Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Hey, it's Tuesday, one day in front of "awesomecast day!" Certainly, I couldn't let a Friday post linger until then so I've busted out some more of the spam emails for your collective enjoyment. Without any further delay, here that comes: my comments are in the red, as per usual
Subject: Please, Send them your contacts information
Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2006 18:48:06 +0000
Hello Dear Freind Hello, dirty spam scammer who hasn't mastered the whole 'I before E' thing yet
Am writing to informed you that i have new arrarangement for your cheque draft Abhorrent grammar aside, I am intrigued by this draft you speak of. Am I set to acquire hella big stacks of British Pound Monies?. as I went to the bank to confirm if the Cheque has expired or getting near to expire and Mr.Okey Odunze Mr. Okey-Dokey? Are you just making this up as you go along? the Director of Financial Trust Bank told me that before the cheque will get to your hand that it will expire DAMN MY PROCASTINATION PRONE HAND!. So I told him to cash the $2.000.000 UNITED STATES DOLLARS Um...$2.000.000? It seems that we have yet to master DECIMAL POINTS as well. That's like...two bucks. Hell, who am I to complain, it's foldin' money, right? to cash payment to avoid losting I've losted many things in my life, but losting funds is the worstest this funds. However, all the necessary arrangement of delivering the $2.000.000 UNITED STATES DOLLARS plus, it IS customary in this country to SCREAM the amount of money IN UNITED STATES DOLLARS anytime you discuss a transaction in cash was made with GLOBAL DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE please, don't shout here in Cotonou Benin Republic Where the fuck is THAT? Is that anywhere near "African America?". Mr.Okey Odunze Whom I like already, just based on his name. I bet he answers every question - EVERY question - with 'okey dokey!' It's like an inside joke there at Financial Trust Bank (of African America) the Director of Financial Trust Bank Cotonou have to package the sum of $2.000.000 in cash OOH, ACTUALLY...Actually, can I get my two bucks U.S. in quarters? I wanted to hit the arcade later. for me. Then he also agreed Okey-dokey! to help me to Register the Consignment with GLOBAL DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE Seriously, you're hurting my ears. Infact I thank God very much for all the movement I made Hey, is this an appropriate time to be talking about your toilet goings-on? Man, I KNOW you've been constipated, but c'mon...Right in the middle of a financial transaction?, every thing goes normally It was the BeneFiber, wasn't it?. As for our agreement with the Global Diplomatic Courier Service FINALLY! Thank you for calming down...Must've been that bowel movement they promised that your consignment will leave this Country on wenesday We don't have that day in our country...We have a 'WEDNESDAY,' you backward ass-clown, but no 'wenesday' this week, But the Director of the GLOBAL DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE Oh for fuck's sake, SETTLE DOWN! said that they need your contacts informations but I don't wear contacts to able them meet up with you immediately and kill me all the quicker, I'm sure the Diplomat Agent arrived to your Country.
Please write a letter of application to the given address below, with its registration number GLOBAL/MTM/PED/214/2006
ATTN: Isaac Nnamah Na Na Na? Hey hey hey. Goodbye.
EMAIL: email@example.com Damn Frenchies
Please, Send them your contacts information to able them locate you immediately they arrived in your country with your BOX .This is what they need from you.
1. YOUR FULL NAME All the better to call out whilst we hunt you down with a blunt object...
2.YOUR HOME ADDRESS. All the better to be able to use GPS to hunt your ass down. Again, with blunt objects...
3.YOUR CURRENT HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER. All the better to call you up to let you know that DEATH awaits ye with big sharp pointy BLUNT OBJECTS!..Wait, um...
4.YOUR CURRENT OFFICE TELEPHONE. So we can call in 'dead' for you...Aren't we courteous? We ARE courteous. You love us already. GIVE US BRITISH POUND MONIES!
5.A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE because, seriously...Bludgeoning the wrong person and stealing their monies gets us in HELLA TROUBLE with the boss.
Please make sure you send this needed infos And maybe also directions to hardware stores that sell the blunt objects in your area to the Director general of Global diplomatic Courier service Dr.Isaac Nnamah Nanana! with the address given to you. Note. Global diplomatic Courier service don't know the contents of the Box They so stupid, the think 'dat the box has bunnies! They funny to watch handle so fragile! Ha ha ha!. I registered it as a BOX of an Africa cloths As a whatthefuck?. They don't know it contents money again, 'cause they so stupid. this is to avoid them delaying with the BOX you know, like at strip clubs or at hardware stores. don't let them know that is money that is in that Box really pretend it is an Africa cloths. When you get BOX, you may have to start wearing some of the monies (all two bucks) like on your head or as a loin cloths to fool them. It'll work, too. I am waiting for your urgent response which, likely, will be a (very urgent) 'fuck off'.
Thanks and Remain Blessed Um...You too.
Jerry Moore What an oddly American name for a foreign scammer...
So there you go: more spam from the shitty spam vault. You all enjoy your Tuesday now...