Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Are you lying to me?.. 

So the other day (Friday, to be exact), I was perusing some of the blogs which I am apt to peruse and, subsequently, came across a snippet of a "chat prank" which was included as part of a larger "short attention span" style post. While I was reading that particular chat thing, my little brain got to reminiscing about firin' up the ol' DarkBookGrrl screenname on AOL and waiting to see who comes a callin'. Of course, if you've been coming around my odd little blogsitething for a while, you would remember the story behind that screenname and also the last "chat prank" results that I posted, which is widely regarded* as some of the "funniest crap" which I've been able to cobble together and offer up for public consumption in the (nearly) 2 years which I've been...um...Cobbling stuff together...


So last night, thinking that a little "content" might go a long way for this blog of mine, I did, indeed, fire up that screenname. The AOL community as a whole Is kind of sad, really...I mean, I could log into AOL under my regular screenname and sit for hours, if not days, without so much as an instant message from someone whom I'm not related to or whom I know from work or whatever. On the other hand, when I assume the digital identity of DarkBookGrrl, all bets are off: it takes mere seconds for that first desperate instant message to arrive and, on top of that, the IMs pop up "rapid-fire," one right after the other, parading around my screen like a veritable cavalcade of desperate losers, all seeking the warm, sultry typing of a mysterious female...I find it sad, really, but not SO sad as to not share the fruits of my labor with you good people...Ready for the fun to begin? Good...
*When I say "widely regarded," I (of course) mean "regarded as funny by AT LEAST one individual. I offer this disclaimer about the humor that you may (or may not) find in the following entry: If you are my wife, my mother, my father or that cop guy "Jack," you will more than likely be "disturbed" by the fact that I perpetrated the chat prank at all. On the other hand, if you think that lying to people can be good fun and are aware that "messing with people's heads," if only a little bit, has the potential to be comedic GOLD, you may find the following entry slightly humorous...I did change the screenname of the "victim" of today's chat prank, as is my policy...My after-the-fact comments will be italicized...Good luck and Godspeed.

HazzardFoLifeFoo (10:56:19 PM): hey
DarkBookGrrl (10:56:38 PM): hello.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (10:56:50 PM): how are you
DarkBookGrrl (10:56:58 PM): doing well. How are you?
HazzardFoLifeFoo (10:57:12 PM): good
HazzardFoLifeFoo (10:57:43 PM): 19/m/al
HazzardFoLifeFoo (10:58:56 PM): am i to young for you to talk to
DarkBookGrrl (10:59:19 PM): nooo, type away.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (10:59:41 PM): coo
HazzardFoLifeFoo (10:59:43 PM): cool
DarkBookGrrl (10:59:53 PM): I can help you with your homework, give you advice about girls
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:00:12 PM): lol
HazzardFoLifeFoo (10:59:47 PM): what u look like
DarkBookGrrl (11:00:07 PM): slim, 5'8" brown hair, glasses
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:00:24 PM): are u married
DarkBookGrrl (11:00:28 PM): nope
more LIES!
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:01:12 PM): cool
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:01:21 PM): so you like the steelers
Because I initially had DarkBookGrrl's home as Pennsylvania, my chat icon is a Steelers Helmet.
DarkBookGrrl (11:01:31 PM): why not? all the cool kids do, it seems
Like, for instance, my wife...
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:01:42 PM): i like them
Suuuure you do. Also, notice the suave sophistication with which he makes his segue into "sexes chat:"
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:02:27 PM): what size tits you got if you dont mind me asking
Smooooth, kid. Very smooth.
DarkBookGrrl (11:02:57 PM): "tits?" Oh, mine are massive. Too big to classify, last time I checked
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:03:09 PM): lol how big
DarkBookGrrl (11:03:15 PM): have to pull up to the tractor trailer weigh station for that
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:03:47 PM): lol
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:03:59 PM): tell me pleaes
DarkBookGrrl (11:04:30 PM): like...a gabillion (quadra D)
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:04:59 PM): lol
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:05:04 PM): tell the real size
I'll hand it to him. He's persistent. Not exactly "tactful," but persistent.
DarkBookGrrl (11:05:40 PM): 32A
DarkBookGrrl (11:05:43 PM): 36DD
DarkBookGrrl (11:05:45 PM): 34VB
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:05:55 PM): witch one
DarkBookGrrl (11:06:44 PM): I have 3. doesn't everyone?
DarkBookGrrl (11:06:52 PM): TELL ME I'M NORMAL! (sob)
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:07:24 PM): your normal
DarkBookGrrl (11:07:32 PM): no, "you're"
DarkBookGrrl (11:07:37 PM): (still sobbing)
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:07:49 PM): what do you mean
DarkBookGrrl (11:07:57 PM): it would be "you're normal"
DarkBookGrrl (11:07:59 PM): try it again
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:08:08 PM): you're normal
DarkBookGrrl (11:08:12 PM): THANK GOD!
DarkBookGrrl (11:08:22 PM): thank you, you have no idea how good it feels to be told that
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:08:35 PM): well your welcome
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:08:44 PM): why dont you think you are normal
DarkBookGrrl (11:09:25 PM): shit no! I'm a FREAK!
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:09:31 PM): oh ok
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:09:40 PM): what do you do for a living
DarkBookGrrl (11:10:27 PM): kill folks what need the killin'. I work for CIA
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:10:48 PM): oh ok
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:12:41 PM): whats your name
DarkBookGrrl (11:13:01 PM): STEPH. learn it. love it
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:14:07 PM): you relly work for the cia
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:16:20 PM): hello
DarkBookGrrl (11:16:50 PM): oh...um..."yes!" yes I do
Reeeeelin' the kid in.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:18:14 PM): cool
DarkBookGrrl (11:18:31 PM): and I even know like..."Secret" stuff
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:18:49 PM): oh ok
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:18:55 PM): can you tell me anything
DarkBookGrrl (11:19:06 PM): go ahead, ask me secret question stuff!
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:19:28 PM): i dont know anything
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:19:32 PM): you just tell me
DarkBookGrrl (11:19:41 PM): no....you have to ask.
DarkBookGrrl (11:19:47 PM): them's the rules
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:20:18 PM): tell me what all you have done so where i can ask about it
DarkBookGrrl (11:20:54 PM): you're not playing along here.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:21:01 PM): ok
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:21:30 PM): how come we have not found that (some missing kid somewheres) yet
DarkBookGrrl (11:22:47 PM): she's part of our program to assimilate youngsters into the CIA.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:23:17 PM): oh so you have help to try to find her
DarkBookGrrl (11:23:32 PM): no. no, we have her.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:23:46 PM): oh so yall found her
DarkBookGrrl (11:23:53 PM): she was never lost
DarkBookGrrl (11:23:57 PM): that's all hype
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:24:33 PM): so where was she
DarkBookGrrl (11:24:51 PM): at our proving grounds in New Mexico
As a side note: I find New Mexico to be depressingly desolate. How do people live there? I expect answers.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:25:20 PM): but why would yall lie like that
DarkBookGrrl (11:25:42 PM): it's not US...don't you get it? the news does that to themselves.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:26:17 PM): but why was everybody sending donations to her famliy
DarkBookGrrl (11:26:35 PM): scam artists, the lot of them.
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:26:46 PM): are you liing to me
DarkBookGrrl (11:27:08 PM): who're you gonna believe...The established media or someone whom you've never met?
DarkBookGrrl (11:27:15 PM): that's right. you believe me.
Waa waa waaaaaaa!
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:27:40 PM): i do belive you if you say you work for the cia
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:28:06 PM): but i dont understnad why they would keep her over in new mwxico and show them arresting people on tv
DarkBookGrrl (11:28:14 PM): and therein lies the meat of our problem
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:29:12 PM): so they arrested them 3 guys for no reason
DarkBookGrrl (11:29:55 PM): nah, they was Russian spies
DarkBookGrrl (11:30:01 PM): all part of the cover up
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:31:03 PM): so how long you been working for the ciz
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:31:07 PM): cia
DarkBookGrrl (11:31:08 PM): 23 years
DarkBookGrrl (11:31:14 PM): 23 long goddamned years
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:31:49 PM): are you like one of them people you catch people doing bad things on the computer
DarkBookGrrl (11:32:31 PM): all the time, kid. all the time
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:32:48 PM): you are starting to scare me
DarkBookGrrl (11:32:58 PM): that's good. fear is healthy
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:33:05 PM): lol
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:33:30 PM): i scared im going to say something wrong and your going to come get me
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:33:32 PM): lol
DarkBookGrrl (11:33:39 PM): oh, it's too late for that
DarkBookGrrl (11:33:48 PM): remember asking for my boob size?
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:33:52 PM): lol
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:34:00 PM): so you would not come and get me
DarkBookGrrl (11:34:11 PM): goin' down, mister..
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:34:29 PM): dont come and get me
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:34:48 PM): what can i not ask you that will make you mad at me
DarkBookGrrl (11:34:55 PM): yes. plead and beg
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:35:44 PM): so you dont want me to please and beg
DarkBookGrrl (11:36:18 PM): what? you're confusing me
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:36:35 PM): you said not to pleade and beg
DarkBookGrrl (11:36:51 PM): I said TO plead (also: beg)
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:37:57 PM): oh
DarkBookGrrl (11:38:35 PM): so get on it, sparky!
HazzardFoLifeFoo (11:38:50 PM): get on what

So there's that. I hope at least one of you enjoyed today's foray into the sordid world of AOL chat. I wouldn't want this poor kid to have lost sleep for nothing...Anyhow, you all have a fine Wednesday, we'll have more to type about later.


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