So you may have noticed by now, if you're inclined to look at such things, that I change my blog subhead on a regular basis. Most of the time I'll just place some goofy, obscure quote in that space and call it "good." There are times, however, when I feel compelled to use the darn thing to do nothing more than generate search engine hits, which is the purpose of the current subhead (slamming "Abe's of Maine). Don't get me wrong, I'm not vain enough to think that I can make a huge difference with the few Google hits I get here, but, in doing some quick "Googling" this past weekend, I discovered something very interesting. Perhaps because my blog is updated on a regular basis, or perhaps because I've simply just used so many different words to this point, the damn thing is climbing higher and higher in the rankings on various searches. In fact, just to see how ironic some of this crap can get, check this out...

Take that, Denver Post!..Heh...

Anyway, all of this Googlin' and findin' and such helped me to realize that, even though I don't have a whole lot of real effective recourse when I'm treated poorly by a business, I DO have this blog. It's MY outlet, MY forum, MY dominion which I can rule with an iron fist if I am so inclined. In addition to all of THAT (crunchy) goodness, the whole stupid thing is available, in theory, to EVERYONE ON PLANET EARTH...I can post crap here and I don't have to apologize for nor explain ANYTHING if I don't feel like it...You want an example of such AWESOME POWER!? I GIVE YOU THIS:

NO EXPLANATION FOR THAT! DON'T NEED ONE EITHER! YEAH!

Anyway...Back to the issue at hand...

Here recently, I decided to order a few components for my mobile DJ rig, hoping to not only make the whole setup more efficient, but to also afford myself the ability to run either a traditionally DJ'd show (like a wedding reception, or a sock hop) OR a karaoke show from the same "rig," which is something that I have wanted (very badly) to do for some time. I did my fair share of product research online and mapped out a final rack setup numerous times before I came to a decision as to what I needed to buy. I ultimately decided that I needed a few new rack components, some cables and a second rack to store all of the junk in. I searched to find the best prices for each of the items on my "wish list" and finally settled on the particular "online storefronts" which I would be giving my business to. One of these establishments is one which I am very comfortable with. I purchase various items from them many times a year and, with one exception from a few years ago, their selection, prices, shipping time and communication is top notch. The other stores I was getting ready to throw my money at, though, I had no experience with whatsoever...

Well, ok...That's not ENTIRELY accurate...One of the stores, a DJ supply company in Chicago, is a place which I had TRIED to do business with once before. A couple years back I ordered a specific light which their website said was in stock, but received a call from a sales rep later that day saying that "the item is long gone, but we have this similar, more expensive model you might like." I don't like bait and switch, so I didn't buy the stupid light. Based on that experience, I was a bit wary of purchasing from them this time, but they were the ONLY stinkin' place which had the rack I needed at the price I liked, so I placed the order. One of the other places had the dual CD+G player I had my eye on for a ridiculously low price. The other place I ordered from, referred through a "Price Grabber" search, or something like that, is called "Abe's of Maine."

Their price on the item which I wanted to complete my setup was so INSANELY LOW that, even though they charged strangely exorbitant shipping fees, the total was still at least $20 less than anywhere else. Motivated by price, I placed my order through their website without checking out any "customer reviews" for the store...I'll never do THAT again...Heck, I should've known not to order from them as soon as I placed the item in my "cart" on their website. Right along side of it, suddenly, there appeared a $4,000 flat screen television...I deleted that item and got to thinking that it was no accident. To confirm my suspicions, I tried a few more random items and found that, deceptive mofos that Abe's of Maine are, their system automatically adds another, albeit related, EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE item right along with whatever you place into your cart. Now, that shit's not only deceptive, it's downright ILLEGAL in my opinion. Bottom line, I didn't appreciate it so much...Still, cheap-ass that I am, I went with them based on their price...

Before I get into that, though, I'd like to share that there are a lot of things which I like love about ordering products online...The convenience of it all, the fact that I can "look around" without being bothered by "salespeople" or "other customers" and (in general) the ability to check and track my order are just a few. The items which I ordered from the store I was familiar with arrived, as they usually do, in 2 days. I knew they would, too because the store had EMAILED ME A CONFIRMATION! WITH A TRACKING NUMBER again, like they always do. The next day, much to my delight (and surprise), the dual CD+G player came in. That store, too, had communicated well and provided me a confirmation email containing a tracking number. The other two stores hadn't emailed me tracking numbers, or confirmations, but the Chicago store HAD called to verify what I wanted and to tell me that it was going to be shipped right out to me...Abe's of Maine hadn't so much as confirmed my order, which I didn't like one stinkin' little bit...

When I order ANYTHING online, no matter what the shipping method, I have the items shipped to where I work. This allows me to avoid the "note on the door, sorry we missed you" bullcrap. UPS, FedEx, USPS, DHL and various Chinese and Vietnamese restaurants deliver here every business day, and we have a dedicated "shipping and receiving" department so there's always SOMEONE to sign for the packages. This past week, after I had received the first couple of packages, I was showing them off to Ray who subsequently asked me if I was expecting any more stuff. I told him that I was, including one item which I ordered from Abe's of Maine. When I said that, however, his expression changed dramatically...

"You ordered from THEM?" he asked, implying that I had done something extremely and painfully stupid...

As Ray waxed ominously about all of the "horror stories" that he had heard about Abe's of Maine, and how they're notorious for charging your credit card and simply not shipping whatever item you ordered, I became increasingly worried that I HAD done something stupid. At that point, Abe's HAD, in fact, charged my credit card. In addition to that, I had been unable to glean any info about my order via their website. After hearing Ray rattle on for some time about how I was probably going to be ripped off, I decided it was time to give ol' Abe a call...

Y'know, you really shouldn't trust any company that has "of Maine" in their title and is actually located in Brooklyn, NY. It's like Boston Market, which is based in Golden, Colorado...It just ain't right! Just a tip from me to you, kids...Now, back to our feature story...

So, greatly worried, I placed a call to Abe's of Maine...After a significant hold time, I was connected to a "customer service" rep. I asked this "person" if my order had shipped and gave her my order number. She hesitated a bit and said that it had, but that she had to put me on hold, supposedly so she could go find a tracking number for my package. When she came back to the phone, she told me that I'd have to "call back on Sunday" to get my tracking number. Even though that sounded quite suspicious to me, I agreed to do so...

I can only imagine the hilarity which ensued at Abe's pit of Hell of Maine after that bitch nice lady hung up after speaking with me...While howling with (demonic) laughter, she was probably telling the other vermin and child molesters she works alongside that she "just gave some guy in Colorado the 'call back Sunday' line!" The other terrorists and criminals in the call center would give her high fives and smile a knowing smile just before returning to their work, overcharging for shipping and sending out incorrect or inoperable items, all the while kicking puppies and baby seals with metal cleats and alternately setting fire to the American flag and putting out the flames with their own putrid urine...

Ok, so maybe it wasn't as festive as all THAT but, long story short, Abe's is closed on Sundays. The lady that told me to "call back on Sunday" knows that and, after I checked further on the website, I knew it too. Just to be sure, though, I called up on Sunday...Of course, I merely met with a message that said Abe's was, in fact, closed...

After that, I was livid, to say the least...

I quickly searched for ratings, or customer reviews, for Abe's of Maine and found that I wasn't alone. Apparently, rudeness and lies are standard company policy when a customer calls in for info. The not-so-glowing reviews for the store I found on BizRate (mine's on there now, by the way) made me even more angry. I was really beginning to think that I had been ripped off...Luckily for me, and for the jackasses at Abe's, I DID eventually receive what I ordered. This doesn't change the fact, however, that I was intentionally LIED TO by a member of their staff. I cannot forgive that sort of thing and, even though it may seem a petty thing to concern myself with, I want everyone to know about their deceptive business practices and their seemingly utter disdain for their customers. If you EVER come across Abe's of Maine and subsequently decide that it may be a "good idea" to order from them, just don't do it. Back away slowly...There are enough companies on the web that you CAN trust, you don't have to waste your time with dirty, deceptive jerks like the ones at Abe's of Maine...

"editor's" note: When I do business with a company online and they impress me greatly, usually through a combination of competitive price, good customer service and selection, I link them in my sidebar. Granted, most of you will probably never need to shop for some of the things I shop for, but if you ever find yourself in a position where you DO, my recommendations are there for the clicking...

Labels: indignities, lame stories, misguided rantings, random drawings