The Son of Cheese

I Still Miss My Friend...

2011-03-23T17:09:00.001-06:00

Friday will mark my 37th birthday, not a milestone per se, but my birthday does mark a milestone of loss in my life and, however trivial it may seem to others, it's never far from my mind. I wrote this in 2004 and why I felt an inexplicable urge to revisit it 7 years later, I don't know. All I know is that I am. So...Here.
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As a means of confession and also "setting the table," I must admit, I've never been a "pet person." I have a strong dislike for dogs in general which stems from my having been (viciously) attacked by canines on several occasions. To complicate matters, I have marked allergic reactions to pet dander and, to be fair, I don't enjoy cleaning up after any sort of animal. Sure, I've had "pets" in my life. After all, who hasn't, right? I owned a goldfish when I was perhaps 4, my sister and I had a steady stream of hamsters given their propensity to die at random times and due to seemingly innocuous incidents. Of all the animals that you can domesticate and name something cute, cats were likely my least favorite when I was younger. My allergy symptoms were always very severe when I was around cats and that led to my utter distaste of cats as a species. I was certain that I'd never have a pet. Truth is, I never felt the need for one.

Sometimes, though, you get proven wrong.

Rita changed how I thought about pets (and cats) in general. Rita picked my family to be her family when she showed up on our porch one evening when I was 19, not yielding or fleeing regardless of what I did or said. Rita was a beautiful gray and white striped animal with wonderful green eyes and, through tenacity and perseverance eventually became my pet and, much more importantly, she ultimatlely became my best friend.

To be fair, we didn't always call her "Rita," in fact, early on we mostly just called her 'Cat' or some variation thereof. Since she stubbornly refused to leave our front porch, we decided to feed her. EVENTUALLY, we allowed Cat to live in the garage. Because of her charm and also incessant scratching at the door to the utility room, she soon was allowed to live in the utility room and, after a week or so, when it was determined that, oddly enough, I wasn't having any sort of allergic reaction to her, Cat was allowed to live IN THE HOUSE PROPER. Following this development, we all decided that she would need a proper name and, since Cat resembled a character on a TV program called Animaniacs that was named Rita, that's what we called her. In all honesty, I hated the character, on the show, she was painfully annoying, But "Rita" fit so "Rita" stuck. Rita fit in to our family immediately.

Well, maybe "immediately" is a bit hyperbolic, she WAS prone to fits of erratic behavior early on like random claw assaults on people's heads or appendages, but with stern discipline and time, offensive behavior like that soon faded. My father was convinced that Rita was actually his brother, Jim, reincarnated. Jim had died the year prior from liver cancer, among other ailments and my dad was taking the loss rather hard. As oping mechanisms go, though, Rita was fun for the whole family, besides, she acted as if she knew us right from the beginning. She was affectionate and talkative and recognized all of us and our vehicles individually when we'd arrive back at home. She memorized all of our work schedules and would be ready to run up to the car door and greet us when we were due to appear at home day after day. I enjoyed very much how Rita would trot along beside me toward the front door of the house, chatting all the way as if relaying the events of her day. It seemed that she always had quite a bit to tell me.

By nature, Rita was an outdoor cat and a very adept killing machine. One of my favorite pastimes when we all lived in the house on Hackberry was to watch Rita stalk whatever manner of prey had wandered into our backyard, be it bird or chipmunk or small child. Regardless of species or size, it was never a match for Rita's cunning and stealth. In addition to her homicidal tendencies, she was quite the thoughtful maniac. On special days, she would invariably and proudly have an offering of freshly killed prey waiting on the doorstep. Like clockwork, she remembered everyone, never forgetting a birthday or anniversary. Rita also loved Summertime because she could spend more time outside AND she could choose exactly when she would go out and when she would come in. She was afforded this luxury because, some years prior to her arrival, either myself or my sister (definitely my sister) had broken the screen out of the screen door during one of our misguided attempts at "fun." Being lazy hillbillies, we opted not to fix the screen and, during the summer months, we would simply raise the glass portion of the screen door to get airflow, leaving a large void in the door. Unhindered by mesh, Rita was free to leap in and out of the house at her leisure, moving from one wonderful warm-weather adventure to the next.

Of course, as the weather got cooler, we would eventually have to lower the glass. One particular afternoon, after having done this, I was lying on the couch watching television. From the corner of my eye, I saw movement outside. Sure as shit, it was Rita, bounding up the front walk toward the screen door. It was immediately obvious that she had NO CLUE that I had recently closed up her "leapin' hole." Like a slow motion scene from a horror movie, I shouted "NOOOOOO" but I couldn't get to the door fast enough to open it. I WAS there just in time, however, to see little Rita leap gracefully, soar majestically through the air and impact the glass door like a dead-weight bag full of sand. The whole door, nay, the whole HOUSE shook on impact and poor Rita fell backward, landing on her feet as cats are accustomed to. She then sat back and stared at the door with a patented murderous glare. As I finally opened the door, she sprang back to her feet, never one to be caught in an undignified position. I told her "Sorry, you can't do that again until May." She pretended not to hear me as she wandered off. She certainly wasn't going to admit defeat and she SURELY wasn't going to come in until she was damn good and ready.

I loved that about her.

A couple of years later, my parents purchased a townhome. I moved with them, not quite yet adult enough to be back on my own. Rita, of course, moved with us as well. Rita never dealt with change very well and she HATED riding in any vehicle whatsoever. She cried the whole way to her new home and spent her first 3 days there hunkered back in my closet, angrily mewing at everyone who passed by. She seemed to be chastising us for taking her away from HER house. She ultimately mellowed enough to check out the rest of the place and soon enough she was right back to acting as if she owned it. My Mother was deathly afraid to let her outside at this new place, thinking that she'd become confused and return to the wrong home or, God forbid, not return at all. Rita, being an outdoor cat, and not accustomed to being told "no," constantly and loudly requested to be let out. We all did my mother's evil bidding until one fateful day, when everyone was somehow distracted and the sliding glass door was uncharacteristically open. Rita seized the moment and darted outside to experience sweet freedom once more. My mom, of course panicked. Of course, in due time, Rita returned to the right home. We were her family. She knew where home was, no matter which building was home.

Ultimately, like you do, I moved out of my parents' home. When I did, I missed Rita, but I got to see her often enough. Rita got a good amount of attention living with my parents anyway. In fact my Dad was unemployed (by his own choice) for a long stretch of time and that merely served to spoil her almost completely. She certainly got used to having someone around to play with her, feed her and let her out whenever she wanted. At one point, when my parents went on a cruise, My wife and I were charged with checking up on Rita now and again, you know, just to see how she was doing. One particular night while we were performing our semi-cat sitting duties, I decided that I would read the newspaper. After I had finished a section or two, Rita got up from where she had been sitting and walked over to me. She mewed, I gave her a pat on her head and rubbed her ears. She mewed again and I mewed back. I told her I was reading the paper, I'd play later. She then set about destroying the newspaper.

I'm serious about this. She literally grabbed the newspaper with both paws and chewed and clawed what she could get to into pieces. I was totally shocked, yet utterly amused at the same time. I'm not sure she appreciated me laughing at her, but she got what she wanted. We played the "pen game" for a while and then played "chase."

late in 2002, Rita's behavior and appearance changed significantly. She got slower and clumsier and she grew quite thin. She definitely was not her graceful and majestic self any longer. My parents took her to the vet and were given medicine to administer to her. Rita's condition improved for a few days, then it began to decline again. Rita fought a brave fight and seemed to not want to admit that she simply wasn't feeling well. She'd try to play, but didn't have the stamina that she once possessed. Complicating matters, Rita couldn't take the stairs very well anymore, which prevented her from sleeping upstairs with Mom and Dad, something which she greatly enjoyed. She spent a lot of her time downstairs, alone, in the dark. Ultimately, when she could muster the strength to crawl up onto the couch during the day, she spent a lot of her time laying on my Father's chest, close to his heart, for as many hours as he would let her. In March of 2003, my wife and I were getting ready to drive to Kansas to visit some friends. We stayed at my parents' house the night before our departure and I decided that I'd better let Rita know that I loved her, as I didn't know if I'd have the opportunity to do so again. I sat with her for a while and chatted with her. She chattered right back like the good little girl she was. I told her as I got up to leave that I loved her very much and I was going to miss her. She looked at me for a few moments and then turned away. It was almost as if she didn't want to admit that she wasn't going to be there when I came back.

While I was out of town, on my birthday I was later told, Rita came out of the bedroom upstairs looking for my Mother. She stumbled and fell a few times, but ultimately made it to my Mother's lap. It was obvious that something was very, very wrong and so my parents took Rita to see the vet again. She had been in and out of the vet's office a lot recently and she had been on a lot of medication. unfortunately, none of it worked like it was supposed to. The vet ran some tests and finally diagnosed Rita with cancer of the liver, the same ailment that had done my uncle in so many years prior. She was too jaundiced at that point to be cured, and so my parents were suddenly faced with very hard decision. They soon came to the realization that they would have to put their "third child" to sleep.

Rita got to lay next to my father's heart one last time before they took her away. Both my Mother and Father were heartbroken. When my wife and I returned from Kansas a couple days later, There was a message on our phone asking me to call my Dad. I called and asked what was up and he said "we had to...on your birthday, we had to..." and he started to cry. I knew that Rita was gone. I cried too. We both cried together. There was nothing more to do but cry. Rita was a very good girl and an important part of our family, but she had to go away. I still miss her terribly.

My parents would go looking at cats every sunday for years following Rita's departure, to see if they can find another that will be as perfect an addition to our family as Rita was. Ultimately, my parents inherited their current cat, Abigail, from their neighbors son who, ironically, was dying of cancer and could no longer care for her. Abigail is a good cat but really...Nothing like Rita. I'm convinced I'll never come across another cat like Rita as long as I live. Going forward, I've decided that I don't ever want another pet. After all, I never had a pet in the first place, I was fortunate to have a very good friend who's no longer around. I do look forward, however, to the time when we'll be reunited. I don't know quite what happens after we die, but I certainly hope that wherever I end up, She'll see me coming. She'll run up to whatever vehicle I arrive in and she'll trot in along side me on the way in, filling me in on what she's been up to since she got there.

I know she'll have some wonderful stories to tell me.

Awesomecast Episode 122 - And We Thought We'd have Nothing To Talk About...

2011-02-25T15:12:00.002-07:00

You never know, you can get together and think "yeah, got nothin', this show's gonna suck" and it will and other times it won't and sometimes...Well, you get what we have here...Episode 122. I'd describe it all to you, but that would just be cheating YOu out of the pleasure of hearing it all for the first time, now wouldn't it? Go ahead...Clicky to listen:

THAT'S GREAT VUHDEO!

2011-02-21T11:26:00.001-07:00

HERE! LOOK! It's episode 121 ALL VISUAL LIKE! Take a look-see:

Awesomecast Episode 121 - Geek Bowl V, Wrasslin' in Iowa and WOOT BAGS OF CRAP!..

2011-02-19T16:56:00.002-07:00

Yes, we finally get to open the bags of crap that we purchased off of woot.com so many days ago. Additionally, I wax poetic about the awesomeness of Geek Bowl V which took place in late January and I also offer some opinions on the wrestler in Iowa who refused to wrestle a girl. Check it out, won't you? Right here's where you clicky to listen:

Awesomecast Episode 120 - Recently in Stuff...

2011-01-14T20:52:00.002-07:00

So I decided to post 119 and 120 at the same time because the stuff we talked about when we recorded them were kind of current events type things and I didn't want the shows to be "news reminders" as much as I wanted them to be "almost timely." As such, two, two TWO EPISODES IN ONE! so clicky to listen, bitches!

Awesomecast Episode 119 - Holiday Hypocrisy and Medicinal Marijuana...

2011-01-14T20:48:00.002-07:00

So for this next spirited episode, I come out sounding like more of a retard than normal as I constantly contradict myself on the topics of holidays and medicinal marijuana. Look, I was tired, eh? Gimme a break and just click to listen:

Awesomecast Episode 118 - Sponsored By 5280Sauce.com

2011-01-09T22:17:00.001-07:00

LOOK! WE HAVE A SPONSOR! Ok, kind of. The guy who owns it is a friend of the show (it's PAT ANGELLO) and he brought some down for us to sample and we loved it and we cursed up a storm and ate pizza with hot sauce and YOU WILL LOVE THIS EPISODE. So clicky to listen, goddammit!

Awesomecast Episode 117 - WORST XMAS SONGS EVER...

2010-12-25T00:32:00.003-07:00

So, you've heard a Christmas or holiday-themed song that makes you wanna kill, right? Sure, we all have. Well, to ye I present a half hour of the worst of the worst. That's right, kids, it's the worst holiday songs of all time. Clicky to listen and (maybe not) enjoy...

Awesomecast Episode 116 - Holiday Music Spectacular

2010-12-19T22:04:00.002-07:00

Who doesn't love Christmas music, right? Hell, you can hear it year round if you look hard enough and you've definitely been inundated with it since AT LEAST the day following Thanksgiving. In this episode, we share our own personal holiday favorites for your listening displeasure. Why not just click and listen and hear for yourself?

Awesomecast Episode 115 - Holiday Horror Stories...

2010-12-12T21:39:00.002-07:00

The newest episode of the awesomecast is here! Ever have a crappy holiday? Yep, most of us have too AND WE TALK ABOUT IT 'cause...well, that's the kind of shit we do. You know you want to share in our misery, so clicky to listen right now:

Awesomecast Episode 114 - Our Holiday Traditions...

2010-12-04T23:59:00.003-07:00

Hey, it's the Holiday season, which means that people are pushier and driving more like crap than usual AND we're in the holiday spirit which pretty much means avoiding retail outlets and hiding in the studio recording podcasts. Speaking of, here is an episode wherein we chat about our personal holiday traditions! you know you'd rather listen to me ramble than read me ramble, so go ahead, clicky, listen and enjoy!

Awesomecast Episode 113 - Mysterious Treats From The East...

2010-11-28T16:57:00.002-07:00

Japan is a weird place, right? and they eat all kinds of weird shit, right? Well, Justin had some of this weird shit sent to him by a fan and he's in the mood to share. THERE IS BE A VIDEO OF THIS PODCAST AVAILABLE HERE! For now, though, clicky, listen and enjoy:

Awesomecast Episode 112 - Halloween SPOOKTACULAR!

2010-10-31T10:52:00.002-06:00

Halloween-themed and/or spooky fuckin' music for your listening displeasure. Happy Halloween, kids!

Wingity Ding Dong!

2010-09-03T15:03:00.000-06:00

BIG ASS HOTDOG! Hell Yeah, People!

2010-09-03T14:16:00.000-06:00

I LOVE YOU, XTRANORMAL!

2010-09-03T11:30:00.002-06:00

so remember WAY BACK WHEN I used to do little spoof commercials for this blog? Remember that? Huh? No? Oh. Well, HERE ARE SOME OF THOSE THINGS XTRANORMALED!:

Awesomecast Episode 111 - Justin the Golden Boy AND Does it Hold Up?

2010-08-28T22:28:00.001-06:00

In this episode, we discuss Justin and his new title as the golden boy (he gets a plane ticket bought for him! BOUGHT FOR HIM by his FUCKING FANS) and we also discuss stuff that we liked when we were kids and whether or not it holds up to our stringent entertainment standards today.

Awesomecast Episode 110 - Wherein We Just Sit and Bullshit...

2010-08-22T14:06:00.001-06:00

Sometimes we can fill a whole half hour with an hour's worth of "nothing." This is a prime example of that. I do think I still end up the show yelling at someone (maybe Justin) so hey, it's worth a listen, right? YES! SO LISTEN TO IT!

Let's Catch Up! Awesomecast episodes you may have missed...

2010-08-15T21:45:00.002-06:00

Oh, hi! How are you all anyway! Yeah, we've had more episodes since the last one that I posted here, I was just tossing them over on the other blog and then pinging my feed so that thems what subscribe via iTunes would be able to download 'em and I kept saying "you know, it'd be great if I updated the main blog." And yeah, never did. UNTIL NOW! ta-fucking-da...

Justin geeks things up and tells us all about his E3 experience:

Randomly stitched together crap cobbled together from two different shows that weren't good enough to be individual episodes:

We chat with Paul the psychic octopus:

Best things we've ever eaten (not including your mom):

Awesomecast Episode 105 - An Episode Full of Hate...

2010-06-27T19:37:00.002-06:00

So last week it was all sweetness and light as we rolled out our favorite love songs. Well, enough of that bullshit, because THIS week, we treat you to two each of our favorite HATE songs. You will love it, though, because that's just the way you are. So here, clicky, listen and enjoy:

Awesomecast Episode 104 - Love Songs...

2010-06-22T09:36:00.002-06:00

everyone has their own personal favorite love songs (unless they're heartless bastards) and this episode features two each of ours. Why only 2 each? C'mon, the show can only be so long. So clicky, listen and FALL IN LOVE! or something. Whatever.

Awesomecast Episode 103 - A Quick Word About Fast Food...

2010-06-13T17:14:00.002-06:00

Admit it, in a pinch, you're more likely to stop at Jack in The Box or Taco Bell than to whip up a homecooked meal. Hey, there's no shame, that's just the world we live in. And that's what this episode is all about, the fast food that we have deemed to be the best of the best. See if our opinions jibe with yours OR just make fun of us for being strange. Either way, you'll have to click to listen, so GET ON IT. Thanks...

Awesomecast Episode 102 - Teh Deth Songz...

2010-06-07T02:13:00.001-06:00

Without the ability to get EVERYONE together (and I like it when it's EVERYONE) to record a new 'cast for you kids, I decided to whip up a music program for your listening enjoyment, the theme of which is "death songs." Why? Well, death songs make people feel good. Look, I don't know why it is, maybe it's lack of survivor's guilt or something, but if you don't just love a good death song, check your pulse...YOU may be the dead one...Well, enough of my hyperbole, here! You click and listen!

Awesomecast Episode 101 - DON'T PISS US OFF...

2010-05-29T21:35:00.002-06:00

So sure, this was an easy topic to do. Why? Well, we all have SOMETHING that pisses us off. I don't care if you're the most mild mannered, kindest, gentlest motherfucker on the planet, there's SOMETHING that will get under your skin. We take a quick half hour to share a few of our (least) favorite things...But enough of me blabbering, here's where you do your part and clicky clicky to listen:

Awesomecast Episode 100 - A "Just Good Enough Of" Retrospective...

2010-05-22T00:42:00.001-06:00

Holy DOGSHIT...There were times when I thought this dumb little podcast would never even come close to 100 episodes...We have, however made it to that magical round number that everyone seems to celebrate. In honor of this achievement, I've put together a tiny retrospective that highlights some of the funnier and/or prouder moments from the show...Certainly not a comprehensive tribute to our mediocre effort, but it's something to listen to nonetheless. SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Click that purple banner and GETS TO LISTENIN'!

Awesomecast Episode 99 - WTF, JUSTIN!?..

2010-05-17T07:39:00.002-06:00

And, to be fair, what the fuck, JASON!? Heather: largely ignored in this episode as I grill Justin about this "Kickassia" crap, Jason for giving up drinking (at least for an hour), visits from BOTH Justin and Jason's "wives," an insolent Chihuahua and tons more. But don't take MY word for it, download this mofo and love it your damn self!

Awesomecast Episode 98 - Readin' Books N' Stuff...

2010-05-17T07:32:00.002-06:00

I was remiss and hadn't posted this episode here when it first went up. Look at me, though, righting wrongs retrospectively. Here, listen to it (if you haven't already):

Awesomecast Episode 97 - Justin and Derek Brag Too Goddamn Much...

2010-04-10T22:33:00.003-06:00

Time once again to bust out another one of these "podcast episodes." Hey, if you like to hear a couple old queens brag about their mediocre accomplishments, you'll LOVE listening to this episode. Justin goes over a few things that he has going on relating to his "little videos" and Derek's status has improved from "that douchebag over there" to "local artist." Ahh, enough 'splainin'...Go ahead, download it! Listen to it! LOVE IT!

Awesomecast Episode 96 - The Whiskey Flight...

2010-04-04T09:55:00.003-06:00

In this episode, Jason endures a poorly put together whiskey flight for the good of the show and then Derek talks endlessly about his birthweek celebration including talk of massage, all you can eat meat and more...and hey, iPhones! and soda made with REAL SUGAR! I could go on and on, but you should just tell me to "shut up" so you can download and listen by clicking right here:

Tribute to Terry Gonzalez - Freak Train - March, 2010

2010-03-30T21:35:00.000-06:00

Terry lost his battle with cancer in early March, 2010. At Freak Train, I take the opportunity to eulogize my friend and then do the bullet catch trick that he helped design one last time. Not shown in the video, at the end of the night, the host called for a moment of silence...and the theatre stayed reverently quiet for almost a minute. Terry touched many lives and will be missed by more people than he would've ever imagined.

Awesomecast Episode 95 - All About Video Games

2010-03-28T21:40:00.002-06:00

So how do you do a show about video games WITHOUT the JewWario Justin Carmical? Well, you tell a story about him in his absence, among other things...Hear about our first video game experiences, consoles we've owned, arcades we've frequented and more! Well, hear it IF you download it and/or listen to it, which I do urge you to do, by clicky clicky right here:

Awesomecast Episode 94 - Chris Graham Revisited...

2010-03-20T08:30:00.003-06:00

Sometimes you have to walk that line between "putting forth a quality product" and "just posting a new episode." Am I talking about this week's episode? You decide! In this episode, we focus on major fucking star Chris Graham (yes, we did that before, shut up). Go ahead! download it! Heck, even listen to it...I DARE YA.

Awesomecast Episode 93 - Stir up That POOP, Bitches!..

2010-03-12T21:11:00.001-07:00

Major fucking star Chris Graham drops by (and my wife makes a rare appearance)...BUT NOT JUSTIN! As such, we had no pussy. HOWEVER, we DO talk Buttsecks, misconceptions about gay marriage by people in positions of power, the misadventures of ChatRoulette, choking on weenies, drinking from spit buckets and MORE...Download our half hour peace offering, jam it into the MP3 player of your choice and listen your blues a-wayy!

Awesomecast Episode 92 - Another Whole Hour of MUSIC...

2010-03-05T21:16:00.005-07:00

AND setting the dog on fire...You know the best part about doing a podcast like this? If I feel like posting 'em out of order: I just frickin' DO IT! Yeah! Jason from Redrum Radio and my sister Heather join Collin and I this week for a special hour-long episode covering the music that we like, the weird shit in my iTunes, Collin's fearsome "daddy voice," a visit from Collin's poorly behaved child, phone calls from Felecia and a metric assload more...Download, listen and ENJOY, effers!

Awesomecast Episode 91 - Another Whole Hour of TELEVISION...

2010-02-26T22:20:00.001-07:00

We all look at the magic box commonly called television and NO, smartass, it does NOT rot your brain. Or strains your eyes. It entertains, educates and...Someone quick, come up with an "e" word for me! Ah, fuck it...Everyone's favorite ensemble cast is back again...Just listen (and enjoy, please):

Awesomecast Episode 90 - A Whole Hour of MOVIES...

2010-02-19T22:37:00.003-07:00

This week's episode finds the ensemble cast (including Mr. Ozant from Redrumradio.com) is all about movies. Movies we love, movies we hate...Movies movies movies. So much movie talk, in fact, the episode goes on for a WHOLE FREAKIN' HOUR. So...Enjoy!

Awesomecast Episode 89 - We Interview Jason Ozant of RedrumRadio.com

2010-02-13T21:26:00.002-07:00

See? SEE!? I love you all SO GODDAMN MUCH that I'm giving you all a rare twofer. Here's episode 89 of the 'cast in which we are joined by Jason Ozant of RedRumRadio.com...listen and enjoy, both are compulsory!

Awesomecast Episode 88 - The Triumphant Return!

2010-02-13T21:19:00.001-07:00

Wow, so yeah. Sorry for having been so neglectful of this blog and the podcast and somesuch and whatnot. Here, as a peace offering, I give you a new episode of the ol' 'cast. It's the triumphant return, mofos!

Oh, Hi...

2009-06-28T14:18:00.001-06:00

Because I'm awesome, I got a job.

Stop, Hey, What's That Sound?..

2009-05-20T23:21:00.002-06:00

It is with a marked lack of fanfare that I have let this blog die. Additionally, despite going out on a celebrity interview high note, it would seem that I have unconsciously chosen to put the ol' awesomecasts to bed as well. To be honest, my indifference to taking time out of my day to write about my day began long before I was laid off in January. Hell, it'd been more than a year since I treated this site with enough respect to update it regularly. I simply have more important things to do than "blog." And yet, here I am. Blogging.

So how have you been? Myself, I've been alright. You see, it's almost June and June will mark 6 months that I have been without gainful employment. If anyone would have told me in January that I'd still be without full-time employment at this stage of the game, I'd have likely shat myself out of sheer, brain-melting worry. I never expected that unemployment would drag on this long, but I guess I also never could have forseen the definite indifference that potential employers have shown towards me. There was a time when I considered myself talented, even useful. I'm sad to say it, but that time has faded into memory. It's a cruel thing, being unemployed in a town that collectively seeks to devalue not only your industry but your wealth of experience in said industry. Days blend into weeks which blend into months and 5 months pass you by as you sit, day after day, slowly becoming an even more unemployable pile of whiskers and blubber. Just. Let. It. End. For God's sake, just let it end.

So anyhow, it's baseball season once again and I find myself part of the MSBL Colorado Springs Cardinals, a slightly souped-up version of last year's Cubs with a healthy chunk of the dead weight jettisoned and some great new additions in place. We had a great turnout for our first game, a game that we won rather convincingly given the zeitgeist of the team...Everyone was excited, everyone was on top of their game, the pitchers pitched, the fielders fielded, the batters batted. Oh, what a sight that was for sore eyes. And then...Well, since then we haven't exactly been able to recapture that same magic. In fact, in the three games which have followed that first game, the Cards have literally had their asses handed to them. Or us. Or whatever. Short story: we have yet to win a game other than that first one. But it's still fun. Except my batting average sucks a big one compared to last year. Need to hit the cages some more...Anyone have some spare change?

So my on again off again relationship with the ol' Pub Quiz seems to be back on. Oh, right, I never mentioned that the Oscar's quiz was given over to another Quizmaster after a month. Jesus, I should update this thing more often...Anyhow, despite this setback, it looks like I'll be taking over the quiz duties at Porky's Beach Bar indefinitely. The quiz is on Thursdays, come see me. The burgers really are great at Porky's and holy crap, you could win prizes.

Max is growing exponentially and learning new things everyday. And he talks with his hands. HE'S ALSO THE CUTEST BABY EVER:

Hey! Look! A truck MADE OF HAM:

Anyway...I can't think of much else to post here, especially given the low number of warm bodies who will actually set eyes on it. Freak Train is coming up very soon. I should have stunning video of it as long as key people don't flake out on me. Anyhow, enough of this...It's time for bed. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a phenomenal 3rd quarter now...

OH YEAH, I forgot to mention that I did something both handy and manly over the weekend. I built and installed a new gate. Seems the old post had rotted away and the old gate was kind of crap so I built a new one. That went off with only one instance of mild electrocution (I blame the age of the circular saw). I then set to the task of removing the old post (anchored by 3 feet of concrete that I had to dig up). As was my suspicion, the post was weak. So weak, in fact, that it snapped off in my meaty hands well before I had enough concrete exposed. While trying to loosen said concrete, I inadvertantly drove two rusty nails into my calf. It bled. I had to get a tetanus shot. Kudos to the wife, too, she suggested I use my truck to pull the concrete out and it frickin' worked. Anyhow, yeah. I built something. And it's level. And I only almost killed myself. That is all.

Shiftless Laying-About 101...

2009-03-11T23:59:00.002-06:00

So there are a couple of you (you know who you are) who continue to berate me for not posting things here on the ol' blog (specifically that podcast that we've had in the can for a couple months). I admire your tenacity and futile belief in me, especially since this thing has all the appearance of having been completely abandoned like the remnants of some uninhabitable irradiated town that you might find if you looked hard enough in the desert right before you dropped from heat exhaustion (and radiation poisoning, dummy). True, you could revel in your über-awesome detective skills while the buzzards circled overhead for 20, maybe 30 minutes if you're a particularly hardy soul, but what then? Huh? Fine work, Encyclopedia fuckin' Brown, NOW who's fixin' to die? Wait, what the fuck were we talking about here? I got off track...Anyhow, yeah, I guess I should start trying to make up for my glaring shortcomings by giving you kids something which you didn't specifically ask for...A random update-filled post...

I'm Still An Unemployed Bum, But At Least I'm Workin'...
It's true, I have yet to find gainful, full-time employment in any of the career fields in which I claim to excel, but I HAVE been picking up just enough freelance work (including working a couple half-days a week at the agency that laid me off) to ~~fuck up my unemployment check~~ eek by on the bills and things. Don't get the wrong impression, though, ain't no one gonna start puttin' in bids on my house and possessions just yet...Things haven't reached that level of "dire" at this point, but I'd SO rather find some manner of full time work so I can return to my former lifestyle of luxury and excess...You know, the lifestyle where I don't have to stock my freezer with Totino's Pizzas and/or the wife and I can go out to eat without nagging thoughts about the mortgage payment ruining the evening. Truth is, jobs are few and far between for everyone and I'm not the only "creative professional" out of work in this area. I'm thinking that freelancing full time may be my future. Anyone need a website? How about a logo. can I interest you in a direct mail campaign? No? How about a replica Rolex?

I Have A Couple of New Websites to Visit...Give 'em a Look!..
www.derekknightcreative.com
www.derekknightisfunnygoddammit.com

What The Fuck Good is LinkedIn When It Never Loads?..
Seriously, it never loads up for me. What the Hell is wrong with that site?

All Things Being Equal, I Prefer To Vanquish Strangers...
So, given that I have a newfound amount of time on my hands and that I'm also "open to new challenges," everyone's old buddy Collin sent me some info about a month ago about an organization called Geeks Who Drink looking for Quizmasters to run their Pub Quizzes in various locations INCLUDING Colorado Springs. The requirements were pretty simple...Quizmasters need to be able to speak clearly on a mic in a bar, deal with being harassed by drunken PhD candidates and also own a laptop and digital camera (you know, so you can blog about all that crap afterwards). The info noted that the gig pays just enough (including a bar tab) to make doing it worthwhile (did I mention the bar tab?). I consider all of the aforementioned (including using up a bar tab) within my specific skill set, so I sent in an "application." I didn't think much of it until last Monday when I got a call out of the blue from the Geek in charge. Seems he was running a bit behind in contacting people, but he wanted to know if I could audition later that evening at Jack Quinn's. After a bit of hemming and hawing, I agreed to be at Quinn's at the appointed time to show off my skills in front of a crowd. When I told Collin about it, he said "oh yeah? Justin has an audition tonight too!" personally, I thought that this was a wonderful break! Having a friend at the bar in the same boat would take some of my crowd-and-stranger-hating trepidation away! I called Justin and told him of the news and, strangely, he didn't share my enthusiasm right away. "You...You're the other guy?" he asked, right before shouting expletives. Justin explained to me that he got the call last week about auditions and was told that it would be him and "one other guy." Apparently, Justin (unemployed just like me) had been feeling confident enough to buy a laptop leading up to audition evening whereas I was given so little notice, I didn't have time to be too terribly anything. Eventually Justin agreed that it'd be fun having such friendly competition and that we could stick around and play the quiz together (which we did) I thought Justin did pretty well during his audition and he thought the same about me. I really wanted Justin to get the gig, but I wanted the gig too...As it turns out, I was the one hired on to be Quizmaster on Sundays at Oscar's and Justin wasn't. I was simultaneously excited for myself and sincerely sorry for Justin when I got the call telling me that I was chosen...Hey, in every kind of contest I enter, I love to win. I prepare to win. I play to win. This is a new thing for me, though...When winning comes at the expense of someone I actually like, I feel kind of weird about it, know what I mean?

Anyhow, weirdness aside, I went through quite the abbreviated training schedule with the other two Colorado Springs Quizmasters, observing on Wednesday and performing the quiz on Thursday...On Sunday, it was my first crack at full-blown, solo quizmastering since the old days of "Noon Name That Tune" at Graham...All things considered, the quiz went pretty well. It's a new venue for the quiz on a night not typically set aside for drunken brain olympics, but I think it'll catch on. Overall, given the whole "bar tab" aspect of my new part-time employment, I couldn't be happier about the placement. After all, Oscar's serves things like crawfish ettoufée...CRAWFISH, BITCHES! Fuck YES! So come out and play the pub quiz on Sundays at 7:00pm...No cost to play and your team of up to 6 diversely knowledgeable people can win gift certificates...On top of that, it's totally in vogue to go to work on Monday with a hangover and smelling like fried shrimp. Seriously, you could look it up, but why waste the effort when I've already told you how cool it is. You want to be cool, right? RIGHT!? Yeah, that's what I THOUGHT...

Sometimes, Even When You Don't Want To, You Have To Spend Money...
So this whole freelancing thing has forced me to use the desk in our back room a whole lot more. As you may imagine, things like this go hand in hand with sitting in a desk chair. As some of you know, I'm a notoriously cheap bastard and there are just some things I don't like dropping a lot of money on. A desk chair for home use has been in that category...The first desk chair we bought was one of those 40 or 50 dollar Wal-Mart jobs: About as sturdy as a plastic crate and probably just as comfortable. It lasted a year, maybe, before it started to list like the Andrea Doria...Finally, it went into the trash and a dining room chair was repurposed as the desk chair. None of this mattered much, at least to me, because I spent very little time at the desk. Eventually, I was able to rescue an old conference room chair from meeting a dumpstery fate at the agency I used to work at...Granted, the chair was thickly upholstered (in hindsight, I may have been singularly blinded by that), but it was definitely in disrepair...It was missing the cylinder with which you could change the height of the chair which meant that it had very limited stability...Again, not a big deal to me, because I only really sat in the stupid thing for awesomecasts (and we all know that I hadn't done much of that recently)...Now, though, with the aforementioned salvage chair receiving daily use, sometimes for hours on end and always by someone of my considerable girth, it's lack of structural integrity was causing me legitimate concern...At any moment, I believed that the whole thing could collapse, sending my fat ass through either the glass top desk or the sliding glass door next to the glass top desk...Both scenarios had me thinking "severed artery" at the very least and, to be honest, my copious assmeats were becoming increasingly sore from the marathon balancing sessions. "No more," I thought. It was time to buy a chair...I first looked at Sam's Club, since you're led to believe that things are so cheap there. Sadly, I found the chairs ol' dead Sam Walton offers to be "not quite comfortable enough" for the price. I then set my sights on an office furniture store on the north end of town that was going out of business and "taking all reasonable offers" in a vain effort to clear out their overpriced shit. After trying to ditch the salesleech that crawled onto my back as soon as I entered the joint by sitting way too long in every chair on the floor and leaning precariously far back in most of them, I found a chair I liked. I offered $110 big American dollars for a reasonably comfortable blue chair with adjustable arms. Leechboy was visibly offended by my price estimate and told me to "try tripling that." After announcing that only a 'tard would pay 300 (US) for a fabric-upholstered medium-back desk chair, I walked out. My chair options dwindling, it was decided that American Furniture Warehouse would be the place to buy...Historically, while their selection and prices are hard to beat, I've avoided going in because it was inhabited by the most predatory of sales people. Why, back in the day, you'd consider yourself lucky if you made it 12 feet without being accosted by some member of the sales staff with apparently little else to focus on but YOU. Times have changed, however, and it was like pulling teeth to get someone to take my money on our most recent visit. Finally, though, some skinny bitch stopped hiding in the bathroom long enough to let me buy the reasonably comfortable leather chair that I'm sitting in now. I didn't really think the process of buying a damn chair would be this hard, and I was hoping to not have to put the thing together myself ('cause I suck at that kind of thing) but it's done. I spent money without a job and my ass thanks me for it.

So I guess that's about it for now...I really should get to bed so I can enjoy another day home with my son tomorrow...You kids have a fine rest of the week...As always, thanks for stopping by.

Awesomecast Episode 087 - Robb Spewak!..

2009-02-04T01:41:00.002-07:00

Yes, I'm fully aware that last Wednesday I failed in my duty to provide you kids with a freshly uploaded awesomecast. Yes, I know that I succumbed to my uber-narcissistic tendencies and instead offered a video of me doing lame standup comedy. As an offering of peace to you, gentle listener, I give you this week's episode, which should've been next week's, but because it's longer than usual AND features someone famous (Robb Spewak from the syndicated smash hit radio program The Mike O'Meara Show), it jumped to the front of the line. I'm sure you've had just about enough of my crap to this point, so I shall type no more...Go ahead...Clicky to listen...

Even though I've referred to myself as 'Captain Verbosity' in the past, I'm sure you'll find when you listen that Robb takes that title from me with ease.

Vaunted Videoblog Vednesday...FREAK TRAIN!..

2009-01-28T00:00:00.001-07:00

Ok, yeah. I know that Wednesday is supposed to be reserved for the podcastings. Look, it's almost midnight, alright? I JUST got the videos from last night's Freak Train chopped up and uploaded. I am NOT staying up to edit down the podcast. I'll get it done later. No rush. Nobody's going to go into shock that I didn't get something done. Anyway, here's a look at what I did last night. 3 jokes, people. That's what I had. 3. I guess that's all I needed...

And, as a point of reference, Justin:

So there you are. You kids have a fine Wednesday now. Also: Find me a job. That is all.

Awesomecast Episode 086 - Even More With M. Dung!..

2009-01-21T00:20:00.002-07:00

Holy crap, it's Wednesday already and LOOK! I've posted another podcast! this week, we get to interview friend of the show M. Dung. for the 4th time...In this episode, you get to hear about Dung's long journey back to live radio and the quick end that a format change brought about, but also the next step for the Idiot Show. Look, I can't paint as pretty a picture about it all just typing, you need to hear about it, so go ahead...Clicky to listen...

longtime listeners (listener) will notice the different musics...It is an homage to Dung. Enjoy.

I Had A Dream, But Forgot To Write It Down...You Know How It Is...

2009-01-18T23:15:00.002-07:00

Hey! Hey! Look! Monday is a day off for some people! It's MLK day! Because I'm too lazy to write anything new pertaining to this holiday, I shall post a reworking, of sorts, of a post which first appeared on this blog way back in 2004. This very reworking was read almost word-for-word by Penn Jillette on his now defunct radio program. The actual text for your readin' pleasure follows, but for those of you who would prefer to be read to, you can hear Mr. Jillette's interpretation right here:

---
When I was in elementary school, leading up to the inaugural Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior holiday, all us school kids got some heavy book learnin' in about segregation, civil rights and many other facts (also: minutia) in regards to the life of Dr. King. In addition, in honor of the impending FIRST EVER official celebration of Dr. King's life and work, our school was to hold an assembly presentation, with us 6th graders doin' the bulk of the presentin' in question. Now, if you've never experienced an all-school assembly first hand, here's some quick background...All of the children who attended the school, along with all of the faculty and staff, would gather in the gymnasium/cafeteria and watch the "chosen ones" (in this case, us) put on whatever little show they (we) were supposed to...well..."put on." After that, there would usually be a "second performance" in the evening for all of the parents. This particular production was no exception. We all rehearsed songs and skits that, presumably, were designed to help us sixth-grade crackers give all of the younger crackers some insight into the life, death and accomplishments of Dr. King. The highlight of our little show was the closing which, it was decided, should be a live reading of Dr. King's (wildly popular) "I Have A Dream" speech.

Just so's you know, I'm really very "white." In fact, I bypass "milk bottle" and head straight for "total cracker," I'll readily admit that. This does not mean, however, that my schooling was void of diversity. On the contrary, I had a very "diverse" group of classmates, racially AND socio-economically. The community where I grew up is not far from a number of military bases and, as such, many different kids sporting many different backgrounds came and went while I was in school. There were numerous children of every imaginable ethnic heritage at the elementary school I attended. Getting down to brass tacks here, there were children at the school, in the same grade, of African-American descent available to read such a speech. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, it's simple, really...

In what can only be described as a stroke of (ignorant) brilliance, on what was supposed to be one of the most racially unifying days in American History, the teachers involved in putting the MLK Day assembly together tapped ME to read Dr. King's famous speech...

I am not kidding...

Obviously, I was flattered to have been chosen for such a responsibilty-laden assignment, but I couldn't help but be confused..."Why not John Parmalee or Edward? Why me?" I inquired. I was then told that, after much thought and consideration, I was chosen because I had the ability to (and I quote) "do all of those funny voices."

No shit..."Funny voices."

Let's put this into perspective, shall we? One of the most brilliant orators of the 20th century delivers an empassioned speech dealing with deep issues such as civil rights, equality and hope during a very tumultuous time in our history at great personal and professional risk to himself and I'm supposed to re-enact it on the FIRST EVER day officially set aside by our country to recognize his accomplishments because I can do "funny voices?" Apparently, I'm supposed to approach the "I Have A Dream" speech as if Dr. King were a cartoon character, how frickin' wrong is THAT? Regardless of the circumstances, the assignment was mine and "no" was not going to be accepted as an answer, so I took on the task of learning Dr. King's famous speech as best I could. During the assembly, I was to break into the speech directly following a song, performed by other members of my class. I was told by the music teacher that, if I missed my cue, there was potential to be drowned out by applause, so I HAD TO BE ALERT!...I COULD NOT MISS MY CUE!..

"Hell yeah," I thought, "I DAMN WELL better be alert"...It's not bad enough that some chubby little blond afro-headed kid was set to mimic the greatest civil rights leader in history, but what if, all of a sudden, people could be led to believe that I was merely hanging out at the front of the gym muttering to myself and disrupting the celebration?..The potential for disaster, I estimated, was very, very real. I rehearsed my part until I was sure that I had it down and then, just 'cause I was mortified, I rehearsed some more. I was going to be READY, dammit, regardless of how odd the whole thing seemed. Soon enough, the day of the assembly arrived. At the appointed hour, all of us whiteys took our respective places at the front of the cafeteria and set to the task of celebrating the life of Dr. King via skits and songs. While all of this was going on, there I stood at the front of the gym, paper in hand, ready to orate to the masses. I was dressed in my best slacks, a green polo shirt and my black "Members Only®" knockoff jacket, my hair having been recently and neatly "picked" into a wonderfully round yellowish cloud. Just as the song, the end of which was to be my cue, "ended" and before our audience could "applaud," I spoke, using the most authoritative tone that my 11 year old throat could muster...

"I HAVE A DREAM TODAY..."

As I delivered my adolescent version of one of the greatest speeches of all time, I was pleasantly surprised to find that all of my preparation had not been in vain. The words flowed from my mouth with passion and inflection, in fact, I barely had to look at the words on the paper which I had been clenching so nervously in my hand the whole time. As I finished the speech, I felt very calm and very relieved. The other students clapped and cheered and it seemed that the whole assembly had been quite the success, as elementary school assemblies go...I now realize what an honor it was to have been chosen to read the speech, even if it was an obviously screwy thing to begin with. I had a job to do and I did it. As long as I live, I'll never forget that I had the privilege of being "King for a day."

Awesomecast Episode 085 - (Major Fucking Movie Star) Chris Graham...

2009-01-14T00:18:00.002-07:00

Yes, I know, we've been away so long. Blah blah blah. Shut it. We're back. And we have a special treat: an in-studio interview with (major fucking movie star) Chris Graham, who played the little kid "Willy" in the 1989 ~~pile of cinematic shit~~ cult classic Elves. You know you can't possibly resist after reading that, so go ahead...Clicky to listen...

Look, It's Not LOST...I Know Excatly Where It Is, I Just Don't Have It Anymore...

2009-01-07T23:48:00.002-07:00

Just like my sister, like my buddy Andy and like many Americans, I am an unemployed bum. I was laid off on Wednesday from the ad agency that I have been at for 9 years, 4 months. If you kids know of anyone hiring someone like me, let me know, would ya?

So This Is Christmas...Something something something DONE...

2008-12-25T12:16:00.003-07:00

Hey, Merry Christmas! Look, I'd go about wishing everybody a happy whatever they celebrate but...Look, I don't have much time here. To sum up: hope you had a great time. And got what you wanted (or at least what you deserved). Today is my son Max's first Christmas EVER and, since he's currently sleeping off some of the excitement, I figured I should at least TRY and post something. So here goes.

Up until I became a parent, I was always incredulous as to why anyone would want to have their little baby sit on Santa's lap. These situations, I estimated, never ended well and simply served to tie up the jolly fat elf when he could be devoting those precious seconds to an older child who could AT THE VERY LEAST articulate what they might want under their tree (or in their stocking) come Christmas morning. Best case scenario? You get a once-in-a-lifetime photo such as the one Pat Angello was lucky to capture last Christmas. Worst case scenario? You end up with this:

See, the agency that I work for has, since 1985, celebrated Christmas for the kids of the employees in a very generous manner. There's a Santa and a present from Santa and games and activities. For obvious reasons, I've not participated in said party until this year. To tell the truth, I wasn't planning on participating this year because I figured that Max was too young to appreciate it. I acquiesced to the pressure to bring the little guy, though and was hopeful that we'd have the same results as Pat. Not so much, as you can tell.

Hey, remember when I braved sub-zero temperatures and pushy, booger-nosed chicks on Black Friday to score a washer-dryer set for next to nothing? Remember that? Yeah? Good, remind me about it come March when I've likely forgot all about it because THAT'S WHEN THE GODDAMN THINGS ARE SCHEDULED TO SHIP. That's right, kids, I chose to purchase the washer and dryer that ALL OF AMERICA (and probably half of Mexico) chose as well, which has put the factory so far behind that our big Christmas gift will end up feeling like a nice birthday gift right before Spring. Oh well, at least we still have a working washer and dryer. Not like the poor bastard behind me in line who needed one THAT DAY 'cause his washer had "taken a crap" as he so eloquently put it. He's probably still making regular trips to the laundromat. Sucker.

Hey, you know what? I've actually been asked by TWO SEPARATE PEOPLE (count 'em! Two!) to get some more podcasts online. Far be it from me to ignore the clatter of the clamoring masses, so...Yeah, We'll get to that eventually. Stay tuned.

Hey, my wife won the last poker tournament that I had. Way to go, Squee.

Holy shit, Meme! I completely ripped this thing off from Diana. It's long. It fills space. Here it comes...
Rules: Simply bold the stuff that you've done. Adding stuff is my bonus gift to you.

1.Started your own blog Duh. How else would one post this stupid thing?
2. Slept under the stars - oh...no. I mean, I've slept (fitfully) in tents in the past, but never outside with nothing above me but the stars. That's just irresponsible. You could get rained on.
3. Played in a band because playing trombone in the school band in 5th grade totally counts.
4. Visited Hawaii - the owner of the agency I work at intimated one time that I was "no kind of man" because I had never been to Hawaii. I still have yet to reclaim my manhood, based on that standard. The way things are going, it may take a while...
5. Watched a meteor shower Leonids! 1998!
6. Given more than you can afford to charity - no. Simply put: no.
7. Been to Disneyland in 1980. I've also been to Disneyworld
8. Climbed a mountain - I don't think so. I mean, not on foot, at least.
9. Held a praying mantis - nope.
10. Sang a solo karaoke and/or Freak Train totally counts.
11. Bungee jumping
12. Visited Paris Paris on the Platte, a stupid little coffee house in Denver. That's as close to Paris as I'll get in THIS lifetime.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea - this sounds very cool. I should endeavor to make this happen someday.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch cartooning.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning can't even count the number of times.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables when I was a kid, my sister and I had a little garden. I grew carrots. They tasted like dirt.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked only as a joke while cleaning up a stretch of highway as part of the Adopt-A-Highway thing in high school.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill just once, but it wasn't like "calling in well," it was something to do with Max.
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb not a live one. And not a whole one. Piece by delicious piece as I put them into my belly. God, I love lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse OF THE HEART! heh. No, of the sun. And the moon. A couple times.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run both the inside and outside the park variety.
32. Been on a cruise a wee riverboat excursion on the Mississippi while visiting St. Louis. So kind of, not really.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person and up close via the Maid of the Mist. It was awesome, in the literal sense of the word.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors - I would love to. Haven't got that far yet.
35. Seen an Amish community we visited Amish country in Pennsylvania in the summer of 2007. It was kind of quaint.
36. Taught yourself a new language I now speak LOLcat. And shut up, that totally counts.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied I'm not sure what the person who wrote this question had in mind, but just being able to do something fun if I choose to qualifies in my mind. So sure.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing sort of, in 6th grade.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke can't even count the number of times.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant - I had to think about this. I thought that I had, but come to find out, I haven't.
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight - only during the day.
46. Been transported in an ambulance - not yet.
47. Had your portrait painted - only done in marker, not paint.
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. Kissed in the rain - if I have, it wasn't terribly memorable.
53. Played in the mud I'm sure I did. I don't remember doing it, but I'm sure I did.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater as recently as the late 1990s.
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business we'll be talking more about this in the near future.
58.Taken a martial arts class
59.Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check ah, yes. I was wondering if I'd get to say "yes" again and then here comes an example of completely irresponsible behavior. In my defense, I had overdraft protection, but the bank was still all pissed off.
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy just about a week ago, even. I didn't have the heart to throw away my Popeye's Dyanamite Music machine.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial - skipped this while we were in D.C.
71. Eaten caviar first time was when I was about 8. I remember that it tasted salty.
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job just the telemarketing thing.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone mine or someone else's? Either way: yes.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle it was probably speeding, 'cause the speed limit was only 20.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person from an airplane.
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car it was a truck, actually.
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Qur’an
86. Visited the White House - SO FRICKIN' CLOSE! We were supposed to get a tour in the summer of 2007, but stuff fell through. Oh well, maybe next time.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating - you'd think that I would've done this, but somehow this experience has escaped me to this point.
88. Had chickenpox sadly, over Spring Break. GYP!
89. Saved someone’s life - not to my knowledge.
90. Sat on a jury - I haven't, but have always wanted to. I haven't even been summonsed for jury service. EVER!
91. Met someone famous more than a few times.
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one haven't we all?
94. Had a baby I didn't do the hard part, but he's mine, nonetheless
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit and I was none too pleased about it, let me tell you.
98. Owned a cell phone a few of them, actually.
99. Been stung by a bee - never. And it's not like I haven't put myself in harm's way, I used to wade into bee clouds and slap at them. How have I never been stung? Divine providence, perhaps or could just be dumb luck.
100. Read an entire book in one day NFHS wrestling rules. I had to cram!

So there you go, an entry. Hot shit. Until next time, you kids behave. And have a happy holiday season.

BREAKING NEW GROUND! TRYING NEW THINGS! POINTING OUT PEOPLE'S FLAWS!..

2008-11-28T23:08:00.003-07:00

Given all the stupid crap that I will do (and have done) at a moment's notice without giving a serious thought to consequence, it may come as a surprise that there are a great many things that I do not or will not do. Well, to be fair, there are a damn lot of things that I'm simply not fond of doing and I find that avoidance is just as good as any method when it comes time to deal with the aforementioned "such things." Case in point: I harbor an intense dislike of crowds of people, especially crowds of people that seem focused on a singular goal. Soccer fans, concertgoers, China...You get the idea. Anyhow, because of this, I do NOT camp out to buy things (like some of you fuckers have done in the past for sweet, sweet Wiiness. You know who you are) and I do NOT go "shopping" on Black Friday (Or Schwarz Frietag, as it's fondly referred to by our Aryan brothers and sisters). I say it every year, I would be hard pressed to participate in the madness, lining up in the freezing cold even before the sun rises, following the other sheep into the store at 5 o'clock in the Goddamn morning, pushing, shoving and jockeying for position to make sure that I can procure the latest gadget so as to elicit the undying devotion of whomever I deem worthy to bestow it upon. No way, not this fat kid. I like to sleep way more than I like communing with the unwashed masses, or the inherent thrill that only the perception of somehow saving money by shredding my dignity to dive in and become a consumer whore the day after Thanksgiving can bring.

Until now, that is...There's a first time for everything...

You see, a couple of weeks ago, I decided that I would get a new clothes dryer as a Christmas gift to myself and the wife. It's not that the dryer we currently have does a poor job, it's just that, true to form, I went cheap when I purchased the thing (along with it's special sibling "the washer") back in 2001. Because of my miserly ways, and while the dryer's capacity may be great, it's features are limited. Case it point, there is no "low" heat setting. There's "high" and "medium" but no "low," which I'm convinced is causing some of my clothing (especially the ones labeled "tumble dry low") to shrink up gradually and look "all funny."

And no, It couldn't possibly be because I'm fat...No no, it's the fault of the major appliance in the back room. Keep up, will you?

Anyhow, Yeah. A new dryer. I had done some research on dryers and was all set to spend as much as 700 or 800 American dollars on a significantly more functional model when the wife pointed out a television commercial touting the oh-so-wonderful and mindblowing deals which Sears (and his dead homie Roebuck) planned to offer on Friday, November 28. Stores open at 5:00 AM! Quantities Limited! Hurry in For Best Selection! Washer and Dryer Combo for only $599 American Dollars!

Wait, what!? six-hundred bucks for a dryer AND a washer? And it doesn't suck? It dries clothes on low? The washer is one of them-there new fangled FRONT LOADER models!? Holy SHIT! You say all I have to do is be at my local Sears store when the doors open at 5:00 AM!? I'M IN!

And despite my history, I WAS in. Begrudgingly in, but "in" nonetheless. Following a wonderful thanksgiving meal at my parents house on Thursday (and a rousing session of the Game of Things with several members of my family) the wife and I went home and made sure I set my alarm for somewhere around 4:00 IN THE AM this morning. In an impressive display of steely resolve, I only hit snooze one time. One trucker's shower and a pair of sweatpants later, I had enough time to go outside and warm up my truck while I knocked freshly fallen snow off of it. I was confident that I would not come home from the hunt empty handed! I would BUY that washer-dryer pair! I would drive around back for pickup! I would have the greasy guy with the hand truck load the spoils of victory in the back of my tiny truck! I would drive home oozing pride, twin cardboard-clad monuments to my shopping prowess announcing to the rest of the motorists that I was, in fact, their better in every imaginable way!..

Of course, the appliances being currently "back-ordered" kind of foiled all of THAT noise...Still, though, I was able to buy what I came for. I was handed a receipt for what I lost at least 4 hours of sleep for. I was given a not-so-solid timeframe as to when the items I braved truly frigid temperatures for would be back in stock...

But hey, a win is a win.

As an aside, very near where I was in line, waiting my turn with the other sheep like so many snot-nosed kids waiting to burden a mall Santa with their extensive lists of holiday needs, except our goal was to get a precious minute or two with the poor appliance guy that was ringing up one backordered appliance after another, there was some fat lady and her husband trying desperately to purchase a large television with what turned out to be an expired Sears card. Predictably, she demanded to see a manager when the transaction didn't go through and, when the manager explained that he couldn't simply "swipe the card again," she became irate and started making a scene. "I'VE...WE'VE BEEN HERE SINCE TWO THIS MORNING AND IF I DON'T GET WHAT I CAME FOR, THERE'S GOING TO BE TROUBLE" she shouted. I turned, looked at her and half-shouted "you got a big fuckin' booger on the end of your nose!"

You know...'Cause she SO did. Hey, the manager laughed. When I left, receipt in hand, she was still there, trying to open a new line of credit (at 5 in the morning) and yes, the booger hadn't budged.

FUNTIME! TONIGHT!..

2008-11-16T09:23:00.002-07:00

I wanted to let you kids (whomever you may be and whomever is left) know that today is not just any old Sunday. No, kids, this is one of those "extraordinary" Sundays you may have heard spoken of in hushed tones. One of those "'dis shit don't happen every Sunday" kind of Sundays. Surely a super-special Sunday, to overuse some alliteration. Get to the point? Fine...Today is the first Sunday in about 16 years that M. Dung's Idiot Show will be heard on the air in San Fransisco by (at least) tens and tens of people. Luckily, since we live in the 21st century, you can catch this comeback effort via the magics of the interweb by logging on to KYOU radio and listening to the simulcast stream. Funtime starts at 6pm Pacific (that's 7pm for me and anyone else in the mountain time zone, 9pm eastern, 1am tomorrow in Minsk, but screw them commie bastards, right?). Give Dung a listen! He's been gracious enough to join us on our tiny podcast 3 times and has also been gracious enough to reverse his thinking re: returning to radio and make the world a brighter place WITH THE IDIOT SHOW A-TONIGHT! OWW!

Awesomecast Special Edition - Halloween Music Spooktacular!..

2008-10-29T07:59:00.001-06:00

Despite my inability to put together a consistent run of podcasts (or even blog posts) over the course of the last few months, I'd be more than remiss if I missed All Hallows Eve. Even though we did some wonderful ghost story shows the last couple of years, Something I've always wanted to do within this medium is a music-oriented show. Given that I've got hours and hours of what I consider to be "Halloweeny" tunes, I said "what the Hell." So here it is-the Son of Cheese Half Hour Power Hour Halloween Spooktacular! clicky to listen...

Awesomecast episode 84 - Record It and They Will Suck...

2008-10-28T12:41:00.002-06:00

So some time ago (like...June), the royal we got together and recorded a couple of podcasts. I know that I mentioned the last time I posted one of these oh-so-tardy things that the other one that's "in the can" was so bad, it may never see the light of day, a fate which has only befallen one other would-be episode to this point. Well, I went back to try and edit down this monstrosity of suck last night and, while I found no earthly way to make the content appreciably better, I did find that I was right: it sucks. Sounds like we're all on drugs or something. Anyhow, here. Take it. There's a genuinely spontaneous moment of funny about 3:20 in, but after that, I'd recommend earplugs. Don't say I didn't warn you. Right then, clicky to listen:

Two In A Row? TWO IN A FUCKING ROW!? You're Shittin' Me...

2008-10-21T00:01:00.001-06:00

Ask any parent worth a damn and I would wager that they would agree with me: one of the best parts about having a little baby rolling around the house is the sound of gleeful, infantile laughter. The wife and I are quite fortunate that Max is a happy baby and, as such, he doesn't skimp on the giggles when something tickles his fancy. We've had occasion to roll film, as it were, on a few of his "episodes" and, since I'm in a posty mood, am prepared to share a short clip with you kids...Being that we're so close to Halloween, our home is playing host to a handful of spirits which trickle in as they rise from the grave. Not the least of this spectral briagde is the ghost of Dumbo, a long dead Disney character. Max and ghost Dumbo enjoy the roughhousing, as you'll see when you press play on that embedded video right there:

You (the viewer) are instructed to pay no attention to the fat humanesque arm that appears to be attached to ghost Dumbo's back...These phantom classic cartoon characters are quite adept at possessing humans and willing them to do their bidding, up to and including placing bets at the dogtrack, running to the 7-11 for smokes and beer and, you guessed it, attacking little 7-month-old babies.

I Hear That Train A-Comin'...
So since Max crawled out of my wife to join us in the material world (late February, for those who like keeping track of such things), I've not been up to Denver to enjoy the fun and insanity of Freak Train. I do miss it more than a little bit, but just haven't found it feasible to go, what with all the other things going on...I do, though, plan to go up for this month's show on the 27th since the past two October Trains have seen the Spooky Singing Ghost return from the grave and a tradition like that, well, far be it from me to break it. Last year, I was fortunate enough to have had the assistance of guitar virtuoso "Scary" Terry Gonzalez. In an earlier entry, I mentioned that Terry was diagnosed with lung cancer in May. To update things, Terry's through Chemo and is thankfully doing better. despite the progress, I can't imagine asking him to accompany me to do a goofy little stage show which is so trivial by comparison to the challenges he's facing. As such, I've not decided exactly whether I'll be the spooky singing ghost (replete with specially mixed backing track) or the spooky standup ghost this year...Methinks, though, that a comedian the caliber of the Spooky Standup Ghost needs a seltzer bottle and an armoload of cream pies. Or jokes. Anyone itching to write jokes?

Anyhow...

I do have Freak Train-related Good news, though...Fresh off of his inaugural gig as a kids' birthday party magician, our old buddy Justin plans to make the trek up to Denver with me...Perhaps he'll bust out some big-time stage magic for us...I'll have my video camera at the ready just in case...

So How Many of You Fuckers Are on Facebook?..
Unlike MySpace , which I arbitrarily capped at 54 friends as an homage to the most perfect number in all the land, I'm not limiting Facebook acquaintances. See, I call them "acquaintances" because "friend" sounds so presumptive. After all, the majority don't write, they don't call...Anyways, this whole spiel means that, if you're reading this AND you have a Facebook account AND we're not ALREADY friends on Facebook, you should add me. Like I tell people on LInkedIn: My friends network has pie. Who doesn't love pie? You love pie. Hell, you love it carnally when nobody's watching. Admit it: you're a clandestine pie humper.

Wait, where was I?

Oh yeah, Facebook. Add me.

So that's enough for now. As always, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a great Tuesday now...

Insert Apologetic Headline Here...

2008-10-18T23:48:00.003-06:00

Sure, this will be another post about why I never post. I guess you write about what you know and all I know is that I never seem to have enough time to sit and write. Or read. Or several other things which I may or may not have done before Max came along. don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my boy has ruined anything for me, quite the opposite, really. Having a rapidly growing little baby of my own design in the house has simply served to reorganize my priorities (which is just a nice way of saying "the baby takes up x-amount of time, outside of which there is precious little left over for anything non-baby related). Speaking of the baby, here are some recent pictures of him for you to peruse and ooh-and-aww at:

The boy is now currently pushing 8 months, but this photo was taken the day he turned 7 months. As you can see, Max simply cannot believe he is that old. This, in my opinion, is a good visual representation of what the originators of the interrobang had in mind.

Apparently overals and a red shirt can turn even the surliest of infants into little bundles of joy. This is not to say that Max is surly. Not all the time, at least and certainly not while wearing overalls (and a red shirt).

Not that I have any doubts, but this would be exhibit A if I ever had to prove paternity of the boy. Just for reference, exhibit B, C, D and, of course, E.

Here you see that, even when I'm talking to my buddy Andy about his fucked-up job situation, the boy will patiently hang with me. He's so good at sitting up on his own now...

Max has the (only slightly annoying) habit of completely ignoring whomever happens to be holding him while appearing to find everyone else in the room utterly fascinating. In fact, the rule is that if you want Max to smile at you, give him to someone else.

No, Max hasn't been rootin' around in poopy, he'd been eating (and obviously enjoying) the "garden vegetable" variety of mushed-up baby foods. Overall, Max is a real good eater. He's just kind of messy.

Well hello. How are you? I'm just killing time and chilling on the floor. Care to join me?

this is one of those "best pictures ever." I think I have three so far. All of the "best of" collection will be hung on to and then blown up and displayed proudly when he brings home his first date or something.

So there you are. Some pictures of the kid. Let me check to see if there's anything I need to follow up on and update from the last time I actually posted...

Baseball: It's Over Until Next Year For Me...
So the Cubs (the 28 and older MSBL team which I was proud to have played on this past season) finished with only the one win, an anomolous 1-run victory against the Twins early in the season. Due to some strange circumstances, the worst team in the league (us, in case you weren't paying attention earlier) made the playoffs by default. We ended up facing those same Twins in said playoff game. This time, though, the one-run victory went their way. Overall, I'm extremely pleased with the way the season went for me. I batted right around .350 for the season, was hit by just about every pitcher in the league and logged a significant amount of time playing both catcher and first base...Not at all bad for a fat guy who hadn't played real baseball since he was 13. I'm looking forward to next year...

All-Hallow's Eve Is Coming...
In fact, tonight was the night of the Farnes' big annual Halloween party which we traditionally attend. We had every intention of doing so this year, debuting Max as a little bee, but Max had other ideas. Contrary to form for the last few days, Max went down for a marathon nap right around 6:30 that ended up lasting almost 3 hours, after which he had to be changed and fed and generally wrangled. This process placed us at a point on the clock where it was no longer feasible to attend the party. Perhaps you've heard the term "point of diminishing returns?" We would've had to get everyone dressed and loaded in the car and drive for 40 minutes and would've had maybe an hour before the boy got fussy and crabby again and put to bed.

Since the actual Halloween falls on a weekday this year, each department at the agency I work at drew decades (except for accounting, who drew "the future") and are expected to dress up in a manner which reflects whichever chunk of time was drawn. While the drawing was going on, I was fortunate enough to do the honors for the art department. I instantly thought about trying to fake something which would make it look like I drew the 1950s, but was on the spot and couldn't muster up any trickery. Instead, I played it straight and, wonder of wonders, drew the 1950s anyway. I'm trying to think, though...I may be one of only 2 who will take it seriously and actually dress completely in 50s garb in my department. It's all good though, as the kids say, because I picked up some rockin' new threads from Daddy O's for the occasion, including two sweet hats from Village Hat Shop which I will be able to wear outside of Halloween. There's also going to be a potluck lunch (which I will not participate in due to my odd neuroses of people in costumes making me nauseous) and decade-specific karaoke which I really should volunteer to run. It's a little bit of extra effort, but I'm very well equipped to do a good job with it as opposed to one of the VPs who "has a machine." I guess I'll volunteer for such things on Monday.

When It's All Said and Done, it IS Just a Game...
I've mentioned before that, in my oh-so-copious spare time, I officiate high school and middle school football and wrestling. It sure does seem that the mere act of wearing a striped shirt seems to bring out the worst in people. One constant that I've figured out without much effort to this point is that the fans, in general, have a very shaky understanding of the rules AT BEST. This problem can lead to problems, the likes of which I've learned to laugh off. I've definitely heard or been called just about everything so far, usually by misguided, overly-emotional fans (almost always of the losing team...Go figure). This past Friday night, however, these "fans" at the game I was working got so worked up that the crew I was part of needed a police escort to get safely off school grounds. if nothing else, it'll make for a fun story to recount, especially to future new officials making their first trip to this particular school...

Awesomecasts...Yeah...Haven't Forgot...
I still have a couple of podcasts in the can and need to find time to produce and post them. That's all I have to say about that...And, now that I think about it, I'm pretty much done typing this wee post. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine couple of months now...

Awesomecast Episode 083 - Back From Vacation...

2008-08-20T22:36:00.001-06:00

So hey, here's somethin'...A podcast episode that's roughly 2 month old AND out of sequence. Ok, the first part will be totally noticeable, especially since I mention a date in the first couple of minutes...The whole "out of sequence" thing, though, not noticeable at all. Especially since I may never post the pile of crap that's in-sequence. Anyway, ignoring all of that and ignoring especially my tardiness (emphasis on "tard") with this, here it comes - clicky to listen...

What, You Act Like I Never Post Anymore...

2008-07-24T23:04:00.002-06:00

Yeah. So. Um. It's been quite a while since I showed any sort of initiative and posted on this blog. Look, it's not for lack of wanting to...It's simply for lack of time. Indeed, when you have a little baby at home, your former spare time gets reallocated pretty damn quick. Anyhow, things have been going on since I last posted (which was back in June, in case you're keeping track and, hey, why wouldn't you be? You're here, after all) so I shall try and fill you in on the things now...

Max Is Growing Like Crazy...
As children are wont to do, Max continues to eat, poop and grow. Saturday will mark the start of his 5th month outside his mother's belly. We sure have a lot of babyproofing to do to our house as the little boy is getting very close to being mobile. Oh sure, as it stands his only form of locomotion can best be described as "rolling and wiggling," but that shall give way to crawling and walking before I know it. As a bonus, here's a handful of recent-ish pictures featuring our little Max.
click 'em, they get a little bit bigger

This weekend, Max is going to meet one of his great-grandmothers for the first time, though she's not aware of it yet. Everybody loves surprises, right?

Baseball: Still Hard. Getting Hit by a Baseball: Not Hard at All...
So yeah, I mentioned that I'm playing in a 28 and older baseball league. Things have gotten better for me as far as playing time since that writing (I'm not only playing more, but I'm playing more at first base which is much nicer than right field). We've still won only the one game and we're getting our collective asses handed to us score-wise every time out, but it's still fun. And I get exercise. Additionally, I have to imagine (not that I've done any research to back up this claim) that I'm leading the league in HBP (hit by pitch). I've been hit at least once in each of the last 4 games and was plunked a couple of times earlier in the season. I'm not going to charge the mound over it, but I do have to wonder: why me so much? One of the pitchers who hit me in the last game told me I get hit because I crowd the plate. Fair enough, but my sneaking suspicion is that I'm getting hit because I'm fat...Too large and inviting of a target to resist...

Softball: Not Hard at All, Especially After The Big Move...
Last season, the co-ed softball team that the wife and I play on went undefeated for the first time ever and won the championship. Because of this, we kind of assumed that we'd just continue our winning ways this season, since we were still playing silver co-ed, like last year...

Or so I thought...

Apparently, the Park and Rec folks have started separating each level (gold, silver and bronze) into different "upper" and "lower" divisions. Apparently, while we were ripping through all those other teams like a hot knife through butter last season, we were playing "lower" silver. We started this season in "upper" silver and lost our first 3 games. Granted, we only lost 2 of the games by 1 run, but following our uncharacteristically poor opening, them genius Park and Rec folks moved us back to "lower" silver. Since the move, we're beating teams handily without having to try which, frankly, just isn't any fun and isn't fair to the teams who could and should contend in that division. I would've much rather stayed in the upper division, had a poor season, used the experience to get better and come back strong next year. Instead, we get sent back down to beat on patsies and foster bad playing and hitting habits because the games aren't close. Feh...

Awesomecasts Are On The Way...No, Seriously...
I heard tell through Collin that my sister was all pissed at me for not having posted any new podcast episodes since the middle of June...Apparently, her question was something like "why do we bother to record them if he (I) won't post them?" The answer is simple, really...BECAUSE, FOOL!

Actually, it's because it takes a couple of hours to properly produce a half-hour podcast episode once the recording is in the can. It's true, I do have about 4 episodes in the can just waiting for me to sit and get them all dolled up...The problem is that I simply haven't had the time to do such things. I do hope that I can rectify the situation soon, though, so be on the lookout for more new episodes of the ol' awesomecast...In fact, keep watch in shifts. You know, one person keeps an eye peeled while the others sleep...Just like in Stand By Me or Disorganized Crime. Anyway, yeah...Podcasts coming soon...

I'd Forgotten Just How Fun Singing Karaoke in a Bar Could be...
So the Sharks had a game last night against the Ice Hawks which just so happened to be Don's last game playing with us. He's...What? Who's Don you ask? Don is one of the guys from the hockey team I play on. Yeah, he's originally from somewhere on the East Coast. Uh huh, yeah. He's the loud one. Right, now that we have THAT established, Don is leaving to take a job in Alabama. As such, after the game, a handful of us followed Don over to the Hatchcover for beer and wings and things. I have to preface things by saying that, some years ago, I used to go to the "down the Hatch lounge," the bar above the Hatchcover, on a regular basis for karaoke. At this time (and we're talking 10-plus years ago), the lounge was kind of a cozy, classy place above a medium to high end restaurant. Fast-forward to 2008, though, and the whole place has the vibe of a low class pool hall and dive bar. Oh sure, the same couches and stuff are in the upstairs as 10 years ago, but they look old and worn. Hell, I didn't even recognize the place and I used to be a regular there...Anyhow, it just so happened that it was karaoke night and, being that I'm never easily embarrassed, I sang a few. I haven't actually sung karaoke anywhere but in my own home for about 4 or 5 years. This was mostly due to my loathing of cigarette smoke, loud and obnoxious karaoke hosts and people in general. I built a smokin' sound system based around some of the equipment I already had from years of mobile DJ work and have amassed a decent karaoke library...Whatever, yeah. I'm a hermit. Last night, though, I got to put all that aside and sing in a bar which, since the anti-smoking laws passed, is a lot more enjoyable than it used to be for me. I coudn't have predicted the reaction, though, when I sang the Digital Underground classic "the Humpty Dance." Those fuckin' people in that dive bar went totally nuts. One lady even begged me to stick around and sing some more, something people have never done to me. Frankly, though, despite how fun it was and how sincerely I appreciated the flattery, I missed my wife and my boy so I chose to head on home...

I think that's about it for now...As always, thanks for stopping by, kids...You all have a fine month/year/decade now...

Awesomecast Episode 82 - Baby' First Podcast...

2008-06-17T23:17:00.002-06:00

So yeah, just when you may have thought that we were going to abandon all that is podcasty and go our separate ways, we're back with more Half hour power hour goodness. Son of Cheese style. Yeah. It's mediocre. Go ahead - clicky to listen...

No, Am Not Dead...Am Dad...

2008-05-05T21:32:00.002-06:00

I don't know if you noticed (and judging by the dearth of comments, you havent...but then again, judging by the number of daily hits, somebody MAY have) but I completely missed the month of April. Well, not in "real" life, but here in the world of the ol' blogsitething, April '08 came and went with no fanfare. Or blog postings. Or anything. Anyhow, it's May now and I'm taking advantage of the fact that the boy is feeding off of his mom to type up a potentially lengthy update-style post which, if executed correctly, will hip you kids to what sorts of things have been happening over Maison De Chevalier way...

Yeah, Max...He's Still Around...
Max is now a couple of months old and is a fat little baby. He can see objects and people at greater distance now and is smiling and laughing quite a bit. It's funny to think that when he was at his lowest weight it just never seemed like he'd grow at all and now he's simply massive by comparison. People still say "oh, he's a little one" (among other phrases) when they see him, but these would be people with no basis for comparison. Max is getting bigger everyday and is quite healthy. So there ye be - a Max update to fill that tiny baby shaped hole in your heart.

Max's Grandpa Is Doing Well Too...
I don't know if I mentioned this already on the ol' blogsitething, but my dad had gastric bypass surgery on Halloween of last year and is doing very well. To this point, he's lost somewhere around 125 pounds and is quickly closing in on being less fat than I am. The weight loss has helped bring his diabetes under control and has given him more energy and a sunnier disposition. So there's that...

Work's Going Fine, Thanks...
Nothing much to report there...Just busy...

Baseball: Harder Than You remember...
The last time I played baseball in a competitive manner, I was like...12 years old. I know I mentioned in passing that I was (am) playing in a men's baseball league on a team called the Cubs. Now, don't get me wrong, I love baseball. Not as much as hockey, but I still love baseball. I have yet to decide, though, whether I'm playing baseball at age 34 just to prove that I can or because I actually want to. Hell, sometimes I wonder if I can find the line separating those two reasons in everything that I do...Anyhow, baseball...We've played 3 games to this point (including a double header this past sunday) with one win and 2 losses and I'm doing OK so far. I have a .300 batting average with a small handful of RBI and even got to catch a couple of innings at the end of the last game. I've spent most of my (limited) playing time so far way out in right field which, since I haven't played outfield since...Well...Ever is a bit of a challenge. Don't get me wrong, I can play in the outfield...I've never had a problem tracking fly balls, it's the running that sucks. My biggest problem with the scenario? I'm an infielder. Most specifically, I'm a first baseman, a position which I doubt I will be allowed to play this season. I guess it's my own damn fault, I had this crazy notion that because I'm a fair-to-midland hockey goalie, I might be able to play catcher. As such, since I expressed interest in the position/bought the equipment, I'm kind of locked into being the "backup" catcher - warming up the starting pitchers and playing a couple of innings here and there in the outfield while I wait to see if the starting catcher gets hurt or tired. Now, I don't want to come off as a whiny little bitch about all this...I'm definitely the 2nd best catcher (out of 2) on the roster and I still get to hit even when I'm not playing in the field (so far, at least) 'cause that's something I can do but...Eh...There's always Summer softball coming up...At least Jason isn't afraid to put me somewhere that I can make a difference...

And Speaking Of Hockey...
I hate the Detroit Redwings.

Oh Yeah, The Podcast...
Sure...That thing...I'd love to get that thing back up and running, but I'd have to find the time to sit down and record even one. I know that Collin and I (and our cast of...2 or 3) could find tons of things to talk about...It's just finding the time. Little babies tend to monopolize one's time in a given week, free or otherwise. I promise, though, it is not dead...It shall come back and I will have Max Moments™ where Max makes random noises during the show...Heck, I might just try and do whole shows with him hanging out with me...Anyway, that's all moot until I can get us all back together to record...Stay tuned...

That's Enough Good-ish News...Let's Get To The Bad...
My grandmother Marjorie, who's health has been steadily failing since my grandfather died, was moved into a care facility this last week. Her kidneys are failing (among other things) and has to be on dialysis. True to her O'Dell blood, though, she's as stubborn as ever and had been refusing help and/or care leading up to all of this...Please think a good thought/say a prayer for my grandma. Thank you.

I've Never Been A Fan Of Cancer...
But hey, who is? You never hear anyone rooting for cancer. "Go, Cancer! Go!" No, you just don't hear that...Anyhow, some years ago, I lost a friend of mine named Gus to cancer. Gus and I had played hockey together on a couple of teams here in town. During that time, Gus had hosted a couple of team parties out at his house. Hanging out off the ice, we all got to know him as a generous and genuinely nice person with a warm heart. It was very hard to sit through his funeral knowing that I would never again be able to talk with him or hear him say something witty or inspiring...At Gus' funeral, though, cards were passed out with an inspirational message that, basically, sayed "don't quit." I carry that card with me in my wallet and refer to it at times when I feel overwhelmed or just plain tired. I only mention this because about a week ago, I received some sad news...A person who I consider a friend told me that he was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. I'd like to ask anyone who reads this little site to say a prayer for my friend. He's going to have to undergo chemotherapy which can't be pleasant. I'll post vague details as events warrant and I have one request...Don't quit...

Max-Popular for Dogs, Not So Much For Real Boys...

2008-03-31T21:59:00.003-06:00

while typing this, a feature came on the local news which showed "Max" as the top name of 2008...FOR DOGS. FOR. MALE. DOGS. Oh well. He won't know. Right?

Yeah, I know. No podcasts, no witty observations, no tales of anything that may or may not be going on in my relatively uneventful life, just more pictures of the kid. Indeed, since this is what I've become, I give you more images of my spawn...
click-them get big

This was our Easter picture. Max liked being in a tie about as much as his dad and yeah, these outfits were on for a grand total of MAYBE 10 minutes. How did we get Max to smile? Magic. Additionally: Voodoo. Happy Easter.

See? I told you. He hates that damn suit. I couldn't pass it up when I saw it in the store, though. One time use...But hey, he looks sharp.

Yes, thank you for coming. Close the door please. This is hard for me to say, but the organization has decided to go in a different direction. Yes, I'm sorry. You are fired.

O hai. I can has breastmilk? Max is more and more aware every day, looking around and seeing what he can see. If you believe the prevailing research, what he can see at this point is likely "fuzzy" and also "not much."

every now and then the boy is calm enough that we can recline together. I should probably make the most of this time (you know, when Max fits easily in one of my meaty hamhocks) but he doesn't like being in this position much. That or he just spits up on me. God, that sucks when he does that. Hey, we don't call him "Sour Milk Boy" for nothing. That and "Shitfoot," but that's an entirely different tale for an entirely different time...

So there you go. More pictures of the kid. Certainly there are more to come as far as that goes. Additionally, I'm going to try and find some time soon to get the ol' awesomecast back on track...Maybe. Until then, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine April now...

Begrudgingly Becoming A Daddy Blog...

2008-03-16T12:01:00.002-06:00

So as you may or may not have already astutely guessed, having a newborn around severely limits the amount of time that one can spend on self-gratifying pursuits such as podcasting and/or updating a stupid blog (like this one, if you were trying to think of an example). Indeed, even though my wife is able to take off until August to be with the little fella', he's taking up a big chunk of time for both of us. I had high hopes that my silly little blogsitething here would never turn into a vast, unupdated wasteland or (far worse, in my opinion) a "daddy blog." Sadly, it seems that both fates may befall my creative endeavors from here on out. After all, if I'm going to try to write about what's happening in my life, it would seem that I'd be restricted to writing most about the thing which is consuming most of my available time (that is if I can find time to write anything at all). Due to this, it seems that I have no choice. For a while at least, sonofcheese.com will either be dormant or a "daddy blog" with sporadic updates about how our little Maximus Thor is doing...

Anyhow, speaking of Max, how about some new pictures? Here's one to get things started:

This, kids, is what "tired" looks like. This was taken probably late in the first or early in the 2nd day of our hospital stay. I was beat down from lack of sleep and, seriously, I remember thinking that I was smiling when this picture was taken. I guess that was all the enthusiasm I could muster...

Anyhow, so yeah. What is going on in my life right now...Well, I still go to work Monday through Friday. I get real anxious to come home 'round quittin' time now, though. This is not to say that I wasn't excited to come home and see my wife before, but coming home to see your wife and kid, it's...Well...It's just different. I'm still playing hockey once a week and soon, once Max is about a month old, he can get bundled up and come watch me ~~suck~~ play. Not that he'll know what's going on, but at least I won't have to leave Max and his mom at home when I go...Aside from that, I'll be playing in the MSBL for the first time this year. MSBL stands for "Men's Senior Baseball League" and has me pretty excited. I mean, softball is fun, but playing real baseball...That's going to be a blast. Games are once a week and start at the end of April...It looks like I'll be floating between Catcher and First Base mostly on my new team (which finished dead last in every season so far). So yeah, that should be fun...

Outside of that, this is what has been keeping me from posting anything at all:

The boy has the Laser Eyes, just like his dad and has been melting household items (like our hearts) with his piercing gaze.

Wow, that was cheesy. Anyway...More pictures, yeah?

I took this picture with my cellphone. I believe it to be the best picture of Max that there ever could be. It's the one I plan to blow up and have framed, hanging right inside the door when Max has his first date some years down the line...

Finally, here's Baby Max giving his dad the hairy eyeball. Actually, he probably can't even see that far yet. Well, to be fair, he can't focus that far yet. He is starting to look around a lot more and he will stop and stare at certain things which seem to be within his (very limited) focal range. Overall, he's a good boy. I guess that it won't be the worst thing in the world, writing mostly about him for a while. Heck, if he keeps peeing on his mom while she's trying to change him, I'll have all manner of things to type about in the future. Anyhow, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine...um...Stretch of days now...

Meet Baby Max...For Real This Time...

2008-02-26T19:29:00.003-07:00

So the other day I was talking with the owner of the agency that Collin and I work at and he mentioned the impending birth of my son. With a zeal usually reserved for free taco day at the mall or...Something for which great zeal is reserved, he said that he's looking forward to seeing the changes in ME after my kid was born. "What changes" I thought...Having a kid won't change me at all...

So yeah, I've been wrong before. I cried when he popped out (with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck), I cried when he got his first set of shots...I'm in a strange emotional state (I'm also hyper protective of the little thing). He was born at 12:57pm today (February 26), he weighed 6 pounds, 3 ounces, was 19 inches long and Goddamn if I don't love him more than anything I've ever loved before. What's that you say? You want to see pictures? Ok, just remember though...You asked for them...

Fresh from the womb, max commits his first act of defiance by peeing all over the warming table. The ladies taking care of him at that point weren't at all surprised. Heck, they expected it. I didn't know that he did it until I checked the pictures later...So here it is...

Warmed, wrapped and wready to go - it's Max the Burrito...

It had to happen eventually...Max meets his mom for the first time...

And here he meets his grandma for the first time. That's the nurse on the right probing him...Or something...

And here I am meeting my son for the first time. I was physically and emotionally exhausted at this point and I WOULD NOT LET HIM GO. Not even to go see mom.

I carried him over to the NICU to get all of his "stuff" done. Vitals, Range of motion tests, testicle location, shots (that was so hard to watch). Then he got his first bath...

I let the student nurse take care of the bath since we haven't gone through the second baby care class. It's tomorrow night. Oops...Anyhow, he got his head shampooed first...

And he disapproved of it wholeheartedly...

Max got a reward for all the trouble in the NICU, though...A new hat which he's quite fond of...

And I'm quite fond of him. Welcome to the world, Max.

VOTE DUNG!..

2008-02-23T22:58:00.001-07:00

Hey! You! You know that former big-time DJ that I have a penchant for interviewing multiple times? Yeah, M. Dung. That guy. Well, he's been nominated as a candidate for the Bay Area Radio Hall of Fame. Look, it's not the radio hall of fame or the rock n' roll hall of fame, but it's a start...Anyhow, here's the deal, I'd like to do this Chicago style if we can. If you're reading this, go vote for Dung early and often...Thank you.

---

On the Baby Max front, no news to report. Still waiting for him to crawl out of my wife and join the world. At her last appointment (this past Tuesday, to be exact) she was told that she's currently 3-4 centimeters and the ol' cervix is 70% effaced. This combined with ambiguous contractions that just aren't close enough mean that while we are on high alert (the Max Level is at Orange), it's a waiting game that I'm becoming slightly impatient with. She's considered "term" so he could be born at any time and the doctors won't consider him premature but, even though we've thought it was damn near time more than once, it ain't been time. Officially the due date is March 6. Unofficially, people at work are rooting for February 29. Selfishly, I'd just like the stubborn little fella' to get it over with.

---

I can't recall if I mentioned that the State of Colorado officially approved my vanity license plate. Anyway, the state approved my vanity license plate. According to their production estimate, "I.R. SLO" should be affixed to my vehicle sometime in late March or Early April. While I wait for Johnny Convict to stamp 'em out, though, I have some nonsensical "standard-issue" plates which currently reside in my glove compartment...Oh, I'd go to the trouble and put them on my vehicle but I have until the 26th to do so and I'm hoping against hope that the good ones come in sooner than expected and I never have to have the standard ones. I'm running out of time on that one, thoguh...I'm such a loser...

Awesomecast Episode 81 - Funtime With Dung and Ta...

2008-02-20T00:19:00.002-07:00

This week's episode is one of the 45-50 minute varieties AND is geared toward a very specific audience. See, there are a lot of fans of former big-time DJ M. Dung out there (I know from all the search hits I get from people looking for him). As such, even though he always says that he doesn't have anything interesting to say, this is the 3rd time that he's been gracious enough to allow me an interview...This one is a bit special, though, as we detour for about 6 minutes and speak with good friend of Dung Lee Harris, also known as "Ta," about the meanings behind "eye" and "away," two of the expressions that Dung used liberally while on the air. Collin is M.I.A. for this episode so Justin does his level best to fill in...Hell, that's way more than enough rambling from me, go ahead - clicky to listen...

Awesomecast Episode 80 - It's Make Fun of Collin Day!..

2008-02-13T00:58:00.001-07:00

So yeah, I can't seem to find time to write anything, but we can get together and bang out podcasts like it's going out of style. This week we celebrate our 80th episode by making fun of Collin until he places his middle finger on maximum. You kids really should do the clicky and listen thing right about now, seriously...

Awesomecast Episode 79 - Worst Jobs EVER!..

2008-02-05T23:45:00.000-07:00

Hey, lookie here! Two episodes in two weeks! We haven't seen a streak like this...Um...Since at least the middle of December. Anyhow, much like last week, we've got a packed house with myself, Collin, Justin, my sister and my dad. The topic for today's show (which is an EXTRA LONG 52 minutes and change) started out as "worst jobs ever" but ended up as everyone's resume in audio format and then we kind of trailed off talking about restaurants and yeah, you do your part now by clicking to listen...

Vaunted Videoblog Vriday - January Freak Train!..

2008-02-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hey, look! It's Friday! Seriously, I'm pretty sure I could say anything in the lead-in to today's display of Freak Train video goodness because let's face it - nobody's going to expect anything to be here...Oh well, it looks like I'll be wasting that golden opportunity and just saying "hey, look! Videos from his month's Freak Train!"

Starting off with Justin, it's the 3rd in his "Mario Monologue" series...

And then it's on to me and some standup which I didn't particularly write or rehearse and yeah, you get out of it what you put into it...

So there you are, kids. As always, thanks for stopping by - you kids have a fine weekend now...

Awesomecast Episode 78 - Sitting and Chatting...

2008-01-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I KNOW that I made a big deal about us being "back" and stuff a couple of weeks ago and then we missed last week and I haven' posted anything on my blog and I'm a slacker loser and look, I KNOW! OK!? Here, here's a podcast. You now clicky to listen...

Awesomecast Episode 77 - We're BAAAACK...

2008-01-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

See? Sometimes, when you think you're rid of Collin and I for good, we pop back up like some pimply sore. Indeed, it's Wednesday and that means that it's time for the first 'cast of the new year! In it, we discuss various things including how our Christmas was and possibly using Baby Max for an experiment of sorts. Anyhow, you'd find all that out by yourself when you clicky to listen...

Random Saturday - Well Hi there...

2008-01-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

Oh. Hi there. How are you? I'm...Um...Fine...I...Uh...Yeah. Welcome to my blog. Such as it is. I wish I'd have known you'd be here, I would've tidied up a bit. Or baked cookies. Or not have farted. Isn't that just how it is, really? You can sit at your desk all friggin' day, nobody wants to have anything to do with you, everyone leaves you alone and goes about your business until you emit a relatively silent but still malodorous cloud of gas and suddenly, everyone in the Goddamn building needs to speak with you. It's like these people have some twisted poot radar...A beacon that flashes whenever someone in the building is encased in a swirling cloud of methane. Like moths to the flame, one by one, everyone will parade by, inhaling your vile fumes but not saying anything because they're nothing if not polite. You know they know, though. How could they NOT know? IT STINKS OVER HERE. For Christ's sake, DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR ME.

Anyway...

Here's a look at my new vehicle - it's a 2008 Saturn VUE AWD...
cleeck on eet, eet weel geet BEEEG

yes it's in my garage in this shot, yes it's like...A dull teal (Sea Mist Green, Saturn calls it), yes it's next to an '05 VUE (the wife's) and yes, it is much sleeker. I like it, it's the nicest vehicle I've ever owned to this point in my life. I mentioned that fact to Collin earlier today and followed it up with "I can only do better from here," meaning that the new vehicle might spoil me and, if I were to get another one somewhere down the line, I wouldn't want to step backward. Collin thought for a second or two and said "no, you'll only be able to do worse from here. This is the pinnacle, you can't possibly do any better."

I think it's his positive outlook I like most about him...

Hey, as if this post couldn't get any more random, how about a short excerpt from a bit of a failed chat prank? Huh? You KNOW you love the chat pranks. You know you do, you love them like the fat kid loves cake and like Popeye loved Olive Oyl - gingerly and always with protection...

---
Loserguy2008 (11:40:15 PM): hi
DarkBookGrrl (11:40:20 PM): hi
Loserguy2008 (11:40:47 PM): need a money slave
in hindsight, it isn't immediately obvious whether that was a question or demand. At the time, it seemed simple - did I need one...
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:06 PM): nope, all full up on those.
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:22 PM): had to donate a couple to Goodwill last week as a matter of fact.
The attended donation center was closed, but I dropped 'em off anyway. I know, I know, it says not to, but when you gots to dump, you gots to dump
DarkBookGrrl (11:41:28 PM): up to my ears, even.
Loserguy2008 (11:41:52 PM): will u use me for money?
ok, confused a bit now...
DarkBookGrrl (11:42:32 PM): what, like I pay you and then use you or you give me monies and I...um...use you?
Loserguy2008 (11:42:55 PM): no---i send you money wkly
I suddenly feel so Nigerian. No WONDER they send out those scam spams! It feels GREAT when someone wants to hand over their cash via the internets!
DarkBookGrrl (11:43:19 PM): and I do what to deserve such a windfall?
Loserguy2008 (11:43:54 PM): im very submissive--love being used
"used" to me usually means when I help people move and they don't buy pizza. "I feel so USED" I shout to myself as I drive home, sans pizza or dignity...
DarkBookGrrl (11:44:19 PM): used like what? like a toilet? please to explain.
Loserguy2008 (11:44:58 PM): used as your toilet and for money
He won't let that money thing go. Ok, fine. I'll bite...
DarkBookGrrl (11:45:34 PM): real american folding monies? how much we talkin' here?
Loserguy2008 (11:46:20 PM): you will tell me each wk what to send
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:06 PM): walkin' around money, that's what I need. Money for booze and hookers!
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:22 PM): also: crack cocaine. This is because I'm a big, fat, pimply crack whore.
DarkBookGrrl (11:47:57 PM): which, of course, would be a contradiction in terms. Crack whores, while they might be 'pimply,' would have to work pretty damned hard to stay "fat."
Loserguy2008 (11:48:14 PM): pic
That was cavemanesque if it was anything. I suddenly picture cromagnon man, beating his monitor with a club screaming OG WANT PIC! SELF SHOT! NO FAKES!
DarkBookGrrl (11:48:31 PM): where? did you send me one?
Of course, he's done with me 'cause I'm a pimply crackwhore. I feel so used.
DarkBookGrrl (11:54:04 PM): was it the "crack whore" or the "fat" comment that stymied you?
Alas, we'll never know, now...
---

So the other day my wife and I were hanging out with my mom and dad and I asked what exactly Jesus' middle name was. I received a couple of funny looks and so I explained: "I hear this 'Jesus H. Christ' stuff all the time, WHAT DOES THE 'H' STAND FOR?" My wife was the big winner, ultimately. Her suggestion? "Jesus Hollaback Christ...

So on Thursday after work I had some time to kill while the wife was at her prenatal water aerobics class and I had a gift card to Best Buy burning a small hole in my pocket. Just so you know, the Best Buy locations here aren't located even remotely near where I live, which is why the aforementioned gift card was the lingerer from our (heaping) Christmas bounty, it's fallen bretheren long spent at more conveniently located stores in other, better parts of town. Anyhow, as you can guess, I sucked it up and drove out to one of these places and, while at that large, gleaming and confusingly laid out monument to entertainment (and appliances) on the east side of town, I found a DVD set which I simply could not live without. Now, I'm not one who sees DVDs and simply HAS to have them, but...Well...This time I guess I was. What I found was the Addam's Family - the complete series, mind you - on DVD. Now, You cats and kittens can keep the Munsters and shit...For my money, that Addam's Family is one of the best shows to ever be shown on television. simply put, I LOVE the show. So, duh, I bought the set. On Friday, when I got into work, I told Collin about it and he showed me that the same set was available for exactly half the price I paid at Best Buy at Amazon.com. So yeah, I ordered one from Amazon and made ANOTHER trip out to Best Buy to return the one I bought there. Thank God I hadn't torn straight into it and watched them all on Thursday...

Well, kids, that's about all the random rambling I has for you at this point. Please to stop by again when it's convenient and I'll do my best to fill a few minutes with a handful of words. Until then, you all have a fine weekend...

Random Tuesday - Happy Effing New Year!..

2007-12-31T23:46:00.000-07:00

Indeed, we (and by 'we,' I totally mean 'I' as in the 'Royal We' because hey, always look out for numero uno) made it through the Christmas holiday with no occurrences of bankruptcy, homicide, pre-term labor, mass flatulence or any sort of visit by first responders of any kind. I shall perhaps reveal as many facts about our holiday as I feel comfortable with right about now...Or now...

Ok, how about now...

United Airlines Can Suck Large Donkey Nutsack...No, Really, They Can...
So we had a small handful of house guests during the last week and all of them flew in on United Airlines. My mother-in-law made it in fine (she was flying into Denver) but, as per usual, my sister-in-law and her husband Al got the shaft. The weather was cold/snowy/windy on Friday the 21st and, as such, flights were having trouble reaching Colorado Springs due to delays in other larger and presumably more important cities. Shannon and Al ended up sitting at DIA for a long stretch of time waiting for what turned out to be the only flight which landed at our airport all night. Al has a big problem with being cold and with the temperature an unseasonably chilly 10° with a wind chill of like...Negative a billion...Suffice to say he was less than pleased. Anyhow, we'll cover that more later since THIS blurb is about what a pack of dickheads United collectively is. Anyhow, the day that Shannon and Al flew OUT of town just happened to be Christmas day. When we got to the Springs Airport, they were informed that the flight that was to ferry them up to Denver was "delayed." Delayed to the point that, by the time it got to Denver, their original flight home to Las Vegas would have already departed. As such, we piled into the wife's VUE and I set to the task of driving Shannon and Al up to Denver in an attempt to catch the connector which had suddenly become NOT so much a connector but whatever. Anyhow, long story short, the weather was shitty and the other drivers were panicky retards (collectively) and it took us two hours to get there but, hey, Shannon and Al made it through security in time to board their plane...Which sat on the runway for FOUR FUCKING HOURS waiting to be de-iced. So yeah, as it turned out, United pretty much shut down all of their flights out of "smaller" airports (like Colorado Springs) and even cancelled several flights in major airports. The reason? It was Christmas and United decided to "give some of their people time off" at the expense of large numbers of their customers. So yeah, Fuck United. They are dead to me...

By the way, Shannon and Al DID eventually get home. At like...11:30pm...See, United had crammed all 5 of their flights onto one baggage carousel at McCarran in Veags. Anyhow, at this point it's just beating a dead horse. United licks balls.

So Yeah, Al Hates The Cold...
Welcome to Colorado Springs, home of 250 days of sunshine! Indeed, that's usually the case as it pertains to the weather in town here. We are, though, in an unseasonably cold weather cycle and, as I mentioned before, when Shannon and Al got to town, it was positively miserable - Bitter cold and snow with fierce winds. Lucky for Al, though, he had picked up quite the heavy hunting coat and gloves and things during a recent trip to see his dad in Arkansas. A handy ensemble, to be sure, since it rarely left his person the whole time he was here. In addition, Al continued to utter small phrases like "brrrr" and "I'm never coming back here." Wuss.

The Eagle Has Landed...IN MY BELLY!..
And by "eagle," I mean Turducken of course. Now, if it weren't all illegal and shit I'd definitely cook up and eat the proud avian symbol of our great nation because, hey, meat is meat. Lucky for me that wacky ol' Benjamin Franklin didn't get his way so many years ago since the "Tur" part of "Turducken" is obviously Turkey. And lord knows that his second and third choices would've been duck and chicken. Anyhow, the eagle is our national bird and turkey ducks and chickens regularly make their way into my belly. This time, though, the trio made it in at the same time. I have to say, the Turducken was a taste treat, one which I'll definitely consider ordering again the next time I need to feed several people with wonderfully cajun bird conglomerations...

What'd You Get Yourself For Christmas?..
A couple of days ago, I went down to one of our local Saturn dealerships not so much to pick up a new vehicle, but to take a look at the new vehicle which my dad had just purchased. Or leased. Either way, dad had turned in his old VUE for a new VUE and, while he was finishing up the paperwork, I took it for a test drive. Now, I had planned to get a vehicle other than the small truck that I've had for 8 years before Max is born since he can't really ride in the front seat until he's older but I didn't plan on doing such things this soon. Maybe sometime in late February, but certainly not this last weekend. Sometimes, though, you just have to be ready for plans to change...See, because of some fine incentives and, of course, the fact that I'm eligible the GM Supplier price due to some job-related factors, I went ahead and leased me a 2008 Saturn VUE with a V6 engine and All-Wheel-Drive. It's "Sea Mist Green" and has several nice features like OnStar free for a year and 90 days of XM radio service(which I'm slowly falling in love with, mostly due to the "decades" category). I kept my little truck as opposed to trading it in since having it around to haul things seemed like the thing to do. Hell, it's paid off...So why not, right? Oh, by the way, I sent off my application for a personalized license plate today. If all goes well, I'll soon be the owner of one Colorado license tag which reads "I. R. SLO." Yeah, I thought it was funny too...I'll take pictures of everything soon...

No Awesomecasts In The Last Couple of Weeks. Anyone Notice?..
Things just haven't worked out for Collin and I to get synced up enough to record anything, let alone a podcast episode, over the course of the last two weeks. Indeed, on the top of the factor list was the whole "hosting Christmas dinner and having houseguests" thing. I'm hoping to get a good group together soon so we can chatter like crazy squirrels about whatever comes to mind...You kids stay tuned...

Hey, Happy New Year!..
So yeah, at the time I'm typing this up, I'm 20 short minutes away from 2008 in the mountain time zone. No big party action this year for the wife and I...We hung out with my parents for a while, watched the Avalanche lose to the Goddamned Coyotes in a shootout and played some euchre. we recently got home and I sampled some of the Pappy Van Winkle's 15 year old family reserve whiskey which I picked up today and now, hey, I'm typing an entry. Yeah, terrifyingly exciting, that's me...Hopefully you kids out there had a safe New Year's Eve...Also, here's to a great 2008. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a great day off...

Random Tuesday - Happy Freaking Holidays!..

2007-12-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

So hey, kids, how are you all anyway? Indeed, it's been a whole Goddamn long time since I posted anything of substance other than Awesomecasts on this stupid little blogsitething and, if you do a wee bit of research, you'll find that's just about how every one of my non-podcast posts have started for like...The last year. Or so. Yeah. I'm quite lame. No shock there. We've covered it. Let's move on.

Likely No Awesomecast This Week...
What with all manner of things to do leading up to the Christmas holiday, I'm just going to have to pass on recording a new episode this week. After all, as Collin said earlier today when we were talking about whether or not to record tonight, "it's your show," which is not entirely accurate but whatever. Anyway, I'm going to get around to making sense eventually, but for now, well. yeah. So no show this week, the towel is safe for another week at least and I can't verbally offend anyone by slighting their religion, sports team or other icon which they seem to hold dear. I'll get back to all that craps later on...

And Speaking of Christmas (Because We So Were)...
We're hosting Christmas this year at our house for the first time. We hosted Thanksgiving a couple of years ago and, if memory serves, it was a pretty packed house. We've got a lot of things to get done before people arrive (specifically, my mother-in-law is coming in from Florida and Shannon and Al are flying in from Las vegas) up to and including finishing decorations around the house, cleaning up various rooms and completing daunting tasks such as laundry which I've been inexplicably putting off for a week or two. I also have to go shopping specifically for the groceries to finish the holiday menu as well as for a handful of ancillary gifts. People are driving like complete retards around here and every store is packed to capacity (something that I'm sure is not exclusive to my part of the country) which is making these normally routine tasks seem arduous and draining. I can't even think of any way to make fun of it, it just plain sucks at times...

The Bird Is In The Air...
...and lands tomorrow. Or today, depending upon when you're reading this post. Anyhow, the bird (or birds, actually) I speak of just happens to be the legendary turducken, an unholy marriage of chicken, duck and turkey, smaller bird crammed into the cavity of the other and stuffed with wonderful creole-style stuffing. I learned of the magical turducken some years ago and vowed that someday I'd make one of the damn things appear at a holiday meal. This year, since I had already made mention of the triple threat to some key attendees, I checked into all of the available turducken avenues (up to and including deboning and assembling the birds myself) and finally settled on purchasing the thing from CajunGrocer.com, likely the place which knows more about them than anywhere else. As I mentioned earlier, the bird in it's protctive cryopack should arrive on Wednesday to the collective delight of myself and most of the people who will be joining us for Christmas Eve dinner. Collin mentioned to his giant son that we're having turducken and he proclaimed it to be an "atrocity." My response: more for me.

I'm Thinking About Cramming More Animals Inside Animals...
To supplement the turducken, I'm thinking about procuring a cornish game hen, quail and whole rabbit from a local meat market and constructing a RabUailEn. I'm salivating just thinking about it. Mmmmmm....

Ever Tried To Break In New Goalie Pads?..
Not likely, but it's possible. I recently purchased myself a new pair of Simmons 993 SuperFlex leg pads to replace my 8-year old pair of Boddam Air Elites. When I picked up the Elites, they were top-of-the-line butterfly-style pads. "A Goalie's Dream" the manufacturer said. I arbitrarily assigned them a 5-year life span when I first got them and, after several stitch and repair jobs and a handful of replaced straps, I was able to squeeze 8 good years out of them. My new pads came from the same manufacturer, but man, I never could've guessed how different they'd be. Many of the new features are great as far as safety go but they make skating quite a challenge, especially during the first few uses. Despite the awkwardness and goofiness, I've been able to eek out a couple of wins while wearing them, which has a shitload more to do with the fact that the team I play on is quite good than my playing well. I am getting more and more comfortable in the stinkin' things each time out which is important considering that I spent around $800 US on them and, at that price, I'm thinking that they'll likely be the last pair I buy...

And Finally, Have A Happy Holiday Season!..
Indeed, especially since I've been quite the poor blogger over this past year, I want to thank everybody who comes around on even a semi-regular basis. Granted, I'm getting a lot of search hits from God-knows-where looking for some of the strangest and stupidest things (hey, use enough words paired with enough curse words, people can find you by searching for just about any damn thing) and those are cool too, but it's the small handful of regular readers (you know who you are) that I appreciate. Indeed, I hope you have yourself a fine holiday, regardless of what you're celebrating this time of year. Here's hoping 2008 brings big fun and loads of "whatnot" to you all...

Awesomecast Episode 76 - I Hate Soap Operas...

2007-12-12T00:33:00.000-07:00

hey, kids! It's Wednesday again and that means that it's my intention to unleash yet another subpar awesomecast upon you. This week we chat about things such as holiday shopping, soap operas and even a bit more about M. dung. of course, these are all things that you'll find out for yourself when you clicky to listen...
oh, by the way, we make good use of our "explicit tag" this week, specifically in the produced intro. You like the movie Full Metal Jacket? I did. Hell, I liked it enough that I never Joined the Marines. Anyway, consider yourself warned

Awesomecast Episode 75 - Collin Vs. The Rent-A-Cop...

2007-12-04T23:41:00.000-07:00

Hey, kids, look-a here! It's Wednesday AND I'm on time with something other than...Well...HEY! I'M ON TIME! Indeed, here is our most recent half-assed podcast effort wherein we speak about things such as the weather, the importance of having a nice coat and, of course, pissing off a rent-a-cop. Hell, you'll figure all of that out without me having to tell you when you clicky to listen...

Vaunted Videoblog Vriday - November Freak Train...

2007-11-30T06:50:00.000-07:00

Oh, yeah, look at that, it's Friday. That WOULD mean, if I had my collective "shit" together, that I would be posting some manner of visual item for your eyes to enjoy (alternately: gaze upon). Lucky me, though, due to the fact that I stayed up last night after playing a late hockey game, I have such treats for your weary corneas in the form of the videos we shot at the most recent Freak Train this past Monday. We'll start with Justin and his second Mario Monologue, for which he has a new theme song courtesy of GameJew...Heck, why don't you just watch it, that way I can stop typing...And stuff...

Next up we have...well...me. I was going to do some standup comedy and had intended to write some but, due to the whole "being busy" thing, I never really got around to that so here I am, just kind of rolling off the top of my head, with "jokes" that either never made the cut before or that I never got around to using. As a quick side note, Jesus Christ, I'm fat...

So there you go. As always, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine Weekend now...

O Hai...No Cast 2day...Lolkthxbye...

2007-11-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

So hey, kids, how are you all anyway? I'm fine, if not just a little busy. Indeed, it's been a rough week or so to find what we commonly call "the free time," what with Freak Train being on Monday and my truck crapping out and not wanting to start and then having to have my wife come pick me up and her getting into a traffic accident right outside the place I work.

Don't worry, it was minor, thank God...

But yeah, there's no 'cast this week. Shocker, I know. I will do my best to get the videos from Monday's Freak Train (Justin did another Mario Monologue and I did some standup from the top of my headmeats) up by Friday. Surely that'll keep you kids (who aren't merely getting here via Google image searches for "fart") coming back for more. Or not, hey, who knows.

I will let you all in on a wee project I started earlier today, though, by actually RESPONDING to one of them there spam emails which appear in all of our inboxes. I'll let you know how the back-and-forth with this numbnuts goes. Unless, of course, there turns out to be no back-and-forth, or there is and it's uneventful and lame, in which case I WON'T let you know. Either way, you'll figure it out.

So hey, as always and even though it was just to read this pathetic little electronic missive, I thank you kids for stopping by...You all have a fine Thursday now...

Awesomecast Episode 74 - Better Late Than Never...

2007-11-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

So no doubt you've heard the phrase "better late than never" at some point in your life. Hell, most of you have likely had the occasion to utilize the phrase much like I'm invoking it right now when I say "hey, it's still Wednesday." Indeed, I was very close to simply skipping this week with a small, holiday-themed excuse until I received a surprise package at work today. What was inside, you ask? Well, you'll find out all the (sordid) details when you clicky to listen...

Phrickin' Photoblog Phriday - Our Nation's Capital, Part Two...

2007-11-16T02:04:00.000-07:00

So hey, kids! How are you even doing even? Indeed, it's Friday once again and, since I find myself up at 1:43 in the A.M. following a 10:00pm hockey game...Um...Yeah, here's a Phrickin' Photoblog to sate that whole lookin'-at-pictures jones that has hold of you and just won't let go...Today's photo display is yet more of the hundreds of pictures which I captured on the trip to Lancaster/Washington D.C. way back in frickin' August. Yes, I KNOW that it's November now, thanks for the heads-up Assisty McHelpenstein, but like I said, I have literally HUNDREDS of these to get through 8 or 9 at a time. Here today are some of the sights one could see in Washington D.C. if one were to be driven around by Sergeant Hoeppel, the best free D.C. tour guide I know. So yeah, enough with the typey-typey, here comes the lookie-lookie!..
Clicky on the pics and they'll get all big so that your old, dried-out eyes can handle the whole staring part

We passed this guy on the Beltway going into D.C. and I just hadn't found a way to sneak him in to this point. Initially, when I saw this Delorean and subsequently snapped a picture, I was way impressed, thinking that the guy driving (who's giving off a way creepy smarm-vibe, dontcha think?) had either lovingly restored the car or just flat-out kept it in great shape since like...1986. I later found out, though, that there's a company in Houston that bought up all the factory parts when DMC went bust and is still turning out brand-new Deloreans today using 20-year-old yet never-before-used parts. So yeah, the guy likely didn't do anything more special than write a nice, fat check. Bastard. Anyhow, yes, since you're thinking it anyway, he hit 88 miles an hour and blew the fuck up. Biggest ball of flame you've ever seen, nothing left but flaming tire tracks. It was SWEET!..

So here we have the Capitol building in Washington D.C. Indeed, it appears as if there is some work being done on the building and NO, that's not a storm rolling in at the top there...I took this picture through Sgt. Hoeppel's windshield. It's the tint strip thing. So yeah, Capitol Building...

And here is the Washington Monument in all of it's spikey, monumenty glory. Isn't it cool that our country was founded by a bunch of Masons as opposed to, oh, I don't know, fuckers who built like mud-and-stick huts? We have such cooler monuments and things because of it. The Washington Monument might lose a bit of it's majesty and charm if it were hastily constructed with pitch and tree limbs...

And here is an interesting philosophical dichotomy...It's the National Cathedral, an imposing and impressively beautiful structure. Anyone else find it odd that there's a national cathedral despite a separation of church and state? Someone smarter than me when it comes to government wish to explain this to me and my walnut-sized brain? As a side note, though, isn't it awesome?

And here's the supreme court. They say justice is blind but I say that justice is best served warm with a side of greens and some nice cornbread. Maybe a cold drink and some pie for dessert. Yeah, like lemon pie. I like lemon pie. But not with meringue, 'cause that's like a total fucking rip-off. You're all ready for a mouthful of what you thought was whippy, creamy goodness and you get styrofoam. Ick. Fuck off, Meringue. I mean it. Anyway, where was I?..

Oh yes, touring Washington D.C. Here we find ourselves in Robert E. Lee's backyard, aka Arlington National Cemetery. You'll have to take it upon yourself to look up the history and stuff, it's pushing 2:00 am and I'm tired. So...Tired...

And not far from Arlington National Cemetery is the Iwo Jima Marine Memorial. This thing was both imposing and impressive, an awesome structure which really forced you to pause and act reverent. I really liked seeing this up close.

Holy shit, pigeon! Indeed, when you're wandering around Washington D.C. in the summertime, as we were, you end up seeing a good number of pigeons. these pigeons, as you would expect, aren't terribly afraid of people and will wander fairly close to you (as you can see from the above snapshot). The whole time I was staring at this pigeon, I felt compelled to try the Penn and Teller "grab a pigeon" trick which, of course, is not so much a trick as it is just being lightning fast and grabbing a pigeon. I didn't do it because I had neither gloves, nor sanitary wipes, but I shall stock up and be prepared to grab me a pigeon the next time I'm there. And yeah, if you're wondering what the Hell I'm talking about, find the movie "Penn and Teller Get Killed" and watch it.

So there you kids go, a quick tour of Washington D.C. in photographs. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine Weekend now...

Awesomecast Episode 73 - Hello, Garage Band...

2007-11-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

Hey, look! It's Wednesday-which-means-awesomecast again and it gives me some semblance of joy to say that I have a brand new full episode of the aforementioned thing to share with you kids. Indeed, last week I was completely blindsided by Audacity, the program that I have used up until now to record these shows, when it crapped out during the recording. This week, however, I went with another cheap-as-free software in Garage Band and I have to say, even though the editing phase was slightly tedious, the recording couldn't have gone any better. Hell, check it out for yourself when you clicky to listen...

Phrickin' Photoblog AND Vaunted Videoblog Phriday - Meet Baby Max...

2007-11-09T01:52:00.000-07:00

Lo, it is Friday and...um...stuff is...uh...good...Anyhow, look. It's Friday and I'm about to hit you kids with another one of those post-style things...This week's photo/video blog is slightly special, though...Yesterday, my wife had the detailed ultrasound to see how our not-yet-born son is progressing in his growth. As it turns out, Baby Max is doing just fine. As it ALSO turns out, CSHP (where the ultrasound was performed) has a bitchin' ultrasound setup which enabled the operator to burn a CD with some of the pictures and even VIDEO! No shit...So anyway, I'm going to totally go "overbearing parent" on you kids and force baby pictures on you...Ready? good, here we go...
clicky, they get all big n' stuff

Is it just me or is it just downright disconcerting to see your unborn child's skeleton when you're looking at an ultrasound of them? Just. Plain. Creepy. Anyhow, here is Baby Max staring you down. Well, at least that's what the guy said. He said "this is the face" and he typed "face" on the picture. I have to trust him, he's a trained professional and I'm just...well, I'm just not...

And speaking of "taking his word for it," somewhere in this picture is a penis. I have it on good authority that said penis is in the vicinity of the word "boy" there on the picture. So...Yeah...There you go...Good thing, too, I'm kind of attached to the name "max" but "maxine" sounds like an old, used-up barfly who smokes all day and drinks wine coolers and tries to seduce the mailman when she's not off vomiting blood. Or something. No offense to you upstanding, forthright Maxines out there...Not your fault you were cursed with a shitty name...Anyhow, moving on...

This here is a good profile shot of my kid that isn't too marred by the whole creepy skeleton factor. Looks like a halfway decent baby...

And like I said earlier, the disc we received contained 4 short video clips from the ultrasound, two of which looked...well, enough like nothing that I didn't use 'em and the other two...Well...See for yourself...

So that's that...As always, thanks for stopping by. You kids have a fine weekend now...

Awesomecast Episode 72.5 - Collin Out Of Context...

2007-11-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

Wow. So. Yeah. Ever have one of those "shit just didn't go quite right" instances? Of course you have, you're human. Anyhow, as you've likely guessed by now, since you're such an astute sumbitch, I've had one of those aforementioned instances recently. SO recently, in fact, that there's really no awesomecast this week. Indeed, Audacity, that up-'til-now stalwart-yet-cheap as free recording software decided to crap out on me at about the 22-minute mark as Collin and I were recording. As such, I have only this extremely short excuse for a podcast to offer (until next week, of course).

Random Tuesday - Work, Work, Work...

2007-11-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

Hey there, kids. I'm not sure how many of you still come around here, but I figure that I'll still slap up a post every no and then. Indeed, they have been less and less frequent, pretty much dwindling down to the Wednesday awesomecasts and nothing more. Really, it's been because of a number of factors. I've been busy, I've been tired, I've had no motivation to sit and write, I've had nothing that I feel warrants writing about...You know, the usual. Indeed, though, there HAVE been things to write about, things that I surely could've turned into some manner of post, but I've let them drift away like so many old folks on ice floes. Who did that, the vikings? Anyhow, yeah...I just haven't felt awful creative lately (and yes, by "lately" I mean "the last few months"). This is especially bad news for me at work because having that feeling seriously hinders my ability to do...well...stuff...And speaking of work, even though it's not a good idea to do so on a blog, I was promoted a couple of months ago to "Art Department Production Manager." Indeed, it's wonderful to be promoted, it's always nice for someone to say "you're doing a good job" and all of that and seriously, it's more work but it's valid work, keeping track of the schedule and things. Work that needs to be done and I feel I'm doing a fine job of completing it. The only problem, if there is one, is that it doesn't leave me as much time in the day to be creative. There are times when I feel a bit inundated what with the keeping up with schedules and times and, of course, doing a fair portion of the scheduled work. So if there's an excuse waiting in the wings, I've just turned the spotlight on it. Oh, sure, work isn't the only thing that's kept me busy...There was football season which is only recently over...Wrestling season has already started...There's golf on the weekends (and Lord knows that i must get in as much of that as I can before the weather turns nasty). There's hockey once a week...Um...Let me think, what else can I blame my non-writing rut on? Perhaps the ghost of Abraham Lincoln? Sure, he was here last night rooting through my kitchen cupboards, making quite the racket and depriving me of the sleeps...

Sure...Sure he was...

Along with the Mothman...right...

So anyhow, even though it was done in quite the last-minute fashion, I felt that last week's awesomecast (the big Halloween Spookycast) didn't turn out half bad. for those of you who haven't listened to it yet, I should implore you to do so. My favorite part of the whole thing was the prank call to KNYE radio in Pahrump, Nevada. The reason I did that is because KNYE is the radio station which Art Bell, noted paranormal enthusiast and former host of Coast to Coast AM, owns. Hell, he runs it out of his house there in Pahrump. Anyhow, some weeks before Halloween, I had emailed and asked if he would grant an interview for the ol' spookycast and he never responded. As such, in the grand Halloween trick-or-treat tradition, since I couldn't egg his house (is way too far to walk), I prank-called his wife, essentially...Got my "interview" that way. Ha. Ha ha. Anyhow, it's short, but it's in the 'cast and worth listening to in my opinion...

Ooh, I forgot to mention (until now, of course) that I'm currently driving a stinky rental car while my wife drives my truck around. See, the wife's vehicle (a 2005 Saturn VUE) recently had a problem with the clutch cylinder (or whatever) and had to be serviced. After service, though, the damn thing was still leaking fluid so we took it back to the dealership and they gave me a Chevy Cobalt with a mystery stain on the passenger seat and an overwhelming aroma of cigarette odor to drive around. Yippee.

Why is the wife driving the truck, you ask? Simple: it has a locking gas cap. She don't work in the best neighborhood, you see.

"...Here's one big bastard of a check, give me some of your Christing money!"
I like that, though I can't recall what movie it's from...Help me out, would ya?

Anyhow, here's hoping that I can recapture at least some of the ol' creativity that I somehow believe that I once had and turn this desolate wasteland here into something at least worth granting a passing glance toward. Hey, maybe things will pick up with tomorrow's awesomecast installment which, of course, has yet to be recorded...um...and...damn. So yeah, hey kids! Thanks as always for stopping by! You all have yourselves a fine (and creative) Tuesday now!

Vaunted Videoblog Vriday - Halloween Freak Train...

2007-11-02T12:01:00.000-06:00

so hey, lookin' at the calendar you'd see that it's one of those "Fridays" all of a sudden. Indeed, since this past Monday was the date of Freak Train for October, and since both Justin and I went and performed, I have some videos to share with you kids. Just for the Hell of it, let's start with Justin's "Mario Monologue"...

Once again, Justin has quite the feel for the types of people which attend Freak Train and their entertainment wants and needs. That and, even though he's not quite fat enough, he makes a pretty convincing Mario...

Moving along to my performance from Monday, last year about this time, I did a little Halloween-themed karaoke act as "The Spooky Singing Ghost and his Disembodied Band." this year, not only did I ditch the Halloween theme, I was able to convince Terry, an engineer from work and a damn fine guitar player, to come up and back me up as I ~~sang~~ shouted like a nutcase into the microphone. Anyhow, here that is:
As always, I recommend listening with headphones as it might be hard to understand otherwise.

So yeah, there you go. More with the Freak Train videos for your visual enjoyment. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine weekend now...

Awesomecast Episode 72 - it's HALLOWEEN!..

2007-10-31T01:32:00.000-06:00

And holy Lawdy, it's Wednesday! But not just any old Wednesday, no sir, it's the Wednesday that also happens to be the spookiest holiday of the entire year! That's right, kids, All Hallows Eve is upon us and we've dressed up awesomecast HQ accordingly...This year's spookycast includes ghostly tales from a variety of sources. I could go into WHO but hey, instead you can find out merely by clicking to listen...

Awesomecast Episode 71 - I HATE That Fucking TOWEL!..

2007-10-24T00:01:00.000-06:00

Well, kids, it's Wednesday once again, the only day of the week that this deserted shell of a blog carcass sees any sweet posting action. Indeed, it's once again time for the big podcast and this week you get (another) episode wherein Collin and I just chat about whatever comes to mind. I should give fair warning, though, I use a fair amount of foul language in this one (I was feeling that our explicit tag was being neglected) and I go off on quite the misguided rant about all the Steelers fans that were at Mile High over the weekend. Anyhow, that's enough with the typing, here's where YOU clicky to listen...

Awesomecast Episode 70 - Yammering About Nothing...

2007-10-17T02:02:00.000-06:00

Ooh, wow...Wednesday seemed to sneak right up on me this week. As such, Collin and I kind of threw a podcast together at the last minute and, since that's kind of what you get here, that's this week's episode. Surely you are on the edge of your seat wondering what it sounds like so hey, wait no more...Clicky to listen...

BELIEVE!..

2007-10-15T23:53:00.000-06:00

So back in 1993 when the Colorado Rockies were the new team in town, I was living in Northglenn (a suburb of Denver), attending a tech school in Thornton (yet another suburb of Denver) and working at a warehouse in Denver (not even a suburb - it was Denver). The entire metropolitan area - nay, the entire state - had caught baseball fever real bad. Denver has always been a great sports town with fervent and loyal fans. Even the lowly nuggets, despite their perennial poor play, have always drawn well and of course the Broncos were and still are king. There's always more love to go around, though. Two years prior to the NHL taking up residence in the Mile High City, it was the MLB who realized that they had made a fine move placing a National League expansion franchise at 5,280 feet as the Rockies set to the task of shattering existing attendance records and even making the playoffs in only their 3rd year of existence. I admit, I was as much of a Rockies fan as I could be that first year when I was living in Denver. What I mean by that is, since there was no major league baseball team in Colorado while I was growing up and since Chicago Cubs games on WGN were easy to come by during the summer months, I had developed into a fervent fan of the Cubbies by that time. In fact, since this was well before the advent of interleague play, I was extremely excited that the Rockies were a National League franchise as that meant that I would have opportunities to see my beloved Cubs play, which I did several times...

fast-forward to 2006. I'd lost interest in the Cubs to a point and now consider myself more of a complete Colorado Rockies fan. I couldn't hold a candle when it came to loyalty, however, if compared to my grandfather Harold. Despite the fact that he could barely see or even hear, he never missed a televised game and he knew every player on the roster, their strengths, their weaknesses, the records of the pitchers, etc. If the Rockies were playing, you'd find him sitting literally an inch away from the TV screen, taking in all of the action and reprimanding players for their poor play, especially the pitchers who had traditionally been the weakest link in the Rockies' chain. In March of last year, sadly, the Rockies lost their biggest fan when my grandpa passed away. I'm more than a little sad that he didn't stick around to see his team when they finally started playing their best baseball here a couple of months ago. Under pressure, in the tightest of races, the Rocks strung together an unbelievable number of wins and made the postseason as the NL wildcard on the strength of a dramatic marathon one-game playoff win against the San Diego Padres and then immediately swept the Philadelphia Phillies to make it to the NLCS. As I'm typing this wee entry, the Rockies have just completed a stunning 4-game sweep of the NL West champion Arizona Diamondbacks. Kids, the Colorado Rockies - yes, the ROCKIES - are going to the World Series...

Somewhere, my grandfather is as happy as he can be...Right here, I'm as happy as I can be...

GO ROCKIES! BELIEVE!

Phrickin' Photoblog Phriday - Our Nation's Capital, Part One...

2007-10-11T22:04:00.001-06:00

So yeah, you must be thinking "what was going on that Derek had time to post here at this dusty, overgrown excuse for a weblog?" Indeed, I found the time to put together today's wee photo display while watching the first game of the NLCS on TBS. As such, before I get to the meat of today's posting, I have a couple of things to mention...First off, hey, Arizona baseball "fans." You are a disgrace. You should collectively be embarrassed by your collective ignorance and lack of respect for the game. You can all go to Hell. Additionally, to all of the sportscasters who feel "cheated" that they have to cover the Colorado Rockies in the postseason: cram it up your ass. That is all...So hey, how about some hot photoblog action, huh? Sure, here we go...
click on 'em, they'll expand like the gases inside a decomposing body (but without the unpleasant odor and residual sadness)

This photoblog picks up where THIS photoblog left off about a month ago. This is the second phase of our August vacation which was, of course, a visit to the Washington D.C. area. We stayed with our friends Kathy and Chad and THIS is their palatial half-million dollar estate. No, I'm being serious. I mean, it's a nice house and all, but it'd cost no more than a couple hundred thousand in MY neck of the woods. Cost of living in our nation's capital, however, quite a bit higher...

Here's a closeup of the sign by the front door which proclaims that the house is indeed the one which belongs to Kathy and Chad. Looks like someone's been making regular trips to the craft fair...

En route to Kathy and Chad's place, we made really good time (mostly because I drive extremely fast when I'm behind the wheel of a rental car). As such, when we arrived, Kathy was still out, having made a run to the store for "provisions." Of course, by "provisions," I mean "Booze and stuff." Anyhow, here she is arriving home from that shopping trip in her sporty Audi. As a point of trivia, I had to teach her how to drive a standard so that she could drive that car. I got to drive it once. It FLIES...

So now that you've met Kathy, we'll jump ahead in our day and introduce you to Chad. Well, his name is actually Frank, but...Well...Anyhow, look, he goes by "Chad" and he's big so you just do what he says, ok? Indeed, here is CHAD in front of Ford's Theatre and, yes, he'd been drinking. Frankly, we all had at this point...So there you go...Hi, Chad!

I've covered on this wee blog in the past that I suffer from necrolepsy - a rare condition that means that I have a propensity to temporarily die at random times - and here I am having an "episode" right in front of the house where our 16th president met his significantly more permanent demise. Anyhow, regardless of the free admission, the joint was closed so this is all the closer WE got...

So yeah, since we were in our nation's capital, you would assume that I would have all manner of pictures featuring the more famous monuments and "whatnot." Well, you would be right, even though I am saving the good shots for future photoblogs. The thing is, though, this was about all the closer we could get to the White House, so here it is: a cockeyed shot of the house where W lives. As a point of interest, that lady on the left thought I was stopping to take HER picture. One side, bitch! I's lookin' at HISTORY here!..

So I THINK that this is called the "Friendship Arch." Maybe. I can't remember. Look, I DO know that we were standing in front of the entrance to D.C.'s Chinatown and that I approved. Right after this picture was taken, we enjoyed some snacks and strong drink at an authentic Irish Pub...In chinatown...

And here we are, full to the brim with the intrigue, out in front of the International Spy Museum. It's one of the few museums in the D.C. area that you have to pay to get into and...Er...I...Well, I didn't find it to be too terribly exciting. But there we were, nonetheless, outside afterward with our cover identities intact.

So that's that...As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine weekend now...

Awesomecast Episode 69 - Cartoons!..

2007-10-10T02:01:00.001-06:00

So hey, look at that! It's Wednesday again and all I've seen fit to post is yet another episode of the ol' awesomecast! In this slightly supplementary, use it in case we run out kindof episode, we're chatting about cartoon shows of our youth and beyond. Hey, it's at least better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick so go ahead...Clicky to listen...

Awesomecast Episode 68 - More From M. Dung!..

2007-10-03T01:52:00.000-06:00

So exactly how does one follow up an interview with an honest-to-God member of the rock and roll hall of fame on their tiny little podcast? Well, by interviewing M. Dung a second time, of course! In a near 180° from the last interview back in December, 2006, Dungboy is back and as crazy as ever at idiotshow.net with his idiot show podcasts. I'm sure you're already eager to hear what he had to say this time around so don't delay - clicky to listen today:

HOLY LAWDY!

2007-10-01T22:25:00.000-06:00

WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO! GO ROCKIES! GO ROCKIES! GO ROCKIES!

Wait...Jorge Julio: this does not absolve you. Take a bus back to wherever you come from, sell your baseball mitt, take the money, buy a goat and shoot the goat. You suck. Ahem...

YEAH! GO ROCKIES! GO ROCKIES! GO ROCKIES! That is all.

Awesomecast Episode 67 - Yakety Yak...

2007-09-26T00:01:00.000-06:00

So what do you figure are the chances of having the opportunity to interview one of, if not THE big hero of your life? Once in a lifetime, perhaps? Well, I was fortunate enough to be able to beat the odds...Kids, this week's guest is a member of both the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Vocal Group Hall of Fame. He was a true rock and roll pioneer, he was the original and only lead singer of the group the Coasters. His name is Carl Gardner and he and his wife were gracious enough to spend some time chatting with me this past weekend. Go ahead, clicky to listen:

So Yes, I'm Lazy...What Of It?..

2007-09-24T23:20:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I'm just gonna have to stop apologizing for my astounding neglect of the ol' blog here, I've done that enough times over the course of the past couple of months and it hasn't done any damn good. Indeed, I find myself mired in the great blogpost drought of 2007 as digital tumbleweeds dance through my webspace and the dust of posts which could've been sting my eyes. Anyhow, before I go and post another awesomecast (which would be the only post for a stinkin' WEEK) I feel that I should do a little 'splainin' or somethin'. So here goes...

I'm lazy.

Believe me, I'd love to get back to telling stories and sharing witty insights, I just...Well...Maybe I'm out of 'em, or maybe I just lack the time, inclination and motivation to set fingers to keyboard and translate what's roaming through my fetid headmeats into something which you (or anyone, for that matter) could come by and read. Hell, I know that I've gone through less creative times in my life, but I'd have to work pretty hard to prove it. I DO have one little thing, though, which I find worth sharing in this poorly crafted post...

I achieved something which has made me feel that I could quit everything blog and 'cast related and have no regrets.

Now, I'm not planning to do that, regardless of whether I should or shouldn't, I'm just being honest: I had the chance to interview my absolute top-of-the-list hero. To be frank, I'm just damn lucky the man is still alive, let alone that he would grant me an interview. Hell, this is the interview I've dreamt about landing since I landed my first radio job at age 19, no lie, and because of the wonderful interweb, it became reality. As such, THAT interview jumped to the head of the line and will be posted here on Wednesday. See? You are now collectively compelled to come back and find out just what the Hell I'm talking about, aren't you? Don't lie, you are. I won't even say something like "you won't be disappointed" because, let's face it, you might be. I, on the other had, am not. Under the circumstances, the interview went even BETTER than I could've ever dreamed and I still sit dumbfounded that the guy lives a reasonably anonymous semi-retired life in sunny Florida. EVERYONE should be clamoring to talk to the man. EVERYONE should know who he is and what he's done. EVERYONE needs to gain an appreciation for what he and the other members of his group went through in the '50s and '60s...

The good news? Roughly 17 of you WILL find out (if you're patient, that is. My mystery guest may be a wee bit hard to understand. Throat cancer and a stroke will do that. As always, I suggest using headphones) And the best news? I don't care how many or how few hear it - I did it. I interviewed my hero. I got to chat with MY HERO about the weather! I got to chat with MY HERO about things that mattered to him, no matter how mundane they may seem...

I got to interview MY HERO. I hope he's your hero too. Come back Wednesday, we'll find out together.

Awesomecast Episode 66 - Talk Like A Pirate Day!..

2007-09-19T00:57:00.000-06:00

Something you scurvy dogs may not be aware of is that September 19th every year is "International Talk Like A Pirate Day,' so sayeth the Pirate Guys, Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket of talklikeapirate.com. I myself have dilligently observed the holiday since I became aware of it a few years ago and, since it fell on a Wednesday this year, I figured the awesomecast was a fine forum to discuss such things. We were VERY fortunate, though, to be joined by Cap'n Slappy himself for the first half of this week's episode! The last half, well. Hey, we have Cap'n Slappy in the first half so clicky to listen:

Phrickin' Photoblog Phriday - LIVE! From Amish Country!..

2007-09-14T00:01:00.000-06:00

So hey, has it really been a couple of weeks since I saw fit to foist yet another phrickin' photoblog on you kids? Wow, seems like only roughly 14 days or so. Anyhow, here we find ourselves yet again with a Friday staring us in the face. What do we do when a Friday gives us the proverbial "hairy eyeball?" WE SHOW IT VACATION PICTURES, FOOL! Indeed, that's what we're doing today so sit back, relax and enjoy another installment in the seemingly never ending series that is Knight family vacation photos 2007...
Click them, they grow up so fast.

We begin our photographic journey today in the spartan surroundings of our buddy Andy (and Andrea)'s apartment in Lancaster, To be 100% truthful, it was actually in Lititz, a nearby suburb, but that's neither here nor there. What IS here (and there, for that matter) is that the place was appointed in a Spartan manner, festooned with not but a card table, two chairs, a barstool and an air mattress...Oh yeah, and cable internets.

This here is the exterior of the Lancaster Central Market, a historic venue for buying, selling and (maybe even) trading of all manner of edible goods. Indeed, this place was full of the hustle and the bustle the day we went. It was also insanely hot inside...

Not far from Central Market stands this building which was represented to me as Lancaster's tallest building. What goes on in there, I'm not quite sure. I imagine whatever it is must center around a whole lot of gloating and "we're so damn tall" parties. If not, well...Then the folks inside are underachievers, that's all I have to say about that.

Also not far from Central Market is this neat little storefront. by God, it looks like it fell straight out of the 1950s what with it's signage and it's facade and it's liberal use of the color teal. I had to take a picture of it when I saw it. To answer your next question: no, we didn't go in. To answer your NEXT question: um...I don't know. Next question? Probably.

Here we have one of the regional culinary delights of Amish Country, the inimitable shoo-fly pie. I had it on good authority that this was some of the best shoo-fly pie which money could buy and, sadly, I wasn't too impressed. I guess it's just my dirty yankee ways, or something such as that, but it didn't make me swoon or beg for more. Heck, it was so sweet, it was hard to finish. But yeah, shoo-fly pie, bitches.

Hey, this is cool, it's the only picture I saw fit to take during our short visit in the Amish stronghold of Intercourse, Pennsylvania. This is Yummie, the mascot of Kitchen Kettle Village. Yummie is a freakishly mutated gingerbread man who runs about the village giving noogies and wedgies and assaulting old people and small, helpless children. Don't believe me? Ask the openly gay couple on that park bench there, they saw everything. Hell, ask the elderly lady in the background, calling the cops on her strangely massive cellular telephone...That thing was CREEPY...

Welcome to Clipper Magazine Stadium, the home of YOUR Lancaster BARNSTORMERS! (yay!) sadly, this is as close as we came to ol' Clipper Magazine Stadium because I grossly underestimated the popularity of minor league baseball in Amish country. Seems that you can't simply wander up to the box office on game night and expect to get tickets. I guess it's true what they say...One does not simply walk into Clipper Magazine Stadium...

And then there's THIS f-ing guy...He was playing music outside the stadium and also imploring the people around him to dance (or worse). I only snapped the picture because I'm usually intrigued when I find someone who A: has the same first name as I do, B: SPELLS said name the same way I do and C: does something which I also do, mobile D.J. in this case. Granted, my logo wouldn't be nearly as lame and I'd be WAY more inclined to use a name like "Derek's Music and Stuff" instead of "and more" but you can't have everything, right? As a side note, here's a fun game to play...Walk up to someone you don't know and snap a picture of them. When they look at you, expecting an explanation, look at them with a kind of stern "we'll be watching you" face and walk off. Don't say a word, just walk off.

So there you have it, more in the never ending parade of vacation pictures, this time STRAIGHT from the heart of Amish country, USA! As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine weekend now...

Awesomecast Episode 65 - Our Triumphant Return...

2007-09-12T00:01:00.000-06:00

So yeah, I've really been remiss as far as the updating goes. Case in point, I missed a week of the ol' awesomecast, something which I never EVER expected to happen. Anyhow, we're back and just as lousy as ever as we discuss whatever pops into our (mostly my) fetid headmeats. You know you missed us, so clicky to listen:

So...What's Up?..

2007-09-02T08:58:00.000-06:00

Hi kids. How are you all anyway? I'm doing fine myself, although I feel as if I've been severely neglecting by wee blogsitething here over the course of the last couple of months. Truth is that I've been quite busy with some things and, since the ability to post entries from work has been taken away from both Collin and I, I find myself often forgetting/being way too lazy/being way too ready to go to bed most of the time to get anything posted from home. It's not that I haven't written (or started and never finished writing) posts which could fill precious space here in between photoblog phriday and Awesomecast Wednesday (and whatnot). No no, I have done some (near) writings...I just haven't had the gumption (as some of my older relatives may say) to get my shit together (as likely none of my older relatives would say) and give you people some reason to continue coming around. Hopefully I can find some time to do such things (like, you know, right now) and get my fat ass back on track...

So Yeah, There's "News" to Share...
Some weeks back, during one of the podcast episodes, I succumbed to pressure from Collin to reveal some "big news." I then remembered that our friend Kathy regularly listens to said podcast (thanks, Kath!) and, since the wife and I were going to wait to give her and her husband the "big news" until we were out in their neck of the woods during our vacation at the beginning of last month, I scrambled (ok, not "scrambled" so much as "turned backwards") the "news" so she would be all in suspense and such. Of course, our buddy Justin Carmical unreversed what I had said (using, of course, the same inexpensively free software that I use to edit my 'casts) and was quite congratulatory. Others knew as well although I still have yet to tell too many people at work. This news which I speak of is that my wife is pregnant with our first (and likely only) child. I say "likely only" because the trouble and worry that we've gone through in the last few weeks has really worn on me. I won't go into too much detail other than to say that perhaps there are too many tests and such available to us in this day and age, giving doctors way too many reasons to (needlessly) worry us to death. Anyhow, due date is sometime in March. I'm accepting submissions for names starting now...

And Speaking of Submissions...
Collin and I have been participating in the "Shirt Derby" at shirt.woot on a semi-regular basis since it started up some weeks ago. See, it's a design competition based around a weekly theme where the voters are anyone who has purchased a woot (regular woot.com, wine.woot or shirt.woot) ever and the winning design (actually the top 3 designs now) get printed and sold and the winning designer(s) receive(s) $200 for their efforts. Kind of like Illustration Friday with prizes. Anyhow, to this point, Collin has been able to work a zombie theme into his derby submissions with relative success and I've just been throwing up whatever spews from my fetid headmeats, drawing on not only my questionable sense of humor but my years of t-shirt design and production experience. Sadly, though (and I know I'm going to sound like a whiny little bitch here) the unwashed voting masses of shirt.woot seem to be ~~fucking retard 1337 geeks~~ a little hard to figure out as they vote for ~~often the most retarded and poorly executed dogshit~~ things in an unpredictable manner. Collin has done better than I have overall (even though my lone design beat his designs' collective ASS last week) but neither of us will ever likely win. This is ok to a point but when he and I are submitting the best design executions each week (no, seriously, we are), it gets a little frustrating to get outvoted by some hunk of shit pixelated crap design that won't even print right. Either way, I'm thinking that this week will likely be my last week giving any of my time over to the shirt derby. My concepts were strong for the theme (fictional sports teams) and my execution was fine. Despite that, I'm receiving next to no votes. Time to pack it in. I'm done giving Woot the rights to something I produce entirely from start to finish for 60 days, I'm just gonna take my things straight to Cafe Press (where they can languish in anonymity as well, but at least they'd belong to only me).

And Yeah, The Officiating. It's Football Season Again...
High school and middle school football is upon us once again all across this great nation of ours. This is my second year officiating football at this level and, unlike last season (my first), I feel as if I'm completely unprepared. Yes, this feeling has a lot to do with the somesuch whatnot which has been keeping me from posting on this here blog recently and, to add to all of that, my new crew chief (a highly respected official who also just happens to be head of the state association of football officials) wants be to learn the position of back judge. That, my friends, is not a problem. Back judge may be the least stressful officiating position on the football field from a mental standpoint. From a physical standpoint, though, it will prove to be quite a challenge. I'm sure I've mentioned this before but what the heck, I'll go over it again. I am 5'9" tall. I weigh in the neighborhood of 255 pounds. I could compare my physical stature to that of a brick on end or a fire hydrant. I do not enjoy running in the slightest. Since tearing my MCL joint in my left knee during a hockey game in September, 2005, I've had problems with both knees. Additionally, my achilles tendons are perhaps in questionable shape. Why do I say all of this? Well, it's simple. The back judge has to RUN. Yesterday afternoon was my first varsity game at back judge and Dear Sweet Lord, I had to run. Granted, I was beating the ball carrier to the goal line on most plays and I'm not going to ever give up (which is probably why I have so many joint problems) but it was a challenge. The midday heat caused several players to cramp up and drop during the second half, a period of time which also saw both of my calves cramp up during a long run up the right side. I still kept up and grabbed the dead ball spot but DAMMIT. I can only hope the games I back judge from here on out are in the cool of the evening. I'm still having trouble walking this morning...

But Speaking of "Walking"...
My buddy Ray and I have been playing the golf quite regularly this summer. Some weeks back, we "graduated" from playing par 3 or executive length courses to playing full size regulation courses. This may not sound like much to you but if anyone were to tell me, even a year ago, that this would be the case, I would have laughed them off. Golf, though, is like a mind virus. When it gets hold of you, it gets you good. My dad was a PGA class "A" professional golfer when I was growing up. I, on the other hand, was the worst golfer you would have ever cared to see. He even deemed me "unteachable" at one point and, I have to say, that was probably a fair assessment. Now that I'm knee deep into loving golf, it's nice to have his advice at my disposal. I'm improving every week and, when I hit a snag, I can always ask him what the problem is and he'll have advice to share. The only thing that will be better is when he gets back on his feet and can come out and play a round with us. I can't wait for that.

Get On Board, Freaks!..
So this past Monday was Freak Train at the Bug Theater in Denver. Justin and I went up with the intention of performing and Collin tagged along to watch said performing. Pat Angello was there too (even though it took a little persuasion). Being August, it was the anniversary show (8th, I think) with special video presentations and such. Additionally, people were picked from a hat to be guest co-hosts througout the night. I was lucky enough to be one of them, although I ended up introducing Justin and then Pat and then having to run back stage to prepare for my slot. I did more card magic this time and, even though I got through both tricks (and they worked, of course, because I'm a spooky magical motherfucker), I'm never going to do magic at Freak Train again. 5 minutes is just not enough time. Hell, with patter and stuff, I could spend a whole half hour on one or two tricks. I hate rushing things, even if the trick works. I just don't like it. Of course, the vibe at the Bug that night was kind of in the toilet. I hate to say it, but this past Monday was the worst Freak Train I've ever been to. The crowd was sparse and hard to entertain. I tell you what, I'm glad it wasn't like that the first time I went or I likely never would have gone back...Anyhow, that's done. Time to think about next month...

So that's probably enough babblin' for right now. As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have yourself a fine Labor Day Weekend now...

Awesomecast Episode 64 - Guilty Pleasures...

2007-08-29T00:01:00.000-06:00

Well well well, it's Wednesday again. As per usual, I feel the need to foist our latest podcast effort upon you kids. This week, kind of building on last week's topic (pro wrasslin', just so's you remember), we talk (mostly) about "guilty pleasures." Certainly that topic has peaked (or is it piqued?) your interest so go ahead..Clicky to listen:

Phrickin' Photoblog Phriday - Worst. Ghost Tour. Ever...

2007-08-24T07:42:00.000-06:00

So yeah, since I'm mostly sure that you kids are of the "astute" variety, you're likely aware that I haven't officially recapped our recent vacation to Amish Country/Washington D.C. I know, I know, I'm a lazy bastard, blah blah blah. Sure, right, well...Here! Since you've all been so patient with me, I shall reward you with more of the pictures that I took on said vacation...These in particular chronicle the "Candlelight Ghost Tour" which we took whilst in Strasburg, PA. Heck, I'm sure that by now you're more than eager to get on with the picture viewin' so...Let's do that, shall we?
click 'em!

Here I am, sitting with Andy, displaying our obvious enthusiasm re: the impending ghost tour. Indeed, we were sitting on a bench right on Main Street in Strasburg, PA throwing horns. Would you expect anything less? It's just a shame that all of our excitement (also: anticipation) would turn out to be wasted. Why? Oh, read (and look) on, I shall tell ye.

This here was our ghost host for the tour. If you're ever in the Strasburg area and you see this person, don't expect good stories. Or a compelling tour. Or anything really worth the fourteen bucks per person which the tour charges. Her body language here seems to say "what, you want spooky? Ha! You shall get no spooky!"

Here you can see that, even though she failed at it, our host was doing her level best to create drama with whatever story she was telling here in front of this church. Just as an aside, I think her arms are bigger than mine...Damn...Excuse me, I need to go lift weights. Brb.

As you can plainly see, here we are in front of the final resting place of Annie K. Gonder. Annie (and the rest of her family) was the subject of one of our host's ~~boring-as-Hell run on sentences~~ engaging tales of the supernatural earlier in the tour as we stood outside the Gonder Mansion. Apparently Annie was a bit of a whore (at least that's the impression I got) and apparently her ghost haunts folks and does a fair bit of laughing. All I can say is NOT A DAMN THING HAPPENED DURING THE TOUR. Not even HERE! AT the damn cemetery...Feh.

And speaking of the Gonder family, this is the rest of their family plot in the Strasburg, PA cemetery. Now, you may be asking yourself "why can't I read the names on their headstones?" A fine question, to be sure. The answer is simple. These are the backs of their headstones. You see, for whatever spiteful reason, Annie is buried to the left of here with the rest of the Gonder family turning their backs to her. Even in death, Annie was too much of a...Well...Whatever would cause the shunning 'round the turn of the century. So anyway, yeah...They're all gonders. Yuk yuk yuk.

Not even the Hildebrand family would oblige our tour group with a little spooky activity. Jerks.

And yes, here is one side of the gate from the Strasburg Cemetery. Indeed, I was hoping that if anything happened on the tour - an uneasy feeling, a spooky sound or (God forbid) a misty apparition - it would happen in here. Sadly, nothing did. I snapped this picture as we were all leaving the cemetery and in doing so, I got pretty far behind the rest of the group. All alone in the dark in a cemetery in an unfamiliar town which dates back to the 1700s. And yeah, nothing happened.

Ah, finally! Something slightly scary! Indeed, Andy's Leatherwolf shirt turned out to be the spookiest thing which we were to see all evening on the walking tour of two blocks of Strasburg, PA. We didn't even stop at the funeral home...I was so disappointed...

So there you have it, just enough pictures to stave off your picture viewin' induced hunger for another week...As always, thanks for stopping by...You kids have a fine weekend now...

Awesomecast Episode 63 - WRASSLIN'!..

2007-08-22T18:12:00.000-06:00

Hey, kids! It's awesomecast day! Indeed, much like last week, Justin Carmical, his wife Jennifer and my sister Heather join Collin and myself in studio for some reminiscing and (heh) whatnot about (I hate to admit it) professional wrasslin'. Since you're already curious as to why, go ahead and clicky to listen:

Phrickin' Photoblog Phriday - Amish Country!..

2007-08-17T08:03:00.000-06:00

Hey, wow. Damn. Where DOES the time go? Seriously, I had grand plans of posting a detailed recap of our most recent vacation (this time to Amish Country in Pennsylvania and then to Washington D.C.) but...Well...Look, it just hasn't happened yet. Luckily, though, I can post the following pictures (from the early portion of said vacation) and recap that part of the vacation kind of at the same time. Cop out? Maybe. Lazy? Damn right. Regardless, here come them pictures!
you know!

The reason that we chose to visit Lancaster, PA specifically was to see my buddy Andy. Little did I know, though, that Lancaster is relatively close to a lot of great things, Harrisburg, PA and the National Civil War Museum for example. Here you see the (impressive) exterior of the building which sits atop a beautifully landscaped hill overlooking pretty much the whole valley. They don't allow photography inside the exhibit which is a damn shame but probably for the best as I would've had hundreds more pictures to sift through had that not been the case...

This statue, entitled "Moment of Mercy," stands in the courtyard out front of the Museum. It depicts this event from December, 1862.

All around the museum were walking paths and places to sit and trees and such. Embedded in the walking paths are items such as this, denoting the veterans and casualties from the individual states and territories. As part of what I can only assume is an ongoing project, some of the areas around the state markers are filled with marker bricks of individual casualties. In this case, you're looking at the Nevada, Colorado and Nebraska territory marker...Remember, my home state (Colorado) didn't even become a state until 11 years AFTER the Civil War ended. Those casualties listed there for the Colorado Territory fought bravely and lost their life during the battle of Glorietta Pass in New Mexico in March of 1862. It was the only active conflict which Colorado forces participated in during the Civil War.

And now we find ourselves in historic Strasburg, PA. Look at them Amish folk go! Indeed, they still selectively shun modern conveniences but, as you can see by the painfully curious look on that wee amlet's face, they probably won't be able to hold back the flood of digital cameras, iPhones and Xbox 360s for very long...

Here's one of the graveyards in Strasburg. In this case, it's a churchyard cemetery directly off of main street and it dates back to the 1700s. If you click on the above photo, you can see a closeup of the broken-and-repaired headstone of one Elizabeth Myers. Go ahead. Seriously, what've you got to lose?

As you can see, our buddy Andy ain't 'fraid of no Elizabeth Myers ghost! Hell, he'll go RIGHT UP to her busted-ass grave marker and STARE. So yeah, there's Andy. In a Graveyard. In Strasburg...

Several of the homes on Main Street in Strasburg are of the historically significant (or just plain old) variety. Most have these little plaques from the Strasburg Heritage Society, some have Lancaster County Historical Society plaques and SOME even have NATIONAL Historic Registry plaques. In this case, if you click, you can see a closeup of how old the Strasburg Heritage Society estimates THIS house to be.

And speaking of old, this wee shanty is older than a very old thing. In fact, the Strasburg Heritage Society has this little house pegged circa 1750. Think about that date for a bit...This house was built UNDER THE BRITISH CROWN! 1750. This house is closer to 300 years old than it is to 200...Impressive, to say the least. Also: working shutters! You don't see that 'round where I live...On a lighter note, I estimate the VW Beetle out front of the house to be circa 2004.

So that's that for now, kids. As always, thanks for stopping by...I'll definitely have more pictures to share next Friday, seeing as I took a total of 305 while we were on vacation. Anyway, you kids have a great weekend now...