Friday, February 04, 2005

Dem Bones, Dem Bones, Dem (Gay) Bones... 

You are aware, if you've been so inclined as to visit his site this week, that Collin has been doing yeoman's work in cataloging all of the clipart and such that we have "come to own" here at work. Yesterday, he told me that I NEEDED to take a look at one of the photo sets called "Funny Bones." I assumed that this was because of my unnatural obsession with all things skeletal, so I took a look...

I assumed wrong. Collin wanted me to look at these "pictures" because they arguably may be some of the strangest clip art known to man...

These photos apparently chronicle the exploits of a completely gay skeleton who resides alone, somewhere in the desert...I'm not sure why anyone would go through the trouble of putting together the photo shoot which produced the aforementioned photographic gems, some of which I am prepared to share with you, but the facts are that someone did, they exist and they are quite strange. Very, very strange. (Remember that you can click on any of the following "photos" for a larger look at damn things)...

So the first 10 or 20 shots are mostly along this vein:
happy snake
Now, I GUESS that I can see SOME use for this SOMEWHERE...Even though the skeleton and the snake are so OBVIOUSLY plastic and the snake has an unnerving sort of grin on it's evil, snakey face...I could KIND of see where "they" may have been going with the photoset...But then I ran across things like this:

bang the drum
So...I guess there ARE times that I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang the drum all day...But...What could anyone POSSIBLY use this for? Oh, and it gets worse...

we're in the money
"I successfully copied a SHITLOAD of twenties! I'm FILTHY RICH! I'm gonna finally buy me that skin I've been wanting...Do you think anyone will notice that they're an eensy weensy bit bigger than normal?"

"Hey, here's that twenty bucks I owe ya."

let's play scrabble
So...I THINK that "they" intended this to be some sort of "resurrection, coming out of the coffin" type deal...But...It mostly looks (to me) like he and the snake are getting ready to play some scrabble...Keep that shovel handy, Mr. Gay Skeleton! You may have to brain the snake if he takes your triple word score!

love so big
And who wouldn't love a naked skeleton in a big yellow hat for Valentine's day? So what the CRAP is with the wee fence? Perhaps his boney love will burst forth if not restrained...By a fence...And a paper strawberry...I'm becoming ill just thinking of it.

fart bubbles
"...and after a swingin' night on the town, Mr. Gay Skeleton relaxes with a drawn bath and...HEY, DID YOU JUST FART IN THERE!?"

goin' down
Oh, now that's just plain dirty...Maybe he's NOT Mr. GAY Skeleton after all?..

Slam it home
Ok, no...He is...Nice provocative pose and little pink hat, buddy...

Hey, look, it snows soap flakes in the desert where this fella' lives! Isn't he stunning in his little pink ski outfit? I'm pretty sure that the hat is "ribbed for extra pleasure" as well...

ride on
Um...Holy crap.

get him
Yeah, bike! Get him! That's what he gets for wearin' them tiny yella' boots and that fringe!

hump the tree
Have you ever had times when the ol' Christmas tree just won't cooperate?..Well, kids, when that happens, take a cue from Mr. Skeleton here and GRAB THE DAMN THING AND HUMP IT INTO SUBMISSION! Notice how the lighting pattern makes what appears to be disturbingly gleeful faces on the ornaments? Weird...I...uh...Don't want any presents from under this tree, that's for sure...

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