So there I was, typing up a (dare-I-say "salacious") account of my trip to a Peruvian restaurant as part of my recent vacation in Vegas, but 'de words just wasn't flowin' as well as usual. As such, I've decided to shelve that entry for a day or so and, instead, post a very random (yet Monkeyesque) entry for all of you...Except for how Monkey posts funny things and I'm...not...posting...funny things...

at least not right now..Anyhow, on with the "show:"
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So, can anyone (besides Jackwhodoesn'treallyexist, 'cause he's already covered this topic) fill me in as to how, exactly, these "reporters" can sleep at night when, in the course of "reporting" about the unfortunate man in Miami who brought about his own demise through his threatening actions ("suicide by cop," some call it), they continue to insist that the Air Marshalls in question acted in a hasty or ill-advised manner? I mean, seriously: why, every God-damned time that there is an individual, troubled or otherwise, who provokes law enforcement and threatens the public's safety and subsequently gets their fool ass shot, do we have to endure these whiny-ass, up-and-coming "reporters" crawling out of the woodwork like so many worms, trying desperately to make a name for themselves with their "shock journalism?" I mean, seriously...Of course that asshole in the back of the plane wouldn't have heard the guy say "the B-word" if he was, in fact, IN THE BACK OF THE PLANE and that "B-word" was uttered in the friggin' jetway...These "media outlets" continue to parade idiot after idiot in front of us in a vain attempt to crucify all law enforcement while simultaneously raising their ratings. Look, if you're pissed off because you got a speeding ticket 10 years back, or you REALLY feel that marijuana should be legal, or if you just love polishing those hindsight glasses of yours, then spare me. Go work at fucking McDonald's...Maybe you can push your agenda between selling Big Macs and sweeping up...
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Why exactly is it that, when you go into the dentist to get some x-rays taken, the dental assistant girl will cover up your torso with that lead-blanket-baby-bib-thing, but she won't give you some sort of foil hat to protect your BRAIN!? After all, THEY'RE POINTING THE X-RAY THING RIGHT AT MY HEAD! I take it from the lead ascot that there's a remote possibility that this thing could like...stop my heart...Who's to say that it couldn't fuck up my thought process as well?..I NEED THAT BRAIN TO FIND MY WAY INTO WORK EVERY DAY!..Maybe, just maybe they do that on purpose...That way, when it comes time to write the check, you're more apt to simply sign it and hand it over...BZZZT! "That'll be $600, sir." Me(drooling): "and here's a nice tip for you!"
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So I quit the radio station that I've been working part-time at for various reasons, all good ones. Not the least of which was the fact that to get there was a long drive and I didn't feel like the "extra money" I was picking up was really worth it. What REALLY "set me off," so to speak, was that I was almost "challenged" to quit by my boss, in a sense. See, even though I had been there since 2003, the station had never included me on their "airstaff bio" page until I brought it up earlier this year. At the time, the program director was all like "ok, give us a photo and write your bio and we'll put it up." When I did, my bio WAS included on the site, but the text which I had written was placedas black on a navy blue background...Real nice and readable like, yeah? So anyway, some time after that, the whole site was redesigned ('cause we changed formats) and, finally, my bio was changed to be "readable" but, at the same time, was changed (by someone, I have suspects, but never officially asked who) to include some bullshit about my being "raised by dairy cows" and mooing and eating grass n' shit. Even though I felt that it was a bit disrespectful to do that without asking me first, I let it slide for a while because, let's face it, we can't ALL pass the creative writing class at the alternative school...But one strange day, about a week and a half ago, I woke up from a particularly restful sleep and said to myself "enough is enough: I'm telling them to take that shit down." Subsequently, later in the day, I emailed my program director something about the weekend schedule and added that "if the crap about the cows wasn't removed in a rapid fashion, I wouldn't show up whether I was scheduled or not." He emailed back and said, I quote, "even though that sounds like a threat, I'll take care of it."

A threat to what? A threat to QUIT!?..

Obviously, he didn't think that I was prepared to do it. So I did..SCREW YOU, PAL! WHO'S GOT THE LAST LAUGH NOW, HUH!?
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So anyway, now that I'm not currently working in "radio" (again), I thought I might start one of them there "podcast" things that seem to be all the rage right now. Granted, I've been posting audio entries since I started this blog, but this would be one of them "regular weekly" shows...With interviews...And talkin'...Maybe even music, if I can get past that whole pesky ASCAP, please-don't-take-my-house-and-belongings-licensing thing. Anyhow, I'll send out an open soliciation right here: if'n you wanna be part of something totally awesome, look elsewhere, but if'n you wanna be interviewed by yours truly and be featured on future "awesome-casts," drop me a line...the "email me" link is in the top left corner of this blogsitething...
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I was gonna take down the "placeholder" post from earlier, but Andy's "divining rod" comment was so wrong in so many ways...Well, I simply had to leave it up...
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In conclusion, I haven't actually forgotten about that last "contest" that I had going, I just didn't think that there was enough response to justify finishing it up. Add to that that a lot of people (my mom included) can't seem to follow directions and were "voting" as opposed to posting entries, I'm shelving that for now too. I may reconsider my shelving at any time so, if you did participate in that thing, rest assured that it's not dead: only sleeping...Like that Cthulu guy...Or Ted Williams...Or Monkey...

Labels: lame stories, misguided rantings, radio stories