And so I'm back from my impromptu vacation. My wife and I both had fun, but agreed that driving across Utah is kind of arduous. Granted, it's very scenic and chock full of "natural splendor," but as drives go, it's a bit monotonous. Also, it was hot (which was to be expected) and neither of us were feeling 100% by the end of the trip. I tend to blame all of the food that I'm apt to ingest during "vacation." I will say that, overall, the whole excursion could be classified as "not bad" and, in addition, I learned a few things:

Downtown Las Vegas is really, really fun. It's easier to get around than the Strip (less foot and automobile traffic) and Boulder Highway (where everything's so spaced out) and it's more affordable. I was so taken by the whole (Fremont Street) experience, in fact, that if we ever stay at a hotel/casino in Las Vegas again, it'll probably be at the Golden Nugget. No matter what, though, I'll be visiting Downtown Las Vegas again...

Having intentions of playing table games and actually playing table games are two very different things. As expected, I had a very hard time parting with money during the trip. I finally found a $3 blackjack table at the Golden Gate. Here's a hint: if the dealer is taking everybody's money BEFORE you sit in, chances are good that she'll take most of yours once you do sit in. Also, if things aren't going your way, go ahead and move to a different table. If you start winning at THAT table, chances are good that a new dealer will come along who's only purpose in life is to suck you dry of any and all monetary units you may have on the table...

As an aside "lesson learned" to the above lesson, If you have trouble with math, you're probably going to suck at blackjack...

I'm pretty sure that the phrase "Pai Gow" translates as "Roundeye leave money on table." The "Poker" is added simply to fool you into thinking that luck may help you to win a hand or two...

If a hotel's website tells you that each room has a wonderful view, be warned: one man's "wonderful view" could be another man's "view of a drainage ditch..."

If a hotel restaurant has a sign out front that speaks of it's fare being "tailored to a senior's tastes and budget," be warned. You WILL save some money -vs- eating at TGI Friday's or Boston's, but you'll probably be using a Hell of a lot of salt...

If a member of the wait staff at a mexican restaurant inside a casino gets all pissy with you for a mistake that they made, don't debate with them. Instead, calmly ask to see their manager. When the manager offers to comp of your lunch, it's wise to accept. If they then offer to bring you something in addition, like a beverage or dessert, it's wiser still to refuse. In fact, the sooner you leave the table (and the restaurant as a whole), the better off you'll be. There's no good reason I can think of to wait around only to have something you're about to eat or drink be spat upon, even if it is free...

If the temperature reads 105° in Las Vegas, Nevada, you will, indeed, be cooked alive if you stand on asphalt for more than 5 minutes at a time. in addition, if you're told by a "local" that 105° "isn't really that hot," it's ok to pity them. I think it's even ok to laugh at them...Just don't stand in one spot too long while you're doing it...

Rancho Street, Maryland Parkway and South Charleston Avenue in the Las Vegas Area are good streets to avoid. Just FYI...

Finally, if and when you go downtown (Las Vegas) with your wife, your sister-in-law and your sister-in-law's boyfriend and you then get all liquored up from your yard o' pina colada (with additional rum) and then eat appetizers at Tony Roma's and THEN go to the Texas Station (on Rancho) to go bowling and EVEN AFTER you remember that you're not wearing any socks and have to purchase some from a vending machine, take it easy on your first frame. Falling down sucks, but falling face first into a greasy bowling lane sucks even worse. You may skin your knee and, as such, feel pretty silly. If you hop up quickly and raise your arms like you "meant to do it," it won't change anything. You'll still look like a moron...

Labels: get outta town, I eat food, indignities, lame stories