Just because it's relatively easy to do, I whipped up another theme song, this time for HappyFunBall, who really kind of started the whole thing by linking to some silly flash animation about potatoes. She claimed it as her theme song, but we all know that theme songs are much better when they're created just for you. Here now, is such a theme:

You're next, Andy. Well, providing that I can figure out how to make the term "copywriter" sound "funky."

Labels: audio

I don't really have anything cohesive to post today but, just to give the appearance that I'm alive, well and updating, I will share with you all a small, meaningless sketch:

Also, I have completed the theme song for my sister's blog. You can listen to it, if you're so inclined:



So that's it! I hope that everyone has a good weekend.

Labels: audio, random drawings

Jack, One of the bloggers whom I read on a regular basis, got...Well..."Found out," I guess you could say...This exposé is not a good thing for him when you take into account that he's a narcotics officer and a reservist. Well, not so much with the reserve duty, but definitely with the police work...Unfortunately, due to this fact, he pulled down all of the content from his blogsite. I understand why he would do it, but it really is a damn shame. You see, Jack is (in my opinion) one of the best writers I've had the pleasure of reading in a while...

Or maybe it's just that he has better stories to tell than the rest of us...I dunno...

Either way, it's a damn shame. I'm going to miss reading Jack's stuff, an activity which I engaged in everyday. Luckily, some of his earlier stories are still up (last time I checked) on his original blog. If you haven't read any of his stuff, I strongly encourage you to do so while you still can. It's worth it, trust me...**update** Jack has no original blog. In fact, Jack may or may not exist. For that matter, this post doesn't exist. What does exist? Trashman. Also: Bigfoot. He likes Brie. Discuss.

On a happier note, I completed a theme song, similar to the one I did for myself, for Collin. I'm also currently working on one for my sister. Problem is, when it's all said and done, I'll probably have to re-do my own, since I spent such a minimum amount of time on it in the first place. That, or I can just have a new cheese-related remix every couple of days...

We'll see...

Labels: pointless shit

Nothing much going on today, still working on a post about the food which my wife and I ate over the weekend. I do have this, though, a wee audio entry which I threw together after visiting HappyFunBall's blog and seeing the "Taters" thing which she linked to. I now present to you...THE SON OF CHEESE THEME SONG!

Everybody needs a theme song. Now, I can say that, even though it was slapped together quite hastily, I have one...Enjoy!

Labels: audio

To ESPN and/or The Hockey News:

Get your shit together. If you think it's funny screwing with my emotions regarding whether or not there will actually be NHL hockey this season, you have another thing coming. I know where you live. I will hunt you down.

To Gary "The Count" Bettman:

You are an asshole. You know it, your family knows it, the players know it, the owners know it. Is your master plan to simply wipe hockey off of the face of the earth? It seems so. As such, you must be destroyed.

To the players:

You are a bunch of greedy jackoffs.

To the "casual hockey fan":

kiss my ass, there should be nothing "casual" about being a hockey fan. Scoring in large quantities does not a hockey game make. If you can't love the drama of a 1-1 tie game, stick with basketball or whatever lame ass sport you probably can't play anyway, or that you collect "cards" of, and just leave hockey alone. It's because of you that misguided turds like Bettman and his cronies want to make the goals bigger and do away with the red line.

OH, and to those who would seek to change the game:

If you can't appreciate the game for what it is, you don't deserve to have anything to do with it. screw you.

Labels: hockey stuff, misguided rantings, sports

I have no time for "writing" today. I'm supposed to get the entire "newsletter" proofed out today and my wife, whom I'm worried about, is home with a 100-plus-degree fever. As a diversion from all of that, I give you a Friday skull:

You and the skull play nice, now. No fighting.

Have a good weekend, kids!

**Update**

Collin is taking part of the newsletter, so I don't have to do it all myself. Still, no time for anything! eeeee!

Labels: random drawings, stagnation

AND...Time. Please place your pencils on your desks and stop working. I'll collect the quizzes now and...HEY! I SAID STOP WORKING!..Thank you. As I was saying, I'll now collect the quizzes and begin grading them. Thanks to those of you who participated. For those of you who decided to "skip school," as it were, I guess we'll just see you again next year...ON WITH THE ANSWERS!

1. Collin served in WHAT capacity in the entertainment industry?
OK, kind of a trick question. So much so, in fact, that even Collin didn't know...heh...The correct answer is that Collin worked in a movie theatre prior to going into the Air Force. You can read about some of his hijinks here.

2. Collin has lived in a foreign country (and didn't enjoy the food). Which one was it?
England. He tells me that the food is quite bland.

3. Collin served in WHAT branch of the armed forces?
Collin served in the Air Force, coincidentally during the first Gulf War. In fact, this is the reason he lived in that aforementioned "foreign country." He was stationed at RAF Upper Heyford.

4. At which place of business was I Collin's iron-fisted supervisor?
This would be the Gazette. I was also Collin's arch nemesis during the great rubberband war...You can read about what REALLY happened during the skirmishes right here.

5. Collin has spawned! How many times and what are the names which correspond to his progeny?
2, one girl (Jordyn) and one boy (Justin).

6. Collin has SIBLINGS! How many?
Now, I didn't know this answer for sure, so I went straight to the source. According to Collin, He grew up as an only child. He also has 7 total siblings. You do the math.

7. Collin plays no sports. His brother, however, plays WHICH SPORT in common with me?
Hockey, yes. Trevor, like me, is a goalie. In fact, for extra credit, you can read Collin's account of the first time that we played against each other here.

8. True or False: Collin's mom has threatened me in the past.
This is true, in fact Jack had it nearly dead on in his answer. Collin, at one time, had a strange lump on his neck and I, being a smartass, said "don't worry, it's malignant." Collin's mom caught wind of my comment and, via Collin, let me know that if it turned out to be a tumor, she would kill me. Still not sure why. Oh, yeah, it was...um...nothing, I think. I'm still alive.

9. What floor is Collin's apartment on?
Ground floor, kids. Ground floor.

10. Collin was a deviant delinquent child. What crime did he perpetrate when he was very young?
When Collin was younger, he and an accomplice let the air out of people's tires and, when they were spotted, ran from the cops. You can read his full confession right here.

So that's it! Heather looks like the big winner with 8 out of 10. That tells you how enigmatic Collin really is, his own girlfriend can't muster more than 80% on a quiz about him. "Close, but no cigar," goes to my wife AND Jenn who tied with 7 of 10, Andy K got an impressive 6 of 10 correct, El Sid did admirably considering the circumstances and got 3 correct. Jack, proving that even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then, got 1 of 10 right by just being a "smartass." Still, most creative answers award (if there were such a thing) would go his way. Fine work, thanks for playing, kids!

Labels: collin crap, Done Got Tagged, Stupid Contests

in honor of Collin's birthday, I was going to author an extensive post about how long I've known him and how he's not a real person so much as a ghost with special ghosty powers and how he's now, not just a friend, but a welcome member of the family since he's dating my sister, but...

I...couldn't...finish...it.

As such, I am going to post a birthday trivia quiz ALL ABOUT COLLIN. I'll admit up front, I'm just gonna make some of this stuff up, but the person (who isn't Collin) who gets the most right answers (you! post your answers in the "comment" section!) will earn...um...a prize...or...something...Gimme a break, kids, I'm just flyin' by the seat of my pants here...

HERE WE GO!

1. Collin served in WHAT capacity in the entertainment industry?

2. Collin has lived in a foreign country (and didn't enjoy the food). Which one was it?

3. Collin served in WHAT branch of the armed forces?

4. At which place of business was I Collin's iron-fisted supervisor?

5. Collin has spawned! How many times and what are the names which correspond to his progeny?

6. Collin has SIBLINGS! How many?

7. Collin plays no sports. His brother, however, plays WHICH SPORT in common with me?

8. True or False: Collin's mom has threatened me in the past.

9. What floor is Collin's apartment on?

10. Collin was a deviant delinquent child. What crime did he perpetrate when he was very young?

So that's it! Happy birthday, Collin! Oh, and after you've all completed the "Collin Quiz," head over to Collin's site and fill his comments with well wishes and such. He'll get all misty over it...Heh.

Labels: collin crap, holidays, Stupid Contests

So, because I don't have any REAL content prepared for you today, I stole the following quiz from the inimitable (read: evil) El Sid. Now, I didn't answer ALL 48 questions like ol' whatsername, mostly because I didn't feel like it, but still, you may derive SOME entertainment from my answers. If you do, awesome. If not, well, I should have some actual "content" very soon. I promise...

on with the quiz!

1. Your name spelled backwards:
Thgink Kered...All of a sudden, I'm some Hindi "business man" sending spam emails filled with "opportunity." Also, "misspellings," but that's neither here nor there...

2. Where were your parents born?
Grand Junction, Colorado

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
"Ebony Eyes" by the Everly Brothers...It was the one "death song" I couldn't produce the last time I did a live oldies show...Shame on me for not being prepared.

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
At the present, it's probably a tie between Kohnami and Las Delicias.

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
a few summers ago when my wife and I visited Florida. I'm not big on swimmin'...To tell the truth, I'm not big on Florida, either.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Yep. I played "boy" in the Pied Piper of Hamlin. I think that was 1st or 2nd grade...

7. How many kids do you want?
um...One.

8. Type of music do you dislike most?
That overrated crap where the singer thinks WAY TOO HIGHLY of him or herself and the band gets way too much media attention despite the fact that they're average at best and that has a following of utter losers who believe that the music has got some secret message in it that only they can decode. You know, the music of U2. Oh yeah, and "smooth jazz."

9. Are you registered to vote?
of course.

10. Do you have cable?
Yes. I'm not sure I could live without it. I LOVE YOU, HISTORY CHANNEL!

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
once, briefly.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
uh, yeah...more times than I can count, in fact...

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Yes, when I lived in Denver.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
I'd have to be pushed.

15. Farthest place you ever traveled?
That would have to be Ontario, Canada...Actually, no...Geographically, I think it'd be Boston, Mass...Of course, both destinations were part of the same trip.

16. Do you have a garden?
Nah. Most plants die (screaming) at the very mention of my name...

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
All time: Calvin and Hobbes. Current: Get Fuzzy.

18. Do you really know all the words to the national anthem?
Yep. When I worked as a Public Address Announcer for a pro hockey team, I was always fearful that the singer would choke (not literally, smartass) and I'd have to "fill in." Luckily (for the spectators), that was never necessary.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower, morning. Night as well if I have a hockey game. Bath every now and then.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
The Ladykillers

21. Favorite pizza toppings?
canadian bacon and white onions. YOU HEAR THAT!? NOT "RED" ONIONS, you DIRTY PIZZA POLLUTING BASTARDS! WHITE! Heh...I also like ground beef and bacon...Chicken, too!

22. Chips or popcorn?
Popcorn...IS SO GOOD! I have a hot air popper.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
What the shit kind of a...OHHHH...This is a GIRLS quiz....Dammit...TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW!

26. Orange Juice or apple?
Both, but I love the natural apple cider stuff where the junk settles to the bottom and you have to shake it before you drink it and, if left in the fridge long enough, it'll ferment and taste all "good."

27. Favorite type of chocolate bar?
Whatchamacallit

28 When was the last time you voted at the polls?
November, 2004. Red state, you dirty liberals! heh...Um...Sorry.

29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
I couldn't say...Possibly "never."

30. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yes. It was from an "academic olympiad" in elementary school 'cause I was SOOOOOOO damned "smart." I also have a trophy for wrestling in junior high and another for being a part of the winning team in a recreational hockey league.

31. Are you a good cook?
bordering on Iron Chef, mofos.

32. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Who doesn't? I mean, seriously...FULL SERVICE IS LONG GONE, PEOPLE! I've been "pumping my own gas" for years, unless this is some dirty metaphor that I just don't get...

33. Ever order an item from an infomercial?
no, but both of my grandmothers have. Way...too...much.

34. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite. goes well with rum OR whiskey.

35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yes, for one single solitary day when I was desperate enough to take a job at Taco Bell. After that one day of being a taco slave, I realized that there were people who needed the job even more than I did. I also realized that the job sucked and I didn't want it, so it was a win-win.

36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Antibiotics. I think that's all I ever get at the pharmacy.

37. Ever throw up in public?
DAMN RIGHT! I was DEATHLY ILL one day when I resided in the lousy neighborhood called "Montbello" near Denver. I went to the 7-11 on the corner to get some juice and, when I went to pay, I started to feel extra "ill." As such, I asked the counter clown if she could "hurry up a bit," and explained that "I feel like I'm gonna thow up." The dirty bitch just sneered and began to complete the transaction EVEN SLOWER. I had little choice and, to teach her a lesson, I turned and projectile vomited all over the floor of the 7-11. You can bet that she hurried her insolent little ass up after THAT...Oh, and one time I threw up on the outside of a rival school's bus at a track meet in high school. No, I cannot puke on command, just so you know.

38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or to find true love?
Well, like Weird Al once sang: "if money can't buy happiness, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO RENT IT! (doo dee doo dee doo dee doo!)" Look, I have that "love" stuff, so can I just have the money too?

39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
eh, no. What I believe is that people are terribly shallow beings who regularly misuse the term "love" to get what they want...You are all bad! GO SIT IN THE CORNER!

40. Ever call a 1-900 number?
um...no...When I was a kid, they were "976" numbers...But I only called it to get the WWF tour schedule, honest!

41. Can exes be friends?
No, what're you, nuts?

42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
my dad, he recently required that a surgeon stab him...

43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
um...I...I don't know.

44. What message is on your answering machine?
it's just me, stating the obvious ("can't take your call, blah blah")...I can't believe I haven' t gotten around to AT LEAST putting some music behind my voice or SOMETHING...Damn, it's lame...I'll have to fix that soon.

45. What is in your backpack?
First off, I'm almost 31 years old, but, yes, I DO carry a backpack to work. I just can't bring myself to carry a briefcase, it's so not "me"...Anyhoo, in it there's a lot of paperwork, my "real radio" headphones, my planbook, my checkbook, some DVDs and CDs and an Idaho Spud that I keep forgetting to give to my mom...She loves those things.

46. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
I don't have "routines." I guess..."Get all tired."

47. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
That I'm all "alive" and stuff.

48. What is the first concert you ever went to?
I hate to admit it, but I think it was Air Supply. STOP LAUGHING! In my defense, I was like...5...I was too young NOT to go...My mom and sister wanted to see them and they were performing at the state fair. To add insult to injury, we had to sit through the stinkin' rodeo before the concert. Talk about going from bad to worse...I was truly in Hell.

So that's it. A crappy quiz to fill space. Hey, happy Valentine's Day, kids!..

Labels: blatant rip-offs, Done Got Tagged, lame stories, me roots, stagnation

When I started this blog, I had only intended to do it for one year. One. That was my plan. One. Single. Year.

Just so you know, I turned "one" yesterday.

It's no big deal...I've been wrong a lot of times...This ain't the first time...

Sincere thanks to everyone who's come around and commented in the past year. Hopefully I can keep you all coming back...For those of you who come around and DON'T comment (I know who you are...Well, I know your I.P. address at least), thanks for at least coming around...It makes this a little bit more than just a project to amuse myself with...

Big thanks to the sites which gave me the inspiration to start this blog, even if they're not aware of that fact, JSP's 665 and Bad News Hughes. Of course, thanks to Collin, for pointing them out to me in the first place...I think that, in the past year, possibly the biggest "triumph," if not a nice bit of "validation," has been the fact that I was added (at some point) to Bad News Hughes' blogroll...

Of course, to everyone who has me linked, I appreciate it more than you know and, if I haven't reciprocated, it doesn't mean I don't care...I most likely plan to do so, I'm just terrible at remembering things if I haven't "written them down."

Well, kids, it's been a fun year and I imagine that, if I put my little mind to it, I can make year 2 just as, if not more, fun. Thanks again for coming around!

P.S.: If any of you folks which come around are still wondering what the Hell the name "Son of Cheese" means, you can read that post right here.. Heh.

Labels: lame stories

I'm sure that, at some point in time, you've seen the commercials which air on cable TV for outfits such as the Scooter Store...These are the places which target the elderly with their "mobility products," claiming to get your grammy or grampy "up and about" at no cost to them (no doubt by overcharging SOMEONE'S insurance somewhere). I've often wondered, though, when these shysters would try and "kill two birds with one stone," so to speak, and try and grab the market share from other "elderly targeted" products. I have for you all today, my version of the "mini-infomercial" for just such a miracle product. A product which would solve mobility AND incontinence issues for the elderly...The Pooper Scooter 2000...

it's made of "space age polymers!" And...Um...Assless Chaps...

Labels: all those funny voices, audio, spoof commercials

There're possibly a good number of people who wouldn't be aware who Merle Kilgore was, let alone be aware that he passed on. In a strange way, Merle Kilgore was a big part of mine and my sister's childhood. See, we had a 45 rpm record which we had won at a carnival, or at the state fair, which happened to be the Merle Kilgore rendition of "The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down." I loved the song because, even at an early age, I was rabidly interested in all things related to the American Civil War and, since we WERE kids, my sister and I derived great enjoyment from the record by playing at 78 rpm and making a little stuffed mouse named "Pudding" dance to the sped up music...

Thanks, Merle. We had a lot of fun.

Labels: lame stories, me roots, sad stories

Hey, it's Monday already! It's a crappy, cold, snowy day here which is made even worse by the fact that, prior to it getting all cold and snowy, it was all "rainy." That means that all of the roads around town, with precious few exceptions, are quite treacherous. I hear tell that there was even a large pileup of cars this morning where I would usually get onto the interstate. Due to that fact, I was forced to utilize a number of "alternate routes" to get to work today, all the while dodging the other "drivers" on the road...Things is crappy and are probably only gonna get crappier...

Wish me luck in getting home later...

So, in case you weren't paying attention, or just don't like "football," there was this "big game" on the television yesterday. I'll admit, I wasn't paying a whole crapload of attention to the damn thing because A: I don't like either of the teams who were participating in the game and B: I was busy taking the money of the people who threw the party which I attended during the poker tournament which they organized...I love playing that game of poker! It's fun, especially when you can make money while doing it. I officially took 2nd place (out of 10 or 11 players) in the tournament, but was really just trying to end the whole thing by going "all in" on every hand once it came down to the last 2 players (myself and a congenial drunk fella' named "Brian"). Eventually Brian called my all-in and won. Even though the loss didn't completely break me, I was dead set on going home, so I conceded. Still, I had fun and, more importantly, made some money...Nothing better than that, right?

For any "law enforcement" personnel who may stumble upon this entry: no money changed hands! Only pride and, c'mon, pride is PRICELESS!..Anyway...

I performed a few "housekeeping" things related to the ol' blog today, including rearranging (slightly) a couple of the sidebar links which lead to other blogs. One, which I had moved to the "retired" section because she had said ON HER BLOG that she was "hangin' 'em up" did NOT, in fact, quit blogging...As such, even despite the fact that she's a flaming liberal, I still think that there's SOME redeeming quality to her writing, so I moved her back (barely) under the header of blogs which I read. Another, which I had denoted as "active," has not updated since...Well, since a long damn time ago....As such, I've moved it under the retired header...

Look, kids...If you're gonna be a damn quitter, just do it! Stick with it and quit!..Save Uncle Derek the time and trouble of cutting and pasting your sorry link every couple of weeks...At the same time, if you're gonna blog, and make me read your blog by writing things that are interesting, KEEP IT UP! This way, I won't have to be all "I had to rearrange..." ok?..Good...Thank you...Heh...

So anyway, in a total "geek" move, and as a gift to myself in honor of my one year "blogiversary" (which will occur later this week), I registered the domain name www.sonofcheese.com. I'm not planning on moving or mirroring or anything like that, but Yahoo had a registration deal which I couldn't pass up AND that allows me to have THAT address forward automatically to HERE...In addtion, I can have an "email address" that automatically forwards to my Yahoo email...I FEEL SO OFFICIAL!..I am the proud owner of sonofcheese.com for the next 5 years...I know it sounds silly, but you never know who is gonna reserve something when you ain't lookin'...

Also, because I recently added the referral ads from CafePress to my sidebar, and the ad is touting discounts on selected "Valentine's Day" merchandise, I thought it might be good to add those items to my store. Again, THIS IS NOT A PLEA FOR YOU TO BUY ANYTHING, just an opportunity to see some of the stupid things that are in my Shop. Look especially at the boxers and the bear, 'cause they're new (today)!

Past that, things are pretty uneventful...I do have this stuff called "work" to get done, so I'd better get on doin' that...We'll see you again soon, kids!

Labels: 'round town, geekery, lame stories, poker, sports

You are aware, if you've been so inclined as to visit his site this week, that Collin has been doing yeoman's work in cataloging all of the clipart and such that we have "come to own" here at work. Yesterday, he told me that I NEEDED to take a look at one of the photo sets called "Funny Bones." I assumed that this was because of my unnatural obsession with all things skeletal, so I took a look...

I assumed wrong. Collin wanted me to look at these "pictures" because they arguably may be some of the strangest clip art known to man...

These photos apparently chronicle the exploits of a completely gay skeleton who resides alone, somewhere in the desert...I'm not sure why anyone would go through the trouble of putting together the photo shoot which produced the aforementioned photographic gems, some of which I am prepared to share with you, but the facts are that someone did, they exist and they are quite strange. Very, very strange. (Remember that you can click on any of the following "photos" for a larger look at damn things)...

So the first 10 or 20 shots are mostly along this vein:

Now, I GUESS that I can see SOME use for this SOMEWHERE...Even though the skeleton and the snake are so OBVIOUSLY plastic and the snake has an unnerving sort of grin on it's evil, snakey face...I could KIND of see where "they" may have been going with the photoset...But then I ran across things like this:



So...I guess there ARE times that I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang the drum all day...But...What could anyone POSSIBLY use this for? Oh, and it gets worse...



"I successfully copied a SHITLOAD of twenties! I'm FILTHY RICH! I'm gonna finally buy me that skin I've been wanting...Do you think anyone will notice that they're an eensy weensy bit bigger than normal?"

"Hey, here's that twenty bucks I owe ya."



So...I THINK that "they" intended this to be some sort of "resurrection, coming out of the coffin" type deal...But...It mostly looks (to me) like he and the snake are getting ready to play some scrabble...Keep that shovel handy, Mr. Gay Skeleton! You may have to brain the snake if he takes your triple word score!



And who wouldn't love a naked skeleton in a big yellow hat for Valentine's day? So what the CRAP is with the wee fence? Perhaps his boney love will burst forth if not restrained...By a fence...And a paper strawberry...I'm becoming ill just thinking of it.



"...and after a swingin' night on the town, Mr. Gay Skeleton relaxes with a drawn bath and...HEY, DID YOU JUST FART IN THERE!?"



Oh, now that's just plain dirty...Maybe he's NOT Mr. GAY Skeleton after all?..



Ok, no...He is...Nice provocative pose and little pink hat, buddy...



Hey, look, it snows soap flakes in the desert where this fella' lives! Isn't he stunning in his little pink ski outfit? I'm pretty sure that the hat is "ribbed for extra pleasure" as well...



Um...Holy crap.



Yeah, bike! Get him! That's what he gets for wearin' them tiny yella' boots and that fringe!



Have you ever had times when the ol' Christmas tree just won't cooperate?..Well, kids, when that happens, take a cue from Mr. Skeleton here and GRAB THE DAMN THING AND HUMP IT INTO SUBMISSION! Notice how the lighting pattern makes what appears to be disturbingly gleeful faces on the ornaments? Weird...I...uh...Don't want any presents from under this tree, that's for sure...

Labels: gay skeletons, Phrickin' Photoblogs

So, since all the kids are doin' it, I figured "why not me?" I think the simple fact is that, when someone posts about odd searches which lead to their blog, it compels whomever is reading to check their OWN search stuff, if they have the ability to do so.

Luckily, I have that ability...

Here are searches which have led to the Son of Cheese recently:

seventies "skate party" music "list"
K.C. & the Sunshine Band, Gloria Gaynor, Thelma Houston and Daddy Dewdrop...In case you were wondering.

Son of a Bitch Dip
These people need to be more polite towards their food...I mean, really...

about moldy cheese
Um...Whaddaya need to know beyond the fact that it ain't good eatin'?

pizza hut phone number "indianapolis"
Can't help you...Don't live there...Never been there...

"kraut juice" frank's
Hell yeah...I hope that they listened to it...

widefield high school reunion
Yeah, it's...Um...at John Lucero's house...Tomorrow...Show up at 5am...Bang on the door...Seriously...

La Raza Pizza indianapolis
Dammit, I said I don't live there...Wait...La Raza PIZZA?..I smell audio entry...

potato sid for rack of lamb
What? Sounds evil (and starchy)...

Ok, ok, I know..."Nothing spectacular," I hear you say...Ah, but I get the ODDEST search queries hitting my retired Bizarro Collin site "Fizzle and Poop." I share such things with you...NOW!

sick ass fonts
I got a couple with polio and three that have Lou Gherig's disease, but that's about it. Oh, yeah, and one has the "croup."

pet smart poop be gone
Yes, please make it go away, much like MAGIC...

web
You're...um...Kidding...Right?

shirley q liquor shithead
I dunno who this Shirley Q is, but she sounds like a mean drunk. Wonder if she's related to Suzie...

make custom poop
Uh...Um...Eat confetti, maybe?

my dick smells like poop
Good lord, man! Don't get so sloppy drunk next time!

why do gorillas throw poop
Ask my dad...

deliver poop to a friends home
It better be IN A PAPER BAG and ON FIRE, mister!

poop rubbing
Oh, dear lord, no. FIND BETTER THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR TIME, YOU SICK BASTARDS!

So there you have it...The most recent odd searches to lead to my digital doorstep. Suffice to say, that if any of these people had come around in real life looking for such crap (poop)...Well...Colorado has that "Make My Day" law...

Labels: lame stories, seek-n-find

Isn't it nice when things seem to just "fall into place?" That's kind of what happened with today's entry, yet another "fake ad" which will fill space until I can get my lazy brain to squeeze out some funny stories or somethin'...I was perusing some of our stock photographs looking for inspiration when I found the picture of the "office guy" screaming. Of course, I instantly thought "voices in my head" and ran with it. After finding a few more good "screamy" pictures, I decided to go back to a format which I had used already, in this case, the Dark Minion Club.

*disclaimer: Contrary to what SOME people say, I am NOT a minion of Satan...Now that I have that out of the way, I present today's fake advertisement:



when you click on it, it gets "big" and "readable." Don't be shy! Clicky!

I've had a Dark Minion ringer tee for sale in the ol' store for a while. I'm thinking that a tote bag, or thong, with the Dark Minion logo may sell more (being that "one" would be more than "zero").

Oh, wait, the thong is already taken...um...Anyway, enjoy the ad, kids!

Labels: false advertising, Phun With Photoshop