Tuesday, August 24, 2004
This IS an audio entry...Well, ultimately...Anyway, I need to give you all some background beforehand so that it's not COMPLETELY confusing.
Anyway, most of you know of the Monkey Cage. Some time ago, the Monkey included a little blurb about one of the ladies that he works with...That blurb went like this:
A lady I work with who's a bit on the strange side (Look who's talkin' huh?!) - she starts telling me how she can't lift things too well - says she has a hernia .
Trying to make conversation, I say: "Oh gosh that's too bad - is it a groin hernia ?"
She tells me. "No - I have a hernia in my VAGINA"
I DID NOT need to HEAR that - I didn't need to KNOW that!!!! WHY!? Why tell the monkey this!?
So, being the mature adult that I am, all I could think of after reading this was some "alternate lyrics" to the Johnny Cash classic "Ring of Fire." As such, I commented to that effect and the Monkey responded that he'd like to hear such a song. I got it in my head that I should write and record such a song. I then promised to do so "sometime."
In the interim, the Monkey included another little blurb in another post about the same lady...THAT blurb went something like this:
Remember the girl a week or so at work who told me about her hernia - on her VAGINA!? (That's what she told me!) - I was in shock for some time - I spent hours wondering - WHY ME - WHY did she tell me this - WHY do I care!? I'm over it now - I can look at her again now without thinking of her vaginal hernia - I'm so over it that I think I may go up to her tomorrow and say - "How's your vagina these days?" What do you think!?
As such, I was reminded that I hadn't recorded the song. I said that I'd get around to it and I meant it. Anyhow, I didn't get around to it. After a while, the Monkey included YET MORE info about this poor woman in another posting...Here now is that blurb in living stereo:
Update on the lady at my work who told me she had a hernia in her vagina. This has traumatized the monkey - I can hardly look at her now - she's less-than-attractive to start with, now when I look at her I see a giant vagina with a hernia . She had laser surgery on it the other day and has been telling anyone who will listen about it. I won't listen - when I see her nearby I move away with the swiftness of a startled gazelle. I've have heard her surgery didn't go well on her sick vagina, and that "things are bad" for her.
So the little bit about lasers gave me the inspiration that I needed to finally record the darn song. I had it written, but with the new "lasery" information, I was compelled to rewrite it. I did this. I then recorded it. I then emailed it to the Monkey. His feedback was positive, which made me happy. As such, I am now compelled to share my song with all of you. Be warned: it's only an inch or so north of "suck," but it'll do.
I recorded a terrible parody of Garth Brooks' "Friends in Low Places" about 10 years ago...I may re-record that and post it here if this goes over well. Anyway, hope you enjoy it...