Hey, look! It's "Tuesday" already...You know, what with it having been "Monday" and all, I really wanted to have something written up and posted yesterday but, much like FEMA asking those hurricane folk for all that money back, chances were slim THAT would happen. Why can't I get my proverbial "crap" together and just friggin' write somethin'? I don't know...It's not that I'm terribly busy, we're actually going through a bit of a slow period at work, I guess that I'm just not terribly "inspired." Granted, my having nothing worthwhile to post has never stopped me from posting in the past so why should it stop me now? Ha HA! The answer, of course, is that it won't...

How 'Bout Them Avalanche!?
Starting off today's completely random post, I have to say that the Colorado Avalanche have been a pleasant surprise to this point, two games into the first round of the NHL playoffs. I still believe that Pierre Lacroix made a completely boneheaded move trading away David Aebischer in exchange for Jose Theodore and I firmly believe that Theodore is a mere shell of whatever he used to be but HOW 'BOUT THEM AVALANCHE!? Yeah! To take the first two games of the series from the Dallas Stars IN DALLAS is a real positive for a team that played wholly subpar hockey down the stretch and, for all intents and purposes, backed their way into the playoffs. Certainly, the series is far from over, but the Avs have been playing inspired team hockey so far in the playoffs and I can only hope that such things continue as the series shifts to the Pepsi Center for the next two games...

We Toss The Small Ones...
Some of you should know exactly what the title of this section of today's post is in reference to (especially if your name is Collin). Of course, I'm referencing the Mental Health Facility that is just down the hill from where he and I work and that has created many memorable moments, at least for me, what with the dodging of random mental patients who dart out into the road or the fact that we now have a combination lock on our doors here at work to keep them damn crazies from looting desks while everyone's at lunch...Anyhow, unrelated to mental health issues, this past weekend, I was one of four officials at the CSAL post-season wrestling tournament. During the lunch break, the four of us were sitting together, eating our free Polish dogs, when Rossie (one of the other officials) asked me where it is that I work. As I was describing the rather out of the way placement of the agency to him, Steve (the lead official) perked up and told me that he used to live where the agency is now, up on the very same hill, in one of the units of a fourplex, long before the building I work with was built. He then proceeds to tell us about a party which he threw when he lived there, many years ago. At some point, during said party, a female showed up and joined in the festivities. Steve said that he assumed that she was one of his neighbors or that, perhaps, she was a friend of one of his friends. Regardless, he only started to regard her with caution when, a few hours into the party, she pulled him aside and told him that while she was in the bathroom, she had been looking through his medicine cabinet and found some medicines that she REALLY REALLY needed and so she took some but that it was ok because she had left him Jolly Ranchers as "payment." Confused (and somewhat alarmed), Steve started asking around about her and, when it was obvious that nobody knew who she was, pulled her aside to find out exactly where it was that she had come from. Mystery psycho lady proceeded to tell Steve that she was there "on vacation" from where she lived "down the hill." "Down the hill, of course, was that same mental health facility that I mentioned earlier. Once Steve figured that out, and after a quick phone call, two or three facility workers came to take her away...

Following his (harrowing) tale, I assured Steve that the mental health facility not only continues it's grand tradition of letting crazies wander around to this day, but his former home in that four-plex is still standing as well - we at the agency (affectionately) call that small cluster of homes "meth lab row."

EVPs With British Accents...
So there was this pay-per-view seance last night wherein a handful of hacks and con-artists wanted you kids to pony up ten bucks for the privilege of watching them "attempt to contact the spirit of John Lennon." Now, I didn't watch this thing myself (I don't even know if my current cable setup allows me to even PURCHASE pay-per-view) but I did read a recap of the thing from AOL Entertainment (slogan: speeling be dammed, we beeger then u) which made it sound like even MORE of a scam than I could've ever imagined. Alledgedly, "contact" was made during the seance through "electronic voice phenomenon" (of course, an "expert" connected with the show "verified" that the voice was, indeed, that of John Lennon...I wonder if it also sounded slightly like George Harrison or maybe GRAHAM GODDAMN CHAPMAN! DID IT HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT!? DOES THAT MAKE THE VOICE AUTOMATICALLY LENNON?!) and I guess that this disembodied limey voice asked for "peace." of course, he COULD'VE been asking for a "piece" of something, most likely a chunk of the sickeningly large profits from this "seance" which, if it does as well as the earlier pay-per-view "seance" where the late Princess Diana was the target of contact, should gross over 8 million (meelion) dollars (US).

Now, random British accents and big fat scam profits aside, It's time to make fun of the article itself. What struck me most about Sue Zeidler's weak ass Reuters/AOL article recapping the seance, even more than the fact that "skeptic" was spelled wrong in it, was this actual sentence: "EVP is based on a belief that spirit voices communicate through radio and TV broadcast signals."

Um...No, dumbass: The belief that EVPs are carried along via the airwaves was born of that stupid movie with Michael Keaton...In theory, EVPs can be captured anywhere, not through the static on your TV...Dammit, woman! Learn to not only SPELL, but to do some GODDAMN RESEARCH! You HACK!..

Anyhow, if you'd like to hear a more in-depth explanation of the poo that likely occurred during last night's "seance," I would suggest that you listen to the Penn Jillette show today (4/25) from noon to one (Mountain time) as he and his co-host Michael Goudeau are set to forgo "Monkey Tuesday" and have Garrett, the listener they specially selected to watch the seance, report on the shenanigans (also: goings on) surrounding last night's attempt to contact John Lennon.

So there you all go...Hey, look at that! I was able to BS my way to a pretty full post despite having nothing really going on upstairs. Now, just because I like you kids, I'm gonna do my level best to get back on track and post SOME sort of audio entry for Big Audio Wednesday tomorrow but, like always, don't believe anything I say: I just lie lie lie lie LIE all the damn time. Anyhow, you all have a fine Tuesday (I'm NOT lying about THAT)...

Labels: 'de paranormal, collin crap, hockey stuff, lame stories, misguided rantings, sports, stagnation