Thursday, July 08, 2004

Wait...What Happens at 88 Miles Per Hour Again?.. 

Once again, you and I are going back into my past! That's right, we're going all the way back to 1988 to take a look at a few little drawings of mine. I remember that the first time I was too lazy to post and turned to displaying moldy old doodles, I said that I'd introduce you all to the "Little Known Spirits."

So that's what I'm doing. Mostly because I'm too lazy (or busy) to come up with actual "content." So there.

The Little Known Spirits were something that I started drawing based on my observations of "Patron Saints." when I was a kid, I was not Catholic (officially) but had relatives who were. Indeed, I'm not Catholic now, that I know of...Or am I? Anyway, of the limited glimpses I've had into Catholicism, one of the things that struck me as funny was the seeming overabundance of Patron Saints. I mean, c'mon, do you really REALLY need to have a 4 freakin' Patron Saints fighting against diseased cattle? Talk about overworked, there are only 2 Patron Saints working on behalf of preventing dysentery. In case you're wondering, there is no Patron Saint of cheese, but there is one who labors on the behalf of Florentine Cheese Merchants. Close enough, I guess...

Anyways, I decided that, if there were so many of these Patronizing Saints, there are probably lesser known entities floating around to clean up the even dirtier (or more minor) tasks, as it were. I dubbed these entities "Little Known Spirits." I shall now introduce you to four such spirits right about here:

This is probably a result of one of my first shaving experiences. I learned really early on that shaving, especially with a disposable razor, sucks a whole lot. The name "Victor" is a nod to Victor Kiam, who liked his shaver so much, he bought the company. Yes, I've always been a consumer whore.

Who remembers the Black and Decker® Handy Knife™? Huh? I do! It was a very small electric knife! It was petite, yet powerful, what with it's vibrating blade and all. I never owned one personally, but it's advertising touted it as potentially the most versatile kitchen tool ever conceived. I was so taken by it that I was convinced it required it's own spirit. I also placed the Handy Knife in the hand of a particular serial killer that I used to draw comics about. But that's another story for another time.

I'm wondering if the rock (or chunk of asphalt, or maybe even "turd") that is being tossed toward the beggar-spirit's cup is TRULY tax-deductible. I'm a wee bit disappointed with this one, I really think I should have been capable of coming up with a better insult than "crud monger" in 1988. Ah well...

Did you ever have hamsters as pets? And I don't mean gerbils, you undereducated freak, I mean HAMSTERS! Run run run all day in the wheel! Anyway, my sister and I had Hamsters and they were, indeed, named after celebrities. My sister named hers Madonna and I named mine Nikolai (after Nikolai Volkoff, obviously.) My Aunt Mary Beth, who was deathly afraid of the hamsters "unstuffing" their little foody cheek pouches on her, actually pitched one against a wall once...

I'm still a little bitter about that...Luckily, the hamster survived the "incident."

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