I'm currently taking a break from fucking shit up completing projects in the backyard and figured that I could take this opportunity to compose a quick post (like this one, right here)...Ready? Good...Here we go...

So the "Ice Cream Man" drove by my house while I was replacing a sprinkler in the front yard...I usually wouldn't mention something so commonplace except for the fact that this was no ordinary purveyor of frozen treats...Nay, this one was something completely different...You see, it got my attention due to the awesome music emanating from the truck...Usually, these brightly colored wagons of treaty doom spew some of the lousiest, tinniest carnival shit music I've ever had the misfortune to hear, but NOT THIS ONE...This one got my attention because it was blaring the theme to Monty Python's Flying Circus...Damn right! Hell, I was so impressed by this fact that I was this close to buying something from said truck. Alas, I couldn't as I have no cash on me following our excursion to Dave and Buster's on Thursday...Having the "big fun" costs money, it would seem...

In other news, I've been "tagged" to do one of those "meme" posts by GIR at Maison Moosey Fate. Since I have nothing else to post, and since I have no good reason NOT to do the thing, Here are my responses to the queries posed...

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video:
Oh, I dunno...It's most likely approaching 200, but a large percentage of that total would be VHS as I am still in the (exccruciatingly slow) process of buying DVDs...I just have other stuff to spend money on, unfortunately...

2) The last film I bought:
Man, THAT'S a good question, I'm really not sure. I can safely say that it WOULD HAVE been Napoleon Dynamite, but Wal*Mart was out of stock the day I had it in my head to buy it...I think that was back in April...I don't think I've ventured back to the DVDs there since...

3) The last film I watched:
National Treasure...Not the worst film ever, but nowhere close to being the best...Interesting premise, though...Damn Freemasons...

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me
Disorganized Crime
Indiana Jones, et al
Inherit The Wind
Manhattan Melodrama
After The Thin Man
(There's lots more, but...Well...There's 5)

5) Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal/blog:
um...nah...I'm good, thanks...

So there you go, kids...As always, thanks for stopping by...I'm gonna go get some lunch, and maybe WATCH A MOVIE...heh...you all have a fine Memorial Day Weekend...

Labels: Done Got Tagged, lame stories

Sorry...I...Um...Yeah...

I forgot to mention that I'm on "vacation" over the Memorial Day Holiday and, as such, probably won't be posting much. This lack of posting includes, but is not limited to, our regularly scheduled "Phrickin' Photoblog Phriday." As a token of my esteem towards you (whomever you may be), I've composed this meaningful haiku to share:

Didn't Go To Work
But I Still Got Up Early
I dug up concrete.

Again, thanks for stopping by...I'll see if I can scrounge up a post or two here soon...

Labels: haiku, holidays, stagnation

As I mentioned on Friday, in honor of my wife graduating with her master's in teaching (specializing in integrated natural science, or something like that), some of my wife's family flew into town. Specifically, my wife's sister Shannon and her boyfriend, Aldie were supposed to have landed here in Colorado Springs right around 6:55 in the P.M. on Friday...Seeing that they were flying America West Airlines, though, things got all "FUBAR," which seems to be company policy for those bastards...As such, after we completed our 9:00 softball game on Friday night, my wife and I cleaned up a bit and drove up to Denver to pick up Al and Shannon at around 2:45 in the A.M.

Not ideal, to say the least, but they got here...

Anyhow, Aldie, who prefers to be called "Al," just happens to sport the last name "Pike." It's reported that he's somehow descended from Zebulon Pike, for whom Pike's Peak is named. Of course, in addition to the famous mountain, ol' Zeb has lent his name to countless local landmarks, from the city's juvenile detention center to an award-winning rib restaurant (and everything in between). Due to this fact, "Big Al" has been snapping shots of all of the local "Pike's Peak" signs which he can find...I guess I would do the same thing if there were a Knight's Peak somewhere...

But that's beside the point...

We were discussing business naming opportunities for Al, due to his famous name, over lunch on Sunday when he came up with the idea to open a strip club (he lives in Las Vegas, after all) and christen it "Pike's Peek." I immediately proclaimed that his idea was "genius" and decided to "run with it," as it were. As such, I now present to you a "teaser ad" (pun alert) for the future grand opening of such a "gentleman's establishment." You, of course, can click, on the "ad" to make it "readable" (also: larger)...

Now, if you happen to be offended by "cleavage," turn back now...I warned you...


I'm hoping that the ad meets with the approval of Big Al himself...In addition to the print ad, I'm hoping to record a fake radio ad for the joint before Al leaves town. After all, what would a commercial for Pike's Peek be without a cameo from the "owner?" Uh huh...That's what I thought, too...

Labels: get outta town, Phun With Photoshop, tales of triumph

Thurl Arthur Ravenscroft succumbed to prostate cancer on Sunday. He was 91.
Since you are now curious about the man's life and work, you can find a literal ton of Thurl information by clicking here.

Labels: sad stories

So it's finally Friday, a fact that I was alerted to earlier this morning as my wife was preparing to leave for work. As I am apt to do, I shall "set the scene" for you: Me sleeping in bed, wife bouncing around, dressed for work, grabbing my feet..."it's FRIDAY, it's FRIDAY," she says, hardly able to rein in her giddyness...Her enthusiasm is understandable since this is the particular Friday that her tween seester (along with her seester's boyfriend, Aldie) and (later) her dad (and stepmom, but we're not supposed to know THAT, it's supposed to be a surprise) are flying into town...The occasion? My wife's master's degree graduation on Monday, she's officially gonna be "all smart" while I just stay "mostly dumb." The facts are that my wife tends to get quite happy when she has the opportunity to interact with (also: see) "family." I imagine I would too, if my family lived far away, which they don't, but if they did, I'd probably be all goofy when they decided to come for a visit...

Anyway...

Here comes that Photoblog thing which you expect me to present on Fridays...Well...Now that I think about it, you may not actually expect it, but dammit...You should...This is because I'm trying very hard to be more consistent, which is good and we all want to be "good"...As such, Here come 'dem pictures! Yee-hoo...(click on 'em and they'll inflate for those of you with presbyopia, or small screens, or for anyone who wants a better look at the things)...
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We start things off with a photo of the Lilacs which adorn my desk today, courtesy of my co-worker Scott having made one of his (now infamous) "lilac runs" before work this morning. I personally love the smell of lilacs, we had lilac bushes all throughout our yard when I was a kid. Luckily, even though their blooming season is quite abbreviated at this altitude ('round 6,000 feet), lilacs themselves are not in short supply. In fact, all you really have to do to enjoy the pleasant scent for yourself is walk up to a bush and *snap* a few off...This is, of course, provided that nobody's LOOKING...On a lighter note, it appears that GIR is unconscious. Rockin'...
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I realized after I took the picture of the lilacs (and GIR) that "one photo a photoblog doesn't make" (or something equally as wise). As such, I tooled around the building for a while, snapping random shots for your viewing pleasure. This shot is of downtown Colorado Springs as seen from the mesa/big ass hill/sacred burial ground where the agency sits. In addition to being a really tough place to get to when it's icy, it's easily the best place in the city to watch storms roll in, or to see fireworks on the 4th of July...
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And speaking of the agency where I work (we were), here is the back end of the building. See that weird-ass round "picnic table" thing? Yeah, it's made of solid damn stone and weighs nearly a ton. I know this because I was one of the people who was forced to chosen to help move that sumbitch during some...construction or something...A few years ago...As far as I'm concerned, the stupid thing sits where it sits now, no matter what...I ain't ever touchin' it again...
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On my way back into the building, I noticed that I was getting great reflection off of the door and, since I had the camera and stuff, I snapped this shot. Yes, I'm wearing shorts and sandals today. It's Friday, I'm an art monkey...Hey, you can see my truck in the reflection, too!..Kick ass...
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Here's a shot of the fountain that graces the front lobby here at the agency...It's actually pretty neat, and makes soothing "gurgly-watery" sounds...And stuff...The fountain shown here makes me think of, among other things, "Frank" (of Kraut Juice fame) who recently left to take a job in Seattle. "St. Francis" would often stroll through the art department on his way out and say crap like "hey, the fountain's off, it's time to go home." Now that I give it some thought, that's a pretty damn good measuring stick...In fact, I'm gonna go unplug that thing RIGHT NOW...
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Here's a picture of Collin's desk, which I was able to snap without any abuse or beration because, simply, Collin ain't here today...Yep, he called in, making the most of his allotted "sick days," a practice which I should indulge in eventually...As it stands, I haven't called in "sick" (or otherwise) in...4 years or more...regardless, LOOK AT ALL THEM TOYS! Just look at 'em...It's like a geeky toy store...RIDE THE PIG!..
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Hey, because you asked to see it (you SO did...Don't argue), here's the pattern of our carpet in the art department. Screwy, ain't it? Personally, I like it, though a lot of people who pass through have some pretty derogatory things to say about it...The general consensus from folks is that the carpet "reminds them of what would be in a casino." Personally, I don't see that as a bad thing...Lay down your money, kids...
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And we end today's (breathtaking) photoblog with an image of the smallish unisex bathroom that is near the art department. Just sticking up behind the toilet there, you can see the handle of the "wonder plunger," or whatever it is that Monkey was talking about recently on his (award-nominated) blog. Abandon hope, all ye who enter the spooky closet of trapped poo...Or somethin'...

Ok, that's that, kids...Thanks for stopping by and have a fine weekend!

Labels: 'round town, Phrickin' Photoblogs

Have you ever decided to take on a project, no matter what that project may be, and thought to yourself "this won't be too hard," only to find out later that you were like...WAY wrong?..Of course you have...You're human...Mostly...

Anyway...

I've done this "taking on projects" while also "being human and stuff" to myself more than once over the course of the last few days, only to realize (usually while I'm trying to complete these aforementioned frickin' projects) that "completion" is gonna take a lot more that what I got, mentally, physically, financially (or all of the above)...

Case in point, I'm trying to put a little paver stone pathway in my backyard to replace an area that could currently be classified as "unsightly dirt." Uh, yeah...That didn't get done...I need to buy weed control mat material and rent a "lawn roller" for all of THAT to be completed...I also wanted to lay some sod in the front yard to eliminate (yet more) "unsightly dirt" area, but decided against it...Too much work, too little time to do it in. In addition to all of that crap, I was looking to put a garden in front of the deck in the backyard that would replace an area of "unsightly dirt" and "weeds." That didn't...

Wait a minute...THAT got done!..

Damn right, mofos, I (with the help of my wife and those bastards at Wal*Mart) got that garden dug out and framed in with garden stones, planted two lilac bushes, two rose bushes, fertilized the roses, made the dirt look pretty by covering it with bark mulch and then watered the whole damn thing. This was all accomplished in a span of 3 hours after work last night and all while (pretty much) wondering if my collarbone was really broken or just bruised and hoping it didn't snap...

It didn't snap...In fact, I think it's stronger now, kind of like a spooky, mutant bone...Boo...

So there's some good news, at least for me...My collarbone is not broken. It can't be, or I'd probably not even be typing this crap today...Also, My lazy ass got something DONE! I am now ready to bask proudly in the adulation of others...Just don't ask me when that paver stone thing is gonna be done. I'm...um...Not so sure about that...

Labels: indignities, lame stories, tales of triumph

Not that this has ANYTHING to do with the post that is coming your way (in mere SECONDS, even), but it's Hawaiian Wednesday here at the agency. Basically, it's just an excuse to wear shorts and sandals, seeing as I wear Hawaiian-themed shirts pretty much everyday...We also get Hawaiian food for lunch...In honor of Hawaiian day, and because I had it lyin' around, I'm giving you my "browser ABCs," a post that has been done already by Collin and, as recent as TODAY, Andy C. Great things await, to be sure...Let's get started, shall we?..

A: adverbloggin.blogspot.com/...Ol' Andy (C.) is doin' this ABC thing today as well, but (to my credit), I had my list compiled like TWO WEEKS ago...That counts for somethin'...I don't know WHAT, but somethin'...
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B: www.blogger.com/home because, without "Blogger," I ain't bringin' such thrilling content (case in point: today's content) your way. KNEEL BEFORE BLOGGER! This is followed closely by badnewshughes.blogspot.com...
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C: celticcross13.blogspot.com, "Celti's" blog where you get to read a rollercoaster ride of emotions and other "girly" stuff. Is good, check it out.
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D: dcxmarketingplanner.com - This is a site where advertising professionals (like myself) download photos to use in ads, if said photos are of Dodge, Chrysler or Jeep vehicles. You can't go there, so don't try...
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E: emeraldhierophant.blogspot.com, Justin C.'s blog. I don't really know what exactly a hierophant is, let alone an emerald one, but...There's a lot about Justin that confuses me. I just smile and nod...Seriously, he's an extremely nice guy and, if you're into gaming and comics, or just looking for stuff to read, his is a good site to hit..
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F: fizzleandpop.blogspot.com...That stinking Collin with all of his zombies and illustrations and games and stuff...This was closely followed by Boo...
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G: gmac.com...Funny thing, I was actually trying to get to gmacfs.com, but I went here first (out of sheer eegnorance).
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H: www.haloscan.com...My comments service. Occasionally, I log in to check on the I.P. address of certain commenters and, on really good days, ban the I.P. addresses of certain commenters. It's a fun game, try it sometime...
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I: ignatz.brinkster.net/writing/foxymama.html...Ah, look at that...Foxy sneakin' in at "I." if you've never been to her blog, you should stop by...She's a talented writer and a heckuva nice lady...She's also a former radio personality which means that she's pretty damn smart (emphasis on the "former" part)...
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J: jennschall.blogspot.com/ - Jenn in Wyoming, one of the first people (outside of my friends or family) that found my blog (and kept coming back). Jenn is a hockey mom, which is pretty damn cool...This is because hockey rules. Hockey is your GOD! BOW BEFORE HOCKEY'S AWESOME MIGHT!..Do it!..
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K: www.karaoke.com...Karaoke superstore in Baltimore...The facts are, If you're gonna be a karaoke geek (like I am) and you're gonna run karaoke shows at your house (like I do), you're gonna need (literally) stacks of karaoke discs. That said, these aforementioned "disc stacks" come from Baltimore. Now you know...
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L: www.lowes.com...Just doing some comparison shopping...Lowes is not only inconveniently located (for me), but Home Depot beats the piss out of their prices (usually)...Why didn't Home Depot come up in the "H" category? Too far down...As a side note, yesterday I typed "homodepot.com" on accident, trying to get to homedepot.com...Word to the wise, don't do that at work...
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M: masooma.blogspot.com - This is Diana's site...I went to high school with her. She's one of those "smart people." She's a math teacher. This site was followed CLOSELY by mattedspam.blogspot.com which is, of course, my sister's blog.
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N: nashvillestar.yahoo.com...Look, I don't watch American Idol, but I did watch Nashville Star. I voted, too.
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O: www.onridecentral.com/interviews/interview.php?interviewID=6 - This came up because I clicked through to this site while doing a Google search looking for "Brett Stevens," whose real name is Brett Phelps. I used to work with the guy some years back and I've been trying to follow his radio "career" since he left town. 2 things: he's a big goof and the link there? Yeah, that's not him...
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P: www.pokerroom.com...Ok, I admit it...I play poker online...A lot...Hey, my fake money account is closin' in in 160k, I can't stop NOW...In fact, I'M ALL IN, YA BASTARDS!..
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Q: http://www.qctimes.com/internal...blah blah blah...This WAS a link to a story about the Scooter Store's nefarious (also: fraudulent) dealings. I don't know if it's still active or not...
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R: http://rocketjones.mu.nu/...This is Ted's site...He's into rocketry and hockey and stuff like that. If you visit his site today, among other things, you can read about his daughter's impending breast reduction surgery. Yep...Ted don't leave NOTHIN' out...
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S: sonofcheese.blogspot.com...For the narcissist in all of us, it is my own site. Hey, it's my Firefox home page...As such, it's gonna trump whatever other "S" that may be out there. Take THAT, S-sites!..
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T: Ah yes...well, I've been sworn to secrecy about this particular link. Suffice to say that it's NOT porn, and it's a great read. If you don't know about it...Well...I can't tell you about it...I'm sorry.
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U: www.usatoday.com/sports/st.htm...C'mon, How could I possibly get through my day WITHOUT constantly updated sports transactions? Seriously...Thank GOD for USA Today...
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V: visit.referralware.com/25d/s25Dc251.jsp - I don't know what this is, but I'm sure that if you click on it, insane income awaits...For someone...Not you, not me...Someone...
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W: http://walmart.com/...Gotta know what's there before I make the quarter-mile trek to the store...
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X: not a damn thing...
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Y: http://yourmooseyfate.mu.nu/-Maison Moosey Fate, a great read for the most part...There are ups and downs, but she's Canadian...Not that it means anything...Um...Fridays are cat blog days...Check it out...
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Z: http://zabasearch.com/...You've heard about this, no doubt...It is, perhaps, simultaneously the most disturbing and yet the most humorously inaccurate search engine ever...

So there you go...me and my ABCs...I'm now gonna try and walk the line on the side of the road with my finger touching my nose...Wish me luck...

Labels: collin crap, Done Got Tagged, lame stories

When I have nothing truly cohesive to write about, it usually means, like today, that I have a lot of little things to write about. As such, I'm going to blatantly rip off borrow Monkey's format. Just for today. Enjoy.

Last night was the first Sharks hockey game in the Advanced league at Chapel Hills. We lost 7 to 2, but we DID compete well for a while (and actually held a 2-0 lead at one point.) At this point, getting acclimated to the game speed and the ice and stuff is kind of the priority. Case in point: I forgot just how FUCKING HOT it is at that rink. It's...It's just not natural. Oh yeah, I may have a broken collarbone. Time will tell on that.
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It really takes the sport out of it when the guy whom I occasionally steal candy from passes me in the hall and says "hey, I have more candy."
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What exactly is it about the phrase "right lane ends," that prompts people to get in the aforementioned right lane and speed up? I'm in the left lane, asshole and I'm not stopping. I'm following the RULES, after all, I'm the RULES NAZI. You, on the other hand, are either gonna slow the Hell down or end up in that field over there. Your choice.
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What really bothered me about the whole Newsweek thing was this: That was either one really small Q'Ran, or one big Goddamned toilet.
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I'm officially back with the Ad Monkeys, the softball team here at the agency which I helped start up some years back. In addition to that, we have our own CafePress store. With a little luck (and a little money), you could be a surrogate Ad Monkey!..
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There's a whole bunch of crap on my ITunes that, at times, I'm really embarrassed by. I guess I could go through it and weed out the lame crap, but...There's just too much of it. Besides, you never know when you'll need to bust out with something extremely lame to prove a point, no matter what that point may be.
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My collarbone hurts.
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The Swingset that was in our backyard when we moved into our house a year ago is finally history. I now realize why the previous owners didn't take that thing with 'em. The fact that it was actually CEMENTED INTO THE GROUND probably helped make that decision. That fact also helped me to make the decision to buy a chainsaw. As I said, that thing is history and I'm now the proud owner of a chainsaw. And a pile of wood beams. As for the space which the swingset once occupied, I'm thinking "hot tub."
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Labels: hockey stuff, lame stories, misguided rantings, sports, tales of triumph

So, apparently, I'm now the "Rules Nazi." I guess that there are worse things I could be...I mean, hey, rules are rules, right?

Apparently not if you're Collin...

On Friday evening, a number of "us" got together at my parents' place to play some games, like poker and stuff. At one point, most of us ventured over to the "clubhouse" to play "ping pong." At first, the pinging and ponging featured myself and Collin as a team against my wife and Collin's brother Trevor. After Collin and I beat them in 2 straight games, Trevor, being Trevor, demanded that I play him head up. After I dispatched him (with the help of some wicked serving, I might add), it was decided that I would then play Collin head up for some sort of championship...Or something...I dunno...Either way, we played ping pong.

Collin was a formidable opponent, more so than his brother, but at a critical point in the game, he committed an error in play. When I pointed this error out, it was not well received, but hey...Rules are rules...After I narrowly defeated Collin on the Ping Pong table, we went into the Billiards room to play "pool." Soon enough, I was teamed with Trevor, taking on Collin and my sister. At one point, I again noticed an "infraction of the rules" and acted accordingly. I was then told that I was now the "Rules Nazi" and appropriate taunting ensued...Apparently these people believe that all games should be played in an anarchistic manner...heh...

ALL HEIL DER RULES NAZI!..You have to...It's a "rule."

Labels: collin crap, lame stories, misguided rantings

Because you asked...nay clamored for more, and mostly because it's Friday, you get yourself (yet another) Phrickin' Photoblog to view and enjoy!..No, no need to thank me...It's what I do! Ah-heh...anyway, today's subject matter is NOT chock full of pictures taken at the Craftwood Inn during a visit from our Pennsylvania friends (sorry Andy). No, today's junk is merely stuff that was taken during my SISTER'S birthday party way back in January. Of course, as should be the case with these "birthday parties," THERE WAS KARAOKE! As such, most of the pictures that will be featured today are of people with their mouths open. while singing. mostly. sorry...

regardless, HERE WE GO! click and see bigger (you know you want to)...


To start things off today, we have my sister, mouth agape due to shock and surprise. Said "shock" is due to the fact that she had just found out that I gave her a CD+G decoder and some CD+G disks for her birthday. I don't know if she's used it yet, or if it's even hooked up, but it shocked her...Yes it did...Shock...bzzt...


Here you can see Kathy (on the left there), whom I work with, chatting about some apparently intense subject matter with my wife (on the right there). I cropped this photo in the manner which I did NOT JUST so you could see Sergeant Hoeppel's bald head there, but so you could see that kick-ass 60s wall clock. Granted, the damn thing doesn't keep time anymore, BUT YOU ARE TRANSIFXED BY IT'S BEAUTY! The clock, it makes you sleepy...


Here we have ourselves a shot of the birthday girl of the day, preparing to thrill us with her vocal stylings...That, or she's gonna sing something...not sure...Either way, she sure looks happy! Must be the shock...


Now, I'm not sure whether Sergeant Hoeppel is asleep in this particular picture, or if he's simply pouring his heart (and soul, too) into the version of "The Love Boat" theme which he was singing. Either way, he's pretty damn tall...Herman Munster tall, to say the least..."soooon we'll be taking another run..."


No, kids, that's not Ogie Ogilthorpe of Slap Shot fame, it's our old (shaggy) buddy Collin thrilling the masses with an intensly belted out rendition of either Dead Mans Party or Chantilly Lace. regardless, just look at that cloud of hair!


Kathy isn't near as tall as her husband and, at the same time, doesn't stand as close to the microphone. Here we see her receiving a little help from her beau in the wily ways of microphone technique. We also get to see that rockin' clock again! Kick ass!


Ah, yes, here I am (your humble blog host), taking my turn at the mic. Boy howdy, do I look like I'm possessed by demons or what? Heh...I was probably crooning a lovely ballad such as "Bring the Noise" by Public Enemy and Anthrax. Yep...I'm sensitive like that...


And finally, we get to close this Photoblog Phriday with a great shot of my mom apparently giving us her best Arthur Brown impression, grimace, cape and all. I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!..and I bring you...muffins or somethin'...I dunno...

Have a great weekend, kids!

Labels: Phrickin' Photoblogs, Singing Off-Key

A while back, I showed you the two entries which I submitted for Rocket Jones' banner contest. Now, I don't know if anything is official, or if I've won, but one of my two banners is now up at the top his site with a blurb to the right of it...

Oh yeah...The blurb mentions that Jon Giles is a "pussy"...ROCK ON, ROCKET!

Labels: lame stories, Stupid Contests, tales of triumph

In your visits to this wee blog, whomever "you" may be, "you" may, or may not, have noticed that, for the duration of my most recent rec league hockey season, I kept the team schedule on the sidebar there (that thing to the left). "You" may also have noticed that I kept said schedule updated with my team's wins, losses, ties and the respective score attributed to each game. With that said, if you've paid attention to that sort of thing, HOW 'BOUT THEM SHARKS, HUH? HUH? Yes, it's pretty apparent that us "Sharks" had ourselves a tidy little season down at the World Arena Ice Hall. For me personally, it was a reminder that, while I know that I'm nothing special, I'm not the worst goalie to ever lace 'em up and, if I get hooked up with the right team, I can still stop some shots and (God forbid) win some games. Now, kids, WE KNOW that winning isn't everything, but think about this...If you lost every time you played, regardless of what it is you play, you'd probably get pretty damn fed up with playing "it." That's what WAS happening to me before I joined the Sharks...Seasons like the one we just had are what makes it easier to keep playing.

Look, I like to win. IS IN MY BLOOD!..Anyway...

Hey, getting back to that whole "you paying attention" thing...Well, if you have been, you'll have noticed that my subhead (that thing up top...No, not ALL THE WAY...Under the "thing." Yeah, that.) was recently changed to read "...Jon Giles is a Pussy..." Not nice, I know, my mom already got on me for that, but it's TRUE! Look, this is more than just my personal feeling on the matter, but also a direct quote from one of the Shark defensemen, whom we'll call "Schultzy." In fact this negative opinion of Jon Giles' manliness, or lack thereof, is pretty much universally shared amongst all of the members of the (now infamous) Sharks team for a very specific reason...Read on and you'll find out that it's not just that we don't like Jon, Jon doesn't like us...

You crave background information and foreshadowing...I MAKE SUCH THINGS HAPPEN!..

The Jon Giles in question happens to play on the APA Pool Players team in the same league that we Sharks most recently had our stellar season in. Jon also happens to RUN the aforementioned league singlehandedly, without committee or chain of command. It is, for all intents and purposes, a dictatorship with Jon Giles as it's Hitler. Or Napoleon. Or whatever...Anyway, Jon started said league with pretty much one purpose in mind...That would be to give the APA Pool Players hockey team a place to play and, at the same time, give the APA Pool Players team other teams which they could beat and, subsequently, they could all feel better about themselves. Look, I'm not making this stuff up, besides, it gets better...Much like a mad scientist, Jon HIMSELF actually assembled our Sharks team from the "leftovers" - players which had expressed interest in playing in his little league, but that didn't have a team to play on. Jon Giles created us, though it wasn't all Frankensteiny and stuff...In fact, after last season, which was the first one which us Sharks had been together, Mr. Giles expressed the fact that he was "pleasantly surprised," not to mention "pleased" that us Sharks had represented ourselves so well, considering we were just a bunch of leftovers...

Yeah, I got a "pleasant surprise" for ya buddy...Anyhow...

Jon's "pleasant surprise" MOST LIKELY stemmed from the fact that, even though they didn't finish at the top of the league last season, his APA Pool Players DID compete pretty well and did, in fact, beat us Sharks on a couple of occasions. Jon's enthusiasm for our strong play faded pretty frickin' quick, though, when we started the most recent season on a 4 game win streak that included a pretty decisive win (an ass-kicking) over his APA team. It wasn't long after that happened that we were hearing how much we were "hated" by all of the other teams and how, despite the fact that we DID, in fact, lose 2 games and, to call a spade a spade, lost them badly, we were not liked because we "played too hard" and (God forbid again) "won too much."

Can you fucking believe THAT? We tried TOO DAMN HARD to win games. Oh, gee Jon...I'm sorry...I forgot that this whole league was supposed to be your own personal ego boost...Do you need a hug?..Anyway...

Fast-forward to the next-to-the-last game of the season, during which we played Jon's APA team. We played "Sharks hockey" and effectively ended up "kicked their ass," despite the fact that THEY THEMSELVES NEVER STOPPED PLAYING HARD and were, in fact, very close to taking the lead at one point in the game. The simple fact of the matter was that we played hard in that game because we had to, no doubt about it. APA wanted to win just as bad as we did and never gave up, which I wouldn't expect them to, or want them to, for that matter. Not helping matters, though, during the game itself, there was an "incident" wherin one of the game officials, whom we'll call "Scott Staudte," because it's his full given name, began verbally accosting one of the Sharks players whom we'll call "John." Words were exchanged, tempers flared up and John, ultimately, was kicked out of the game. Of course, that, combined with our repeated ass-kicking of the APA team, was enough fuel for Little Jon Giles' fire. He used that incident to justify (in his mind) the removal the Sharks, HIS creation, from his league completely...

You read that sentence right. We got kicked out of his league, in essence, because we never let him win anymore...Poor little Jon...

Anyhow, we WERE "allowed" to play our last game of the season, albeit under the watchful eye of leetle Heetler Jon himself, who showed up to watch us play from the safety of the scorer's box and, of course, our favorite official Scott Staudte, The game itself ended in a tie, securing the Sharks' position as the best overall team in Jon Giles' personal hockey league. I wonder if we tried too hard to tie the score there at the end of the game...I also wonder whether I tried to stop too many shots, in order to give my team the chance to tie said game...I wonder if Jon Giles is that much of a pussy that he was probably thinking those exact things while the game was going on...Who knows...Ass...

Anyhow, despite our expulsion from the World Arena, us Sharks will not be without a place to skate for the upcoming season...We have, in fact, decided to skate in the advanced league at the Chapel Hills Ice Rink, a place that I was sure I would never skate again...To call a spade a spade, we'll probably not do very well in this particular league, but it was the only league that fit everyone's schedule. Keeping the team intact was apparently the first priority and, frankly, it was either get into a league that we'll just be kicked right out of, or find a league where we'll lose. There's not much middle ground, oddly enough...I have made peace with the fact that we may lose (a lot), though, despite my lust for wins...This is due to the fact that it really is fun being a part of a team like the Sharks. I haven't been with such a good group of people in a long time and, even if we lose every single game, It'll still be ok because I believe in them and they, in turn, believe in me. Without getting sappy and sentimaental, if we all go out and give it our best effort, we'll have no reason to hang our heads...So take that, Jon Giles...Maybe YOU should play a little harder, then you wouldn't have to cry so damn much when you get whupped...

Whew...Now I can change that subheader...Also, I'm glad to have all that off my chest, Thank you all. Come back again at your earliest convenience.

Labels: hockey stuff, misguided rantings, sports, tales of triumph

I've been extremely busy in the last couple of days. I can now show you what I've been working on that has kept me so busy:

Wait. No. Hold Up.

Remember back when I showed you a couple of the quick sketches that I had done for "Captain Kia," which was thunk up as a character which would (hopefully) sell Kia to the unwashed masses? Of course you remember, it was burned in your memory! Anyhow, one of the designs was chosen, though it was not one which I chose to display at that time. Typical, though, of the way things are handled at the agency where Collin and I work, the choice was brought to me with very little time to finish it up.

"Oh, yeah, and we're also going to put a full comic strip in the next ad," I was told. The next ad which required a proof TODAY. I was told about this yesterday.

Y'know, I hear tell that REAL comic book artists have what is commonly called "help." I hear that there are "inkers" and "letterers" and "colorists" which would be employed to make a comic artist's job a bit easier. Of course, we ain't got all of THAT fancy crap, we just gots me. Well, me and (thankfully) Collin, who's help with digitally inking all of the individual characters was invaluable.

Yeah. "characters." I was informed yesterday that The Cap'n needed villains to fight. Draw up some villains, monkey!..Draw draw draw!.

somehow, it all got done. It's not approved at this point, and I'm thinking that if major changes are requested, I'll simply get up and walk out. I've put enough work into this as it is. It's not as if I get paid solely to perform the task of drawing cartoons, I am expected to work on anything and everything that's due. This fact precludes me from fuckin' around with these things for too long. That said, here is the frickin' comic strip: (click for a larger version).

My favorite villain is Down Payment Dread, mostly because he's your typical, well-dressed, Professor Moriarty type villain. Not that I put much thought into it. Anyhow, enjoy!

Hey, look...I misspelled "villain" in the comic. Hot damn. (fuck).

Labels: cartoons n' stuff, collin crap, indignities, lame stories, stagnation

I pulled the following info from the Colorado Springs Police Blotter. When I checked the blotter today, this was the top entry:

Cut directly from the blotter, my modifications and comments are in red.

Incident Date May 9, 2005 Time 11:34:00 AM Division Gold Hill Shift I

Title Other Location 240 S. 21st st.

Summary On 05/09/05 at approxiametly(sic) 11:34 AM, five buffalo escaped from the G&C packing company into a westside neigborhood. Ironically enough, just down the road from where we (I) work...Officer's(sic) responded to the scene, where the buffalo had attempted to escape into a neighborhood. those fuckers...Officer's(sic) put the buffalo down "Hey, buffalo! Your mother dresses you funny! Yeah! And your feets, they smell!"before any injuries could occur to the citizens that resided in the neighborhood.
I certainly hope that after "putting them down," the officers then returned the buffalo to the packing plant because, simply put, buffalo is good eatin'.

mmm....Buffalo...

Labels: 'round town, blatant rip-offs

Today is Monday. For some odd reason, I find myself terribly busy on this "Monday." As such, I can only give to you the following crude sketch of a person with freakishly small arms.

I call him "stubbs." Stubbs loves you and you love Stubbs! You feel compelled to take Stubbs home, feed him, care for him, love him. YOU ARE MEANT TO BE WITH STUBBS!..Admit your stubby love, it shall set you free...

Labels: cartoons n' stuff, pointless shit, random drawings, stagnation

Celebrating the fact that it is, in fact, Friday, It is my great pleasure to bring you the unbridled joy that is (yet another) Phrickin' Photoblog. You love them! You said so...BOW BEFORE THE PHOTOBLOG! ah-heh...Anyhow, today's photoblog is made up of pictures that happened to be snapped during the celebration of my "birthday." This "birthday" occurred back in March, which gives you a little idea as to how far behind I am having photos developed. Of course, that's neither here nor there since said photos are now, in fact, not only developed, but also scanned and ready to "share." THE SHARING BEGINS NOW!


What better way to start of a birthday photogblog than by (proudly) displaying NOT ONLY the birthday boy, but the cake as well? Here I am, proudly displaying the crispy rice treats that we enjoyed in lieu of traditional cake. Also, despite how it looks, I wasn't turning 13. I guess I simply wasn't paying attention...Silly me...TURN THE "CAKE" AROUND, STUPID!..


Ah, yes...Here I am displaying one of the many awesome gifts which I received on that oh-so-special occasion. Just so's you know, this shirt ROCKS! It also "fits," which is REALLY a bonus in my opinion...


Y'know...I really do feel bad for Collin sometimes. I mean, it must be rough going through life and NOT BEING ABLE TO AFFORD GROOMING PRODUCTS...I think that, for his birthday this year, I'm gonna take him to Supercuts...As they say in the southern parts of these great United States, "boy, you better get yo'self a haircut, or a dogtag."


It seems that SOME people don't LIKE the camera...It would appear that SOME PEOPLE think that the camera STEALS THEIR SOUL! That, or dad really was asleep and mom really was distracted. Either way, you can now get a good feel for the "riveting excitement" that was the evening of my birthday celebration...Whoop-de-shit...


And speaking of excitement (we were), here is the rack unit from which I run the big time karaoke show...We were, of course, singing the karaoke that night and having a "blast," as the kids say. It's fun to sing, even if you really really suck at it (like I do)...


And finally, I present to you the above picture. Apparently, before "presents" and even before "cake," It is tradition to be presented with your "birthday sammich." here, you can see that my mom is taking great pride in delivering said birthday sammich to me. It was ham. It tasted good. yay for ham.

You all have yourself a fine weekend, now...

Labels: Phrickin' Photoblogs

Last week, about this time, I had alluded to the fact that, the last time my wife and I went to rent movies, we rented 4 films (of which, I watched 3). Since I've already reviewed Sideways, an activity that placed me in poor favor with at least one reader, I figured I'd give another one of the movies which we rented "the treatment," as it were, and see what else could be stirred up...Ready? I know you are. Here we go...
Today's review selection is the (critically acclaimed) Ray (2004) featuring Jamie Foxx

I'm often asked whether it's working as an oldies radio disc jockey that led me to love old music, or if it's my love for old music that led me to be an oldies disc jockey. The fact is, I've been enamored with the music of the 1950s for most of my life, I just ended up "lucking out" when it came to being hired by an oldies station...Anyhow, one of the artists that I've been a huge fan of for a long time is the late Ray Charles. Ironically enough, though, it's Ray Charles whom I probably knew the least about. Where was he from, how did he come to be a performer, etc. The fact that I knew so little about the man's life motivated me to want to see the movie Ray from the moment that it was released. Typical for me, though, I waited until it was released on DVD.

eh. Better late than never...

Since I didn't really know much about him, I had kind of an idealistic image of Ray Charles built up in my mind, somewhat of a kind person with a big heart who overcame not only his blindness, but the ugly obstacle of racism, to ultimately become a huge success. I expected THAT kind of Ray Charles to be portrayed in the film Ray.

Boy, was I wrong.

There is no question as to the fact that Ray Charles was a genius. His musical and vocal talent are legendary and his body of work stands as one of the most impressive, and diverse, of any artist, living or dead. That said, Ray Charles the man was pretty much an "asshole." It's true that Ray himself was the subject of ridicule and discrimination all throughout his life, especially while he was growing up in the south, but if we are to believe the portrayal of him in this movie, a portrayal which apparently received the blessing of Ray Charles himself prior to his death, Ol' Ray gave out abuse just as good as he got it. In Ray, Ray Charles is shown as a remorseless drug addict and womanizer who simply used people up and spat them out. It was Ray's way or the highway and once he became a successful commodity in the music industry, he played that card to his every advantage, even to the point of alienating his family and wrecking the lives of some of the people around him. The portrayal of Ray Charles in the movie made him so completely unlikeable that I felt compelled to seek out information that would tell me whether or not the movie had been accurate in it's portrayal of Ray Charles. In certain areas, the events were quite dramatized, but this was to be expected. After all, Ray is a movie, some creative license is going to be taken when putting together a feature film. One of the things that the movie suggests is that, following his stint in rehab (which occured after numerous heroin-related arrests), Ray Charles was totally reformed, a changed man who was off drugs, at peace with the world and easy to work with. This, apparently, is quite far from the truth. According to some sources which I found, including Ray's biographer, Ray's wife ultimately left him due to his abuse and indiscretions. In addition to that, even though he no longer abused heroin, Ray stayed high for the rest of his days courtesy of gin and marijuana. He was just as unapologetic about his drinking and smoking as he had been about shooting up, saying that it "never got in the way of his work."

Perhaps not, but his personal life surely suffered because of it...

Now, with all of that said, the movie Ray was truly spectacular. I've read reviews from people who say that this movie was nothing more than a "period piece," which is an interesting way to sum things up. Stupid, but interesting...Granted, as "period pieces" go, Ray is easily one of the best that I've ever seen, but the movie is significantly more than just that. The work done on the sets are some of the best I've seen in a long while. In addition to that, the characters in the film were exceptionally well cast, to the point that, after watching Ray, you kind of feel as if you were there, physically witnessing the shenanigans and "goings on," as opposed to merely watching them on a screen. Now, I know that I'll just be beating a dead horse here, but Jamie Foxx's performance as Ray Charles is easily one of the best bits of acting I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Foxx didn't merely portray Ray Charles, he BECAME Ray Charles. It was, in fact, so well executed that there were many times during the film in which my brain ceased to separate reality and film fantasy. This damn movie pulls you in and takes you on an emotional roller coaster ride for 2 and a half hours. It leaves you a bit shaken and kind of sad, mostly because you end up caring about the characters as if they were your own family, no matter how mad they made you. I think that's kind of a hallmark of a well made drama, you believe it to be real. You feel it. It seems as if you lived it, at least for a little while...This movie does that and does it well.

For the movie Ray, I present an A-. It could've earned a higher grade, but I'd just be lying to myself. I could've easily done without the corny flashbacks and hallucinations regarding his brother's drowning, the "absolution" which comes in the scene where Ray is talking to his long dead mother in a dream/vision/hallucination/manic episode AND he can see. In addition, the way the film ended was so abrupt, yet so tidy, that it made me wonder if the filmmakers actually made a 5 or 6 hour movie and then realized "shit, we'd better cut this down a bit," kind of like the Back to the Future sequels...Regardless, I may now have a lower opinion of the man after watching Ray, but my opinion of the film is high. Ray is awesome, if you haven't seen it yet, you must.

Labels: cinematic chatter, misguided rantings

And so, it appears that John Mason is Significantly more forgiving than I'd ever be. Of course, it's his decision to make *cough*desperate and we should all respect that loser. As I said in yesterday's entry, I hope that this chick faces charges. Of course, due to the fact that her loser of a future husband's dad JUST HAPPENS to be the former mayor of Duluth, GA AND a currently sitting JUDGE, lets just say that I doubt any significant charges will be brought forth. After all, this occured in the south. I hear tell that's how they do "business" down in them parts...I dunno...
Oh, yeah, here: (click on it to see it and read it and love it)

Enjoy.

Labels: false advertising, misguided rantings, Phun With Photoshop

If you've been keeping up on "current events" this past weekend, including the end of last week, you would have seen countless signs of an obviously impending apocalypse REVEALED! Well, that, or we're just degrading more and more as a society. Either way, there was enough noticable "news" recently that not even I, your humble (yet lazy) blog host could not effectively ignore all of it. I shall now share with you my take on some of the "happenings" from the last few days...This is because you want it. You want it bad. This is also because, as per usual, it fills space and THAT rocks...Ahem...Here we go.

Massholes claim to have dug up money, but actually stole cash.
Ok, so this isn't really a shocker at this point, nor is it new, but I had no choice but to mention it because COME ON...If you find yourself with the opportunity to steal a crapload of very unique old bills, your best bet is to simply SHUT UP about the whole thing, lest you "bring the heat." WHY THE HELL DID THESE IDIOTS SEEK PUBLICITY? Frankly, even though they didn't REALLY "dig up" the money, they certainly dug their own grave...Morons.

Bus ticket to Las Vegas: $200 or so. Postponing an already extravagant wedding: in the neighborhood of $4,000. Nationwide Manhunt for the missing bride-to-be: $10,000 plus. Finding out that your fiancee is really just a flaky bitch: Priceless.
The first question that should be asked is "did the media overreact in relation to the Jennifer Wilbanks disappearance?" My answer: Hell yeah they did! I can only imagine that many media outlets took one look at ol' Jennifer's "deer in the headlights" smile and thought "Hot damn, HERE'S THE NEXT LACI PETERSON!" I'm sure that they started sniffing out interview opportunities and potential book deals even before any real police work was being done, hoping against hope that, for the sake of advertising (and other) potential revenue, this lady was dead and that her husband killed her, because THAT will bring in viewers, baby. I laugh at these fools, though, in a hearty manner because, as it turns out, this selfish whore wasn't abducted and/or tortured or anything...She simply ran away without informing anyone. Typical of selfish jerks like that, though, when she ran out of money in Albuquerque and couldn't get anywhere else, she reverted to "scared helpless girl mode" and LIED TO AUTHORITIES, claiming that she was "abducted by a hispanic man" when, in reality, she had done nothing more that act like a spoiled second grader who didn't get their way...It made me sick when I saw one of her friends interviewed, and she had the gall to say "well, anyone's who's ever planned a wedding KNOWS that it's stressful. I don't blame her." FUCK YOU! I blame her, all right. I blame her for wasting a lot of people's time and resources that would've been better spent doing ANYTHING else. I tell ya, if this chick's husband sticks by her after all of this, HE'S the moron, not her. If I were him and I'm not, but if I were, I'd send the bitch packin' and hope that she's charged with fraud and made to repay all of the costs she helped incur during her selfish little escapade...Idiot.

Entertainment Tonight stoops to new low, buys "exclusive rights" to Mary Kay Letourneau's wedding...
OK, I know that we live in the era of "instant celebrity" and "reality TV," but how in God's name can ANYONE believe that the Letourneau wedding is an acceptable thing to broadcast? Does the American public NEED to know that, despite the (well deserved) prison time and all of the other sick shit, this hag and her little lover will finally get to tie the knot? Worse than anything, why lend this shit any creedence by reporting on it? These people do not deserve respect and attention, they, in fact, need to have some sense smacked into them! Just the fact that this MADE NEWS makes me somewhat ill. Was there actually a "bidding war" for the rights to broadcast this wedding? What the Hell? I guarantee that, if the whole situation had been reversed, and it was a male teacher who had a relationship with a female student of that age, he'd have been locked up forever, chemically castrated and completely crucified in every available media outlet. You wouldn't have these misguided idealists, spewing that "following the heart" bullshit, instead you'd have groups of people looking to gang up and kill the guy. Though, because we live in a twisted society, full of double standards, this sick Letourneau bitch NOT ONLY gets to marry her little schoolboy, BUT SHE GETS PAID by these sleazy fucks TO BROADCAST THE WEDDING!? I'm sorry, but this HAS to be a sign of the apocalypse. If you actually believe that there is anything about this situation that is even remotely "ok," you need to go ahead and have the lobotomy. Either that, or you can work for the slimy shits at ET. Whichever...

"We'll gladly defrau...I mean, 'work with' your insurance company to get you mobile..."
Now THIS comes as absolutely no surprise to me, though your surprise may vary. The Scooter Store, who's pathetic commercials you've no doubt seen on cable TV, lauding their ability to get old people mobile AT NO COST TO THEM, is being sued by the U.S. Justice Department because (surprise, surprise) The Scooter Store repeatedly defrauded Medicare by charging for their more expensive "Power Chair" product when all they had delivered to (insert random old person here) was the "Scooter" product. Funny thing, on their website it says (quoting) "Medicare and Insurance Filing - We Handle The Details." No shit, they handle the details...Handling them, laughing all the way to the friggin' bank is what they've been doing...Now, I ain't no private eye, but I was on to their game from the first time I saw their cheesy advertising, the same advertising that led me to lampoon the whole industry with my Pooper Scooter fake ad. How could anyone believe that there wasn't fraud going on? Look, I know that defrauding old folks is big business these days, but just remember: It's also a quick way to end up in what people call "deep shit." You're goin' down, The Scooter Store...Way down...Fuckers...

So that's it for today, kids...More updates as events warrant...Or not, it won't matter...

Labels: lame stories, misguided rantings