Holy DOGSHIT...There were times when I thought this dumb little podcast would never even come close to 100 episodes...We have, however made it to that magical round number that everyone seems to celebrate. In honor of this achievement, I've put together a tiny retrospective that highlights some of the funnier and/or prouder moments from the show...Certainly not a comprehensive tribute to our mediocre effort, but it's something to listen to nonetheless. SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Click that purple banner and GETS TO LISTENIN'!

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, dad's stories, lame stories, podcasts, tales of triumph

So hey, here's somethin'...A podcast episode that's roughly 2 month old AND out of sequence. Ok, the first part will be totally noticeable, especially since I mention a date in the first couple of minutes...The whole "out of sequence" thing, though, not noticeable at all. Especially since I may never post the pile of crap that's in-sequence. Anyway, ignoring all of that and ignoring especially my tardiness (emphasis on "tard") with this, here it comes - clicky to listen...

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, get outta town, podcasts

So yeah, I can't seem to find time to write anything, but we can get together and bang out podcasts like it's going out of style. This week we celebrate our 80th episode by making fun of Collin until he places his middle finger on maximum. You kids really should do the clicky and listen thing right about now, seriously...

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, indignities, podcasts

Holy pee-waddin', it's Wednesday all over again! Of course, due to the fact that I stayed up late last night and edited the stupid thing after I got home from playing hockey, I'm about to unveil another episode of the big awesomecast. This week, Collin grudgingly gives up details of his recent short vacation and then...Well...Then we just argue over the virtues of rare steaks vs. well-done...And stuff. Look, I know it sounds less than stimulating, but you're here and everything so...Why not clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, indignities, podcasts

Hey, holy crap, it's Tuesday already...it's amazing how time can get away from you when you have no structure to your day...Indeed, I have this week off from work (since the wife has it off as well...Spring Break, you see) and it's really altering my sense of time (and responsibility). I'm hoping that I can remember to return to work when the time that I am required to do so rolls around. Hell, I was really quite lucky to have remembered to make it up to Freak Train at the Bug Theater in denver last night...

And SPEAKING of Freak Train...

Last night was quite the milestone as everyone's old buddy Collin was able to overcome palpable stage fright (and substandard Italian food) and actually PERFORM! Live on the stage! I know, I know, you kids are probably all like "no way, fool, we don't believe this! That Collin fella' would NEVER perform!" To that I say "Watch this, bitches:"
headphones...That's all I'm sayin'...


Wasn't that awesome!? I'm so proud of Collin...Way to go...

Of course I performed last night as did Pat, but since I usually reserve the video of my own performance for display on Friday, I'll just finish this entry up with the (slightly disturbing) footage of Pat's performace...



So there's that...As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine Tuesday now...

Labels: Bad Stand-Up Comedy, collin crap, Freak Train, vaunted videoblogs

Hey there, thanks for stopping by...Say, do you happen to have approximately 8 minutes and 49 seconds to spare? Well, if you do, you should stay and watch today's video...It just so happens to be highlights from a rousing game of Curses filmed a little over a month ago. While said video may be a bit long, it does feature some rather unpredictable (and even funny) moments which you may just find to be worth the time. Speaking of which, here it is:
you know, if you really want to understand what's happenin', headphones would be in order.

As always, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a great weekend now...

Labels: all those funny voices, collin crap, indignities, stuff mom's done, vaunted videoblogs

Woo hoo, it's Wednesday! Of course, this development means many things but to me, it means that I've got another episode of the Son of Cheese Half Hour Power Hour to share with you all. In this week's episode, Collin and I blather on about some of the things which I covered in yesterday's entry, but also a few things I didn't, including where the merchandise for the LOSING superbowl teams gets off to and also a couple of nutcases that bit off each other's ring fingers 'cause 'dey was in love. Don't believe me? Just click it and listen...

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, podcasts, sports

So hey, with it being "Tuesday" all of a sudden, I got to thinkin' that I couldn't let the video of Wii Sports getting the best of my parents stay up for much longer. As such, I figure I'll quickly throw together some sentences and try and pass them off as a "blog post." Ready for the half-assin'? Rockin'. Here we go...

Nobody Likes To Be Called Stupid, Mr. Knight...
So I mentioned on last week's awesomecast episode that I joined the mob of "reviewers" (70-plus other "bloggers") across the way there at Bloglaughs . To be a reviewer at the site required no more qualifications than being able to send an email to the individual who runs it and once I had done that, I was suddenly "in." Sadly, the first blog which I had the opportunity to gang up on thoughtfully review was an "award-winning" blog that...well...Look, it was just horrible. I'm sure it appeals to someone (or many thousands of someones, to be exact) but it just didn't appeal to me...As such, even though I was as kind as I could be in my scoring and comments, my review turned out to be quite unkind. Now don't go getting the wrong idea, the review was not mine to do solo. Because of that, I figured that, just maybe, I could be alone in my abject repulsion for the blog in question (which I will not mention because I don't have time to be battling with the site's half-wit fans, I'm a busy man you see). When the review was unveiled on Monday, though, it was clear that the majority of the other reviewers (whom I do not know) felt mostly the same: the blog received one of the lowest scores of any of the sites reviewed by Bloglaughs so far. As soon as the review went up, the owner of the blog which was lampooned posted a link on her site so that her sheepy sheep minions could visit and call all of the reviewers "jealous fatties who hate pretty girls" in the comments. Now, we all know that I'm a fat motherfucker, I can't argue with that, but I'm not exactly sure where the jealous part comes in. That's neither here nor there, really...I can only imagine that if the review had come out as one of the "positive" variety, this chick would have likely either ignored it altogether or sent her minions to praise our collective and anonymous "coolness." Either way, it was a great way to start off with the Bloglaughs folks...I hope to God that future reviews won't be as painful to read as my first one...

Remember When I Said "I Don't Want Your Stupid Job Anyway?" Yeah, I Didn't Mean It...
Also last week, I mentioned that I had submitted a mock review for a contest which is designed to find the next food critic at our local paper. At press time (I love saying that), I guess I'm still in the running for said job, along with 24 or 25 other individuals. In phase one of the competition (the paper wanted to turn the process into a "reality show style competition"), all of the original submitters (about 50) were invited to an Italian restaurant not far from where Collin (and my parents, for that matter) live at 4pm this past Friday. As I've already revealed, about half of the original number of submitters showed (including myself). Upon arrival, we were all given a pair of those insipid Groucho glasses and instructed to "sit anywhere." At the appointed time, those of us that made it were given various foods to eat (including pizza) and instructed to write a short (75 words or less) synopsis of the restaurant. Even though it was a tall order for Captain Verbosity (that's me, by the way) to keep anything under 75 words, I done did it and even submitted my synopsis before the deadline. For now, I wait...I'll keep you kids posted as to how that all goes...At the very least, being involved in the process will allow me to compile some fun stories for later inclusion on this humble little blog-thing...

Yarr!..Do Ye Already Have A Life Insurance Policy, Matey?..
Hopefully you all had a chance to watch at least a little bit of the video of my parents playing that new-fangled Wii. This past Friday, after I was done with the eating of the foods and wearing of gag glasses, there was a "game night" held at my parents' place which my wife and I were happy to be part of. Luckily, we brought our video camera and set it up to record the hijinks which ensued during a spirited round of Curses, a 2002 Mensa Select game, which my mom recently picked up at some store in the mall. The game has you perform various tasks which sound simple enough (such as pretend to sell an insurance policy to the person sitting next to you) but the "curses" that befall you throughout the game are where the actual frivolity comes in. As an example, you may have to constantly speak in your best Irish accent or, if you were unlucky like me, bite the end of your tongue every time you speak (go ahead, try it, see how it feels and how you sound). Or slap yourself every time you draw a card. Or bow anytime someone claps. Regardless, it's a great game if you've got the right assemblage of bodies and, hopefully, it will have given me enough footage to pare down and post on some random Friday in the near future...

And Speaking of Collin...
...because we were, the little bastard "tagged" me for one of those "tell the world weird stuff about you" posts. Now, we all know of my near-legendary propensity to ignore "tags" (I know, I'm no fun at all) and I've already done a similar post so I'm not thinking I need to repeat it but...Well...We'll see...Don't forget, kids, tomorrow is awesomecast day so get them MP3 players primed and ready for another half-assed imitation of a radio show...As always, thanks for stopping by, you all have a fine Tuesday now...

Labels: collin crap, I eat food, lame stories

Holy pee, it's Wednesday all over again! Of course, this means that I'm about to reveal to you kids the next episode of the Son of Cheese Half Hour Power Hour...This week, Collin and I discuss the 10 most dangerous toys of all time as selected by Radar Magazine. Ever own any toys? Ever get hurt by them? This is the show for you. Clicky and listen!

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, podcasts

Wow, it's Wednesday again and once again time for me to post another episode of the Son of Cheese Half Hour Power Hour. This week, myself, Andy Kelly, Collin, Andy Kelly, my sister, my dad and Justin Carmical discuss the worst vacations that we've ever individually taken. Also Andy Kelly is with us via the phone. Did I mention Andy? Anyhow, enough blather from me...Why not clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, get outta town, podcasts

Ah, yes...Wednesday again and time also for another episode of the Son of Cheese Half Hour Power Hour to be unleashed upon a thoroughly suspecting sample of the public. This week, we're talkin' about the best vacations EVER! Well, we're at least talkin' about the best vacations that we've been on...The "we" in this case is myself, Collin, my sister, my dad and Justin Carmical. I know that you're probably just DYING for a vacation right about now, so why not live vicariously through OUR life experiences and clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, get outta town, podcasts

As is usually the case, following even a moderately tolerable Tuesday, we find ourselves at Wednesday. Of course, this also means that I'm about to bestow another Son of Cheese Half Hour Power Hour Awesomecast on you fine folks. As per usual, Collin joins me for this week's show as does my sister and my wife as we interview our friend Kathy who (along with her gigantor of a husband Chad) recently moved to the Washington D.C. area. We cover such topics as what it's like to move cross country, commutin in our nation's Capital and Kathy even hits us with our first "Sushi report." Of course, you could've discerned all of this for yourselves if you had simply clicked to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, get outta town, podcasts

Holy Hell it's Wednesday! Of course, that means that it's time for yet another episode of the ol' awesomecast! Of course, this week's episode isn't just any old episode...Oh no...This week, we have a guest who, even though he didn't know it, had a big influence (albeit from afar) on me when I was still working as a radio DJ. His name is M. Dung and, at one time, he was a big time rock n' roll DJ in places like San Francisco and Detroit and host of "The Sunday Night Idiot Show." Since you're wondering (oh, you were), Collin makes his regular appearance in this week's show and sitting in are my sister Heather and Johnny Huston whom the more loyal of listeners (er...downloaders) will recognize from episodes 7 and 8 of the big podcast...Anyhow, that's enough blather from me, go ahead! Click to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, celebrity interviews, collin crap, podcasts, radio stories

Hey, it's Wednesday and once again time for the Son of Cheese Half Hour Power Hour Awesomecast. This week we've got a packed house (which includes myself, Collin, my sister, my dad, Justin Carmical and his wife Jennifer) and we're talkin' about video games. Seriously, you've played a video game or two in your life, right? Of course you have...Clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, geekery, podcasts

And so, while the sleeping giant that is the phrickin' photoblog continues to lie dormant, I shall thrill you kids with quite possibly the lamest of the Friday posts...That's right, I'm going to acknowledge a "tag" from another blogsitething...See, Mark Maynard (whom I've never really read) "tagged" our old buddy Collin (even though he linked him incorrectly when he did it) on this and, ever the dilligent little monkey, Collin tagged me. As you well know, I usually dismiss such "tags" with a disdainful wave of my (mighty) hand but...Well...Since I have nothing else for you today...Let's get this over with...
*ahem*
Derek Knight Presents: Five Things You Likely Do Not Know About Me

1. I love the smell of gasoline.
Now, don't start shouting to your significant other (or your 17 cats) "hey, that cheese boy is a gas huffer!" I am decidedly NOT a gas huffer, I simply find the smell of gasoline to be enjoyable if not (dare I say) comforting. It's hard to explain, really, I guess that my earliest recollection of enjoying the smell of gasoline was when I was maybe 3 or 4, sitting in the backseat of the family's 1969 Dodge Coronet while my mom filled up (likely at the Skelly station on Main street which is now...What is it, a Walgreens?). I think I even mentioned that I liked the smell that was emanating from the pump to my mom who, with a horrified look on her face, instructed me never to smell gas again...That clinched it, of course...The sultry smell of 85 octane was the forbidden fruit of my youth...

2. I worked at a strip joint.
But I was young and I needed the money. Seriously, when I was 19 (maybe 20) and working at a local radio station, one of the other DJs (a real dickhead named Randy) told me that he was picking up extra money DJing at a place called Jerry McNasty's. He then told me that they were short staffed and that I should go talk to "Chucker," who hired all the DJs there...Even though I was underage (I stopped getting carded when I was 17), I agreed to go talk to this "Chucker" and see about playing music while chicks that I likely went to high school with shook their c-section scars for immigrant construction workers on lunch break...Chucker turned out to be a shaky paraplegic radio-jock-turned-strip-club-DJ with a bad attitude. Despite all that, he hired me on the spot and, for one day (I just couldn't handle the crust of despair that was all over McNasty's) I was a strip club DJ. "Get your hands out of your pockets and your tip dollars ready, Gentlemen! Here comes long-legged, lovely ROCHELLE! No, really...Get them out of your pockets..."

3. I'm actually an only child.
My sister was adopted. Oh, sure, she'll refute this up and down (as will my parents) but don't listen to them. Sister. Adopted. All the way.

4. I have one of the worst speech impediments I've ever heard.
I'm not kidding about this. When I was 5 and first in school, I (like all the other students) was put through a battery of tests...Being the sharp little bastard that I am, I aced all of them with the exception of the speech test. My mom was told by the individual administering said speech test that I had a "click" in my speech and that I needed speech therapy which, of course, I took part in for at least 4 years during school. I never did get over this "click" that the school identified, mostly because I couldn't actually hear it and nobody would TELL me where my specific problem area was. After all this, I largely forgot about my speech problems until I was 18. While recording some off-the-cuff parody songs with a friend of mine, I heard on the playback (for the first time, mind you) that damn "click" that the school personnel had identified so many years earlier. When I heard it, I was devastated...I suddenly realized that I sounded idiotic, I couldn't say "ch" or "sh" sounds without mashing those sounds up into a spitty mess...For the first time in my life, it was terribly clear why the Speech lady at my elementary school had told my mom that I'd never EVER be able to participate in any form of public speaking...As you can imagine, I was horribly self conscious from that point on about my speech and, even after getting a job at a local radio station, I couldn't seem to shake my impediment...I tried to simply avoid saying things like "chubby checker" or "chuck berry" but it was no use. I tried every possible remedy I could think of to no avail until one day I realized that, if I substituted a "ts" sound for the "ch" sound and said it quickly, I suddenly sounded less idiotic if not damn near normal...In a single moment of clarity, I had identified the specific part of my mouth that caused my stupidly specific speech problem! I admit, It took a good long while to retrain myself, but now I speak with both clarity and confidence. Since "fixing" my speech impediment, I've not only worked on-air on (at least) 5 radio stations here in town but I voice commercials for radio and television which run in just about every media market in the country and I've been a public address announcer for a professional hockey team...Never going to be able to speak in public, my ass...

5. I tried, but failed, to get on Jeopardy®
A few years ago, I visited the Jeopardy website and saw that, at some point, they were going to hold contestant tryouts in Denver. Ever the eager nutcase, I registered for the chance to try out and then promptly forgot about it. A few months later, though, I got a call from the Jeopardy people telling me that I was randomly selected to participate in the big contestant search. Believe me, when I heard that, I was elated! I agreed to be at the Downtown Westin at whatever given time on whatever given day to be part of their testing. The deal is, you (and a hundred of your closest friends) first take a written test (of sorts). Those that pass said written test then go on to play a mock game of Jeopardy and THEN, those who succeed at that portion are placed into a "contestant pool" for whatever season is upcoming. I felt that it was a foregone conclusion that I'd succeed in all phases of the testing and, leading up to test day, I would play Jeopardy at home, tracking my correct answers and, essentially, continuing to feel confident. The day of the testing came and, even though I was absolutely sure that there were no possible scenarios wherein I could fail, after the written test when the chubby producer fellow called the names of those who would move on to phase two, mine was not among them. I have to say, even though I stayed calm and didn't show it, I hadn't felt so devastated since...Well, I don't even know when. I learned a valuable lesson from that day, though...Well, I learned a couple of things...First: don't get your hopes up. Second: READ CHARLES GODDAMN DICKENS! You never know when someone is going to ask you a STUPID Dickens question...SHIT! DAMMIT! AAAAAAAAAA. Er...Ah...Yeah. So that's it.

And yes, that really is it, 5 things that you didn't know about me. Likely, 5 things that you didn't care to know about me either but hey, it's Collin's fault for tagging me, right? I plan to NOT tag anyone for this little assignment, mostly because I love to watch things like this die. DIE A SLOW DEATH, 5 THINGS POST! So yeah, thanks for stopping by today...You kids have a great weekend now...

Labels: collin crap, Done Got Tagged, indignities, lame stories, me roots, pointless shit, radio stories, stuff mom's done, tales of triumph

Hey, if you kids were wondering what all the hype is surrounding that new-fangled Nintendo Wii, then this is the podcast episode for you. In it, I (along with an all-star cast) talk with Justin Carmical regarding the Nintendo Wii and also offer our own thoughts as to why it's so Goddamned awesome. Of course, later in the show, we get off-track a bit and discuss Justin and his wife's recent trip to Japan...Still, you know you want to clicky and listen, so go right ahead, I won't stand in your way:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, geekery, podcasts

And so, for the first time on this little awesomecast, we get the chance to interview a published author! Our guest for this show is Jennifer Carmical who, under the pen name June O'Leary, has a book o' poetry available called Pocket Prayers. Myself, Collin, my sister, my dad and Jennifer's husband Justin are all in the room as we gang up on June-ifer to talk about her book and about how hard (or not) it was to get it published. Clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, celebrity interviews, collin crap, haiku, podcasts

You know, back a few episodes we found out that, on the Son of Cheese Half-Hour Power Hour, we should never try and report news. Today, we find that we should also never try and tackle any sort of real issue...say like "racism." In this episode, Collin joins us via the telephone again and we get into it regarding all things discriminatory. Clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, misguided rantings, podcasts

Holy Crap, it's been nearly a week since I saw fit to post anything on this wee little blogsitething of mine. Sure, I could blame the recent Thanksgiving holiday (and it's resultant "days off") for such lapses in activity, but that would be...Well...No, actually, that's a great idea...Screw off, Thanksgiving! It's all your fault! Anyhow, how was your holiday? Mine was fine, thanks for asking...

...But was it the "best Thanksgiving ever?..
So this past Thursday we loaded up the Family Truckster (LIES! We loaded up our Saturn VUE) with goodies (LIES! We brought mostly food and a long table) and drove over the river (also: through the woods which are LIES! We drove up powers and then took a left on Constitution) to get to Grandma's house (MORE LIES! We went to Collin's house) where we all enjoyed many and varied dishes prepared with love by Collin and my sister Heather (LIES! While they provided the gathering space, the food was prepared by...well...Others). I have to say though, without lying, that the meal was quite good, Collin and Heather's place was comfortable and spacious enough to accommodate the numerous guests and if the Goddamned Broncos could've beat them stupid Chiefs, the day would've been damn near perfect. Thanks, Collin and Heather and dad and mom and Collin's mom and everyone else who brought food and/or did stuff...Happy Thanksgiving!

You People Go Ahead And Camp Out, I'm Going To Get Some Sleep...
So, as per usual, I didn't throw my hat into the proverbial "strengthen the national economy" ring on "Black Friday." Nay, instead of risking life and limb to attempt and snag phenomenal loss-leader bargains on the day after Thanksgiving, I stayed in bed, strengthening nothing more than my resolve to...well, stay in bed...Friday was actually a pretty unremarkable day filled with much laziness, television watching and, later on in the day, the playing of cards over at my parents' place. You'll be happy to know (no, you WILL) that my mom and I beat my wife and my dad at Euchre 2 to 1. Yay me!..

As A Matter of Fact, I DO Want "Some Of That," Thank You...
I think I've mentioned before that the wife and I believe that we have pretty good neighbors. Granted, the couple to the one side of us are terrible drivers, but they've never been anything but helpful and kind. The same, sadly, cannot be said for some of the people whom they have over sometimes. Case in point, this past Saturday, the wife and I were watching television in our front room trying to build up enough initiative to go and clean out our garage when we heard some dogs barking. "They sound like they're right out front," the wife remarked as she headed to the window. "Ok, they are," she informed me once she peeked outside. After hearing that, I myself stood up to get a look, hoping that said dogs weren't actually running about on my lawn. Thankfully they were merely sitting in the bed of a fairly large truck which was parked out front of our house. I'd seen this truck before and always assumed that it belonged to some relative of our neighbors. While I was looking at the dogs, a young man (presumably the owner of the truck) came out of our neighbor's house along with some other individuals whom I don't remember seeing before Saturday. While the kid got into his truck, the others (a couple who appeared to be in their 50s) got into a Jeep Wrangler parked near the truck in front of our neighbor's house. I continued to observe just in case the dogs did something amazingly stupid and, to my surprise, the couple in the Jeep DROVE ONTO MY FRONT LAWN so that the guy driving it could talk with the kid in the truck. Upon seeing this, I came out of my house and told the guy (in not the nicest tone) to "get the fuck off of my lawn." He grudgingly complied while his wife appeared panicked, making me wonder if he's done this sort of thing before, say when I wasn't home or paying as close of attention...Anyhow, with a parting shot of "are you retarded?" towards the guy, I went back into my house. Once inside, I continued to observe the two vehicles and, after a minute or so, the guy in the Jeep made some sort of gesture toward me (I was apparently visible from behind my screen door). He then stepped out of his vehicle, smacked his chest with both palms and screamed at me from the street "YOU WANT SOME OF THIS!?" Shocked (and slightly amused), I stepped out onto my porch and told him to get back in his vehicle. He insisted that he said that he was sorry and that I was an asshole for continuing to stare at him like I were stupid (his words). I asked him how he could be so inconsiderate as to drive up onto someone's front lawn to which he replied...some nonsense, I can't remember exactly...I continued to inform him that the best scenario for him would be to get back into his vehicle and stop looking to get knocked around. Finally, after much bluster and people telling him to shut up, he squeaked a final "fuck you" at me and got back into his Jeep. The kid in the truck, not really wanting to have to back up whomever this guy was, told me softly "we don't want any trouble." I reassured him by saying "I know, you're ok, he's the one with the problem." Soon after, the whole lot (including our neighbors, who had been quite alarmed by their friend's sudden outburst) piled into the two vehicles and sped off...Neither of them have come over to talk about it to this point and I doubt they will...

Something tells me we won't be exchanging Christmas cards this year...

Labels: collin crap, holidays, lame stories, sports, stagnation, tales of triumph

Hey, kids! One more day until Thanksgiving (here in the good ol' U.S. of A., that is) which means that, on this week's episode, we'll be rambling on MOSTLY about thanksgivings past (and even present) Collin joins us via the telephone again and my wife stops by to recount her tales of horror regarding wisdom tooth surgery combined with the "best Thanksgiving ever." Clicky to listen:

Labels: audio, awesomecasts, collin crap, holidays, podcasts