And so, it's being reported that the NHLPA and the owners of the NHL clubs have agreed in principle to a new collective bargaining agreement, which is to be ratified next week. After such things, the "powers that be" will begin to comment on the deal. Of course, the rumor that the two groups of greedy assholes sides were effectively done with talks began last week and, when it was officially announced that the agreement was factual, it was "breaking news" in every media outlet yesterday. Now, this is all well and good, the NHL will be back, there will be an entry draft and there will be a season and all will be right with the world...

Or will it?..

Unfortunately, the kiss-asses individuals that run the NHL seem to have simply forgotten what a great game hockey actually is. They seem to be dead set on distorting the game beyond recognition for no other reason than to attract more "casual fans." See, for whatever reason, these idiots firmly believe that, to raise revenue, they MUST put the butts of non-hockey fans in the seats...They also believe that, to lure in said morons casual sports fans the game must feature goals scored at the rate of an Indoor Lacrosse game, in essence, taking away any and all perceived advantage from goaltenders and defensemen and turning the noble sport which I love into nothing more than a cheap-ass fucking circus sideshow...All the while, these jackasses claim to have the "best interests of the game at heart."

That, kids, is a giant load of horseshit...lemme tell you why...

If any of the parties involved with the NHL actually had the "best interests of the game" in mind at all in the last year, as they so gallantly claim, THERE NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN A FULL SEASON LOST TO A FUCKING WORK STOPPAGE! Newsflash, assholes: the game of hockey is just fine! It would've been just fine all of last season if you could've just gotten over yourselves and played...Anyone who believes that the on-ice product of the NHL needs the drastic rule changes which we are about to have crammed down our collective throats is either a complete moron, a Goddamned "casual fan," or (worse yet) both...But, this is for my own good, I'm told...Uh huh...We'll see about that...Of the injustices that we're most likely going to be subjected to this coming season are the effective elimination of the red line, unnecessary restrictions on goaltenders' handling of the puck, drastic and unnecessary reductions in the size of goaltenders' equipment and, the last step towards sideshow freakishness, the institution of an overtime shootout...

Look, I like shootouts as much as the next guy...They're exciting, I'll admit...Hell, I even like facing a shootout as a goalie...But shootouts just aren't hockey, plain and simple...

In addition to the almost certain changes I've already mentioned, the collection of shitheads "rules committee" also recently experimented with shorter periods (15 minutes instead of the tried-and-true 20), taking away defensive strategy through more insane rule changes and (as if things weren't bad enough already) larger fucking nets which they believe, in their collective cesspool of a brain, equal more "fans," becuase larger nets would surely equal more goals scored...Geez, guys, how about taking away the position of "goalie" altogether and just have 3 defensemen? What the fuck? Maybe I feel as strongly as I do because, in my spare time, I AM a "goalie," but I can quickly sum up a response to all of the bullshit that the NHL higher-ups been spewing forth about the need for these"rule changes":

LEAVE THE FUCKING GAME ALONE.

Look, as much as you'd like to put yourselves on a pedestal over this, the game of hockey doesn't need your help. No matter how many times you assholes pat yourselves on the back for claiming to be "saving" it, Hockey is not broken. Hockey is glorious for it's tradition, hockey is glorious BECAUSE it's a low-scoring, grind-it-out kind of game...For fuck's sake, it's like a chess match on skates, one of the most noble forms of competition in the world and these fucks want to turn it into some sort of low budget, professional wrestling-type sideshow...

With all of that said, I will still watch the NHL when it comes back...I have no choice, frankly...Some of the people whom I have talked to, including members of my own family, have staunchly refused to watch NHL hockey upon it's return, based on the greed and blatant disregard for the fans and the game displayed by the players over the course of the lockout, but I refuse to follow suit...I love hockey and I will watch hockey...This is because I am NOT a "casual fan." I play the game, I love the game, I watch the game...C'mon, In 10 years, we'd be hard pressed to remember most of the players involved in this "work stoppage," but the game itself will still be played...Hopefully I'll still be able to recognize it and, I hope against hope that the current push to bastardize the game turns out to be nothing more than a passing fad...I know I speak for what seems to be a minority here, but if you can't tell me what "icing" or "offsides" is AND you have no desire to learn because all you wanna do is drink beer and yell and see 10-12 game...Well, then fuck you...There should be NO SUCH THING as a "casual" hockey fan...Hockey is what it is and if you can't appreciate the tension and drama of a 2-1 overtime game, then I think that hockey doesn't need you. Flat out, you don't deserve hockey...Go watch some other inferior sport...Screw. You.

Look, simply put: there should always be a red line in hockey...And touch-up icing...And 12" wide goalie leg pads...And everything that has made hockey great for the past 100 (or so) years...To the higher-ups of the NHL, do me a favor: put the fucking game back on the ice and, at the same time, leave it the Hell alone...I'd appreciate it greatly. Thank you.

Labels: hockey stuff, misguided rantings, sports