If you've been keeping up on "current events" this past weekend, including the end of last week, you would have seen countless signs of an obviously impending apocalypse REVEALED! Well, that, or we're just degrading more and more as a society. Either way, there was enough noticable "news" recently that not even I, your humble (yet lazy) blog host could not effectively ignore all of it. I shall now share with you my take on some of the "happenings" from the last few days...This is because you want it. You want it bad. This is also because, as per usual, it fills space and THAT rocks...Ahem...Here we go.

Massholes claim to have dug up money, but actually stole cash.
Ok, so this isn't really a shocker at this point, nor is it new, but I had no choice but to mention it because COME ON...If you find yourself with the opportunity to steal a crapload of very unique old bills, your best bet is to simply SHUT UP about the whole thing, lest you "bring the heat." WHY THE HELL DID THESE IDIOTS SEEK PUBLICITY? Frankly, even though they didn't REALLY "dig up" the money, they certainly dug their own grave...Morons.

Bus ticket to Las Vegas: $200 or so. Postponing an already extravagant wedding: in the neighborhood of $4,000. Nationwide Manhunt for the missing bride-to-be: $10,000 plus. Finding out that your fiancee is really just a flaky bitch: Priceless.
The first question that should be asked is "did the media overreact in relation to the Jennifer Wilbanks disappearance?" My answer: Hell yeah they did! I can only imagine that many media outlets took one look at ol' Jennifer's "deer in the headlights" smile and thought "Hot damn, HERE'S THE NEXT LACI PETERSON!" I'm sure that they started sniffing out interview opportunities and potential book deals even before any real police work was being done, hoping against hope that, for the sake of advertising (and other) potential revenue, this lady was dead and that her husband killed her, because THAT will bring in viewers, baby. I laugh at these fools, though, in a hearty manner because, as it turns out, this selfish whore wasn't abducted and/or tortured or anything...She simply ran away without informing anyone. Typical of selfish jerks like that, though, when she ran out of money in Albuquerque and couldn't get anywhere else, she reverted to "scared helpless girl mode" and LIED TO AUTHORITIES, claiming that she was "abducted by a hispanic man" when, in reality, she had done nothing more that act like a spoiled second grader who didn't get their way...It made me sick when I saw one of her friends interviewed, and she had the gall to say "well, anyone's who's ever planned a wedding KNOWS that it's stressful. I don't blame her." FUCK YOU! I blame her, all right. I blame her for wasting a lot of people's time and resources that would've been better spent doing ANYTHING else. I tell ya, if this chick's husband sticks by her after all of this, HE'S the moron, not her. If I were him and I'm not, but if I were, I'd send the bitch packin' and hope that she's charged with fraud and made to repay all of the costs she helped incur during her selfish little escapade...Idiot.

Entertainment Tonight stoops to new low, buys "exclusive rights" to Mary Kay Letourneau's wedding...
OK, I know that we live in the era of "instant celebrity" and "reality TV," but how in God's name can ANYONE believe that the Letourneau wedding is an acceptable thing to broadcast? Does the American public NEED to know that, despite the (well deserved) prison time and all of the other sick shit, this hag and her little lover will finally get to tie the knot? Worse than anything, why lend this shit any creedence by reporting on it? These people do not deserve respect and attention, they, in fact, need to have some sense smacked into them! Just the fact that this MADE NEWS makes me somewhat ill. Was there actually a "bidding war" for the rights to broadcast this wedding? What the Hell? I guarantee that, if the whole situation had been reversed, and it was a male teacher who had a relationship with a female student of that age, he'd have been locked up forever, chemically castrated and completely crucified in every available media outlet. You wouldn't have these misguided idealists, spewing that "following the heart" bullshit, instead you'd have groups of people looking to gang up and kill the guy. Though, because we live in a twisted society, full of double standards, this sick Letourneau bitch NOT ONLY gets to marry her little schoolboy, BUT SHE GETS PAID by these sleazy fucks TO BROADCAST THE WEDDING!? I'm sorry, but this HAS to be a sign of the apocalypse. If you actually believe that there is anything about this situation that is even remotely "ok," you need to go ahead and have the lobotomy. Either that, or you can work for the slimy shits at ET. Whichever...

"We'll gladly defrau...I mean, 'work with' your insurance company to get you mobile..."
Now THIS comes as absolutely no surprise to me, though your surprise may vary. The Scooter Store, who's pathetic commercials you've no doubt seen on cable TV, lauding their ability to get old people mobile AT NO COST TO THEM, is being sued by the U.S. Justice Department because (surprise, surprise) The Scooter Store repeatedly defrauded Medicare by charging for their more expensive "Power Chair" product when all they had delivered to (insert random old person here) was the "Scooter" product. Funny thing, on their website it says (quoting) "Medicare and Insurance Filing - We Handle The Details." No shit, they handle the details...Handling them, laughing all the way to the friggin' bank is what they've been doing...Now, I ain't no private eye, but I was on to their game from the first time I saw their cheesy advertising, the same advertising that led me to lampoon the whole industry with my Pooper Scooter fake ad. How could anyone believe that there wasn't fraud going on? Look, I know that defrauding old folks is big business these days, but just remember: It's also a quick way to end up in what people call "deep shit." You're goin' down, The Scooter Store...Way down...Fuckers...

So that's it for today, kids...More updates as events warrant...Or not, it won't matter...

Labels: lame stories, misguided rantings