It is with a marked lack of fanfare that I have let this blog die. Additionally, despite going out on a celebrity interview high note, it would seem that I have unconsciously chosen to put the ol' awesomecasts to bed as well. To be honest, my indifference to taking time out of my day to write about my day began long before I was laid off in January. Hell, it'd been more than a year since I treated this site with enough respect to update it regularly. I simply have more important things to do than "blog." And yet, here I am. Blogging.

So how have you been? Myself, I've been alright. You see, it's almost June and June will mark 6 months that I have been without gainful employment. If anyone would have told me in January that I'd still be without full-time employment at this stage of the game, I'd have likely shat myself out of sheer, brain-melting worry. I never expected that unemployment would drag on this long, but I guess I also never could have forseen the definite indifference that potential employers have shown towards me. There was a time when I considered myself talented, even useful. I'm sad to say it, but that time has faded into memory. It's a cruel thing, being unemployed in a town that collectively seeks to devalue not only your industry but your wealth of experience in said industry. Days blend into weeks which blend into months and 5 months pass you by as you sit, day after day, slowly becoming an even more unemployable pile of whiskers and blubber. Just. Let. It. End. For God's sake, just let it end.

So anyhow, it's baseball season once again and I find myself part of the MSBL Colorado Springs Cardinals, a slightly souped-up version of last year's Cubs with a healthy chunk of the dead weight jettisoned and some great new additions in place. We had a great turnout for our first game, a game that we won rather convincingly given the zeitgeist of the team...Everyone was excited, everyone was on top of their game, the pitchers pitched, the fielders fielded, the batters batted. Oh, what a sight that was for sore eyes. And then...Well, since then we haven't exactly been able to recapture that same magic. In fact, in the three games which have followed that first game, the Cards have literally had their asses handed to them. Or us. Or whatever. Short story: we have yet to win a game other than that first one. But it's still fun. Except my batting average sucks a big one compared to last year. Need to hit the cages some more...Anyone have some spare change?

So my on again off again relationship with the ol' Pub Quiz seems to be back on. Oh, right, I never mentioned that the Oscar's quiz was given over to another Quizmaster after a month. Jesus, I should update this thing more often...Anyhow, despite this setback, it looks like I'll be taking over the quiz duties at Porky's Beach Bar indefinitely. The quiz is on Thursdays, come see me. The burgers really are great at Porky's and holy crap, you could win prizes.

Max is growing exponentially and learning new things everyday. And he talks with his hands. HE'S ALSO THE CUTEST BABY EVER:


Hey! Look! A truck MADE OF HAM:


Anyway...I can't think of much else to post here, especially given the low number of warm bodies who will actually set eyes on it. Freak Train is coming up very soon. I should have stunning video of it as long as key people don't flake out on me. Anyhow, enough of this...It's time for bed. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a phenomenal 3rd quarter now...

OH YEAH, I forgot to mention that I did something both handy and manly over the weekend. I built and installed a new gate. Seems the old post had rotted away and the old gate was kind of crap so I built a new one. That went off with only one instance of mild electrocution (I blame the age of the circular saw). I then set to the task of removing the old post (anchored by 3 feet of concrete that I had to dig up). As was my suspicion, the post was weak. So weak, in fact, that it snapped off in my meaty hands well before I had enough concrete exposed. While trying to loosen said concrete, I inadvertantly drove two rusty nails into my calf. It bled. I had to get a tetanus shot. Kudos to the wife, too, she suggested I use my truck to pull the concrete out and it frickin' worked. Anyhow, yeah. I built something. And it's level. And I only almost killed myself. That is all.

Labels: indignities, lame stories

So there are a couple of you (you know who you are) who continue to berate me for not posting things here on the ol' blog (specifically that podcast that we've had in the can for a couple months). I admire your tenacity and futile belief in me, especially since this thing has all the appearance of having been completely abandoned like the remnants of some uninhabitable irradiated town that you might find if you looked hard enough in the desert right before you dropped from heat exhaustion (and radiation poisoning, dummy). True, you could revel in your über-awesome detective skills while the buzzards circled overhead for 20, maybe 30 minutes if you're a particularly hardy soul, but what then? Huh? Fine work, Encyclopedia fuckin' Brown, NOW who's fixin' to die? Wait, what the fuck were we talking about here? I got off track...Anyhow, yeah, I guess I should start trying to make up for my glaring shortcomings by giving you kids something which you didn't specifically ask for...A random update-filled post...

I'm Still An Unemployed Bum, But At Least I'm Workin'...
It's true, I have yet to find gainful, full-time employment in any of the career fields in which I claim to excel, but I HAVE been picking up just enough freelance work (including working a couple half-days a week at the agency that laid me off) to fuck up my unemployment check eek by on the bills and things. Don't get the wrong impression, though, ain't no one gonna start puttin' in bids on my house and possessions just yet...Things haven't reached that level of "dire" at this point, but I'd SO rather find some manner of full time work so I can return to my former lifestyle of luxury and excess...You know, the lifestyle where I don't have to stock my freezer with Totino's Pizzas and/or the wife and I can go out to eat without nagging thoughts about the mortgage payment ruining the evening. Truth is, jobs are few and far between for everyone and I'm not the only "creative professional" out of work in this area. I'm thinking that freelancing full time may be my future. Anyone need a website? How about a logo. can I interest you in a direct mail campaign? No? How about a replica Rolex?

I Have A Couple of New Websites to Visit...Give 'em a Look!..
www.derekknightcreative.com
www.derekknightisfunnygoddammit.com

What The Fuck Good is LinkedIn When It Never Loads?..
Seriously, it never loads up for me. What the Hell is wrong with that site?

All Things Being Equal, I Prefer To Vanquish Strangers...
So, given that I have a newfound amount of time on my hands and that I'm also "open to new challenges," everyone's old buddy Collin sent me some info about a month ago about an organization called Geeks Who Drink looking for Quizmasters to run their Pub Quizzes in various locations INCLUDING Colorado Springs. The requirements were pretty simple...Quizmasters need to be able to speak clearly on a mic in a bar, deal with being harassed by drunken PhD candidates and also own a laptop and digital camera (you know, so you can blog about all that crap afterwards). The info noted that the gig pays just enough (including a bar tab) to make doing it worthwhile (did I mention the bar tab?). I consider all of the aforementioned (including using up a bar tab) within my specific skill set, so I sent in an "application." I didn't think much of it until last Monday when I got a call out of the blue from the Geek in charge. Seems he was running a bit behind in contacting people, but he wanted to know if I could audition later that evening at Jack Quinn's. After a bit of hemming and hawing, I agreed to be at Quinn's at the appointed time to show off my skills in front of a crowd. When I told Collin about it, he said "oh yeah? Justin has an audition tonight too!" personally, I thought that this was a wonderful break! Having a friend at the bar in the same boat would take some of my crowd-and-stranger-hating trepidation away! I called Justin and told him of the news and, strangely, he didn't share my enthusiasm right away. "You...You're the other guy?" he asked, right before shouting expletives. Justin explained to me that he got the call last week about auditions and was told that it would be him and "one other guy." Apparently, Justin (unemployed just like me) had been feeling confident enough to buy a laptop leading up to audition evening whereas I was given so little notice, I didn't have time to be too terribly anything. Eventually Justin agreed that it'd be fun having such friendly competition and that we could stick around and play the quiz together (which we did) I thought Justin did pretty well during his audition and he thought the same about me. I really wanted Justin to get the gig, but I wanted the gig too...As it turns out, I was the one hired on to be Quizmaster on Sundays at Oscar's and Justin wasn't. I was simultaneously excited for myself and sincerely sorry for Justin when I got the call telling me that I was chosen...Hey, in every kind of contest I enter, I love to win. I prepare to win. I play to win. This is a new thing for me, though...When winning comes at the expense of someone I actually like, I feel kind of weird about it, know what I mean?

Anyhow, weirdness aside, I went through quite the abbreviated training schedule with the other two Colorado Springs Quizmasters, observing on Wednesday and performing the quiz on Thursday...On Sunday, it was my first crack at full-blown, solo quizmastering since the old days of "Noon Name That Tune" at Graham...All things considered, the quiz went pretty well. It's a new venue for the quiz on a night not typically set aside for drunken brain olympics, but I think it'll catch on. Overall, given the whole "bar tab" aspect of my new part-time employment, I couldn't be happier about the placement. After all, Oscar's serves things like crawfish ettoufée...CRAWFISH, BITCHES! Fuck YES! So come out and play the pub quiz on Sundays at 7:00pm...No cost to play and your team of up to 6 diversely knowledgeable people can win gift certificates...On top of that, it's totally in vogue to go to work on Monday with a hangover and smelling like fried shrimp. Seriously, you could look it up, but why waste the effort when I've already told you how cool it is. You want to be cool, right? RIGHT!? Yeah, that's what I THOUGHT...

Sometimes, Even When You Don't Want To, You Have To Spend Money...
So this whole freelancing thing has forced me to use the desk in our back room a whole lot more. As you may imagine, things like this go hand in hand with sitting in a desk chair. As some of you know, I'm a notoriously cheap bastard and there are just some things I don't like dropping a lot of money on. A desk chair for home use has been in that category...The first desk chair we bought was one of those 40 or 50 dollar Wal-Mart jobs: About as sturdy as a plastic crate and probably just as comfortable. It lasted a year, maybe, before it started to list like the Andrea Doria...Finally, it went into the trash and a dining room chair was repurposed as the desk chair. None of this mattered much, at least to me, because I spent very little time at the desk. Eventually, I was able to rescue an old conference room chair from meeting a dumpstery fate at the agency I used to work at...Granted, the chair was thickly upholstered (in hindsight, I may have been singularly blinded by that), but it was definitely in disrepair...It was missing the cylinder with which you could change the height of the chair which meant that it had very limited stability...Again, not a big deal to me, because I only really sat in the stupid thing for awesomecasts (and we all know that I hadn't done much of that recently)...Now, though, with the aforementioned salvage chair receiving daily use, sometimes for hours on end and always by someone of my considerable girth, it's lack of structural integrity was causing me legitimate concern...At any moment, I believed that the whole thing could collapse, sending my fat ass through either the glass top desk or the sliding glass door next to the glass top desk...Both scenarios had me thinking "severed artery" at the very least and, to be honest, my copious assmeats were becoming increasingly sore from the marathon balancing sessions. "No more," I thought. It was time to buy a chair...I first looked at Sam's Club, since you're led to believe that things are so cheap there. Sadly, I found the chairs ol' dead Sam Walton offers to be "not quite comfortable enough" for the price. I then set my sights on an office furniture store on the north end of town that was going out of business and "taking all reasonable offers" in a vain effort to clear out their overpriced shit. After trying to ditch the salesleech that crawled onto my back as soon as I entered the joint by sitting way too long in every chair on the floor and leaning precariously far back in most of them, I found a chair I liked. I offered $110 big American dollars for a reasonably comfortable blue chair with adjustable arms. Leechboy was visibly offended by my price estimate and told me to "try tripling that." After announcing that only a 'tard would pay 300 (US) for a fabric-upholstered medium-back desk chair, I walked out. My chair options dwindling, it was decided that American Furniture Warehouse would be the place to buy...Historically, while their selection and prices are hard to beat, I've avoided going in because it was inhabited by the most predatory of sales people. Why, back in the day, you'd consider yourself lucky if you made it 12 feet without being accosted by some member of the sales staff with apparently little else to focus on but YOU. Times have changed, however, and it was like pulling teeth to get someone to take my money on our most recent visit. Finally, though, some skinny bitch stopped hiding in the bathroom long enough to let me buy the reasonably comfortable leather chair that I'm sitting in now. I didn't really think the process of buying a damn chair would be this hard, and I was hoping to not have to put the thing together myself ('cause I suck at that kind of thing) but it's done. I spent money without a job and my ass thanks me for it.

So I guess that's about it for now...I really should get to bed so I can enjoy another day home with my son tomorrow...You kids have a fine rest of the week...As always, thanks for stopping by.

Labels: indignities, lame stories, tales of triumph

Just like my sister, like my buddy Andy and like many Americans, I am an unemployed bum. I was laid off on Wednesday from the ad agency that I have been at for 9 years, 4 months. If you kids know of anyone hiring someone like me, let me know, would ya?

Labels: indignities

Hey, Merry Christmas! Look, I'd go about wishing everybody a happy whatever they celebrate but...Look, I don't have much time here. To sum up: hope you had a great time. And got what you wanted (or at least what you deserved). Today is my son Max's first Christmas EVER and, since he's currently sleeping off some of the excitement, I figured I should at least TRY and post something. So here goes.

Up until I became a parent, I was always incredulous as to why anyone would want to have their little baby sit on Santa's lap. These situations, I estimated, never ended well and simply served to tie up the jolly fat elf when he could be devoting those precious seconds to an older child who could AT THE VERY LEAST articulate what they might want under their tree (or in their stocking) come Christmas morning. Best case scenario? You get a once-in-a-lifetime photo such as the one Pat Angello was lucky to capture last Christmas. Worst case scenario? You end up with this:

See, the agency that I work for has, since 1985, celebrated Christmas for the kids of the employees in a very generous manner. There's a Santa and a present from Santa and games and activities. For obvious reasons, I've not participated in said party until this year. To tell the truth, I wasn't planning on participating this year because I figured that Max was too young to appreciate it. I acquiesced to the pressure to bring the little guy, though and was hopeful that we'd have the same results as Pat. Not so much, as you can tell.

Hey, remember when I braved sub-zero temperatures and pushy, booger-nosed chicks on Black Friday to score a washer-dryer set for next to nothing? Remember that? Yeah? Good, remind me about it come March when I've likely forgot all about it because THAT'S WHEN THE GODDAMN THINGS ARE SCHEDULED TO SHIP. That's right, kids, I chose to purchase the washer and dryer that ALL OF AMERICA (and probably half of Mexico) chose as well, which has put the factory so far behind that our big Christmas gift will end up feeling like a nice birthday gift right before Spring. Oh well, at least we still have a working washer and dryer. Not like the poor bastard behind me in line who needed one THAT DAY 'cause his washer had "taken a crap" as he so eloquently put it. He's probably still making regular trips to the laundromat. Sucker.

Hey, you know what? I've actually been asked by TWO SEPARATE PEOPLE (count 'em! Two!) to get some more podcasts online. Far be it from me to ignore the clatter of the clamoring masses, so...Yeah, We'll get to that eventually. Stay tuned.

Hey, my wife won the last poker tournament that I had. Way to go, Squee.

Holy shit, Meme! I completely ripped this thing off from Diana. It's long. It fills space. Here it comes...
Rules: Simply bold the stuff that you've done. Adding stuff is my bonus gift to you.

1.Started your own blog Duh. How else would one post this stupid thing?
2. Slept under the stars - oh...no. I mean, I've slept (fitfully) in tents in the past, but never outside with nothing above me but the stars. That's just irresponsible. You could get rained on.
3. Played in a band because playing trombone in the school band in 5th grade totally counts.
4. Visited Hawaii - the owner of the agency I work at intimated one time that I was "no kind of man" because I had never been to Hawaii. I still have yet to reclaim my manhood, based on that standard. The way things are going, it may take a while...
5. Watched a meteor shower Leonids! 1998!
6. Given more than you can afford to charity - no. Simply put: no.
7. Been to Disneyland in 1980. I've also been to Disneyworld
8. Climbed a mountain - I don't think so. I mean, not on foot, at least.
9. Held a praying mantis - nope.
10. Sang a solo karaoke and/or Freak Train totally counts.
11. Bungee jumping
12. Visited Paris Paris on the Platte, a stupid little coffee house in Denver. That's as close to Paris as I'll get in THIS lifetime.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea - this sounds very cool. I should endeavor to make this happen someday.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch cartooning.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning can't even count the number of times.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables when I was a kid, my sister and I had a little garden. I grew carrots. They tasted like dirt.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked only as a joke while cleaning up a stretch of highway as part of the Adopt-A-Highway thing in high school.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill just once, but it wasn't like "calling in well," it was something to do with Max.
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb not a live one. And not a whole one. Piece by delicious piece as I put them into my belly. God, I love lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse OF THE HEART! heh. No, of the sun. And the moon. A couple times.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run both the inside and outside the park variety.
32. Been on a cruise a wee riverboat excursion on the Mississippi while visiting St. Louis. So kind of, not really.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person and up close via the Maid of the Mist. It was awesome, in the literal sense of the word.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors - I would love to. Haven't got that far yet.
35. Seen an Amish community we visited Amish country in Pennsylvania in the summer of 2007. It was kind of quaint.
36. Taught yourself a new language I now speak LOLcat. And shut up, that totally counts.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied I'm not sure what the person who wrote this question had in mind, but just being able to do something fun if I choose to qualifies in my mind. So sure.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing sort of, in 6th grade.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke can't even count the number of times.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant - I had to think about this. I thought that I had, but come to find out, I haven't.
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight - only during the day.
46. Been transported in an ambulance - not yet.
47. Had your portrait painted - only done in marker, not paint.
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. Kissed in the rain - if I have, it wasn't terribly memorable.
53. Played in the mud I'm sure I did. I don't remember doing it, but I'm sure I did.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater as recently as the late 1990s.
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business we'll be talking more about this in the near future.
58.Taken a martial arts class
59.Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check ah, yes. I was wondering if I'd get to say "yes" again and then here comes an example of completely irresponsible behavior. In my defense, I had overdraft protection, but the bank was still all pissed off.
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy just about a week ago, even. I didn't have the heart to throw away my Popeye's Dyanamite Music machine.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial - skipped this while we were in D.C.
71. Eaten caviar first time was when I was about 8. I remember that it tasted salty.
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job just the telemarketing thing.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone mine or someone else's? Either way: yes.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle it was probably speeding, 'cause the speed limit was only 20.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person from an airplane.
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car it was a truck, actually.
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Qur’an
86. Visited the White House - SO FRICKIN' CLOSE! We were supposed to get a tour in the summer of 2007, but stuff fell through. Oh well, maybe next time.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating - you'd think that I would've done this, but somehow this experience has escaped me to this point.
88. Had chickenpox sadly, over Spring Break. GYP!
89. Saved someone’s life - not to my knowledge.
90. Sat on a jury - I haven't, but have always wanted to. I haven't even been summonsed for jury service. EVER!
91. Met someone famous more than a few times.
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one haven't we all?
94. Had a baby I didn't do the hard part, but he's mine, nonetheless
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit and I was none too pleased about it, let me tell you.
98. Owned a cell phone a few of them, actually.
99. Been stung by a bee - never. And it's not like I haven't put myself in harm's way, I used to wade into bee clouds and slap at them. How have I never been stung? Divine providence, perhaps or could just be dumb luck.
100. Read an entire book in one day NFHS wrestling rules. I had to cram!

So there you go, an entry. Hot shit. Until next time, you kids behave. And have a happy holiday season.

Labels: holidays, I'm A Consumer Whore, indignities, lame stories

Sure, this will be another post about why I never post. I guess you write about what you know and all I know is that I never seem to have enough time to sit and write. Or read. Or several other things which I may or may not have done before Max came along. don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my boy has ruined anything for me, quite the opposite, really. Having a rapidly growing little baby of my own design in the house has simply served to reorganize my priorities (which is just a nice way of saying "the baby takes up x-amount of time, outside of which there is precious little left over for anything non-baby related). Speaking of the baby, here are some recent pictures of him for you to peruse and ooh-and-aww at:


The boy is now currently pushing 8 months, but this photo was taken the day he turned 7 months. As you can see, Max simply cannot believe he is that old. This, in my opinion, is a good visual representation of what the originators of the interrobang had in mind.


Apparently overals and a red shirt can turn even the surliest of infants into little bundles of joy. This is not to say that Max is surly. Not all the time, at least and certainly not while wearing overalls (and a red shirt).


Not that I have any doubts, but this would be exhibit A if I ever had to prove paternity of the boy. Just for reference, exhibit B, C, D and, of course, E.


Here you see that, even when I'm talking to my buddy Andy about his fucked-up job situation, the boy will patiently hang with me. He's so good at sitting up on his own now...


Max has the (only slightly annoying) habit of completely ignoring whomever happens to be holding him while appearing to find everyone else in the room utterly fascinating. In fact, the rule is that if you want Max to smile at you, give him to someone else.


No, Max hasn't been rootin' around in poopy, he'd been eating (and obviously enjoying) the "garden vegetable" variety of mushed-up baby foods. Overall, Max is a real good eater. He's just kind of messy.


Well hello. How are you? I'm just killing time and chilling on the floor. Care to join me?


this is one of those "best pictures ever." I think I have three so far. All of the "best of" collection will be hung on to and then blown up and displayed proudly when he brings home his first date or something.

So there you are. Some pictures of the kid. Let me check to see if there's anything I need to follow up on and update from the last time I actually posted...

Baseball: It's Over Until Next Year For Me...
So the Cubs (the 28 and older MSBL team which I was proud to have played on this past season) finished with only the one win, an anomolous 1-run victory against the Twins early in the season. Due to some strange circumstances, the worst team in the league (us, in case you weren't paying attention earlier) made the playoffs by default. We ended up facing those same Twins in said playoff game. This time, though, the one-run victory went their way. Overall, I'm extremely pleased with the way the season went for me. I batted right around .350 for the season, was hit by just about every pitcher in the league and logged a significant amount of time playing both catcher and first base...Not at all bad for a fat guy who hadn't played real baseball since he was 13. I'm looking forward to next year...

All-Hallow's Eve Is Coming...
In fact, tonight was the night of the Farnes' big annual Halloween party which we traditionally attend. We had every intention of doing so this year, debuting Max as a little bee, but Max had other ideas. Contrary to form for the last few days, Max went down for a marathon nap right around 6:30 that ended up lasting almost 3 hours, after which he had to be changed and fed and generally wrangled. This process placed us at a point on the clock where it was no longer feasible to attend the party. Perhaps you've heard the term "point of diminishing returns?" We would've had to get everyone dressed and loaded in the car and drive for 40 minutes and would've had maybe an hour before the boy got fussy and crabby again and put to bed.

Since the actual Halloween falls on a weekday this year, each department at the agency I work at drew decades (except for accounting, who drew "the future") and are expected to dress up in a manner which reflects whichever chunk of time was drawn. While the drawing was going on, I was fortunate enough to do the honors for the art department. I instantly thought about trying to fake something which would make it look like I drew the 1950s, but was on the spot and couldn't muster up any trickery. Instead, I played it straight and, wonder of wonders, drew the 1950s anyway. I'm trying to think, though...I may be one of only 2 who will take it seriously and actually dress completely in 50s garb in my department. It's all good though, as the kids say, because I picked up some rockin' new threads from Daddy O's for the occasion, including two sweet hats from Village Hat Shop which I will be able to wear outside of Halloween. There's also going to be a potluck lunch (which I will not participate in due to my odd neuroses of people in costumes making me nauseous) and decade-specific karaoke which I really should volunteer to run. It's a little bit of extra effort, but I'm very well equipped to do a good job with it as opposed to one of the VPs who "has a machine." I guess I'll volunteer for such things on Monday.

When It's All Said and Done, it IS Just a Game...
I've mentioned before that, in my oh-so-copious spare time, I officiate high school and middle school football and wrestling. It sure does seem that the mere act of wearing a striped shirt seems to bring out the worst in people. One constant that I've figured out without much effort to this point is that the fans, in general, have a very shaky understanding of the rules AT BEST. This problem can lead to problems, the likes of which I've learned to laugh off. I've definitely heard or been called just about everything so far, usually by misguided, overly-emotional fans (almost always of the losing team...Go figure). This past Friday night, however, these "fans" at the game I was working got so worked up that the crew I was part of needed a police escort to get safely off school grounds. if nothing else, it'll make for a fun story to recount, especially to future new officials making their first trip to this particular school...

Awesomecasts...Yeah...Haven't Forgot...
I still have a couple of podcasts in the can and need to find time to produce and post them. That's all I have to say about that...And, now that I think about it, I'm pretty much done typing this wee post. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine couple of months now...

Labels: Baby max, indignities, lame stories, Phrickin' Photoblogs, sports

while typing this, a feature came on the local news which showed "Max" as the top name of 2008...FOR DOGS. FOR. MALE. DOGS. Oh well. He won't know. Right?

Yeah, I know. No podcasts, no witty observations, no tales of anything that may or may not be going on in my relatively uneventful life, just more pictures of the kid. Indeed, since this is what I've become, I give you more images of my spawn...
click-them get big


This was our Easter picture. Max liked being in a tie about as much as his dad and yeah, these outfits were on for a grand total of MAYBE 10 minutes. How did we get Max to smile? Magic. Additionally: Voodoo. Happy Easter.


See? I told you. He hates that damn suit. I couldn't pass it up when I saw it in the store, though. One time use...But hey, he looks sharp.


Yes, thank you for coming. Close the door please. This is hard for me to say, but the organization has decided to go in a different direction. Yes, I'm sorry. You are fired.


O hai. I can has breastmilk? Max is more and more aware every day, looking around and seeing what he can see. If you believe the prevailing research, what he can see at this point is likely "fuzzy" and also "not much."


every now and then the boy is calm enough that we can recline together. I should probably make the most of this time (you know, when Max fits easily in one of my meaty hamhocks) but he doesn't like being in this position much. That or he just spits up on me. God, that sucks when he does that. Hey, we don't call him "Sour Milk Boy" for nothing. That and "Shitfoot," but that's an entirely different tale for an entirely different time...

So there you go. More pictures of the kid. Certainly there are more to come as far as that goes. Additionally, I'm going to try and find some time soon to get the ol' awesomecast back on track...Maybe. Until then, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine April now...

Labels: Baby max, indignities, Phrickin' Photoblogs

So as you may or may not have already astutely guessed, having a newborn around severely limits the amount of time that one can spend on self-gratifying pursuits such as podcasting and/or updating a stupid blog (like this one, if you were trying to think of an example). Indeed, even though my wife is able to take off until August to be with the little fella', he's taking up a big chunk of time for both of us. I had high hopes that my silly little blogsitething here would never turn into a vast, unupdated wasteland or (far worse, in my opinion) a "daddy blog." Sadly, it seems that both fates may befall my creative endeavors from here on out. After all, if I'm going to try to write about what's happening in my life, it would seem that I'd be restricted to writing most about the thing which is consuming most of my available time (that is if I can find time to write anything at all). Due to this, it seems that I have no choice. For a while at least, sonofcheese.com will either be dormant or a "daddy blog" with sporadic updates about how our little Maximus Thor is doing...

Anyhow, speaking of Max, how about some new pictures? Here's one to get things started:


This, kids, is what "tired" looks like. This was taken probably late in the first or early in the 2nd day of our hospital stay. I was beat down from lack of sleep and, seriously, I remember thinking that I was smiling when this picture was taken. I guess that was all the enthusiasm I could muster...

Anyhow, so yeah. What is going on in my life right now...Well, I still go to work Monday through Friday. I get real anxious to come home 'round quittin' time now, though. This is not to say that I wasn't excited to come home and see my wife before, but coming home to see your wife and kid, it's...Well...It's just different. I'm still playing hockey once a week and soon, once Max is about a month old, he can get bundled up and come watch me suck play. Not that he'll know what's going on, but at least I won't have to leave Max and his mom at home when I go...Aside from that, I'll be playing in the MSBL for the first time this year. MSBL stands for "Men's Senior Baseball League" and has me pretty excited. I mean, softball is fun, but playing real baseball...That's going to be a blast. Games are once a week and start at the end of April...It looks like I'll be floating between Catcher and First Base mostly on my new team (which finished dead last in every season so far). So yeah, that should be fun...

Outside of that, this is what has been keeping me from posting anything at all:

The boy has the Laser Eyes, just like his dad and has been melting household items (like our hearts) with his piercing gaze.

Wow, that was cheesy. Anyway...More pictures, yeah?

I took this picture with my cellphone. I believe it to be the best picture of Max that there ever could be. It's the one I plan to blow up and have framed, hanging right inside the door when Max has his first date some years down the line...


Finally, here's Baby Max giving his dad the hairy eyeball. Actually, he probably can't even see that far yet. Well, to be fair, he can't focus that far yet. He is starting to look around a lot more and he will stop and stare at certain things which seem to be within his (very limited) focal range. Overall, he's a good boy. I guess that it won't be the worst thing in the world, writing mostly about him for a while. Heck, if he keeps peeing on his mom while she's trying to change him, I'll have all manner of things to type about in the future. Anyhow, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine...um...Stretch of days now...

Labels: Baby max, indignities, lame stories, Phrickin' Photoblogs

So yeah, I can't seem to find time to write anything, but we can get together and bang out podcasts like it's going out of style. This week we celebrate our 80th episode by making fun of Collin until he places his middle finger on maximum. You kids really should do the clicky and listen thing right about now, seriously...

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, indignities, podcasts

Hey, lookie here! Two episodes in two weeks! We haven't seen a streak like this...Um...Since at least the middle of December. Anyhow, much like last week, we've got a packed house with myself, Collin, Justin, my sister and my dad. The topic for today's show (which is an EXTRA LONG 52 minutes and change) started out as "worst jobs ever" but ended up as everyone's resume in audio format and then we kind of trailed off talking about restaurants and yeah, you do your part now by clicking to listen...

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, indignities, podcasts

Oh. Hi there. How are you? I'm...Um...Fine...I...Uh...Yeah. Welcome to my blog. Such as it is. I wish I'd have known you'd be here, I would've tidied up a bit. Or baked cookies. Or not have farted. Isn't that just how it is, really? You can sit at your desk all friggin' day, nobody wants to have anything to do with you, everyone leaves you alone and goes about your business until you emit a relatively silent but still malodorous cloud of gas and suddenly, everyone in the Goddamn building needs to speak with you. It's like these people have some twisted poot radar...A beacon that flashes whenever someone in the building is encased in a swirling cloud of methane. Like moths to the flame, one by one, everyone will parade by, inhaling your vile fumes but not saying anything because they're nothing if not polite. You know they know, though. How could they NOT know? IT STINKS OVER HERE. For Christ's sake, DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR ME.

Anyway...

Here's a look at my new vehicle - it's a 2008 Saturn VUE AWD...
cleeck on eet, eet weel geet BEEEG

yes it's in my garage in this shot, yes it's like...A dull teal (Sea Mist Green, Saturn calls it), yes it's next to an '05 VUE (the wife's) and yes, it is much sleeker. I like it, it's the nicest vehicle I've ever owned to this point in my life. I mentioned that fact to Collin earlier today and followed it up with "I can only do better from here," meaning that the new vehicle might spoil me and, if I were to get another one somewhere down the line, I wouldn't want to step backward. Collin thought for a second or two and said "no, you'll only be able to do worse from here. This is the pinnacle, you can't possibly do any better."

I think it's his positive outlook I like most about him...

Hey, as if this post couldn't get any more random, how about a short excerpt from a bit of a failed chat prank? Huh? You KNOW you love the chat pranks. You know you do, you love them like the fat kid loves cake and like Popeye loved Olive Oyl - gingerly and always with protection...

---
Loserguy2008 (11:40:15 PM): hi
DarkBookGrrl (11:40:20 PM): hi
Loserguy2008 (11:40:47 PM): need a money slave
in hindsight, it isn't immediately obvious whether that was a question or demand. At the time, it seemed simple - did I need one...
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:06 PM): nope, all full up on those.
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:22 PM): had to donate a couple to Goodwill last week as a matter of fact.
The attended donation center was closed, but I dropped 'em off anyway. I know, I know, it says not to, but when you gots to dump, you gots to dump
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:28 PM): up to my ears, even.
Loserguy2008 (11:41:52 PM): will u use me for money?
ok, confused a bit now...
DarkBookGrrl (11:42:32 PM): what, like I pay you and then use you or you give me monies and I...um...use you?
Loserguy2008 (11:42:55 PM): no---i send you money wkly
I suddenly feel so Nigerian. No WONDER they send out those scam spams! It feels GREAT when someone wants to hand over their cash via the internets!
DarkBookGrrl (11:43:19 PM): and I do what to deserve such a windfall?
Loserguy2008 (11:43:54 PM): im very submissive--love being used
"used" to me usually means when I help people move and they don't buy pizza. "I feel so USED" I shout to myself as I drive home, sans pizza or dignity...
DarkBookGrrl (11:44:19 PM): used like what? like a toilet? please to explain.
Loserguy2008 (11:44:58 PM): used as your toilet and for money
He won't let that money thing go. Ok, fine. I'll bite...
DarkBookGrrl (11:45:34 PM): real american folding monies? how much we talkin' here?
Loserguy2008 (11:46:20 PM): you will tell me each wk what to send
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:06 PM): walkin' around money, that's what I need. Money for booze and hookers!
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:22 PM): also: crack cocaine. This is because I'm a big, fat, pimply crack whore.
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:57 PM): which, of course, would be a contradiction in terms. Crack whores, while they might be 'pimply,' would have to work pretty damned hard to stay "fat."
Loserguy2008 (11:48:14 PM): pic
That was cavemanesque if it was anything. I suddenly picture cromagnon man, beating his monitor with a club screaming OG WANT PIC! SELF SHOT! NO FAKES!
DarkBookGrrl (11:48:31 PM): where? did you send me one?
Of course, he's done with me 'cause I'm a pimply crackwhore. I feel so used.
DarkBookGrrl (11:54:04 PM): was it the "crack whore" or the "fat" comment that stymied you?
Alas, we'll never know, now...
---

So the other day my wife and I were hanging out with my mom and dad and I asked what exactly Jesus' middle name was. I received a couple of funny looks and so I explained: "I hear this 'Jesus H. Christ' stuff all the time, WHAT DOES THE 'H' STAND FOR?" My wife was the big winner, ultimately. Her suggestion? "Jesus Hollaback Christ...

So on Thursday after work I had some time to kill while the wife was at her prenatal water aerobics class and I had a gift card to Best Buy burning a small hole in my pocket. Just so you know, the Best Buy locations here aren't located even remotely near where I live, which is why the aforementioned gift card was the lingerer from our (heaping) Christmas bounty, it's fallen bretheren long spent at more conveniently located stores in other, better parts of town. Anyhow, as you can guess, I sucked it up and drove out to one of these places and, while at that large, gleaming and confusingly laid out monument to entertainment (and appliances) on the east side of town, I found a DVD set which I simply could not live without. Now, I'm not one who sees DVDs and simply HAS to have them, but...Well...This time I guess I was. What I found was the Addam's Family - the complete series, mind you - on DVD. Now, You cats and kittens can keep the Munsters and shit...For my money, that Addam's Family is one of the best shows to ever be shown on television. simply put, I LOVE the show. So, duh, I bought the set. On Friday, when I got into work, I told Collin about it and he showed me that the same set was available for exactly half the price I paid at Best Buy at Amazon.com. So yeah, I ordered one from Amazon and made ANOTHER trip out to Best Buy to return the one I bought there. Thank God I hadn't torn straight into it and watched them all on Thursday...

Well, kids, that's about all the random rambling I has for you at this point. Please to stop by again when it's convenient and I'll do my best to fill a few minutes with a handful of words. Until then, you all have a fine weekend...

Labels: chat pranks, I'm A Consumer Whore, indignities, lame stories, Phrickin' Photoblogs, watchin' teevees

Indeed, we (and by 'we,' I totally mean 'I' as in the 'Royal We' because hey, always look out for numero uno) made it through the Christmas holiday with no occurrences of bankruptcy, homicide, pre-term labor, mass flatulence or any sort of visit by first responders of any kind. I shall perhaps reveal as many facts about our holiday as I feel comfortable with right about now...Or now...

Ok, how about now...

United Airlines Can Suck Large Donkey Nutsack...No, Really, They Can...
So we had a small handful of house guests during the last week and all of them flew in on United Airlines. My mother-in-law made it in fine (she was flying into Denver) but, as per usual, my sister-in-law and her husband Al got the shaft. The weather was cold/snowy/windy on Friday the 21st and, as such, flights were having trouble reaching Colorado Springs due to delays in other larger and presumably more important cities. Shannon and Al ended up sitting at DIA for a long stretch of time waiting for what turned out to be the only flight which landed at our airport all night. Al has a big problem with being cold and with the temperature an unseasonably chilly 10° with a wind chill of like...Negative a billion...Suffice to say he was less than pleased. Anyhow, we'll cover that more later since THIS blurb is about what a pack of dickheads United collectively is. Anyhow, the day that Shannon and Al flew OUT of town just happened to be Christmas day. When we got to the Springs Airport, they were informed that the flight that was to ferry them up to Denver was "delayed." Delayed to the point that, by the time it got to Denver, their original flight home to Las Vegas would have already departed. As such, we piled into the wife's VUE and I set to the task of driving Shannon and Al up to Denver in an attempt to catch the connector which had suddenly become NOT so much a connector but whatever. Anyhow, long story short, the weather was shitty and the other drivers were panicky retards (collectively) and it took us two hours to get there but, hey, Shannon and Al made it through security in time to board their plane...Which sat on the runway for FOUR FUCKING HOURS waiting to be de-iced. So yeah, as it turned out, United pretty much shut down all of their flights out of "smaller" airports (like Colorado Springs) and even cancelled several flights in major airports. The reason? It was Christmas and United decided to "give some of their people time off" at the expense of large numbers of their customers. So yeah, Fuck United. They are dead to me...

By the way, Shannon and Al DID eventually get home. At like...11:30pm...See, United had crammed all 5 of their flights onto one baggage carousel at McCarran in Veags. Anyhow, at this point it's just beating a dead horse. United licks balls.

So Yeah, Al Hates The Cold...
Welcome to Colorado Springs, home of 250 days of sunshine! Indeed, that's usually the case as it pertains to the weather in town here. We are, though, in an unseasonably cold weather cycle and, as I mentioned before, when Shannon and Al got to town, it was positively miserable - Bitter cold and snow with fierce winds. Lucky for Al, though, he had picked up quite the heavy hunting coat and gloves and things during a recent trip to see his dad in Arkansas. A handy ensemble, to be sure, since it rarely left his person the whole time he was here. In addition, Al continued to utter small phrases like "brrrr" and "I'm never coming back here." Wuss.

The Eagle Has Landed...IN MY BELLY!..
And by "eagle," I mean Turducken of course. Now, if it weren't all illegal and shit I'd definitely cook up and eat the proud avian symbol of our great nation because, hey, meat is meat. Lucky for me that wacky ol' Benjamin Franklin didn't get his way so many years ago since the "Tur" part of "Turducken" is obviously Turkey. And lord knows that his second and third choices would've been duck and chicken. Anyhow, the eagle is our national bird and turkey ducks and chickens regularly make their way into my belly. This time, though, the trio made it in at the same time. I have to say, the Turducken was a taste treat, one which I'll definitely consider ordering again the next time I need to feed several people with wonderfully cajun bird conglomerations...

What'd You Get Yourself For Christmas?..
A couple of days ago, I went down to one of our local Saturn dealerships not so much to pick up a new vehicle, but to take a look at the new vehicle which my dad had just purchased. Or leased. Either way, dad had turned in his old VUE for a new VUE and, while he was finishing up the paperwork, I took it for a test drive. Now, I had planned to get a vehicle other than the small truck that I've had for 8 years before Max is born since he can't really ride in the front seat until he's older but I didn't plan on doing such things this soon. Maybe sometime in late February, but certainly not this last weekend. Sometimes, though, you just have to be ready for plans to change...See, because of some fine incentives and, of course, the fact that I'm eligible the GM Supplier price due to some job-related factors, I went ahead and leased me a 2008 Saturn VUE with a V6 engine and All-Wheel-Drive. It's "Sea Mist Green" and has several nice features like OnStar free for a year and 90 days of XM radio service(which I'm slowly falling in love with, mostly due to the "decades" category). I kept my little truck as opposed to trading it in since having it around to haul things seemed like the thing to do. Hell, it's paid off...So why not, right? Oh, by the way, I sent off my application for a personalized license plate today. If all goes well, I'll soon be the owner of one Colorado license tag which reads "I. R. SLO." Yeah, I thought it was funny too...I'll take pictures of everything soon...

No Awesomecasts In The Last Couple of Weeks. Anyone Notice?..
Things just haven't worked out for Collin and I to get synced up enough to record anything, let alone a podcast episode, over the course of the last two weeks. Indeed, on the top of the factor list was the whole "hosting Christmas dinner and having houseguests" thing. I'm hoping to get a good group together soon so we can chatter like crazy squirrels about whatever comes to mind...You kids stay tuned...

Hey, Happy New Year!..
So yeah, at the time I'm typing this up, I'm 20 short minutes away from 2008 in the mountain time zone. No big party action this year for the wife and I...We hung out with my parents for a while, watched the Avalanche lose to the Goddamned Coyotes in a shootout and played some euchre. we recently got home and I sampled some of the Pappy Van Winkle's 15 year old family reserve whiskey which I picked up today and now, hey, I'm typing an entry. Yeah, terrifyingly exciting, that's me...Hopefully you kids out there had a safe New Year's Eve...Also, here's to a great 2008. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a great day off...

Labels: Baby max, holidays, I eat food, indignities, lame stories

So hey, kids, how are you all anyway? Indeed, it's been a whole Goddamn long time since I posted anything of substance other than Awesomecasts on this stupid little blogsitething and, if you do a wee bit of research, you'll find that's just about how every one of my non-podcast posts have started for like...The last year. Or so. Yeah. I'm quite lame. No shock there. We've covered it. Let's move on.

Likely No Awesomecast This Week...
What with all manner of things to do leading up to the Christmas holiday, I'm just going to have to pass on recording a new episode this week. After all, as Collin said earlier today when we were talking about whether or not to record tonight, "it's your show," which is not entirely accurate but whatever. Anyway, I'm going to get around to making sense eventually, but for now, well. yeah. So no show this week, the towel is safe for another week at least and I can't verbally offend anyone by slighting their religion, sports team or other icon which they seem to hold dear. I'll get back to all that craps later on...

And Speaking of Christmas (Because We So Were)...
We're hosting Christmas this year at our house for the first time. We hosted Thanksgiving a couple of years ago and, if memory serves, it was a pretty packed house. We've got a lot of things to get done before people arrive (specifically, my mother-in-law is coming in from Florida and Shannon and Al are flying in from Las vegas) up to and including finishing decorations around the house, cleaning up various rooms and completing daunting tasks such as laundry which I've been inexplicably putting off for a week or two. I also have to go shopping specifically for the groceries to finish the holiday menu as well as for a handful of ancillary gifts. People are driving like complete retards around here and every store is packed to capacity (something that I'm sure is not exclusive to my part of the country) which is making these normally routine tasks seem arduous and draining. I can't even think of any way to make fun of it, it just plain sucks at times...

The Bird Is In The Air...
...and lands tomorrow. Or today, depending upon when you're reading this post. Anyhow, the bird (or birds, actually) I speak of just happens to be the legendary turducken, an unholy marriage of chicken, duck and turkey, smaller bird crammed into the cavity of the other and stuffed with wonderful creole-style stuffing. I learned of the magical turducken some years ago and vowed that someday I'd make one of the damn things appear at a holiday meal. This year, since I had already made mention of the triple threat to some key attendees, I checked into all of the available turducken avenues (up to and including deboning and assembling the birds myself) and finally settled on purchasing the thing from CajunGrocer.com, likely the place which knows more about them than anywhere else. As I mentioned earlier, the bird in it's protctive cryopack should arrive on Wednesday to the collective delight of myself and most of the people who will be joining us for Christmas Eve dinner. Collin mentioned to his giant son that we're having turducken and he proclaimed it to be an "atrocity." My response: more for me.

I'm Thinking About Cramming More Animals Inside Animals...
To supplement the turducken, I'm thinking about procuring a cornish game hen, quail and whole rabbit from a local meat market and constructing a RabUailEn. I'm salivating just thinking about it. Mmmmmm....

Ever Tried To Break In New Goalie Pads?..
Not likely, but it's possible. I recently purchased myself a new pair of Simmons 993 SuperFlex leg pads to replace my 8-year old pair of Boddam Air Elites. When I picked up the Elites, they were top-of-the-line butterfly-style pads. "A Goalie's Dream" the manufacturer said. I arbitrarily assigned them a 5-year life span when I first got them and, after several stitch and repair jobs and a handful of replaced straps, I was able to squeeze 8 good years out of them. My new pads came from the same manufacturer, but man, I never could've guessed how different they'd be. Many of the new features are great as far as safety go but they make skating quite a challenge, especially during the first few uses. Despite the awkwardness and goofiness, I've been able to eek out a couple of wins while wearing them, which has a shitload more to do with the fact that the team I play on is quite good than my playing well. I am getting more and more comfortable in the stinkin' things each time out which is important considering that I spent around $800 US on them and, at that price, I'm thinking that they'll likely be the last pair I buy...

And Finally, Have A Happy Holiday Season!..
Indeed, especially since I've been quite the poor blogger over this past year, I want to thank everybody who comes around on even a semi-regular basis. Granted, I'm getting a lot of search hits from God-knows-where looking for some of the strangest and stupidest things (hey, use enough words paired with enough curse words, people can find you by searching for just about any damn thing) and those are cool too, but it's the small handful of regular readers (you know who you are) that I appreciate. Indeed, I hope you have yourself a fine holiday, regardless of what you're celebrating this time of year. Here's hoping 2008 brings big fun and loads of "whatnot" to you all...

Labels: holidays, indignities, lame stories, misguided rantings

So hey, kids, how are you all anyway? I'm fine, if not just a little busy. Indeed, it's been a rough week or so to find what we commonly call "the free time," what with Freak Train being on Monday and my truck crapping out and not wanting to start and then having to have my wife come pick me up and her getting into a traffic accident right outside the place I work.

Don't worry, it was minor, thank God...

But yeah, there's no 'cast this week. Shocker, I know. I will do my best to get the videos from Monday's Freak Train (Justin did another Mario Monologue and I did some standup from the top of my headmeats) up by Friday. Surely that'll keep you kids (who aren't merely getting here via Google image searches for "fart") coming back for more. Or not, hey, who knows.

I will let you all in on a wee project I started earlier today, though, by actually RESPONDING to one of them there spam emails which appear in all of our inboxes. I'll let you know how the back-and-forth with this numbnuts goes. Unless, of course, there turns out to be no back-and-forth, or there is and it's uneventful and lame, in which case I WON'T let you know. Either way, you'll figure it out.

So hey, as always and even though it was just to read this pathetic little electronic missive, I thank you kids for stopping by...You all have a fine Thursday now...

Labels: indignities, lame stories

Wow. So. Yeah. Ever have one of those "shit just didn't go quite right" instances? Of course you have, you're human. Anyhow, as you've likely guessed by now, since you're such an astute sumbitch, I've had one of those aforementioned instances recently. SO recently, in fact, that there's really no awesomecast this week. Indeed, Audacity, that up-'til-now stalwart-yet-cheap as free recording software decided to crap out on me at about the 22-minute mark as Collin and I were recording. As such, I have only this extremely short excuse for a podcast to offer (until next week, of course).

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, indignities, podcasts

Hey there, kids. I'm not sure how many of you still come around here, but I figure that I'll still slap up a post every no and then. Indeed, they have been less and less frequent, pretty much dwindling down to the Wednesday awesomecasts and nothing more. Really, it's been because of a number of factors. I've been busy, I've been tired, I've had no motivation to sit and write, I've had nothing that I feel warrants writing about...You know, the usual. Indeed, though, there HAVE been things to write about, things that I surely could've turned into some manner of post, but I've let them drift away like so many old folks on ice floes. Who did that, the vikings? Anyhow, yeah...I just haven't felt awful creative lately (and yes, by "lately" I mean "the last few months"). This is especially bad news for me at work because having that feeling seriously hinders my ability to do...well...stuff...And speaking of work, even though it's not a good idea to do so on a blog, I was promoted a couple of months ago to "Art Department Production Manager." Indeed, it's wonderful to be promoted, it's always nice for someone to say "you're doing a good job" and all of that and seriously, it's more work but it's valid work, keeping track of the schedule and things. Work that needs to be done and I feel I'm doing a fine job of completing it. The only problem, if there is one, is that it doesn't leave me as much time in the day to be creative. There are times when I feel a bit inundated what with the keeping up with schedules and times and, of course, doing a fair portion of the scheduled work. So if there's an excuse waiting in the wings, I've just turned the spotlight on it. Oh, sure, work isn't the only thing that's kept me busy...There was football season which is only recently over...Wrestling season has already started...There's golf on the weekends (and Lord knows that i must get in as much of that as I can before the weather turns nasty). There's hockey once a week...Um...Let me think, what else can I blame my non-writing rut on? Perhaps the ghost of Abraham Lincoln? Sure, he was here last night rooting through my kitchen cupboards, making quite the racket and depriving me of the sleeps...

Sure...Sure he was...

Along with the Mothman...right...

So anyhow, even though it was done in quite the last-minute fashion, I felt that last week's awesomecast (the big Halloween Spookycast) didn't turn out half bad. for those of you who haven't listened to it yet, I should implore you to do so. My favorite part of the whole thing was the prank call to KNYE radio in Pahrump, Nevada. The reason I did that is because KNYE is the radio station which Art Bell, noted paranormal enthusiast and former host of Coast to Coast AM, owns. Hell, he runs it out of his house there in Pahrump. Anyhow, some weeks before Halloween, I had emailed and asked if he would grant an interview for the ol' spookycast and he never responded. As such, in the grand Halloween trick-or-treat tradition, since I couldn't egg his house (is way too far to walk), I prank-called his wife, essentially...Got my "interview" that way. Ha. Ha ha. Anyhow, it's short, but it's in the 'cast and worth listening to in my opinion...

Ooh, I forgot to mention (until now, of course) that I'm currently driving a stinky rental car while my wife drives my truck around. See, the wife's vehicle (a 2005 Saturn VUE) recently had a problem with the clutch cylinder (or whatever) and had to be serviced. After service, though, the damn thing was still leaking fluid so we took it back to the dealership and they gave me a Chevy Cobalt with a mystery stain on the passenger seat and an overwhelming aroma of cigarette odor to drive around. Yippee.

Why is the wife driving the truck, you ask? Simple: it has a locking gas cap. She don't work in the best neighborhood, you see.

"...Here's one big bastard of a check, give me some of your Christing money!"
I like that, though I can't recall what movie it's from...Help me out, would ya?

Anyhow, here's hoping that I can recapture at least some of the ol' creativity that I somehow believe that I once had and turn this desolate wasteland here into something at least worth granting a passing glance toward. Hey, maybe things will pick up with tomorrow's awesomecast installment which, of course, has yet to be recorded...um...and...damn. So yeah, hey kids! Thanks as always for stopping by! You all have yourselves a fine (and creative) Tuesday now!

Labels: indignities, lame stories, office supply aggression

Hey, kids! Look! It's awesomecast day! As such, I have yet another episode of the ol' podcast to share with you...Much like last week, Justin Carmical, his wife Jennifer and my sister Heather join Collin and myself in studio. The topic this week? Being poor. Destitute. Without funds. I'm sure many of you can relate to such a topic (and there's a special treat right around the 16 minute mark) sooooo clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, indignities, podcasts

Holy pee-waddin', it's Wednesday all over again! Of course, due to the fact that I stayed up late last night and edited the stupid thing after I got home from playing hockey, I'm about to unveil another episode of the big awesomecast. This week, Collin grudgingly gives up details of his recent short vacation and then...Well...Then we just argue over the virtues of rare steaks vs. well-done...And stuff. Look, I know it sounds less than stimulating, but you're here and everything so...Why not clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, indignities, podcasts

Hey, kids! Welcome to that glorious day before the weekend known as Friday...It's certainly my great pleasure to welcome you all to this, the first Friday following the Summer Solstice, and also my great pleasure to offer you all a wee photoblog for your collective viewing pleasure. I'm sure that, given the fact that you're here (of all places), you must be quite ready for shit to start happening. Because of that fact, I shall dally with the typings no longer...ON WITH THE PICTURES!..
Click on 'em! Seriously, go ahead! They like it!


Before we get into the real subject of today's photo display post, here is the group shot of the team which I went to Phoenix with at the end of last month. Yes, this is the Colorado Springs Posse...Yes, that's me in the middle in the goalie gear and yes, we had just lost to a team which we should've beaten and yes, we officially took third place. I'm faking the enthusiasm, in real life I was pissed...


But enough of that crap, here's a wonderfully dim picture of the black-and-white HP printer which resides in the Art Department where I work. Observe the shallow tray to the right there...Hell, let's go in for a closer look, shall we?..


Here's a better look at the printer there and the tray and...Hey, is that a BUG in the tray? What the Hell?..


Well shit! It IS a bug! But what KIND of bug, you ask?..


IT'S THE NORTH AMERICAN LINT BEETLE, FOOL! Indeed, it seems that this hapless creature was able to gain entry into the tray at some point. The rounded edges of the tray's innards, however, caused the little fucker no end of trouble as it found itself trapped, unable to escape the tray's cruel confinement. To add insult to injury, a sizable lint ball adhered to the beetle's hind leg. There's really only one thought that goes through my mind when I see something like this..."It could be worse. I could be in THAT situation."

So that's that...Remember to stop back by later in the day, I'l update this post with video of the lint beetle (which we named "Pete Best") in all of it's lint-dragging glory. As always, though, thanks for stopping by...Have a fine weekend, kids...

**UPDATE** It's video time!..

Labels: bugs n' shit, indignities, Phrickin' Photoblogs

Hey, look! No, not over THERE, right HERE! Yes! It's Thursday all of a sudden! I know, I know, I haven't participated in an Illustration Friday topic in a good long time and, to be frank, I didn't have any intention of participating this week either. The reason being is that I was quite busy with an illustration project for work (you know, the place that lets me hang around and then pays me so I don't lose my house). I spent perhaps 7 hours on the project and had the deadline moved up significantly while in the middle of it and then, to add insult to injury, the final project was rejected. Ironic that the Illustration Friday theme word this week would be just that, "rejected," eh? Anyhow, even though it was not well received here, perhaps it can bring you kids a small amount of joy...
click it! It gets HUGE!

This was a birthday card for one of our clients. It was rejected because, and I quote, "it doesn't look exactly like him." No shit, Sherlock, it's a caricature. Anyhow, there you go...We all have to be rejected now and then. As always, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine Thursday now...

Labels: Illustrations, indignities, Phun With Photoshop