So today, at lunchtime, I went with Collin to possibly purchase a low-cost lunch that would appeal to me more than the frozen meal that I had brought. In addition, I wanted to see if I could pick me up a copy of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, since Collin, ever the pre-orderer, had played it already and told me that it "rocked" and also "was cool." Before we could pay a visit to any video game retailer (or food retailer, for that matter) we had to make a stop at the palatial offices of Colorado Springs Utilities so that Collin, who either misplaced his bill or had it stolen by one of his deviant children (or a ghost-cat), could pay his bill, lest he be left in the dark (with no heat).

Hey, it's getting cold at night this time of year...Having your utilities cut off would suck...

Anyway, when we arrived, I went into the lobby with Collin but, having no vested interest in finding out how much he pays for his utilities, I took a seat in what appeared to be a "designated waiting area" while he tended to his utility business. There were 12 (or more) identical seats in this "waiting area," arranged in a sort of 3-sided square, facing the main reception desk. Given my range of choices, it would seem that the odds were against me choosing poorly, one seat SHOULD be just as good as another, right?

Heh...You'd think...

As Collin went up to one of the "teller windows" to pay his bill, I took in the sights, as it were, in and around the lobby. There were numerous people going about their day in what appeared to be a clean, comfortable and non-threatening environment...Suddenly, I was distracted by a noise to my right. When I turned my head to see what this "noise" was, I felt the unmistakable (also: horrible) feeling of "spider web" on my forehead...

By the way, did I mention that I hate spiders?..

Ever since I was a kid, I've hated spiders. Frankly, to me, they're just flat out repulsive. In fact, big or small, I hate them all. I learned to be slightly more tolerant of the stupid things, having spent a year and a half living in a shitty, spider-infested rental home, but this fact doesn't mean that I harbor a desire for arachnids to travel about on my person at any time during my day. I rationalized that, since this was the first I had felt of this spiderweb, that I surely didn't carry it in with me. I figured that somewhere, probably in my hair (great), was a spider, ready to hitch a ride to whatever game store or fast-food establishment we would be hitting next. Feeling "funny," I stayed as still as I could, figuring that when Collin was done with his...Whatever he was doing...I could ask him if he saw a spider on me...

Damn, I hate spiders...

As Collin approached, being done with his...stuff, I caught sight of the little fucker on the shoulder of my jacket...I quickly sprung out of the chair and gave my shoulder a good whack, which prompted Collin to give me an odd look...I watched as the spider, a medium-sized reddish-brown thing, fell off of my jacket. Although stunned, it was still attached to it's vile webby string which was, unfortunately, still attached to my jacket. Holding myself still in a rather awkward position, I told Collin to "Step on that for me, would you?" Collin replied that he didn't see anything to step on, so I moved a bit in an attempt to make the dirty little freeloader sway some...Soon enough, Collin caught sight of it. Rather than stepping on it, as I had directed him to, he tried to sever the web with his payment stub...Not wishing to have this spider waiting for me the next time that I entered an office lobby, I stomped it good once it hit the floor...

Take that, asshole...

Having dispatched the eight-legged menace, I was now suddenly aware that Collin was not the only person who was paying attention to me in the Utilities office. Most of the people who worked there appeared to now be watching me rather curiously, especially the security officer who seemed to be ready to finally get to toss out some crazy folk if need be. Rather than cause any further disturbance, I exited the building straightaway and got into Collin's car, the license plate of which was surely recorded by the Utilities building personnel for filing in their "crazy conveyance" files. Heh...It's only a matter of time, now, before ol' Collin' gets his utilities cut off...Fucking spider...

Author's note: The trip turned out to be a near total loss anyway, seeing as the little shop that we went into to get the Grand Theft Auto game wouldn't sell me one. He said it had something to do with filling pre-orders...Bah...I'll get the thing from Target soon enough, counter clown...

Labels: collin crap, indignities, lame stories