Copied from news sources, posted because I figure someone would do it eventually...
Guardsman in Iraq Punished Over Blog Post
PHOENIX (Aug. 2) - An Arizona National Guardsman serving in Iraq has been demoted for posting classified information on his Internet Web log, an Army official said Monday.

Leonard Clark, 40, was demoted from specialist to private first class and fined $1,640, said Col. Bill Buckner, a spokesman for the Multi-National Corps-Iraq.

Soldiers in Iraq are allowed to maintain blogs or Web sites but cannot post information about Army operations or movements. They also are barred from posting information about the death of a soldier whose family hasn't yet been notified.

"The intent of the policy is not to violate soldiers' rights, but to safeguard soldiers,'' Buckner said. Blogs are "a growing phenomenon, I guess. It's something a lot of people do and has some uses.''

Buckner said he didn't know what kind of classified information Clark had posted.

Clark's blog contained two posts Monday, one with links to articles on him and one stating Clark would comply with a gag order.

Calls to his home Monday by The Associated Press went unanswered and contact information for him in Iraq wasn't immediately available.

Clark is a Glendale, Ariz., kindergarten teacher who has run for the state Legislature four times. He could have appealed the ruling but declined to, Buckner said.

Clark's company was called to active duty in November and has been in Iraq since around January, said Capt. Paul Aguirre, a spokesman for the Arizona National Guard. The company is expected to be brought home next January.

The blog in question is here.

Labels: blatant rip-offs, stagnation

I pulled the following info from the Colorado Springs Police Blotter. When I checked the blotter today, this was the top entry:

Cut directly from the blotter, my modifications and comments are in red.

Incident Date May 9, 2005 Time 11:34:00 AM Division Gold Hill Shift I

Title Other Location 240 S. 21st st.

Summary On 05/09/05 at approxiametly(sic) 11:34 AM, five buffalo escaped from the G&C packing company into a westside neigborhood. Ironically enough, just down the road from where we (I) work...Officer's(sic) responded to the scene, where the buffalo had attempted to escape into a neighborhood. those fuckers...Officer's(sic) put the buffalo down "Hey, buffalo! Your mother dresses you funny! Yeah! And your feets, they smell!"before any injuries could occur to the citizens that resided in the neighborhood.
I certainly hope that after "putting them down," the officers then returned the buffalo to the packing plant because, simply put, buffalo is good eatin'.

mmm....Buffalo...

Labels: 'round town, blatant rip-offs

So, because I don't have any REAL content prepared for you today, I stole the following quiz from the inimitable (read: evil) El Sid. Now, I didn't answer ALL 48 questions like ol' whatsername, mostly because I didn't feel like it, but still, you may derive SOME entertainment from my answers. If you do, awesome. If not, well, I should have some actual "content" very soon. I promise...

on with the quiz!

1. Your name spelled backwards:
Thgink Kered...All of a sudden, I'm some Hindi "business man" sending spam emails filled with "opportunity." Also, "misspellings," but that's neither here nor there...

2. Where were your parents born?
Grand Junction, Colorado

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
"Ebony Eyes" by the Everly Brothers...It was the one "death song" I couldn't produce the last time I did a live oldies show...Shame on me for not being prepared.

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
At the present, it's probably a tie between Kohnami and Las Delicias.

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
a few summers ago when my wife and I visited Florida. I'm not big on swimmin'...To tell the truth, I'm not big on Florida, either.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Yep. I played "boy" in the Pied Piper of Hamlin. I think that was 1st or 2nd grade...

7. How many kids do you want?
um...One.

8. Type of music do you dislike most?
That overrated crap where the singer thinks WAY TOO HIGHLY of him or herself and the band gets way too much media attention despite the fact that they're average at best and that has a following of utter losers who believe that the music has got some secret message in it that only they can decode. You know, the music of U2. Oh yeah, and "smooth jazz."

9. Are you registered to vote?
of course.

10. Do you have cable?
Yes. I'm not sure I could live without it. I LOVE YOU, HISTORY CHANNEL!

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
once, briefly.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
uh, yeah...more times than I can count, in fact...

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Yes, when I lived in Denver.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
I'd have to be pushed.

15. Farthest place you ever traveled?
That would have to be Ontario, Canada...Actually, no...Geographically, I think it'd be Boston, Mass...Of course, both destinations were part of the same trip.

16. Do you have a garden?
Nah. Most plants die (screaming) at the very mention of my name...

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
All time: Calvin and Hobbes. Current: Get Fuzzy.

18. Do you really know all the words to the national anthem?
Yep. When I worked as a Public Address Announcer for a pro hockey team, I was always fearful that the singer would choke (not literally, smartass) and I'd have to "fill in." Luckily (for the spectators), that was never necessary.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower, morning. Night as well if I have a hockey game. Bath every now and then.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
The Ladykillers

21. Favorite pizza toppings?
canadian bacon and white onions. YOU HEAR THAT!? NOT "RED" ONIONS, you DIRTY PIZZA POLLUTING BASTARDS! WHITE! Heh...I also like ground beef and bacon...Chicken, too!

22. Chips or popcorn?
Popcorn...IS SO GOOD! I have a hot air popper.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
What the shit kind of a...OHHHH...This is a GIRLS quiz....Dammit...TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW!

26. Orange Juice or apple?
Both, but I love the natural apple cider stuff where the junk settles to the bottom and you have to shake it before you drink it and, if left in the fridge long enough, it'll ferment and taste all "good."

27. Favorite type of chocolate bar?
Whatchamacallit

28 When was the last time you voted at the polls?
November, 2004. Red state, you dirty liberals! heh...Um...Sorry.

29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
I couldn't say...Possibly "never."

30. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yes. It was from an "academic olympiad" in elementary school 'cause I was SOOOOOOO damned "smart." I also have a trophy for wrestling in junior high and another for being a part of the winning team in a recreational hockey league.

31. Are you a good cook?
bordering on Iron Chef, mofos.

32. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Who doesn't? I mean, seriously...FULL SERVICE IS LONG GONE, PEOPLE! I've been "pumping my own gas" for years, unless this is some dirty metaphor that I just don't get...

33. Ever order an item from an infomercial?
no, but both of my grandmothers have. Way...too...much.

34. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite. goes well with rum OR whiskey.

35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yes, for one single solitary day when I was desperate enough to take a job at Taco Bell. After that one day of being a taco slave, I realized that there were people who needed the job even more than I did. I also realized that the job sucked and I didn't want it, so it was a win-win.

36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Antibiotics. I think that's all I ever get at the pharmacy.

37. Ever throw up in public?
DAMN RIGHT! I was DEATHLY ILL one day when I resided in the lousy neighborhood called "Montbello" near Denver. I went to the 7-11 on the corner to get some juice and, when I went to pay, I started to feel extra "ill." As such, I asked the counter clown if she could "hurry up a bit," and explained that "I feel like I'm gonna thow up." The dirty bitch just sneered and began to complete the transaction EVEN SLOWER. I had little choice and, to teach her a lesson, I turned and projectile vomited all over the floor of the 7-11. You can bet that she hurried her insolent little ass up after THAT...Oh, and one time I threw up on the outside of a rival school's bus at a track meet in high school. No, I cannot puke on command, just so you know.

38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or to find true love?
Well, like Weird Al once sang: "if money can't buy happiness, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO RENT IT! (doo dee doo dee doo dee doo!)" Look, I have that "love" stuff, so can I just have the money too?

39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
eh, no. What I believe is that people are terribly shallow beings who regularly misuse the term "love" to get what they want...You are all bad! GO SIT IN THE CORNER!

40. Ever call a 1-900 number?
um...no...When I was a kid, they were "976" numbers...But I only called it to get the WWF tour schedule, honest!

41. Can exes be friends?
No, what're you, nuts?

42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
my dad, he recently required that a surgeon stab him...

43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
um...I...I don't know.

44. What message is on your answering machine?
it's just me, stating the obvious ("can't take your call, blah blah")...I can't believe I haven' t gotten around to AT LEAST putting some music behind my voice or SOMETHING...Damn, it's lame...I'll have to fix that soon.

45. What is in your backpack?
First off, I'm almost 31 years old, but, yes, I DO carry a backpack to work. I just can't bring myself to carry a briefcase, it's so not "me"...Anyhoo, in it there's a lot of paperwork, my "real radio" headphones, my planbook, my checkbook, some DVDs and CDs and an Idaho Spud that I keep forgetting to give to my mom...She loves those things.

46. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
I don't have "routines." I guess..."Get all tired."

47. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
That I'm all "alive" and stuff.

48. What is the first concert you ever went to?
I hate to admit it, but I think it was Air Supply. STOP LAUGHING! In my defense, I was like...5...I was too young NOT to go...My mom and sister wanted to see them and they were performing at the state fair. To add insult to injury, we had to sit through the stinkin' rodeo before the concert. Talk about going from bad to worse...I was truly in Hell.

So that's it. A crappy quiz to fill space. Hey, happy Valentine's Day, kids!..

Labels: blatant rip-offs, Done Got Tagged, lame stories, me roots, stagnation

Unless you're one of those U2 fans. Oh, Hell, click the link (down there) regardless. Ol' Maddox'll set you straight...

The Eleven Worst Songs of 2004

Enjoy it (because I did).

Labels: blatant rip-offs, pointless shit

And I just got back from it. There's just SO MUCH that I have to share from my time away that, in lieu of writing 20 different long, drawn-out stories, I am forced to (once again) rip off the Monkey's blog style for today's entry. Ready? here we go...

My wife and I traveled to Las Vegas last Monday to spend some time with family and friends. It seems that there are more and more people to see every time we go out that way, with the most recent addition to Sin City being Andy, whom you all know from the clever comments which he leaves from time to time. This Andy is not to be confused with Andy C., just so's you all keep things straight. THIS Andy, Andy K., recently landed a job at SKG advertising as a copywriter. Way to go, Andy!
--------------------------------
And speaking of Andy (We were), his wife Andrea paid him a surprise visit on Wednesday, which we were all aware of, but had to keep a secret, for obvious reasons. IT'S SO HARD TO NOT SPILL THE BEANS! Luckily, nobody ruined the surprise, which turned out to be a "good one." When she arrived, Andrea took a cab from McCarran to SKG, snuck up behind Andy and gave him a "kiss." Andy was scared to turn around, as he said, because when Andrea kissed him, what started running through his mind were all of the girls that had been nice to him...AND ONE GUY! He said that, if it HAD been the guy, he was prepared to "punch him."
--------------------------------
Backtracking to Monday, I had booked our flight on a "low-fare" airline called Allegiant. I booked the hotel with them as well, part of a package deal for which I paid an insanely low price. Sometimes, it is true that you "get what you pay for." Upon arrival at the Colorado Springs Airport, it was clear that, even though we got through the security and check-in process with plenty of time to spare, not everyone would be as fortunate. Allegiant, being the cheap-asses that they are, subcontract out the check-in and United, being the cheap-asses that THEY are, only allotted Allegiant one very slow station which was, in turn, "staffed" by one very slow individual. The check-in line extended far beyond a very far away place and things looked very bleak for an on-time departure. All of this "crap" conspired to put us a full hour and a half behind schedule. In addition, when we finally made it to our hotel, good ol' Allegiant, it seemed, simply failed to make our hotel reservation. Perhaps you can imagine my displeasure when I was told that, according to the Orleans, I didn't exist. Apparently, during the tirade of curse words which I followed THAT revelation up with, I must've hit on some "secret password" because we not only got a room soon after, but we were given a significantly better room than the folks around us who also were checking in (and existing) got.
--------------------------------
Speaking of crappy, low-fare airlines (oh, we were), Allegiant Air is officially "on notice" to "watch their ass." Listen here, you jerks! I've already utilized my (considerable) psychic powers to put Vanguard Airlines out of business and, believe me, I won't think twice about using that shit on you...
--------------------------------
On a lighter note, We (myself, my wife, Andy, Heather's Sister Shannon and Shannon's boyfriend Aldie) got together at P.F. Chang's on Monday evening. If you've never eaten at a Chang's before, I highly recommend doing so. If you HAVE enjoyed Chang's fare prior to reading this entry, you know what unbridled food-related bliss the whole experience can be. Say it with me..."Lettuce wraps."
--------------------------------
By the way, the whole "not having a hotel reservation" thing DID get cleared up, but I'm still not backing off of Allegiant. Someone's getting a letter, dammit.
--------------------------------
In addition to Chang's on Monday, my wife and I joined Andy (and Andrea) for dinner on Wednesday at Diego, which is in the MGM Grand. I will admit, I was a bit leery of "gourmet Mexican" fare going in but I'm a believer now. Two words for you folks. Well, 3. No, make it 4. "Guacamole, prepared fresh tableside." Oh holy crap, THAT is some damn good stuff. Unfortunately, for Andy, it was his first experience with guacamole. He enjoyed it immensely, as did we all, but I assured him that after having THIS particular guacamole, most others would really suck by comparison. Also, we had goat barbacoa. That is some good stuff, lemme tell ya.
--------------------------------
Well, that should be enough for now. Later on, I'll fill you all in about things such as how I participated in an actual poker tournament, how many presents my wife got from her dad and stepmom (enough to pop the seams in our luggage) and perhaps more dining experiences, since we go to Las Vegas primarily to eat food and get fat. Until then, I hope you all had a great holiday and, if you're back at work today, I hope you can make the best of it. If you're NOT back at work today...Well...Sleep in...Or somethin'...I dunno.

Labels: blatant rip-offs, get outta town, I eat food, indignities, poker

I've mentioned before that I'm apt to completely rip off other people's ideas. Well, yay me, because today is NO DIFFERENT! I'm really just kind of basking in the pale glow of the 'lection results and haven't the time to be engaging, or even remotely funny, so I figured that, since all the cool kids are doin' it, I'd offer up the opportunity for YOU to ask ME some questions...I'm not gonna limit this thing to the first however many, nor am I going to limit the subject matter. However, since this IS my blog and, since I DO rule it with an IRON FIST (obey the fist!), I reserve the right to NOT answer any question(s) as I see fit...With that in mind, let's have some fun!...

Pose your queries to me (your humble host) in the comments...Answers will follow in a later entry...

Labels: blatant rip-offs, Done Got Tagged, pointless shit

Because I don't seem to have the capacity for original thought, and since Collin did it first and did it well, I changed my header graphic in honor of October...

Boo.

Labels: blatant rip-offs, collin crap, holidays

As Boo said... in the comments of last entry... i may have bitten off... more than i can... chew... of course i... had said that... myself in...a previous... entry... i tend to do that though... think to myself... "hey, this won't be so bad"... make some folks feel special... imitation and flattery and all... but i guess it's... not... as... easy... as all that... "whom shall i homage today"... i think to myself... can't... leave... anyone out... better begin... now...

SONG OF THE DAY: "Katmandu" by Bob Seger. How could you NOT feel all happy when this song is playing!? Sing it loud and proud, people...

OK, that's out of the way, but WHO AM I GOING TO HOMAGE!? I'm so lost...

"Damn, we're in a tight spot!"

"Yes, just like Ulysses Everett Mcgill said, I'm in a tight spot," thought Conrad as he watched the empty house. "What the fuck!?" he exclaimed as his partner smacked him on the back of the head..."What the fuckity fuck fuck are you doin', fuckah!?"

AAAARRGGGGHHH....Sidetracked again...I HAVE to get an homage out of the way here, dammit...

JOURNAL OF REALLY CRAPPY THINGS
I never did well with roommates
I don't remember ever liking any of my roommates. I contemplated killing Jay, In the long run, I never got along well with Ryan...I guess that (insert a witty anecdote here)...

CRAP! I'm running out of time and I need to make with the homage! After all, this IS the culmination of "Really Huge Big Goddamn Homage Week (SUMMERTIME) 2004 (part of a balanced homage)" and I don't want to blow it here...WHAT TO DO!?...I guess I could talk about how my kids waller around in mud and how much I love them, but I ain't got kids...I could post all sorts of fun freaky things and leave really cool dirty comments, but...Well...That's not my thing...I guess I could make interestingly dark observations or write profound things, but...nah...I would LOVE to share awesome adventures with you all, but (as much as I wanted to when I was younger) I never became a cop...I'd share my insights into life in Australia with you all, but...Well, that'd be silly...I don't live there...I could talk about teaching and Islam and stuff...But I don't know anything about that...Ah, well, looks like I'm not gonna get to that homage after all...

It was fun trying, though...

Labels: blatant rip-offs

Welcome back, folks. Once again, "Really Really Big Time Summer Homage Week (June/July) 2004 (now with Two Scoops of Homage)" continues today with what SHOULD be an obvious "tip of the hat" to one of our favorite bloggers. Well, he WAS a favorite until he started having a life and stopped posting. I know he's around, I can SEE him...He's right over there! (pointing)...Anyway, here we go!

if you would like to get a larger look at this (and, potentially, actually READ it) click here.

This was fun to try and do. I'm still contemplating who my next vict...er...honoree shall be for "Homage Week"...Check back again tomorrow to see who gets the "treatment" as it were...

Labels: blatant rip-offs, cartoons n' stuff, get outta town, Illustrations

So, I may have bitten off more than I can chew starting "Big Time Summer Blog Homage Week 2004 (now with calcium)" since, well...Ripping off other blogger's blog styles is...well...kind of hard. I mean, seriously...I guess I could just WRITE and CLAIM to be homaging...Or even Homogenizing. But no, I started this, dammit, I'm gonna FINISH it. (Lucky for me I'm out of town Thursday and Friday)...Maybe I'll try that Audioblobberrobber thing then...Anyway, Homage Week continues now...

Hi!
This past weekend was a blast!

Wifey and I had our housewarming party on Saturday night and a lot of people showed up. I'm of the opinion that everybody had lots of fun! Mum and Dad came, but Mum didn't want to drink any alcohol until the sun went down. I don't quite get that, but whatever. We had "karaoke" and people sang and ate and had fun.

We also had a garage sale along with Diana that made some money. Garage sales are kind of fun, but rain spoils everything. It rained and hailed on us as we were carting Diana's stuff back to her house. I felt like a drowned rat! Luckily, we got all of her stuff back without too much of it getting wet.

Wifey's out of town learning about rocks for her master's degree courses. I'm going to miss her, but I get to pick her up on Thursday and we get to go to my family reunion. My sister will also be riding over with me. I should make some CDs for the road trip. And buy snacks, too! It'll be fun.
Catch you later! Derek Knight

Labels: blatant rip-offs

What was it that someone said? "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?" Well, plagiarism be damned, I'm thinking of doing an entire week of "Homage postings" where I imitate other blog styles (even one where I just flat out DON'T POST to imitate...well...people who will remain nameless (for now).) I know, it's not an original idea. Heck, my own sister even did a Monkey-esque entry a while back. Anyway, since I've got some random thoughts rolling around today, but nothing solid, I'll start "Big Time Homage Week 2004 (now with reinforced safety cage)" off right the Hell here...


This weekend coming up promises to be BIG. Not big as in "Oh hell yeah," but BIG as in BUSY. Does that make any sense? Ahh, doesn't matter. Have a softball game to play tonight, still have things to do to get ready for the housewarming party on Saturday evening, have a garage sale in conjunction with Diana on Saturday and Sunday, still have some loose ends to tie up regarding that...AND I have to WORK (for sure, this time) on Saturday morning 7am to noon. The good news is, it's raining outside. If it keeps up, it could make the weekend less busy. The bad news is, it'd make the weekend less busy...
______________________
I was giving the phrase "Scared me to death" some thought. Actually, I was giving thought to the whole (blank) to death concept as a whole. I've never been anythinged to "death" yet and, as such, I'm still alive. I HAVE scared people "Half to death," in the past which is also an interesting concept if you think about it. Does that mean that another good scare will kill you dead? Do you have a hidden health meter like a character in a video game? Does your "scare to death" immunity build back up over time? How about when someone screams at you "You NEARLY scared me to death..." What the heck is THAT? 3/4 to "death?" 7/8? How much farther can I go? One more weak ass little "boo" and "ka-put?" I don't know if I've been scared down to near death yet or not, but I'm thinking I don't want to find out...
_______________________
Went to Q'Doba again today. They were once again offering free packets of that damn "gum"...I didn't take any, but Collin ended up with 2 packets of the ungodly crap. A lot of people at here at work are aware, now, how much punishment this stuff is to try and chew. I'm feeling the groundswell, people! A grass roots movement against this "gum of doom" is on it's way...I'll keep you updated.
_______________________
Non-Monkey movie idea of the day: CHERRY KILL (R) 2 hours, 10 minutes (US)...The story of a twisted serial killer who takes a job at a gum factory. After ingratiating himself among the higer-ups, he's placed in charge of product development. His evil master plan finally pays off when this gum company releases his "Cherry Chill" product. Some violence, adult language and slow motion scenes of mastication.
_______________________
I receive keychains from people as souvenirs all the time. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate gifts...The problem with this is that I never attach any KEYS to these keychains, I don't want my keys to be weighed down and I don't want to wear holes in my pockets...As such, I've had to find places to display or store these keychains. I often wonder if my keychain collection gets made fun of by those keychains that see more use, or at least those that are used for their initial designated purpose. Man, it makes me feel kind of sad just typing about it. I'M SO VERY SORRY, KEYCHAINS! (sob)...
_______________________
My Mom called me an "Idiot" one time ( a long time ago) when I was a kid. This was after I had "Scared her half to death" with some of my childhood shenanigans. I was taken completely by surprise when she said it and have never let her forget that she called me an "idiot," even though it's been more than 20 years. The other day, the "idiot" subject came up and she defended herself by saying that she didn't REALLY mean to call me an idiot like it meant 'idiot.' "I meant...I meant..." Seeing her searching for a word, my Dad offered "Like 'retard?' My Mom looks at me and says, affirmatively, "yeah, like retard." Like THAT made it any better...

Labels: blatant rip-offs

So yeah, I totally ripped off Collin's idea and added a custom header. I think, though, the two most important differences are: A) I didn't put any thought into mine whatsoever and B) I'm not going to seek approval. It's done, it stays.

I need to write a story. I also need to work. QUANDARY!

Labels: blatant rip-offs, collin crap, stagnation, Stupid Contests

Ok, I know that I'm just ripping off Collin's "Let's play games at the Forum" idea, but he didn't crown me a "Global Moderator" for nothin'...I proudly present to you my inaugural resurrection of "Derek's Big Time Music Trivia Quiz Game Thing! (now with Vitamin C!)" I'll quickly outline the rules for you wonderful people...

Actually, I don't present it, nor will I outline the rules. At least not here...You have to go and play in the forum. It's under "Games People Play-Open to All"...See you there!

And hey...Don't let this distract you from writing stories for Collin's Contest. Do that first. Do mine last. Thanks.

Labels: blatant rip-offs, collin crap, Illustrations, Stupid Contests