into work, I told Collin about it and he showed me that the same set was available for exactly half the price I paid at Best Buy at Amazon.com. So yeah, I ordered one from Amazon and made ANOTHER trip out to Best Buy to return the one I bought there. Thank God I hadn't torn straight into it and watched them all on Thursday...

Well, kids, that's about all the random rambling I has for you at this point. Please to stop by again when it's convenient and I'll do my best to fill a few minutes with a handful of words. Until then, you all have a fine weekend...

Labels: chat pranks, I'm A Consumer Whore, indignities, lame stories, Phrickin' Photoblogs, watchin' teevees