You know what? the one thing that I can say is that at least I'm self-aware...What I mean by that is I'm fully aware of my largest problem. Yes, kids, that (large) problem of mine is called "procrastination." I procrastinate better than anyone I know...Hell, if there were some way top make a living by procrastinating, I would surely be a wealthy man. Anyhow, as is painfully obvious by now, I was unable to post anything from Wednesday of last week until...right about now. Honestly, I could say that I was way too busy to really come up with anything, but that's a weak excuse. Now that I think about it, though, so is just saying that I'm a dirty procrastinator. Regardless, I shall procrastinate no longer! Here comes some post!..

It's National Dog Bite Prevention Week...No, Really, It Is...
So I think I've mentioned this before, but why not piss several people off again: I. Hate. Dogs. Dogs are smelly, stupid creatures who should be treated more as livestock than family members. I know, I know, you dog people out there are likely feeling the burning hatred. You're also saying things at your screen like "Not MY dog. MY dog is sweet and kind! MY dog would never do anything like bite or bark." Newsflash: You're WRONG! H. Wrongy Wrongenstein! As the poster I saw this morning in my local post office says, "Even the sweetest dog can pose a threat - be a responsible dog owner." I took offense to this poster for one simple reason: Dogs aren't sweet. Dogs are stupid. Personally, I've been bitten and/or attacked by dogs more than once in my life. In recent years, I've been lucky in that I haven't had too many dog run-ins. I do, though, often take walks on my lunch hour here at work. I take the same route every time out and walk past the same houses. I know which houses have dogs and I've had some dogs run after me and jump at me on these walks because, yes, dogs are stupid. There's one house in particular that has a dog which has always barked like a retard on speed from an upstairs window whenever anyone or anything passes within a half-mile of said house. This past Thursday, however, as I walked around the corner and towards the aforementioned house, this particular (aforementioned and stupid) dog was not confined to an upstairs window. Instead, this dog streaked out of the garage, teeth bared, barking and coming after me...I wasn't even near the property line of the house at that time, but the dog was set on attacking me. I backed up into a defensive posture once I realized what was going on and tried to stay away from the stupid fucking thing, but it kept lunging and snapping at me. I yelled for it to get away and that's when I notice that the owner is outside, but he's not doing anything about the situation. I then yell at him to call his dog off and he does a half-assed "get in the house" thing. Instead of this piss-poor command working, a whole OTHER dog runs out of the garage and joins the fray...It's here that I become quite angry...

With my adrenaline flowing in overdrive now, I scream at the owner and let him know that if he doesn't get control of his dogs, I plan to snap one or both of their necks. Would I have been able to? No. Would I have liked to at that time? Yes, please. Hearing my threat, he attempts another "get in the house" and the dogs begin to follow, barking and baring their teeth all the way. After the two idiot mange-factories are finally out of sight, the owner turns and stares at me like nothing happened. So of course, I let him know that he's a real asshole and that he could, in fact, kiss my ass. As he stumbled quickly into the house, emitting some no-doubt witty retorts to avoid having to own up to the fact that he's an irresponsible shithead, I decided that I'm buying myself some pepper spray.

Second Place Is The First Loser...
Shifting gears to sports (kind of), I have news of near triumph ending in not-so-abject failure...Since the first game of the spring season where it seemed that we just couldn't "get our shit together," the softball team that my wife and I play on had been simply unstoppable, winning every game and decimating every team. This past Friday was our final scheduled game and, in a sappy, Disneyesque coincidence, because of each team's respective record, that final game ended up being for the league championship: we win, we're first. We lose, we're second...Well, long story short, we lost so we're second...On the bright side, I think that second is the best that we've done up to this point and we now have bright yellow shirts to parade around town in (or to wear while we wash our cars or do yardwork)...Um...Yay us!

Liquor In The Front, Poker In The...
So yeah, on Saturday, 364 long days since the last time I hosted a Dead Money Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tournament, A bunch of us amateur poker players got together and gambled within the state-regulated limits. We had a good turnout for the tournament even though some players canceled out and, wouldn't you know it, when the smoke cleared and the dust settled, I was able to outlast Justin's wife Jennifer and win the whole damn thing. Hell, it was so much fun, I figure that I'm going to have to make the tournaments a monthly thing...This once-a-year shit just ain't cuttin' it...

By The Time I Get To Arizona...
...It'll be like...1:00am on Friday morning...And why, you may ask? Well, the wife and I will be driving to Phoenix this Thursday for a memorial weekend hockey tournament. The wife is playing in the Women 3 division on a team called "Old School" and I'm playing with some of the guys that I USED to play with in the Grand Canyon division on a team called the Colorado Springs Posse. There are a lot of California teams in our division (like the San Jose Subzero...I like that name...) and one Arizona team and IT'S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN! I played in this tournament at right wing and center with another team back in 2002 and we didn't win a single game. I was then asked to go as a goaltender in 2003 but had to decline due to scheduling conflicts...My wife played in 2004 and her team won their division. These tournaments, which are put on by California Hockey Productions, are very well run...There are several divisions of play and great prizes and locker room refreshments (read: Beer) and I'M SO EXCITED, I GOTS THE ADHD! Hell, I'm like a kid at Christmas...I can't wait...Oh, by the way, if anyone who reads this silly little blog lives in the Phoenix area, come watch us play! Also, if anyone's in the Albuquerque area and wants to have dinner on...Let's see...Monday night, let me know 'cause that's where we'll be...

So that's that...I will do my best to get some stuff posted before we take off this week and hey, maybe the hotel(s) we're staying in will have the internets which could lead to blog posts as well...Either way, thanks for stopping by: You kids have a fine Monday now...

Labels: get outta town, hockey stuff, indignities, lame stories, poker, sports