Holy crap, it's Friday already! Certainly, what with the mediocre crap that I've attempted to pawn off on you good people in the days previous, it really is high time that I put together a post which will make you all not regret wasting the 2 seconds (or so) that it took you to click through to my blogsitething. While today's Phrickin' Photoblog may not actually BE such a post, it won't be for lack of effort...

As you may or may not know, my wife makes her living as a schoolteacher, charged with the unenviable duty of shaping and molding very young minds. One of the projects which the students are assigned each year by the art teacher at this "school" where my wife works is to put together a drawing of their respective teacher and my wife's students are no exception. What follows in today's photoblog is part one of "portraits of Mrs. Squatchy."
Click them, they get much bigger. Also, before you feel compelled to email me and tell me that I'm ripping someone off, or whatever, I'm well aware of that Maddox clown's "I'm better than your kids" post-thing and no, this post is in no way a ripoff of that.


AAAAAAAAA! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, IT'S THE WATERMELON CREATURE! SAVE YOURSELVES! Oh, wait...That's supposed to be my wife in all her (watermelony) glory. Now, despite the hostility that she appears to exude in this student's drawing, I do like the minimalist color scheme (the other kids must've grabbed all the good crayons) and, actually, the head and face aren't TOO far off...


This one may well be my favorite, as it exposes my wife for the angry Tyrannosaurus Rex that she really is. Observe the deadly teeth, the cold, murderous glare and those tiny, ineffectual arms! (sung) Watch out boy, she'll chew you up!..SHE'S A MANEATER!..


Hey, it's the Mayor of Halloween from the Nightmare Before Christmas! I didn't realize that my wife has Tim Burton's kid in her class...I also didn't realize that she like...TOTALLY RULES over Halloween...That's so friggin' AWESOME...


Ah Yes...It appears, in this child's estimation at least, that I am married to a very tall Bratz® doll that sports a (tasteful) faux fur coat. The best part about this particular drawing, though, has to be the caption at the bottom: "I like (teacher) because she lets us eat food everyday." Indeed, the only reason ANYONE receives "food" is because my wife allows it to be so. DO NOT CROSS HER! Certainly, the only reason that I even woke up today is because she chose to spare my life while I slumbered...I really hope I get to "eat the food" today as well...I live in constant fear...


OH YEAH! It's (motherfucking) KOOL-AID MAN! Or...Woman...Either way, OH YEAH!


Sorry kid, as mucch as I'd like to give you high marks, I'm the one with the goatee, not my wife. Also, what's with the nasal cavity where the nose is supposed to be? Did she get her nose bitten off in a skirmish? A skirmish over "food," perhaps? Regardless, you can see from this drawing that she's full of "love." Indeed, she wears her heart on her sleeve...er...Chest...Right under her goatee there...Yep...All full of the love...


Mr. Cheese Boy Man? Yes, please come with us, there's been a horrible accident. Yes, we're sorry, it's your wife, at least we think so...It appears that she not only became tangled in some machinery of some kind, but we're afraid that she's sprouted a "penis." Just come with us, sir...We have to warn you, it's not pretty...

So there you go, a little taste of how my wife appears from the perspective of a very small, school-age child...Now, as long as my wife continues to allow me to live AND "eat food," I'll do my best to remember to share the rest of these drawings with you next Friday. Regardless, you all have a fine weekend, filled with "food" and "sunlight" and "being allowed to live" and stuff...

Labels: Phrickin' Photoblogs, random drawings