Whether it be based upon concerns regarding weather, or real estate availability, or grounds maintenance costs or what have you, it seems that there are a lot of "indoor" facilities cropping up lately. of course, this whole "indoor" thing is far from a recent concept. Going all the way back to the Colosseum in Rome which, it is speculated, had a wooden roof that could be removed if the weather was nice and affixed if the weather were to be poor, it's obvious that mankind craves a place where sport and contest can be showcased year-round like a cat naturally craves beef. Since the 1960s, "domed" stadiums have continued to spring up around the united states in some of the likeliest , and unlikeliest places. Heck, a large number of sports teams, if not ALL professional sports teams which play "outside" types of sports have an indoor facility where they can practice their craft if Mofo Nature becomes unruly. In addition, most major "outdoor" sports have their (bastard child) "indoor" equivalent, such as Major Indoor Lacrosse and Arena Football...What am I getting at, you ask? Well, simply put kids, I think that someone has finally taken the concept of "indoor sport" a wee bit too far...

Yesterday evening, for the first time, I played "indoor softball."

It's no secret that I live in Colorado and, unlike SOME parts of the country, we have very definite "seasons." Unfortunately, despite the fact that it's 60 and sunny today, winter here CAN be quite cold. As such, there aren't a lot of opportunities to play softball this time of year. Of course, there are those that will try , but over the long haul, it's just not feasible. I look at it this way: when the grass turns brown, it's just nature's way of telling you to hang the cleats up and...Oh, I dunno, play hockey. Or something. Anyway, a friend of mine with whom I play softball (during the months where that sort of thing is acceptable) got hooked up with a team in an indoor softball league. I didn't play with this team for their first go 'round but, when told about it, I was interested in the concept. When a new league started this time around, due to my now having Sundays free, I agreed to join the team...

I knew that those indoor soccer shoes would come in handy eventually...

This "league" is played at an establishment called "Play at the Bullpen," which is a really nice baseball and softball training facility. part of this facility includes a smallish area, roughly shaped like a baseball field, replete with "bases and stuff." I would assume that, when it was constructed, fielding practice was what was in mind for it's purpose. This area, though, is where these indoor softball league games take place. Don't get me wrong, I love to get out and play some ball, but I have to say that this area, in all it's smallish, indoor glory, doesn't make me think "great place to play a real game." The obvious reasoning for that is, well, there's a CEILING. And walls. And netting. And artificial turf. And everything is so close together that you have to use a "special" ball. Not only is this game like softball ONLY in the most basic sense but, if you haven't played before, there is really NOTHING that can prepare you for the speed and strangeness of the "gameplay." Everything about indoor softball is really very "wrong" as compared to traditional (outdoor) softball. Also, yeah, things happen pretty darn fast...

Certain modifications have been made to accommodate the smallish size of the play area such as the aforementioned "special" ball. I really don't mean special as in "unique," I mean it more like in "rides the short bus." This ball is significantly lighter than a normal ball and it's laces are roughly twice the size. It's not only hard to handle and challenging to throw, but it makes odd hops and turns on the artificial turf. The pitcher is afforded an "L screen" to stand behind, presumably so they don't get walloped by a batted ball. In theory, this is good. As it turned out, though, it doesn't always work as designed...The pitcher we faced last night had a habit of standing in the opening of the screen after he pitched and I, on my 3rd or 4th at bat, sent a (solid) line drive right back into his chest which ricocheted all the way up to the ceiling. I actually made it on base right around the time that the pitcher started to "de-fib" and, since you're wondering (and you know you are), the "smacky" sound of the impact reverberated around inside the facility for a while. I was quite proud of this, especially since my other "at-bats" to that point had been an exercise in utter futility. A lesson in "what not to do," if you will...

Oh, c'mon. I'm kidding! The pitcher was FINE...I think...Anyway...

I blame this "futility" on the stuff I mentioned earlier...The "walls" and also the "ceiling," things you don't normally have to contend with when playing REAL softball...

In addition to giving the pitcher a sound drubbing though, in an earlier at-bat, I was fortunate enough to embed a ball into the ceiling. This occured because I went after a ball that was PROBABLY a bit low, but I wasn't about to NOT swing at it. "Why," you may ask? Well...Because...You only get ONE strike per at-bat in this game. ONE...stinkin'...strike. If you happen to watch a pitch go over the plate, and it's ruled a strike, you get to walk back to the hole in the wall "dugout" feeling "shame." If you swing and don't make contact, you're (shamefully) out as well. Even if you HIT the (special ed) ball, though, you're probably going to be out, especially if you're a slow, chubby white boy like myself. Players can catch the ball off of the ceiling and off of the walls and, since everything in this facility is just too close together, if you hit a grounder, you'll probably be thrown out at first...No matter where you hit it The only thing you can really do is try and line the ball into a gap (if you can find one) and run like the cops are chasin' you JUST TO GET A SINGLE. Oh yeah, by the way, if you DO happen to get on base, you're probably going to be thrown out at second if the player batting behind you hits the ball. It's just plain screwy...Despite all this screwiness, however, I'm going to stick with it and have fun. The whole thing should not only FORCE me to lose weight, with all of it's "running," but it should make me a better hitter come Springtime. After all, it could be worse...

It could be indoor soccer...

Labels: indignities, lame stories, sports