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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Random Tuesday - Bats, Balls, Bears and Eggs... 


With the all-too-short weekend now behind us, I guess that I really have no choice other than to admit that it IS, in fact, "Back-to-Work Monday" "I'm-a-total-fucking-procrastinator-Tuesday." With this grim fact firmly ensconced in my fetid headmeats, It is my wont to hit you kids with a recap-style post (this one, that you're reading now, just in case there was any confusion), just to fill some space and also to make sure that Friday's post isn't the only stinkin' thing up until...say...Wednesday...Anyhow, you ready? Here we go...

At Least The Weather Was Nice...
As I mentioned sometime last week, the softball team that the wife and I play on has been missing out on playing the softball so far due to uncooperative weather. In a dramatic turn of events, though, this past Friday just so happened to be one of the nicest days that we've seen so far this year. Perhaps you've heard the expression, if you watch any sports at all, "knocking the rust off." Certainly, when the last softball game that was collectively played by your team was sometime last year, there's going to be some of this "rust" that is spoken of (in hushed tones). We had a double header to play on Friday night and, despite several errors both offensively and defensively, we were able to win our second game relatively convincingly. We won't speak of the first game, which is dead to me, since it didn't turn out quite as I'd hoped it would...Either way, we finally played...Yay for that...

Eating Food: One of my Specialties...
As my sister mostly outlined on her little blog yesterday, she and Collin had planned to take my parents out for dinner in honor of their anniversary and my mom's birthday, something which had to be put off until this past week 'cause we were all sick right around the time that these things were supposed to be celebrated. Whereas the wife and I took my parents out last Tuesday evening, Collin and Heather chose this past Saturday. Because we were in the neighboorhood, the wife and I joined in (but paid for ourselves). The chosen eatery was a little Italian restaurant called Brooklyn (the same one that I had to review in only a few words when I was vying unsuccessfully to be the food critic at our local paper). We've been to this place several times before but sadly, it seemed to be our server's first time. Gosh darn it, even though he tried his best, he failed at damn near everything including advising us against purchasing 3 10" round desserts and a couple orders of Cannoli (which he called calloni) for the table. Indeed, this massive dessert (dolcé Focaccia, as it was called) was tasty and dense and wonderful, but we sure as Hell didn't need 3 of them and Collin and Heather sure as Hell didn't need to pay almost $20 US for them.

Does A Bear Shit In The Woods? Apparently Not This Time of Year...
So after the dessert debacle, as it has come to be known, we all headed back to my parents' place to play games and stuff. During one of the games (probably "Pit," since it's the most likely game to spawn conversation about bears), my mom said "so how do bears do it? How does a bear live in hibernation?" I offered some bullshit about "living off of stored fat" and such and then she got a strange look on her face and said "but how do they go to the bathroom?" It seemed that she had read a little report about how bears will be cranky this time of year, so we should avoid them (not that I usually run right up to bears and playfully wrestle with them). See, they're all emerging from hibernation this time of year, according to the news report mom had read, and they're all trying to rid themselves of their butt plugs.

No, seriously...Their butt plugs...

I never gave much thought to the whole hibernation process, but it seems that bears' bodily processes, right before they go into hibernation, will form a butt plug which prevents them from pooing all over themselves and their bed as they slumber. In the spring, this plug must come out, followed by an entire winter's worth of digested fat n' stuff...I guess I'd be cranky too. Anyway, theories as to what comprises this "butt plug" ranged from unfortunate gophers to rocks to small children who wandered away from camp. Sadly, the truth isn't as exciting...The plug is comprised of hard-to-digest vegetation which the bear instinctively consumes prior to his big sleep...Either way, if you see a bear this time of year, offer it some kindness and maybe a little Preparation H. From as far away from the bear as you can get...

Hey You Kids! Get Off My Lawn!..
On Sunday night, right around 11:20 pm, someone (or some someones) went through our neighborhood egging houses. Our house, just through random chance, was one of the ones to be egged. Just by coincidence, I hadn't fallen asleep and heard the crack crack of what turned out to be eggs hitting near our bedroom window. By the time I was able to get dressed and get outside, there were no perpetrators in sight. I did call up the Sheriff's department and a deputy came out pretty quickly to take a report. While I was talking to the deputy on my front lawn, a car pulled up and stopped in front of us. The deputy, suddenly on alert, asked if I knew the driver. When I responded that I did not, in fact, know who was in the car, the deputy's hand went to his gun and I started looking around for cover...Thankfully, it just turned out to be a kid from up the street who had just come home and found that his house was all egged up as well...

Granted, as vandalism goes, egging is rather benign, but it still pisses me off. As such, I'm in the process of installing security cameras (we bought them 5 years ago when we had really shitty neighbors) and a motion light on the side of the house. If anything else like this happens, we'll surely get a really good look at it.

So that's that...Another awesomecast cometh tomorrow, as per usual, so until then...Have a fine Tuesday...

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