Tuesday, August 24, 2004
IT BURNS!..
This IS an audio entry...Well, ultimately...Anyway, I need to give you all some background beforehand so that it's not COMPLETELY confusing.
Anyway, most of you know of the Monkey Cage. Some time ago, the Monkey included a little blurb about one of the ladies that he works with...That blurb went like this:
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A lady I work with who's a bit on the strange side (Look who's talkin' huh?!) - she starts telling me how she can't lift things too well - says she has a hernia .
Trying to make conversation, I say: "Oh gosh that's too bad - is it a groin hernia ?"
She tells me. "No - I have a hernia in my VAGINA"
I DID NOT need to HEAR that - I didn't need to KNOW that!!!! WHY!? Why tell the monkey this!?
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So, being the mature adult that I am, all I could think of after reading this was some "alternate lyrics" to the Johnny Cash classic "Ring of Fire." As such, I commented to that effect and the Monkey responded that he'd like to hear such a song. I got it in my head that I should write and record such a song. I then promised to do so "sometime."
In the interim, the Monkey included another little blurb in another post about the same lady...THAT blurb went something like this:
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Remember the girl a week or so at work who told me about her hernia - on her VAGINA!? (That's what she told me!) - I was in shock for some time - I spent hours wondering - WHY ME - WHY did she tell me this - WHY do I care!? I'm over it now - I can look at her again now without thinking of her vaginal hernia - I'm so over it that I think I may go up to her tomorrow and say - "How's your vagina these days?" What do you think!?
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As such, I was reminded that I hadn't recorded the song. I said that I'd get around to it and I meant it. Anyhow, I didn't get around to it. After a while, the Monkey included YET MORE info about this poor woman in another posting...Here now is that blurb in living stereo:
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Update on the lady at my work who told me she had a hernia in her vagina. This has traumatized the monkey - I can hardly look at her now - she's less-than-attractive to start with, now when I look at her I see a giant vagina with a hernia . She had laser surgery on it the other day and has been telling anyone who will listen about it. I won't listen - when I see her nearby I move away with the swiftness of a startled gazelle. I've have heard her surgery didn't go well on her sick vagina, and that "things are bad" for her.
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So the little bit about lasers gave me the inspiration that I needed to finally record the darn song. I had it written, but with the new "lasery" information, I was compelled to rewrite it. I did this. I then recorded it. I then emailed it to the Monkey. His feedback was positive, which made me happy. As such, I am now compelled to share my song with all of you. Be warned: it's only an inch or so north of "suck," but it'll do.
I recorded a terrible parody of Garth Brooks' "Friends in Low Places" about 10 years ago...I may re-record that and post it here if this goes over well. Anyway, hope you enjoy it...
Labels: all those funny voices, audio, lame stories
